My dh also does NOT support my choices, nor those of my dd (almost 10). We are veg. I *very* rarely offer ds any meat. For me, offering is telling him hot dogs are on the menu at the ball park. He's totally happy with 99.9% of the veg. food he gets, and at 3 it's just not a big deal for him to eat healthy veg food all the time. I do make sure he gets the leafies (which he will eat in stir fries, pies, sometimes salads or soups), but otherwise I'm pretty casual about the protein. We eat eggs, and he also eats soy stuff almost every day. What the hell are they afraid they're missing out on by not eating meat!? Give them something like this
to look at, just casually leave it by the bathroom sink, or near the couch on a side table. It's not about being RIGHT, it's about gaining their respect for a hard choice (going against the grain) and their acceptance of your decision for you and your children. Or if you think they'd read it, Skinny Bitch has a lot of info on meat in that one chapter - you could photocopy it from the library?
1. I don't leave my kids with anyone overnight unless they know they are veg and can cook accordingly.
2. ds is no-dairy. This is not negotiable.
3. My parents, who don't respect our choices, don't get to keep the kids overnight, unless my dd WANTS to go (which isn't very often), and then just she will go, never ds (and she didn't go until she was in 3rd grade, last year).
4. I do ALWAYS send snacks. Doesn't always work, as my mother will offer JELL-O (gag!) which trumps fruit snacks any day. Sigh. When I told dd that jell-o was made from horses hooves, she about puked!
5. Respect is a 2-way street. My parents get that now, since I have w/drawn visits from ds completely. They can come here, that's their choice. Then they are on our turf, there is tons of food for the kids, and there's no bs about starving the children blah blah blah.
You've got to set some basic boundaries that you are ok defending. Whatever they are, be ok having them be temporarily po'd that you set new boundaries. For sure they'll come around - kids are too darned cute for them to not keep in their lives, kwim?!