Mothering Forum banner

HELP!!! Nighttime Headaches!!! (Angry DH/children/weaning/co-sleeping)

2K views 19 replies 13 participants last post by  Ms.Doula 
#1 ·
I know this probably should have been put in the nighttime parenting forum, but I have been lurking there for a few days & no one hardly visits there and this place has much more traffic (I need advice FAST) and You are all the ones I "know & trust"...
MODS PLEASE PLEASE DONT DELETE OR MOVE THIS


I am soooooo sleep deprived lately. Please forgive my spelling and grammar. I will try to explain my issues, the best that I can. I am open to all advice offered. Thanks In Advance.

OK I have a (Fairly clingy) AP'd 16 mo. old dd who is still mostly BF. She eats minimal solids (pasta, fruit, breads, crackers) by her choice not ours. We offer her other things constantly. They end up smashed or on the floor.

She is co-sleeping with dh & I and has from the begining. (started out in a bassinett till she outgrew it-then came into our bed) She is waking up often (seems more so lately I am assuming due to teething issues??) and nurses pretty constantly throughout the night.
:

I have a 2 2/3 old dd as well (wich was not AP'd and did not co-sleep) She has been in her crib from about 5 months old (was in a bassinett by our bed first. then we did CIO (DAMN EZZO!!) and she was a "PERFECT" Baby. Never cried much, and slept through the night & was scheduled (though I cheated every now & then) Kayleigh is now a VERY HIGH NEEDS SPIRITED(?!) TODDLER. I am haveing serious behavioral issues w/ her.
:

Kayleigh is now coming into our room at night despite the fact that she LOVES her "big girl" twin bed in her own room and happily goes down each night. I would not mind so much if it was just that she wanted to come climb in to cuddle with us, but she is waking up the already light sleeper (Riley-16 mos) who was just dosing back to sleep. and then she is whining, crying, and DH is so annoyed at this point he adds to the problem by saying things in his anger/frustration like "SHUT-UP, Dammit!! GO BACK to SLEEP"
to Riley- now whining to nurse AGAIN though she just did cause she has to "nurse to sleep". I HATE the anger/resentment brewing here. I am TIRED, and FRUSTERATED AS WELL (and I am the one trying to tell DH to be patient & loving with her. And I am not even convinced myself this isn't damaging to us all.


I need to know if there is a way anyone can recomend nightweaning or something in a LOVING way. My WAOB book hasnt been much help here.
I wish they were a lil older and that Riley depended on me a tad less for nourishment-Id put them together in Kayleigh's room. But I know it I tried that now, Riley would just wake up & cry, wake up Kayleigh & they would both come into me anyway
:

ANYONE have REAL LIFE experience with my situation. And can offer advice for me & DH to survive??? I am SOOOOOO "Touched Out" and depressed by all this.
 
See less See more
11
#3 ·
I know this sounds very familiar but for the life of me I can not remember how, or why, it ended with my older girls. I do remember being at the end of my rope and I am fine now so I supose that means it ends eventualy right?

Anyhow, check out Dr. Jay Gordon's article on changing sleep paterns. It is meant to be used when you just can not take it anymore and you seem to fit the bill. No idea if it works or not but it can't hurt!

Till this passes can you and hubby take turns sleeping with the kids or the older one? This way maybe you could both get a little sleep.

Hang in there. Sending you
vibes.

MM
 
#4 ·
Oh you poor thing! You sound very frustrated I'm sorry I don't know of hwta can help you. I haven't had to night wean yet although I think I'm on the verge BUT..maybe you can move your 2 yr olds bed into your room for a while. Until she goes through this stage of her life where she wants to sleep with you again. Maybe you can pull it next to you bed for her added comfort. taht may solve the problem of her waking up teh baby if that will fly with your DH.
I moved yana to bed with her brother shortly after the new baby came. I was worried that she wouldn't sleep through the night but she did surprisingly. Maybe you can start moving her to her sister's bed to nap and see how well she does with it. after she's comfortabe she may be able to stay the night, maybe just a though. My kids share a twin bed and it works very well for now, I will be changing them again before her goes to first grade. Try it in small steps it really helps.
 
#5 ·
I don't have any advice but could dh maybe sleep in another room so at least he doesn't add to the nighttime stress by getting upset? I understand he's be woken up and that's hard but it seems to me it just makes it harder for you, having him there. Maybe the older one will go through this stage or the younger will need to nurse less soon -- till then, just keep trying every combination of sleeping arrangements till you find something that makes everyone (at least somewhat) happy.
s
 
#6 ·
Have you tried the No Cry Sleep Solution?Elizabeth Plantely is the author.
Dr Jay Gordon alsp has a book but I dont recall the name.It would be on his web site.If I had the link still I could post it but I dont.I ll see if I can find it for you.

Maybe your dh could sleep with your older dd in her room?That way she is comforted with him there and he can get some pretty uninterrupted sleep.
I agree that dh should sleep somewhere else for now.In turn maybe you two could make an arrangement where when he gets home from work you cna have a nap all to yourself to preserve yourself too for the bedtime struggles. You really do need to rest and you wouldnt believe how much less stress it is when you are better rested.
In our house we have these same situations too.I co sleep and BF my 3 year old twins.Both are VERY light sleepers and are waking each other up often in the night.Then we can have an all night awake party till 7 am!

When this happens it is so HARD to function!Because dh and I made a little pact---he sleeps in his own room when he works to ensure he gets the rest he needs for work---- and on his days off I always get to sleep in for an hour or sometimes 2 if I am really lucky!I also make sure I sleep when they do(if thats possible for you?) during naps.

