dad sleeps naked, what to do? not sure where to post, explicit language - Page 4 - Mothering Forums

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#91 of 95 Old 04-09-2009, 12:54 PM
 
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Originally Posted by AmyB736 View Post
Wow! I'm so suprised at how many people here think that it isn't unreasonable to ask him to put on some underwear or pj's. As someone who sleeps naked everynight I would be pissed if my husband told me that he felt uncomfortable with my nudity around the kids and wanted me to wear clothes to bed. Sometimes when I get cold at night I put on some pj's but I can't fall asleep until they come back off, usually 30 minutes later, after getting frustrated.

Can you add a twin bed up against your bed and have your daughter sleep on that? Or maybe you should be the one to sleep in the middle? Put a rail on your bed.

Since there was nothing sexual going on at all it should not be treated as such and those suggestions are just to make YOU feel more comfortable.

I also feel comfortable walking around in the nude most of the day with my children. And they are nude alot as well. My husband doesn't feel comfortable with our 5 year old seeing him naked so he covers up now. I think it's sad that most people (my husband included) are made by society to feel uncomfortable about nudity.

For the sake of argument lets say, my husband wakes up on the middle of the night and sees a toddler hand or foot on my vagina and it makes him uncomfortable, I can't imagine being pissed off because he would ask me to wear something, for me is just respecting my DHs wishes and I would wear something, I wouldn't on purpose continue a situation where everyone is not OK, much less if it would bring him bad memories of horrible events in his life, if I absolutely could not sleep with anything on we would have to either move the kid or I would have to move out of the family bed.

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#92 of 95 Old 04-09-2009, 12:55 PM
 
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Originally Posted by AmyB736 View Post
That's a normal part of nudity, erections while sleeping. It is innocent and shouldn't be shamed, IMO.
My impression was not that the OP was trying to shame her husband; she just mentioned being uncomfortable with his erect penis touching their daughter and asked him to put on some undies or PJ pants to make her more comfortable.

When I talked to my partner about this scenario and asked him what he would do if we were in the same situation, he said immediately that he would not mind putting on some clothes if it would make me more comfortable. So, for him it's not a big deal and he would not feel shamed.

I don't think anyone is denying that erections are a normal part of sleep for men, either. The OP isn't saying that nudity or nighttime erections are abnormal or shameful; she is uncomfortable about it for her own reasons.

I think, really, this is one of those things that each family has to navigate for themselves. We've seen posters reply that modesty is always best and others that nudity is awesome at all times (family bed or not), so I really think there's no right answer. The important part is to be non-judgmental about others' choices, and to disagree in a way that still honors the User Agreement. There's so much diversity with regard to the family bed!

Have you seen the updated user agreement yet?
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#93 of 95 Old 04-09-2009, 12:56 PM
 
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Originally Posted by moondiapers View Post
ewwww, dh kicked ds out of our bed and into his sisters bed when he was 3 1/2 because he woke dh up in the middle of the night by breaking dh's nose with his elbow. Dh now has a VERY crooked nose. Luckily Dd is four years older than Ds and she didn't mind sharing her bed with him.
Ouch!!!
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#94 of 95 Old 04-09-2009, 12:59 PM
 
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Originally Posted by aran View Post
There was no shaming, I think. But I would recognize that the society in which OP lives will make a judgment on the situation if it is revealed, and it could lead to negative ramifications (like CPS) or if DD grows up to adopt the mainstream western views on the topic, she might feel negative about that experience in retrospect.

DH is very very very open about nudity and bodily functions, but is squeamed out by some of the things he has seen/experienced from his parents. He never told them, but it is a mar in his recollections of growing up with them. To him it is important that he not "impose his body" on his kids the way his dad did with him (not in a sexual way... just an intrusive way).
Actually her initial reaction did have shaming in it. If I was her husband I would have reacted feeling insulted at how she presented the situation to me. WHich is why I believe (and said so) that she have a conversation with him in a different manner because it is all in the delivery. Laying out her feelings/history/the way she was raised would make it less accusatory and seem less insulting towards him.

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#95 of 95 Old 04-09-2009, 01:03 PM
 
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Although this has been an interesting and enriching discussion, we are closing the thread for now. The OP has gotten some great ideas, advice, and support, and we want to keep it that way.

Thanks for understanding!

Have you seen the updated user agreement yet?
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