So it apprears that MIL will be at my birth... - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 14 Old 01-28-2007, 04:25 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Which is not necessarily a bad thing but it all happened sort of fast!

From the start, dh and I agreed that if we need someone to watch ds that MIL would be the one we'd ask. But I wasn't totally convinced that I wanted someone else there. We were over at the IL's for dinner tonight and MIL was asking about how things were going with planning for the birth. She told us that if we needed her for anything, anytime that we should call her no matter what time it was or what our request was. This lead to me saying that we were thinking about having her there to take care of ds while I was in labor. Now I am a little stuffed up from a cold, but somehow the 'thinking about' part of the last sentence didn't seem to make it across the kitchen. She looked me in the eyes with such love and said that she was honored that we would ask her and what a gift it would be to be present for her grandchild's birth. She even got all teary over it and thanked us for the honor several times over the rest of the night!

How can I say no to that? So it appears that MIL will be at my birth. Don't get me wrong, she is a wonderful lady and I am closer to her in many ways than I am to my own Mom (who is totally freaked about me having a HB ). MIL planned a HB with her first but went to the Birth Center when he flipped breech after 20+ hours of labor and then decided to go to the BC again with #2 because she liked it there so much. She used to be a hypnotherapist, knows reiki, and is into spiritual healing work, so I think her skills could be very useful. She even asked me to tell her what books she should read to prepare for being there. Plus ds knows and loves her and she is totally accepting of the idea of leaving the birth if ds wants/needs to go - aka she's not attached to being a spectator at my birth.

So it's not really a bad situation. Just a little surprising to me that the decision got made so fast! Oh well, I guess I don't really have too much time to luxuriate over such decisions at this point. :
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#2 of 14 Old 01-28-2007, 10:10 AM
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It sounds like your MIL would be a very supportive person. You're very lucky! It's great that your ds loves her--that way, you'll know he is being taken care of very well and that may give you some peace while you are in labor.
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#3 of 14 Old 01-28-2007, 12:33 PM
 
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Yeah, can she come to my birth?
Seriously though, sometimes I think that things happen for a reason and from what you just said, I think she is meant to be there. I hope she is a great help to you and your family
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#4 of 14 Old 01-28-2007, 01:29 PM
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I agree, seems like she's supposed to be there.

My MIL was at my DS's birth and I only wish she could be here for this baby's.
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#5 of 14 Old 01-28-2007, 02:00 PM
 
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You know, that sounds like a pretty good deal. I bet it will be wonderful to have her there. My MIL, the ex-NICU nurse, will not be at my birth even though she's our only good candidate for watching dd... I don't think I could take the worry vibes. You sound like you'll be bringing good energy in, so that's great!
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#6 of 14 Old 01-28-2007, 02:05 PM
 
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sounds great!!

Happy mama to my four girls S 8.15.02 , L 04.25.06 (gone at 36 weeks ) and L 3.10.07.And another rainbow! Baby C has arrived 10.26.10!
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#7 of 14 Old 01-28-2007, 02:14 PM
 
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Sounds like a good situation - an extra pair of hands at a HB is a bit different from spectators, IMO. I would have my MIL at my birth 100 times before I had my mom there once!
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#8 of 14 Old 01-28-2007, 04:07 PM
 
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It sounds as though she would be a positive person to have at your birth! Just be careful-I invited my MIL to DD's birth, and ended up with my FIL and 17yo SIL there too!

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#9 of 14 Old 01-28-2007, 05:20 PM
 
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I am very private while I am in labor. Pushing, I could care less . . .so it depends how you are. It doesn't have to be all or nothing. You could have her there just for the pushing, in other words, if that is what you want. Just make sure it is all about what YOU want. Labor is no time to take into consideration what anyone besides your soon-to-be-born babe needs and you need! (I think it's the only time in life that it works that way.)

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#10 of 14 Old 01-28-2007, 07:19 PM
 
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No, seriously, send her here.
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#11 of 14 Old 01-28-2007, 07:23 PM
 
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You sound a little bemused.

She sounds like a great person to have there. At least this 'mis-communication' came out positively!
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#12 of 14 Old 01-29-2007, 08:41 AM
 
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That sounds wonderful! Very different from my MIL who thinks HB is yucky at best and is really scared, to the point she's willing to pay a MD to watch over my MW : I'm even considering not telling them that I'm in labor, keeping dd here for it, so they don't even have to come here to pick up dd, which is the original plan.
Anyway, your MIL sounds like she's be a very postive helper, accept it but allow yourself to change your mind ANYTIME you want!

unschooling mama with Toots'n Fruits (6) and BeenzieBoo (3)
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#13 of 14 Old 01-29-2007, 08:54 AM
 
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Can we trade MILs?

I agree with others that it seems like this was the way it was meant to.

Be, happy momma to Liberty (12-31-02), Henry (3-17-07) and Prudence (7-02-09)
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#14 of 14 Old 01-29-2007, 02:18 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I am going to tell MIL that she could have a traveling business where she could adopt DILs in need of sane MILs! (Not that she isn't crazy - she is - but in a more lovable, ex-hippie sort of way. ) She probably would come to all of your births if she didn't have a new grandchild on the way at the same time - she loves babies.

We did all talk to FIL about him not being there and he is ok with that. He is not upset about missing the birth but he is a little miffed at the thought of missing out on spending time with ds. But they live in town and see ds at least twice every week anyway, so I think that will be ok.

Last night I started feeling like I am not 100% ok with MIL being there. Like Mizelenius, I think I am more of a private, inwardly-focused birther. I also have the very valid concern that once MIL arrives for the birth, she might not leave afterwards! I really want those first moments to be about our new family and getting to know each other. I talked to dh about it and we agreed that he would call MIL once labor is established and give her a heads up but not ask her to come over unless we need her at that point for ds. And then we'll figure out a way to call afterwards and give all the details but say that I am tired and we want to rest until later that night/tomorrow, etc.

I am feeling better about all this because it seems like the ball is back in my court with the situation again. And it is really good to know that if we do need someone to help with ds that we have a great and willing candidate.
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