Oops gotta go bye for now....
 
#7 ·
Dr. Jay Gordon has a gentle nightweaning plan in his book Good Nights and if you run a search for Gordon or nightweaning in the family bed forum you will find a description of it.

I also have been resorting to giving my baby a pre-bed dose of Tylenol the last couple of nights because his molars (and resulting stuffy nosy and fever) are keeping him awake alllllllll night.
 
#8 ·
Quote:
Originally posted by Jane
Dr. Jay Gordon has a gentle nightweaning plan in his book Good Nights and if you run a search for Gordon or nightweaning in the family bed forum you will find a description of it.


Quote:
Originally posted by charmarty
Dr Jay Gordon alsp has a book but I dont recall the name.It would be on his web site.If I had the link still I could post it but I dont.I ll see if I can find it for you.

This is almost funny. Look up. I posted a link to the plan a while ago, and interestingly enough it is on his site...

MM

feelin' a little invisible
 
#9 ·
Our youngest dd has ether slept with us or in our room since birth. When she was 17 months I had had enought of her nursing like a newborn most everynight and I really was needing my sleep. So I moved her in with my oldest dd (just turned 4) for a couple of nights they would fuss and cry and come to bed with us but i found that once I woulndt let them join us in bed and making them walk to their own bed they stayed put for the night If I did let them join us in bed them they would spend the entire night goofing around in coming to bed with us, they couldnt handle sometimes being allowed with us and other times not. About a month after sleeping with her sister my youngest night weaned on her own.

The girls now come to our bed in the morning to wake us up and spend some time cuddling.

I must say I soooooo love getting sleep at night
For a number of reasons one being my s_x drive returned so much so my dh wishes I was back to nursing :LOL second I feel so much better getting a full nights sleep.

My youngest still does cry at night but because she wants to be covered up, so I just keep the houser alittle warmer for her.
 
#10 ·
THANKS TOP ALL who have replied as of now. I am reading & re-reading them desperate to find something to try that is as loving & caring as possible.

I Dont think dh would like the idea of getting kicked out of his own bed. even if it would help him with his getting some sleep.
: (he was kinda reluctant to even co-sleep in the beginning. because of the whole "Thats a BAD habit to start-you'll NEVER get em outta your bed" crap everyone feels obligated to tell new parents.


ok well I just read the atrice by Dr. Jay Gordon

Has anyone ever tried this w/ a babe close to my dds age with any success?? (DD is almost 16 mos old) I can see it working for an older babe... but I am scared to death it wont work & we'll all be even MORE sleep deprived/ frusterated.
Ugggg....
 
#12 ·
Sorry, MM, didn't mean to ignore you, I posted a reply before reading all the responses as I was in a hurry but still wanted to help out.
 
#13 ·
Hello!

Just some advice about dh. My dh is a BEAR if you wake him up at night. We co-sleep with our 2 yo and our 4 mo. Occasionally, our 2 yo wakes up for no appearent reason. He is usually hysterical and cannot be consoled. My dh has been known to yell at ds just like yours does. He also likes to threaten "Do you want to go to your room and sleep alone!?!" Here is what worked for us:

I took dh aside one day when things were mellow. I pointed out ds's huge imagination and said "Don't you think his imagination keeps going at night? Is it possible that he is having bad dreams or scary dreams that wake him up?" This made my dh remember his childhood nightmares. After he thought about it, I replied, "if he (ds) is already scared, do you think it helps to yell at him and threaten him? Also, ds doesn't see you (dh) a lot (he works 10-hour days), so it really upsets him to feel such angry vibes comming from you." It really helped our nighttime parenting. Dh tries not to yell anymore. I know this doesn't help with your oldest child, but perhaps if you could get dh to see that his anger does nothing to help the situation, you could at least get a starting point.

I wish you luck!
 
#16 ·
My 5 year old still crawls into bed with myself and my 3 year old, every night. Dh sleeps on the couch so that his kids can be with their mommy at night. Regardless of the sleep issues, I'd be more pissed about your dh yelling at his kids in the middle of the night, than trying to
 
#17 ·
Quote:
Originally posted by Jane
Sorry, MM, didn't mean to ignore you, I posted a reply before reading all the responses as I was in a hurry but still wanted to help out.
Hehe, not a problem. I just contemplated changing my name to "the invisible mom" and getting my own comic book


Seriously, its good. I was just kidding around.

MM
 
#18 ·
I just wanted to second the Elizabeth Pantley book, The No-Cry Sleep Solution. We co-slept with DD and I got soooooo sleep deprived and needed to get her sleep under control before I sprang a gasket - I can relate to your DH's anger and frustration!!
Its a tough situation to be in, especially if a person really needs their sleep - some folks can ride the sleep-deprivation wave with less angst if they requre less sleep, but I am not one of those people!

Anyway, Ms Pantley has GREAT suggestions, but no quick fixes. She is a co-sleeping mother of four and has based her suggestions on research. I can tell you that her approach has worked like a charm for us, but DH and I did work together to help her learn new sleep habits. I honestly NEVER thought DD would be able to go to sleep on her own, self-soothe, etc. It took a few months as I recall, but she is a great night sleeper and napper now. DD now typically sleeps through the night, DH and I have reliable evenings together, I feel human again, and DD is a happy camper. There IS hope!!


Mercy, mercy, mercy to all of you...
 
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.
Top