Cosleeping cause problems at daycare? - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 14 Old 04-28-2009, 11:48 AM - Thread Starter
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Hi, I'm a newbie and I'm sorry my first post is all mememe, but I've been a lurker for awhile and am really struggling with my parenting choices. I've been really attracted by the AP lifestyle and since my son was born nearly 4 months ago we've been cosleeping, exclusive BFing, babywearing, cloth diapering, etc etc. It was all perfect, in fact I have no complaints about nighttime sleep at all, until I had to go back to work last month and my son has been really struggling with the transition to daycare. He goes 3.5 days a week. At daycare he wants to be held all the time, and they of course do that as much as they can but have other babies to tend to as well. He also will not sleep for more than 20-30 minutes a few times a day in his crib probably because I often, but not always, had him in a wrap or sling for naps. Then he ends up super cranky and needy in the evenings when he's with me. Last night he was so overtired that he was screaming for nearly an hour until I managed to soothe him to sleep, and he even refused to nurse to sleep (normally nursing puts him right out but I guess he wasn't hungry or was too upset). My DH wants to let him CIO for naps but he's not even 4 months yet and I'm really reluctant to do that because I don't think he has the temperament for it. Even our DCP said she thought he just wasn't a self-soother and really needed someone to rock him to sleep. He gets incredibly angry when something is wrong (like cries until he turns blue) and you don't fix it for him. But he's just not sleeping! I'm sorry if this is incoherent but I'm struggling to hold back tears while pumping at work. Are all those people who say you need to put your baby in a crib awake and let him soothe himself right? Is there any way to fix this? Perhaps this is why AP is a lifestyle typically associated with SAHMing.
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#2 of 14 Old 04-28-2009, 11:55 AM
 
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My kids were in daycare at that age too, so I know how you feel. Would your daycare be willing to use the sling with him? I don't think letting him cry it out is the answer and most daycares I know won't do that anyway, it would wake up all the other babies. I did try to get mine used to falling asleep without nursing, or the sling. Rocking or patting on the back, both things the daycare could/would provide.
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#3 of 14 Old 04-28-2009, 12:02 PM
 
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He's still young enough to try swaddling - that might help for longer naps at daycare (and maybe home too). It helped my DD until about 7 months.
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#4 of 14 Old 04-28-2009, 12:06 PM
 
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Just a quick reply and then I will expand a little later.

four months is a hard time for babies. Teething, growing, mental development, just a lot of things at once, and that's really overwhelming for babies. He may be anxious, he's separated from his mommy (not trying to make you feel guilty, I was separated from my first too because I had to work, we have to eat and put a roof over our heads right?).

Have you considered asking the daycare workers if they can sling or wrap him? You can't really blame cosleeping on why he won't sleep in a crib in daycare. Cribs aren't natural for a baby, sleeping next to mommy is. That's kind of like saying, "well, breastfeeding is to blame for why babies in daycare won't take bottles."

We are modern moms having stone-age babies. Modern Western society expects babies to sleep alone and self soothe when they wake, take a bottle from anyone, stay with anyone without fussing and generally not disrupt "normal" family life. However, babies simply aren't hardwired that way, and when you look at other mammals, what do they do? Females stay close to their babies, sleep with them, breastfeed on demand, lick them until they poop () etc.

Being a first time mom is hard, but I think you're doing a great job.

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#5 of 14 Old 04-28-2009, 12:31 PM
 
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I know its hard. My youngest is 4 months old and goes to daycare 3 days a week. I have yet to find a daycare that will wear my baby in a sling. I wish they would, but I know they can't possible do that for all the babies they care for. My daughter won't sleep at home unless I am holding her or sleeping next to her. Our oldest daughter still sleeps in our room. The baby normally sleeps in a baby swing or something at daycare. She likes the rocking motion. After about a month, she is starting to adjust to daycare. Its still hard though. I know she wants to be awake in the evenings when she is home, but she normally falls asleep in the sling around dinner time.

They will adjust though. Trust your instincts. Eventually he will sleep ok at daycare, it might just take a little while.


