Am I Being Unreasonable? - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 11 Old 03-24-2007, 04:39 PM - Thread Starter
 
Taliabc's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Freezing cold
Posts: 30
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I need some feedback on a situation I am having with my In-Laws. Today is my due date and I am predicting that I will go into labor in the next two or so days. My in-laws are coming into town on Friday and I have gently asked DH to ask them if they wouldn't mind staying at a hotel. I asked him that over a month ago, and he still has not.
A little background: my MIL is a very complicated person who is very narcissistic and demanding of everone's attention. When she visited during DS and DD's births she was literally jealous of the attention drawn on them. She is not the type of mother that will help out with a newborn, instead she expects full service from her hosts. I just don't think that I will be able to handle that days after the birth. DH says he is insulted and that I just don't like his parents.
Any advice? Am I being selfish?
Taliabc is offline  
#2 of 11 Old 03-24-2007, 04:49 PM
 
feminist~mama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Posts: 1,834
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I don't think you're being selfish at all! It's completely reasonable not to want house guests who don't help out right now!!!

Perhaps reminding DH that you won't be up to entertaining/taking care of others and that he'll need to fill that role if he insists on his parents staying with you??

Jen, L&D RN, CBE, CLEC who loves to knit.gif! I adore my modifiedartist.gifDP, treehugger.gifDD 10/98, & sweet new babygirl.gif5/10!!!
feminist~mama is offline  
#3 of 11 Old 03-24-2007, 05:06 PM
jkg
 
jkg's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 1,392
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by feminist~mama View Post
Perhaps reminding DH that you won't be up to entertaining/taking care of others and that he'll need to fill that role if he insists on his parents staying with you??
That's good advice. DH and I had a similiar argument months ago, but now since he has had to do the brunt of the housework since I've had the baby, he is not too keen on having visitors to entertain either. Good luck!
jkg is offline  
#4 of 11 Old 03-24-2007, 05:53 PM
 
Momtwice's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Posts: 10,468
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
You are NOT NOT NOT being selfish. You are being sensible.

Take the time to heal from your marriage before you move on with someone else. Make a list of all the qualities you would like in a new partner and then work on growing that way yourself. ~mandib50
Momtwice is offline  
#5 of 11 Old 03-24-2007, 06:03 PM
 
Desdamona's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Western NC
Posts: 915
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Your question caught my eye and I couldn't help to respond even though I am not in your DDC.

You are ABSOLUTELY not being selfish. You are a mama who is getting ready to birth. A watched pot won't boil. Neither will a mother who is stressed by people in her home give birth/go into labour. As a doula I watched this play out with clients... any time a nurse would enter the room, the client's ctx would almost all together stop. When we were alone (her DH and I) with her, she was rocking in a good labour pattern. This happened at my own birth when the MW's assistants whom I hadn't met showed up.

You deserve to keep the sanctity of your home SAFE in this time leading up to your birth. Wishing you gentle birthing vibes.
Desdamona is offline  
#6 of 11 Old 03-24-2007, 08:29 PM - Thread Starter
 
Taliabc's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Freezing cold
Posts: 30
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Thank you all so much for your kind responses. It's good to bounce it off others- because I felt like I was going crazy!
Taliabc is offline  
#7 of 11 Old 03-24-2007, 09:58 PM
 
Yo Becca's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Neither here nor there
Posts: 2,509
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
my folks have been here all day - I delivered last night - and if they suggested spending the night, I would have kicked them out, and they're MY parents. Not selfish at all. Also remember what you feel like 24 hours after birth - bleeding, swollen, sore, nursing a newborn and caring for your other kids - a little privacy isn't asking for the moon!!
Yo Becca is offline  
#8 of 11 Old 03-24-2007, 10:08 PM
 
Yummymummy74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: ~ Buried in growing kiddos!
Posts: 1,531
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Desdamona View Post
Your question caught my eye and I couldn't help to respond even though I am not in your DDC.

You are ABSOLUTELY not being selfish. You are a mama who is getting ready to birth. A watched pot won't boil. Neither will a mother who is stressed by people in her home give birth/go into labour. As a doula I watched this play out with clients... any time a nurse would enter the room, the client's ctx would almost all together stop. When we were alone (her DH and I) with her, she was rocking in a good labour pattern. This happened at my own birth when the MW's assistants whom I hadn't met showed up.

You deserve to keep the sanctity of your home SAFE in this time leading up to your birth. Wishing you gentle birthing vibes.
This is spot on advice I was 42 weeks plus and NOT going into labour due to the dynamics in my home.
You need to make sure nothing at all is stressing you... I had external stress caused by outside influence and internal stress due to having a large family to look after.
Yummymummy74 is offline  
#9 of 11 Old 03-25-2007, 01:00 AM
 
sparkprincess's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: St. Louis MO
Posts: 3,482
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Not in the least bit selfish!! Even otherwise good company probably wouldn't make for good company under those conditions!!

I like the pps suggestion of reminding your dh that you won't be up for entertaining AT ALL and that it will all fall to him. And stick to it. If that means you feel like holing up in your room all day resting, then so be it! You don't owe anyone anything!
sparkprincess is offline  
#10 of 11 Old 03-25-2007, 03:16 PM
 
lunabelly's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Surrounded by Knotty Pine/ MA
Posts: 625
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My dh and I had a similar conversation a while back. I made it clear that I was not getting out of bed for his parents, I was not getting dressed, I was not cooking. I would take a bath when I wanted and I would be nursing in front of his (very conservative) dad. His parents will now be visiting in July.

Good luck!

Trish: Mama to Buckaroo , Sweet P :, and Obo Difficult wife of Rick :
lunabelly is offline  
#11 of 11 Old 03-25-2007, 05:51 PM
 
MommytoTwo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Actually, its Mommy to Three now
Posts: 3,915
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I am lurking from April, but you are a woman who is about to give birth. It is not unreasonable at ALL to ask for guests to stay in a hotel.
MommytoTwo is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off