6 mo. died after CIO episode - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 108 Old 01-10-2004, 12:43 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Wow.
I just read an article in Good Housekeeping. It was written by the mother of three kids.
When her son was six months old, she couldn't take him nursing and crying at night anymore. So she decided to do a CIO.
She and her husband put the infant alone, in his room, in his crib. At 4:00 am, after screaming all night, he finally passed out. She sent her two elementary school kids off to school that morning......
and when she went to check on her infant, he had died of SIDS.
Why don't people realize that the reason babies "nightwake" is because it's nature's way of regulating their breathing and keeping them alive? While I feel really sorry for this mother, I am absolutely furious that she would ignore her baby like this and he died as a result.
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#2 of 108 Old 01-10-2004, 12:50 AM
 
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What issue was this article in? I would like to read that. Very sad!
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#3 of 108 Old 01-10-2004, 01:03 AM
 
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that is not just sad, thats appalling that a small baby would be left to scream all night til 4am! It makes me sick!!!

I think CIO is a form of child abuse if the infant is left alone! Its one thing to hold the baby and let them cry if nothing else is working or if you're at your wits end..... but to go and leave them all alone in distress is shocking! That POOR baby!

I feel sorry the mother didn't know better and has to live with the consequences now.
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#4 of 108 Old 01-10-2004, 03:01 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by Quickening


I feel sorry the mother didn't know better and has to live with the consequences now.
and father too!

My god, how sad.
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#5 of 108 Old 01-10-2004, 03:28 AM
 
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And what about the school aged siblings? What lesson will they take from this? for the whole family.

 

 

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#6 of 108 Old 01-10-2004, 04:26 AM
 
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that is just heartbreaking. i have never understood how a mother can listen to her little one cry themselves to sleep. it goes against every fiber of my being. i think maternal instinct should always be followed...then you can't feel guilty later. i bet she wishes she had followed her instinct. how horribly sad.

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#7 of 108 Old 01-10-2004, 04:30 AM
 
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i would be really interested in reading that as well.

Robyn - In stillheart.gif with Tyson, Gothy Mama to fairy.gif Jasmyn (March 12 2003), jammin.gifGrayson (August 2 2005), my angel3.gif Aurora Hope (m/c Nov 10 2010), and baby.gif Sydney Rayne (September 17 2011)     ribboncesarean.gifx3

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#8 of 108 Old 01-10-2004, 04:33 AM
 
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And possibly, after reading many books on CIO, the parents thought they were doing the "right" thing... very sad all around.

Or this could also be a case of mental disorder or stupid ego on the baby's parent's part, then claiming CIO as an excuse. Still SAD & unnecessary! poor kids
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#9 of 108 Old 01-10-2004, 11:50 AM
 
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I read that article too and it broke my heart I wish they would have put a little side discussion where they talk of the dangers of CIO and alternatives (cosleeping) but it wasn't even mentioned.

It was in the January 2004 issue of Good Housekeeping (with Nicole Kidman on the front)
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#10 of 108 Old 01-10-2004, 02:51 PM
 
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I'm not surpised. Poor baby
CIO is childabuse!!!!
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#11 of 108 Old 01-10-2004, 03:37 PM
 
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That is so sad. . . all I can think is that the last thing that baby remembers before dying is that he was in a dark place with noone to calm or comfort him, totally alone, and abandoned. He was probably glad to be leaving this world.
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#12 of 108 Old 01-10-2004, 09:09 PM
 
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I read this thread last night and I can't stop thinking about it. I can't help thinking that these parents are culpable for their baby's death. How can they live with themselves? Do they feel responsible, or have they and those around them told themselves a story about how it wasn't their fault, it was an unforeseeable accident, blah blah blah?

I don't read the CIO stuff, but don't the CIO/sleep training books say leave them for 5 minutes to cry, then go to them, the next night 10, the next night 15, and so on....does anyone really advocate leaving them to scream for 6 or 8 hours until they pass out?

I just don't get it. Now I feel like I have to read this article for myself.


