Negligent Cosleeping? - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 46 Old 03-11-2009, 04:03 PM
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I am a member of the negligent cosleeping club.

From the get go we slept with pillows and blankets and sheets and on a bed that was raised off the floor. For the first week my hubby slept with us but he kept sorta waking up and thinking that he had lost the baby when the baby was just sleeping on me or breastfeeding. He decided to sleep in another bed for the first month or two because of this. He once sat up in his sleep holding a piece of blanket, telling me he had the babies foot and asking where the rest of the baby had went. LOL He doesn't remember this.

We can't afford to heat the house to 70 or more day and night and my son refuses to sleep in heavy clothes and I can't stand sleeping in more than a bra and underwear either. We have a feather blanket and have never had a problem. Lately, he has been crawling in his sleep and sometimes backing himself under the blanket and then he flails until I take the blanket off his head or until he kicks it off himself. Oh, now that he is self-mobile we have the bed sitting on the floor with no boxspring.

Once, when my son was about two weeks we were in bed, him asleep and me reading a book. He starts choking. I roll him onto his side to clear his mouth of this frothy white foam stuff that he had spit up. He actually started turning blue for a moment. SCARY! If I wasn't there to help him what would have happened? If he had been in a crib alone in another room... Now I never worry about tummy sleeping (which was the only way he would happily sleep) and I am so happy to have found a group that encourages cosleeping when so many people are against it.
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#32 of 46 Old 03-11-2009, 04:37 PM
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I would not allow an infant and toddler to sleep next to one another because toddlers simply do not have the same intuitions as the mother and they tend to move around a lot more and roll over things without a care in the world. So either my husband or myself is between the two of them while we are asleep.

But as far as everything else, yes we do all this. The baby goes back and forth from the left side of the bed to between dh and I, I keep the blankets to her chest and have pillows on the bed, etc... I think you just need to know how aware you are. I am comfortable with my momma cat being on the bed because she stays at the end, but I am not sure I'd let a dog in if we had them.

I am out on the ff'ed and obese issues as neither of these apply to me and I haven't read the research. I know studies have shown increased risk if mom smoked during pregnancy, so I think mom's who did need to know that and take caution.

A mom who is drunk or otherwise intoxicated certainly has no business sharing a sleeping surface with her child and absolutely there should not be non-essential extras in the bed - plastic bags for example.
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#33 of 46 Old 03-11-2009, 05:31 PM
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i wouldn't be surprised if the reason some mama's feel safer following stricter guidelines, is because their babies need that to be safe.
i think a lot of our maternal instincts are there for our specific child.
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#34 of 46 Old 03-11-2009, 05:52 PM
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I'm also a rule breaker...

have a pillowtop mattress, use a pillow...but sleep only on the edge of it...lo sleeps btween me and the rail, use a blanket that her little feet go on top of and it goesto my waist....bed is on a frame and we do sometimes let her sleep alone in the bed. I lived in terror for months reading all of the precautions...feeling negligent and every "it's unsafe" comment from my mother made me feel even's the only way any of us gets any sleep!

J- mama to E (8/08) and C (11/10)

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#35 of 46 Old 03-11-2009, 06:03 PM
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When I started co-sleeping with my son, everything (mainstream) I had read suggested that co-sleeping itself was totally unsafe, so I was breaking every rule to begin with. So when I slept with him, I did what felt right and didn't worry about any of it. We slept with a pillow, blanket, comforter, bed up off the floor, sidecar, the whole bit. Amazingly enough, he survived!

When we licensed as foster parents it was deemed that the ONLY "safe" way to sleep a baby was in a crib with no blankets or bumpers with bars at a certain small spacing and on baby's back. Poor baby. Glad I didn't listen to that advice with my DS.

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#36 of 46 Old 03-11-2009, 08:18 PM
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Originally Posted by zoebird View Post
absolutely, as well as the need to sleep. i wasn't sleeping well when i followed all of the rules. we both slept better once i broke a few (sleep with pillow and open-weave blanket!). and now i LOVE cosleeping, wehreas before, it was something i dreaded.
Yep. I really wanted to co sleep and followed all the rules to the T and I dreaded it. I have always had a difficult time falling asleep and all of the rules just made it impossible. I gave up and have gone back to sleeping in my pillowtop, full size bed, with DH and DS sleeps in his crib pulled up against my side. Lately, I have been "accidentally" falling asleep while feeding him in the bed every night. Especially after 4:30 cause I know he will wake up if I move him. I love it. It so nice and cozy and completely different than before. I have been feeling really guilty, however. sigh.

I keep him as far away from DH as possible because I have watched DH flop onto DS and not notice. He is a very heavy sleeper. I'm thinking about sidecarring.

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#37 of 46 Old 03-12-2009, 12:00 AM
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I started co-sleeping without giving it much thought. I suppose I intended for my LO to use the Amby bed we got for our bedroom...
He was born at home, and the midwives just tucked us all in together, and that's how we've stayed sleeping the last 6 weeks. We're really "bad" bed-sharers; we have a pillowtop, high bed with a down duvet and cats that sleep at the foot. LO sleeps tummy to tummy with me, with my arm around him, his head pillowed on my biceps. He still needs help to latch, so he wakes me briefly and then I usually go back to sleep as he nurses. I do keep him away from hubby unless I'm awake and up to monitor, since DH isn't usually aware of the babe when he's asleep.
I credit sharing the family bed with getting as much sleep as I have since LO's birth. I can't imagine him in another room.

