Congratulations on the birth of your son. I am so sorry to hear that it did not go as you had planned and hoped for. I planned a natural hospital birth with my first son and ended up with an epidural and an emergency c/s--basically the opposite of what I had dreamed. It is, as you said, physically and emotionally very very hard. I found the emotional part to be the worst, and still 2 years later am processing my feelings. It does get better though. I have tears in my eyes b/c I can completely feel for you; my prayer and hope for you is that you continue to enjoy your little boy and give yourself time and space to process what happened, and believe that you will begin to feel better, both physically and emotionally. Welcome to the world, Ahmet!