Thanks for your replies mammas!!!
Nicole, THANK YOU for your post:"Feel your strength. Imagine all the women who have birthed before you, holding hands, cheering you on, smiling at you and your baby. They know you can do it. Feel their strength...feel your strength."
Since reading this, it has helped me already. When I feel that anxiety in my stomache, I remember the above and it makes me feel like I can do it!! I know it will help me in labour. I am going to give that phrase to my doula to remind me of when I want to give up. Just reading it makes me feel like "I am woman and I am strong!"
I guess it comes down to my fear of whether I really am strong enough to do this, to get through the pain. My real fear is that I'm not, which would mean heading to the hospital for the epidural, which could mean the horrible birth I had last time! So really I'm afraid of not being strong enough to avoid an intervention laiden birth. I just don't want to give up too, I don't want to feel like a failure. I took hypnobirthing classes last time, and DH (though he came with me) continued to tell me it "wasn't going to work", (like it was some magic pill...
). He didn't take any role with the hynobirthing during my last labour, which I really needed him to, (I don't know that he knew how or what to do as he didn't believe in it). He constantly reminds me what a waste of $300 that was and says he hopes I'm not going to try that again this time...So yeah, not a great support there but I digress...
There are so many skeptics among my family, friends and coworkers, who say things like "why would you have a home birth?" and "why are you trying to be a hero and have no meds?" and "WHAT?? You're NOT having an epidural?? Are you CRAZY?" and "Just schedule a c-section like I did, my birth was soooo much easier than yours, why go through all that?"
: (These are also the people who I avoid telling that our family co-sleeps, that my 3 year old still nurses, that we don't vax and that no, we don't have the crib ready!
But I guess I feel like here I am "trying to be the hero" and if it doesn't "work" (i.e. I "fail") I am afraid of feeling... I dunno...silly? Embarassed? Like they were right all along? Is that dumb?
So I guess "my question" for myself is am I really strong enough to do this? I am going to have to dig deep and figure out my answer. My doula is great, I mentioned my fears to her and she told me that worrying is her job, that I will do great and that I am a strong woman who can do this!!
We can do this mammas!