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#13 of 108 Old 01-10-2004, 09:20 PM
 
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That is so sad. I would like to get a look at that article as well. The sadder thing is there are many people who leave their infants alone for such a long time.
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#14 of 108 Old 01-10-2004, 09:27 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by Jane I don't read the CIO stuff, but don't the CIO/sleep training books say leave them for 5 minutes to cry, then go to them, the next night 10, the next night 15, and so on....does anyone really advocate leaving them to scream for 6 or 8 hours until they pass out?
Yes people actually advocate leaving them for hours. I had to quit reading my birth board on another site because the moms were saying it was sometimes necessary to let them cry for two hours or more.
And when someone offered alternatives she was flamed for not being supportive.
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#15 of 108 Old 01-11-2004, 12:33 AM
 
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I don't post here much, I'm shy IRL and on the internet I guess... but I jsut have this terrible feeling in the pit of my stomach after reading this. I will never understand how someone can listen to their baby cry and not go to them. It makes me sick.

My son si 7 months old and slept through the night from 7 weeks to 5.5 months (in our bed) and all of a sudden one night he started waking every hour or 2 and wanted to nurse. I am exhausted, there are nights I am frustrated, but never ever ever ever would I put him in his crib and leave him there. I nurse him no matter how tired I am, no matter how sore I am (because he is teething and chews as he falls asleep, or because he has nursed for 1 hour at a time all day) I do this because I am his mother, he has a need that needs to be met, and I will meet that need.

I am so sad for that baby.

Nicki wife to Rich, Mama to 7 y/o DS, and a beautiful Princess Aug 2010
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#16 of 108 Old 01-11-2004, 01:41 AM
 
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That is so sad, but hopefully parents and parents-to-be will read that article and realize that CIO is a horrible, abusive practice that goes against everything God and nature intended.

Rachel, married to Andy, mama to Aubrey, Lauren, Sasha, and *surprise* Baby #4, due November, 2011
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#17 of 108 Old 01-11-2004, 05:08 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by Paxetbonum
all I can think is that the last thing that baby remembers before dying is that he was in a dark place with noone to calm or comfort him, totally alone, and abandoned.
Me too.

I'm pro-adoption reform, but not anti-adoption.
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#18 of 108 Old 01-11-2004, 05:36 AM
 
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I blame morons like Ezzo for this. People read this c**p and think that's the way things are done. People are scared to trust their own instincts.

Poor, poor baby. Poor, poor family. I can't even imagine the pits of hell these parents are going to have to go through.
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#19 of 108 Old 01-11-2004, 06:13 AM
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Ezzo and Dr Phil and his "I know what's best for you so I'm going to kick your butt to get you to do it" buddies.

That poor baby to die alone and afraid....

And my SIL was bugging me today about cosleeping with a 24month old and a newborn by the end of summer - you're not going to do it!!! AUGH!! If she wasn't my SIL I would have gotten my beotch on.

That's an article any parent who cosleeps should keep handy to show to sucky service workers when they decide to "inspect" the home for "hidden dangers" to children. My issues of Mothering mag helped out last year. They were great for getting them off my back.
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#20 of 108 Old 01-11-2004, 07:15 AM
 
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How. Could. Anyone. Do. That????

I don't care if I was a die hard Ezzo fan, his best friend, or even his wife I couldn't do it! Even if I thought CIO was the greatest thing in the ENTIRE world I would not be able to hear my baby cry and not respond. Someone would have to physically restrain me from getting him. And I'd be fighting them. I hear Orion crying in the car for a 10 minute drive home and after a minute or two my hands are gripping the steering wheel really hard, I'm gritting my teeth, and all of my muscles are tense because I just want to make my baby feel better. I couldn't imagine hearing him cry and doing nothing for him!