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#6 of 14 Old 04-28-2009, 12:40 PM
 
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I don't have a whole lot of great suggestions. But I do have to say that to teach a child to self sooth you don't necessarily need to let them cry it out. I know that alot of strictly AP advocates don't love this book, but I found it very helpful. I like Elizabeth Pantley's "No Cry Sleep Solution".

My daughter was a natural self soother. She was a thumb sucker and had her blankie and was perfectly happy putting herself to sleep. My son had alot harder time self soothing. Our daycare provider would make sure to put him in a quite, dark room, and would stay with him until he fell asleep.

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#7 of 14 Old 04-28-2009, 12:44 PM - Thread Starter
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Thanks everyone for your support. I really needed to hear that.

They can get him to go to sleep just fine, they just can't get him to stay asleep. Occasionally they can get him to transfer to his crib successfully but then after 10 minutes he wakes up howling. It's not the noise, either, because that kid can sleep through a phone ringing right by his head, a vacuum, etc. At home when I transfer him it takes like 10 minutes of very very gradually reducing my physical contact with him. Then I have to stay in the room and when he starts to wake I'll lay a hand on him and he'll resettle. But obviously when they're busy rocking another kid to sleep they just can't do that. I think we're going to try "transfer to crib for nap" bootcamp this weekend, sans crying. We'll check out the Pantley book, thanks for the rec. I'll see if they'll swaddle; they definitely won't wrap.
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#8 of 14 Old 04-28-2009, 12:55 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by aquamam View Post
He's still young enough to try swaddling - that might help for longer naps at daycare (and maybe home too). It helped my DD until about 7 months.
:

I have two kids who were in daycare at 4 months and I co-sleep and breastfeed them too. I really didn't have problems with my first (DS), but I did with DD. The swaddling really helped.

Another that helped was when they let her sleep in the swing or bouncy. They really aren't suppose to do this, but if she (or one of the other kids) fell asleep in there and they had a rough day (sleepwise), they would let them stay in there.

She is now almost 2 and regularly taking 2 hour naps with little or no fuss (at least at daycare).
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#9 of 14 Old 04-28-2009, 12:59 PM
 
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Does she have a bouncer? One little boy at my DD's DC slept in a bouncer for every nap till he was well over a year old. It made him feel all cozy and like he was next to mom (or dad, whatever). My DS sleps much better at DC when he is all wrapped up (even his face is covered) in a bouncer or the swing.

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#10 of 14 Old 04-28-2009, 01:11 PM
 
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For my daughter, music was the answer. I know that may sound strange but perhaps the Day care would allow soft music played near your son at nap time or you could furnish a musical crib toy. I hope it helps!

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#11 of 14 Old 04-28-2009, 06:05 PM
 
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nak

maybe a lovey that you've slept with at home so it smells like you?

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#12 of 14 Old 04-28-2009, 10:18 PM
 
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I agree with maybe trying one of those soothing noise makers that you can attach to the crib. If you could get him used to it at home with you, maybe it would help him to sleep longer at day care. I also think if might be a quick fix to see if he would nap in one of the swings. Even at home, my DS went through a phase when he would only sleep in the swing...sometimes up to an hour or so. Maybe that would help him to get through the transition and then he could move to the crib? Might be worth a shot and most daycares have those kinds of swings.
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#13 of 14 Old 04-28-2009, 10:24 PM
 
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A bouncer's a great idea, that's how I got my second baby to sleep and stay asleep without rocking or nursing.

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#14 of 14 Old 04-28-2009, 11:51 PM
 
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When I worked in a daycare infant room, I used a Maya Wrap sling - as a ring sling, it was the most "pop-able" of the sling options, and could be adjusted easily to children of different sizes. Perhaps if you give one to the DCP as a gift she would use it? I'd double check for your own state of course, but there's nothing in the regulations in my state that says DCP CAN'T use them. It turned out to be one of the best tools I had, because it allowed me to wear one baby and feed or rock or play with another child much more easily. I washed it every night with the crib sheets.

I know the label on the Boppy says not to let children sleep on them, but sometimes a child who is accustomed to being worn or held while sleeping will be able to be lay down once sleeping and stay asleep snuggled up on a Boppy. YMMV with that one, depending on comfort level.

And I totally second the swaddling suggestion and the quiet music or white noise/heartbeat machine suggestion.

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