I work PRN, usually just 1-2 shifts a week, as a nurse. Since I'm PRN, I basically fill in the holes in my unit's schedule, which often means working some odd hours, like midnight to 6 am, or 4 pm to midnight. This schedule works well for our family overall, since I'm able to sign up for shifts at times when my husband will be home to care for the kiddos, thus avoiding finding childcare costs. DH is great with the kids; we probably have a more equitable child care balance between us than any other couple I know...
HOWEVER: DH *does not* do bedtime. It is the one thing where he seems to have a complete blind spot. DD (4) will be clearly exhausted, tantruming, obviously (to me) in need of just going to bed, and he will put in a movie for her instead of putting her to bed, or take her to his computer to watch Youtube movies. Movies don't usually put her to sleep, they just keep her up longer. For a while, when I was still on mat leave, both kids were going to bed before 9 every night, and it was SO AWESOME to actually have time to relax a bit after the kids were in bed, but keeping this routine just seems to not be a priority to DH.
Our kids both tend to be night owls if not actively encouraged to sleep; DD is not at all the type of kid to crawl up in my lap, say, "I'm tired," and promptly fall asleep with no input from me (this is how my nephew is, and it makes me jealous!). She has to be walked through a certain routine, or else she is just up till all hours.
(When I'm home, his inability/refusal to put her in bed isn't a huge issue, since I do intervene in this and put her to bed myself, assuming I'm not nursing my boobaholic infant at the time )
The other night, I worked till 2 am, and came home to find out that both kids had been up till 1 am. I think they both just finally passed out from exhaustion.
Just when the kids get on a reasonable bedtime (by which I mean 9:30-10 pm-ish, for our family), I work an evening or night shift, and then it takes me all week to get them back on a normal bedtime again. And then I work an evening shift again. Then they're set to stay up late again. Rinse. Repeat.
Is this just something I'm going to have to do my best to work around? DH does help walk the baby to sleep, but he just won't put DD in her bed unless she passes out on the couch first from exhaustion. He gets really annoyed if I suggest he put DD to bed while I nurse the baby to sleep, which makes a lot more sense to me. Working different shifts is just not an option at this point, as the only shifts available are usually the ones that make me miss bedtime.
Any suggestions, or do I just need to stop whining??
“War is peace.
Freedom is slavery.
Ignorance is strength.”
― George Orwell, 1984