Sleep Training & Co-Sleeping - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
Old 12-22-2008, 12:22 AM - Thread Starter
 
McCartney's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Washington
Posts: 50
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Do/did you sleep train your baby while co-sleeping and night nursing?...I feel like my son is not learning to fall asleep on his own because every time he wakes up at night I just nurse him right back down.
I don't mind this so much now because he is only 5 months old,but what happens when he is a year old and doesn't need to nurse all night-how will be know how to go back to sleep on his own if I don't teach him somehow?...I am starting to get a little exhausted from nursing 5-6 times a night just because I'm not getting any more than 2 hours straight at night...Suggestions?
McCartney is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 12-22-2008, 03:29 AM
 
jocelyndale's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Charlottesville, VA
Posts: 3,546
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
*shrugs*

I think it's kinda silly to have adult expectations of infant sleep needs.

I'm not going to force my child to sleep. His brain is in a very different place. I really don't think sleep has to be "taught". It's a natural process and one his brain and body will develop as he matures.

Chasing DS since April 2007 and pumping for DD March 2013.

jocelyndale is offline  
Old 12-22-2008, 09:11 AM
 
justthinkn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: SoCal
Posts: 1,279
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I think sleep training (the term itself, not necessarily what you wrote) implies it's all adult-led, you have a program and ram it through no matter how your LO reacts. So no, none of that - I just think it's antithetical to the bond the family bed creates.

But I certainly tried little things over time to see if DD would be open, would have developed a bit more sleep maturity to be able to handle something like unlatching sooner, before she was in a deep sleep, or accepting some Daddy comfort, or even just letting me roll away a bit!! I feel sensitive enough to my child to know the difference btwn a little complaint cry b/c we're making a change and a full-out this-is-not-working-for-me cry.

They do grow and change over time - you don't have to do now what you want them doing in 6mo's, whatever the sleep training books say.

*** DH (wed 5/03), DD (6/07), and DS (8/11)
justthinkn is offline  
Old 12-22-2008, 12:42 PM
 
BathrobeGoddess's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: The rural foothills of N Colorado
Posts: 5,524
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Five months is often a tough time for sleep...so much going on in their little bodies! Starting teething, starting to move around, starting to sit up, etc. There a quite a few links in the sticky at the top of this forum about infant sleep and infant sleep expectations...they are so worth the read!

Eden yikes.gif, working on a PhD in Education mama to Laurelleshamrocksmile.gif (16), Orijoy.gif (6), Yarrowfaint.gif (4) and Linusfly-by-nursing1.gif (1) partner to Brice. 
BathrobeGoddess is offline  
Old 12-22-2008, 01:01 PM
 
Ks Mama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: NJ - in our perennial garden
Posts: 1,872
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by McCartney View Post
Do/did you sleep train your baby while co-sleeping and night nursing?...I feel like my son is not learning to fall asleep on his own because every time he wakes up at night I just nurse him right back down.
I don't mind this so much now because he is only 5 months old,but what happens when he is a year old and doesn't need to nurse all night-how will be know how to go back to sleep on his own if I don't teach him somehow?...I am starting to get a little exhausted from nursing 5-6 times a night just because I'm not getting any more than 2 hours straight at night...Suggestions?
With regards not not getting more than 2 hours of straight sleep... well, welcome to the world of the mother to an infant! I haven't gotten 4 hrs of straight sleep in 4 yrs - but that's MY choice to have children. I'm not going to force my own desires on my kids because I want them to grow & mature faster than they should just to help me out.

You may be feeling worried about "getting him to go back to sleep on his own" because that's what every mainstream parenting magazine & website says: baby needs to learn to fall asleep on his own.

Guess what? It's not the truth. You don't need to DO anything. It's a natural process. Baby WILL learn to do that, on his own timetable, without being trained or forced or taught. You've got to let him mature at his own pace, while respecting HIS needs - and right now, nursing to sleep & cosleeping is a NEED - and a RIGHT. ALL infants should sleep with their mothers & nurse on cue - you're doing the right thing. GOOD FOR YOU! Don't cave to the convenience parenting dogma out there.

Your babe isn't going to be nursing to sleep & waking 5 times per night when he's 5yo. But he might have sleep troubles at 5 if you don't honor his needs & parent him to sleep now - he can form negative connections about sleep if he's left to cry to sleep or be forced to sleep, etc.

FWIW, my 4 yo has been sleeping through the night since she turned two. And we never sleep trained, and she's always co-slept.

You'd never force a baby to walk or talk. Why force them to sleep? Keep doing what you're doing. Have you read the Dr. Sears baby book or Baby Sleep Book? It might be good to get another perspective on the REALITIES of baby sleep (not just the ideas behind how to force baby to sleep so that parents can get some sleep).

Tweet me: @kellynaturally Working Mom to 2 Montessori-schooled kids. We're a vegetarian family! I blog at kellynaturally.com <--link in my profile!

Ks Mama is offline  
Old 12-22-2008, 04:21 PM
 
lisavark's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 867
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
:

All humans eventually learn to put themselves to sleep. You won't have a fifteen year old who wants to nurse to sleep. I promise.