Lisa, mama to Orion (7) , Fiona Star (born sleeping @ 38wks 12/6/08) , our bitty (m/c 7/27/09) , and Charlotte Athena (11/5/10)
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#21 of 108 Old 01-11-2004, 11:13 AM
 
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I have read the article and thought I would explain it a little better. This was the families third baby, and since then they have adopted or fostered many other children. It's been about 14 years since baby Danny died. The article is more about how the adoptions healed the family from the void of losing a child. The CIO causing his death is a very small part, I think I read the part over about 5 times because I couldn't believe what I read They didn't get into the dangers at all about CIO
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#22 of 108 Old 01-11-2004, 02:27 PM
 
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...and about parents who leave babies for hours.
My MIL left my husband (when he was littel baby) in his crib all night screaming and IN HIS OWn VOMIT. He woke with red swollen eyes. She tells me this story often b/c she is PROUD that he never woke at night again. She is not sorry she says, ">>ANd he never did again" all smug. Makes me sick everytime I think of it.

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#23 of 108 Old 01-11-2004, 02:52 PM
 
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EVEN if a person did beleive in CIO, who in their right mind wouldnt go check on the child after all was quite to make sure they where ok and covered up for the night?
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#24 of 108 Old 01-11-2004, 04:54 PM
 
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Wow. That is sick. Just sick. That a family could do that. And even worse that it could just be glossed over- like it was insignificant. Child abuse that leads to death= murder. Why is this acceptable?

Maybe my imagination is running loose, but has anyone else read stories about families with SIDS cases that were later proven to be child abuse? I've seen tv movies and read articles about how the families were later found to be suffucating the kids. There were even a few cases brought to trial where there were multiple deaths among siblings all from the stressed out mom and her pillow. Doesn't it seem odd that the child would cry for that long and then die? I know how stressful that would have to be on a babe. But, is it really enough to cause death?

OT, who is Ezzo and why is this person so evil?
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#25 of 108 Old 01-11-2004, 07:15 PM
 
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Momma's Arms -- http://www.ezzo.info/ alot of info about ezzo and why he is one of the most horrible men to ever call himself an "expert".

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#26 of 108 Old 01-11-2004, 07:23 PM
 
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wow, I thought the article would be about the dangers of CIO. I guess they wouldn't put that in such a mainstream magazine. How sad.
quote "That is so sad. . . all I can think is that the last thing that baby remembers before dying is that he was in a dark place with noone to calm or comfort him, totally alone, and abandoned."

exactly paxetbonum
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#27 of 108 Old 01-12-2004, 12:18 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I'd have to go back and look through to see what "form" of CIO these parents used. I'm not sure if they went in to comfort him or not. Do you know, Astrid? I can't quite recall.
Either way, I, too, was shocked that there was no mention of how babies nightwake for a reason...... to regulate themselves and their breathing patterns. I guess that since it was written by the mother, she either didn't want to admit this or doesn't know this.
Either way........ like paxetbonum said...... dying that way is just so heartbreaking.
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#28 of 108 Old 01-12-2004, 01:44 AM
 
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6 MONTHS OLD???????????
I'm ill, I have nothing to add.

Stupid, stupid people.

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#29 of 108 Old 01-13-2004, 02:36 AM
 
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THIS month's edition, eh? I think we should all write letters to the editor.
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#30 of 108 Old 01-18-2004, 06:48 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by Momma's Arms
Maybe my imagination is running loose, but has anyone else read stories about families with SIDS cases that were later proven to be child abuse? I've seen tv movies and read articles about how the families were later found to be suffucating the kids. There were even a few cases brought to trial where there were multiple deaths among siblings all from the stressed out mom and her pillow. Doesn't it seem odd that the child would cry for that long and then die? I know how stressful that would have to be on a babe. But, is it really enough to cause death?
I remember seeing a Law and Order where the woman had 3 natural children and 1 adopted child die from SIDS, till they finaly figured out that she had that biproxi syndrom (can't spell) where she was killing her babies for the attention. I know its not all true, but those are based on real life stories... so so sad.

I also can't see calling the parents these terrible horrible people. They thought what they were doing was best, even if it was wrong. It isn't like they knew they were going to hurt him. It's mainstream to CIO so they probably just had no clue.

JMHO though.
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