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#38 of 46 Old 03-12-2009, 01:27 AM
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I think those rules are loose guidelines that don't apply to everyone or even most people. People have been bedsharing with their babies for millennia and something tells me that our bodies have figured out how to protect our babies from smothering despite the presence of such new, recent technology as blankets and pillows and soft bedding.

I don't know anyone who bedshares and follows every single rule, and I know a lot of people who bedshare. Just do what feels right and try not to worry about it. Don't be grossly irresponsible, of course, and use some common sense. You will be fine.

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#39 of 46 Old 03-12-2009, 11:57 AM
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Originally Posted by mother2eve View Post
Hi, I don't usually post, but after reading the last issue of mothering I wanted to get some opinions.
I was very grateful for the articles, and all the pictures about co sleeping, it really helps to see that other families have similar loving experiencing when bed sharing.
I was concerned, however when reading the guidelines to safe bed sharing. I realized that I didn't practice these guidelines at all! My DD is now 2 yrs old so some of the precautions do not apply, as they would for an infant. But regardless my bed sharing practices were pretty much the same when she was younger.
Let me explain: I have 3 pillows in the bed, a sheet, and comforter. She frequently sleeps between husband and I (as I get uncomfortable sleeping on the same side all night), Our bed is not on the floor. We frequently take naps on the couch (even when she was an infant). We side car the crib. And she sleeps in our adult bed, alone all the time...especially when she was younger! These are all things that designate unsafe bed sharing according to the article. Now all I need to do is start smoking and go to sleep drunk and drugged.
Furthermore, I'm pregnant and fully intend to cosleep with new baby, and don't plan on kicking DD out of bed when new baby arrives. But there are all kinds of precautions against allowing older kids sleep with infants?!?
I also noticed that many of the pictures featured in the article revealed similar practices (i.e. pillow, blankets, baby and child), so that came off as a little contradictory to me.
Anyhow, the long and short of it is, that I'm feeling a bit shameful right now, and wondering if I'm lucky that my DD didn't suffocate, or strangle or something equally horrifying.
Do I need to change before next baby comes?

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#40 of 46 Old 03-13-2009, 04:30 PM
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: I'm glad I found this thread. We began bedsharing BECAUSE I had a c/s and could not pick 10lb DS out of the hospital bassinet. Then they sent me home barely 48hrs post-op and I could not get in and out of our high, pillowtop bed without serious help, medication, and a stepstool. DS sleeps between us, b/c DH wants in on the snuggle action too. And yes, we sleep with all the bedclothes on. I guess I just trust my mommy instincts enough to let me know if there is a problem. I wake easily anyway, and motherhood has made me aware of every sound in the house.

I take every guideline with a grain of salt, but I am glad to hear that I am not the only one.

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#41 of 46 Old 03-14-2009, 09:43 PM
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DH asked me a good question recently about bedsharing rules (we sleep with DS1 who's almost 3 and DS2 who's 8 months, I started out almost always being between them but had recurring plugged ducts from only nursing one side all night long, now DS2 is between me and the wall sometimes and between me and a body pillow positioned lower than his face that separates him from DS1 - who of course then worms his way towards me all night long creating the slowly inching train of kids seeking mom
The question is what is the risk of pillows and blankets to children who have control of their heads and bodies? It is easy to see how a baby who can't move at will is at risk of suffocation from bedding. But what is the risk to a mobile baby/child? And when does the risk subside (i.e. obviously I don't suffocate when I cover my face with a blanket or have part of my pillow covering my face).
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#42 of 46 Old 03-14-2009, 11:01 PM
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Yep, we're (semi-)bad co-sleepers too. Extra-deep pillow-top mattress, pillows, sheets and blankets, DS sleeps between us, he naps alone and goes to bed before us alone, we have wine with dinner. :

Whenever people act shocked and say they would worry about rolling over the baby, I have to laugh because I am SO aware of him when I sleep. That, and he's kind of huge!

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#43 of 46 Old 03-15-2009, 04:04 PM
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I also think it's funny that the mdc cosleeping smilie violates the 'rules' of cosleeping - 2 kids side by side
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#44 of 46 Old 03-15-2009, 07:06 PM
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Originally Posted by AKfamily View Post
I also think it's funny that the mdc cosleeping smilie violates the 'rules' of cosleeping - 2 kids side by side

Hahaha. And mine won't sleep side by side. They play and kiss and giggle and tickle. I have to be their separator at night.

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#45 of 46 Old 03-17-2009, 12:57 AM
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Another negligent cosleeper here. We use flannel or fleece sheets and comforters and duvets and feather blankets. If I did no blankets here, we'd end up Popsicles. Baby sleeps between DH and I (she's 5 weeks, BTW) or on the other side, depending on which side we're nursing on. I fall asleep nursing her too.
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#46 of 46 Old 03-17-2009, 02:19 AM
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Yet another negligent and very bad cosleeper here too! Our girls are comfy as clams on the coast snuggled up under covers, with pillows (two main pillows, one for DH and I, plus a neck pillow for me), on our REEEALLY tall cali-king bed. I almost always put bbDD between DH and I, as I'm worried about her rolling off at night. But even when she was tiny I just kept her right by me and slept away. I also woke up over every tiny noise she made. And older DD sleeps on the other side of Daddy now so that I have plenty of 'flip room'.

I'd never get any sleep if I followed all the rules

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