The idea that we have to "train" babies to sleep only exists because our culture has formed an expectation that babies should sleep alone before most babies are developmentally ready to do so. If you want a five month old to sleep through the night by themselves, then yes, you have to train that, and for most babies it will be very hard. But a five year old? Lots of children will be able to sleep through the night by then, no problem, without any training or teaching.

Mama to DD, my 2/24/08 BIG KID formerly known as sling baby, and DS, my 12/23/11 train-loving, wall-climbing toddler! 
lisavark is offline  
Old 12-22-2008, 04:36 PM
 
Kappa's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 652
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Around this age I started the back-patting back to sleep at night. A cousin of mine who also nursed her baby suggested this to me, it eventually worked out that about half the time he would go on back to sleep. If the LO was hungry, he would protest, so I would nurse. If not he would relax and hum to sleep. If you can find another simple way to ease the baby back to sleep it can cut down on extraneous nursing sessions at night (maybe). A lot of babies a soothed by patting down, mine took to it immediately, bum patting works too. Hope that helps. Good luck Mama.
Kappa is offline  
Old 12-22-2008, 09:00 PM - Thread Starter
 
McCartney's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Washington
Posts: 50
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ks Mama View Post

Guess what? It's not the truth. You don't need to DO anything. It's a natural process. Baby WILL learn to do that, on his own timetable, without being trained or forced or taught. You've got to let him mature at his own pace, while respecting HIS needs - and right now, nursing to sleep & cosleeping is a NEED - and a RIGHT. ALL infants should sleep with their mothers & nurse on cue - you're doing the right thing. GOOD FOR YOU! Don't cave to the convenience parenting dogma out there.

.
Ok,this is what I needed to hear...Thanks! I guess for me,as a first time mom living around and having mostly friends who DO NOT believe in attachment parenting,I get in these grooves where I feel like I am doing something wrong. I know that I need to not care about what they think or say,but that is hard sometimes. When I hear them talk about their 6,7,8 month old babies sleeping all night long,I find myself wanting a full nights sleep even though I know its not realistic. I will never train my kids to sleep if that means them having to CIO either. And I also find myself worried that my baby will be waking up every 2 hours for years to come,so its good to hear that he will grow out of that when the time is right....
McCartney is offline  
Old 12-22-2008, 10:35 PM
 
Friday13th's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: The Sprawl
Posts: 903
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I would advise just not discussing this with mainstream friends/family. "He sleeps just fine" end of discussion.

It's so easy to fall into the trap of second guessing yourself or wasting a ton of energy defending yourself and your parenting. Just don't. He's sleep eventually, I've never heard of a kid who won't go off to college because he needs to be nursed to sleep. Children learn to sleep without nursing, to get back to sleep themselves, to sleep longer stretches, when they are developmentally ready. (it seems like around here people see a shift in sleep habits somewhere between 2 and 3) In the meantime, just be there for him and provide what he needs, don't worry about training him.

Alison: BFing, BWing, ERFing mama to KidA (12/25/07) and KidO (6/26/10) nocirc.giffamilybed2.gif

Friday13th is offline  
Old 12-22-2008, 10:50 PM
 
aiea's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 570
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by McCartney View Post
its good to hear that he will grow out of that when the time is right....
This is indeed what has happened for us. DD is 2 years, 4 months old and has grown out of the need to nurse to sleep. Painlessly! But there were many, many months when I wondered if I was really doing the right thing. Just know that you too are doing the right thing, and you're not teaching eternal dependency on nursing.
aiea is offline  
Old 12-22-2008, 10:57 PM
 
jmmom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 312
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
You've gotten some great replies. You should also know that your babe will probably go through better and worse stages of sleeping over the next 1.5 yrs, until around age 2, due to teething, cognitive and physical development, etc. Actually, the babies of your friends who are currently sleeping through the night might also do this - and it's a LOT harder to deal with if you're NOT co-sleeping, I watched my sil really struggle! Your babe is probably in a tough spot right now, and as he gets a little older, you'll probably also settle into easier nighttime nursing, so that the wakings bother you less. Expect some tough spots here and there, for a few weeks or so at a time, but on the whole I wouldn't exchange snuggling up to my almost 2 yr old at night for the world. Enjoy it, mama!

Also, from what I've seen, most babies stop needing to nurse to sleep by age 2.5 or so. Some sooner, some not. So you are in it for the long haul, but it's a very, very nurturing, wonderful experience for both of you!

Nap with your babe if you need more sleep - this has always helped me.
jmmom is offline  
Old 12-22-2008, 11:20 PM
 
gcgirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 2,311
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Just to hop on board with most of the other replies: DS just turned one, and he is now putting himself back to sleep about 70% of the time when he wakes at night. We cosleep, and I always nursed him back down, and I too worried that I was *training* him to need to nurse back to sleep. But I've found that he is naturally night weaning himself and just needs a little hug and reassurance to get back to sleep most of the time.

Hang in there! It'll be OK.
gcgirl is offline  
 
User Tag List

Thread Tools


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off