Pressured to use CIO method - Mothering Forums

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Old 12-17-2008, 06:21 PM - Thread Starter
 
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We've had a lot of family and friends recommend that we use the CIO method, sending us books and resources and even giving us a crib.

My husband, frustrated by dd's sleeping habits, really felt like this was the way to go. She fusses at bed and nap times normally for a short period before she falls asleep, so he thought it wouldn't be a big deal for her. He was also worried because I was having some back problems trying to sleep with her comfortably in the bed.

We had been swaddling her and letting her sleep in the co-sleeper next to my side of the bed for as long as she was comfortable, and when she woke up to eat, I would just take her into the bed with me for the rest of the night.

We tried the Ferber method over the past two nights. The change in her behavior has been very dramatic. Now she cries if she is left alone momentarily (like if I go into the next room to grab the phone), and she will not go down for a nap, even if I'm holding her. She doesn't just fuss anymore, she screams and kicks.

What can we do to comfort her and make her feel secure? I am scared about the change in her behavior. Can just two nights do permanent damage? She turns six months old next week.
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Old 12-17-2008, 07:13 PM
 
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Originally Posted by ceeveg View Post
We tried the Ferber method over the past two nights. The change in her behavior has been very dramatic. Now she cries if she is left alone momentarily (like if I go into the next room to grab the phone), and she will not go down for a nap, even if I'm holding her. She doesn't just fuss anymore, she screams and kicks.

What can we do to comfort her and make her feel secure? I am scared about the change in her behavior. Can just two nights do permanent damage? She turns six months old next week.
I don't think you have done any permanent damage by those two nights!

You should just stop using that "method" (which by the way Dr. Ferber himself has long ago said he doesn't recommend and he's sorry it became so wide-spread among parents of young, healthy babies) right away, and give your daughter all the comfort and closeness that she so clearly expresses that she needs.

She sounds like a healthy baby telling you loud and clear in the only way she can - screaming and kicking - that she is scared that you will leave her again. She will eventually be reassured if you just show her that you aren't doing it anymore. Until she feels safe again you can just avoid putting her down, wear her in a wrap for instance.

Everybody makes mistakes, so don't beat yourself up over it!
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Old 12-17-2008, 08:28 PM
 
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I wanted to agree with what the PP said. I also think it's wonderful that you are responding to your daughter right now in a loving and caring way. You can give her a secure place to express her discomfort (just keep holding her) and she will be fine. If you haven't talked to her about it, you can apologize and if you want to, talk about how it must have been scary, or whatever. The beautiful thing (IMO) is that you're responding to her communication and she's a lucky baby.

Kimberly, in love with Hannah Rose! (04/08) EC grad!
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Old 12-17-2008, 08:45 PM
 
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We tried cio one night around the same age - I think it must be a tough time for new parents. DD cried/screamed for 45 min (so did I ). We've never done it again.

I can say it does get better. And if people who do cio are really open, they will tell you that they have to repeat the cio process every couple of months when there is teething, illness, etc., and for some that means 2 weeks of cio, a month or so of "sleeping", then more cio training. That would not work for me, dh, or dd.

You hold that baby close - and the sleeping will sort itself out!

Kelly , mama to 4yo and 1yo ,
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