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Old 12-14-2009, 06:19 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My 10 month old DD will ONLY go to sleep if I physically restrain her.

We nurse side-lying, then when she pops off I cuddle her (usually facing me or on her back) and hold her arms down against her chest. She screams. Then she goes to sleep. I hate it but nothing else works.

She will not nurse to sleep. She will finish eating and then scream to get up. While screaming she kicks, bites, scratches, smacks, pulls hair, flips, arches her back. She draws blood with her fingernails, on both of us. Will not let you hold/rock/bounce her. Will only stop screaming and fighting if you hold her upright facing out. This can go on for HOURS.

She takes prevacid for reflux so I don't think it's acid. No ear infections. No teeth coming in. We do very little dairy or soy. Definitely over-tired but I cannot get her to sleep, ever. If I set her down to let her play more she will crawl directly in to a wall, wallop her head, then lay down and scream and throw herself around on the floor. Same reaction when Daddy tries. Every. Night.

I'm starting to think there is something wrong with her.

How can I be a gentle mama when we have these fights every night?

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Old 12-14-2009, 06:29 PM
 
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No advice but wanted to send a your way.

, , , , , to DD1 (4.5 years old) and DD2 (7 months) and 2
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Old 12-14-2009, 06:31 PM
 
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How about a weighted blanket? Have you tried a gf/cf diet for yourself and DD?

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Old 12-14-2009, 06:36 PM
 
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What about swaddleing her, like a small baby? My Oldest has sensory issues (we now know) and when he was little I had to wrap him up like a burrito, so that he couldn't move. That and tracing his face after that was all that worked on him for a long time.

I also learned with the other kids that Prevacid didn't work on them, made them more agressive and hyper. I thought the medication was working on their reflux it actually wasn't controlling it. I have better luck with colic tablets by hylands and gripe water by little tummies (the other big brand didn't work well on my kids- go figue) both of those remedies can be taken with prevacid btw.

I am interested in seeing what other mom's have to say...
Do you babywear? Have you tried to get her to sleep in a back pack carrier...like a www.thekoreanbaby.blogspot.com velcro carrier? Just throwing stuff out there.....

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Old 12-14-2009, 06:39 PM
 
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My oldest was like this for a while. There was just too much going on, i guess, in her brain. She outgrew it in a few months.

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Old 12-14-2009, 06:39 PM
 
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Are you sure that the prevacid is at the right dose?
Have you talked to a therapist about this behavior?
How about her diet? Feingold maybe?

ETA: when DD was overtired, overhwelmed we've wrapped her in a towel sort of like a burrito baby...it helped her calm down and we sang softly in her ear even if she was tantruming.

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Old 12-14-2009, 06:42 PM
 
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Originally Posted by justKate View Post
My 10 month old DD will ONLY go to sleep if I physically restrain her.

We nurse side-lying, then when she pops off I cuddle her (usually facing me or on her back) and hold her arms down against her chest. She screams. Then she goes to sleep. I hate it but nothing else works.

She will not nurse to sleep. She will finish eating and then scream to get up. While screaming she kicks, bites, scratches, smacks, pulls hair, flips, arches her back. She draws blood with her fingernails, on both of us. Will not let you hold/rock/bounce her. Will only stop screaming and fighting if you hold her upright facing out. This can go on for HOURS.

She takes prevacid for reflux so I don't think it's acid. No ear infections. No teeth coming in. We do very little dairy or soy. Definitely over-tired but I cannot get her to sleep, ever. If I set her down to let her play more she will crawl directly in to a wall, wallop her head, then lay down and scream and throw herself around on the floor. Same reaction when Daddy tries. Every. Night.

I'm starting to think there is something wrong with her.

How can I be a gentle mama when we have these fights every night?
Have you been over to the allergy forum? If your DD has food sensitivities even just a little gluten, soy or dairy can set her off. I'm not saying she has food allergys but by her behavior and the fact she has reflux at 10 months old still doesn't sound "normal" to me. I would definitely check the allergy forum! Does she have any other symptoms such as rashes, constipation, etc???
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Old 12-14-2009, 06:49 PM
 
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i had similar difficulties with my daughter at 10 months, i swaddled her in a tight blanket and rocked her to sleep like a bitty baby.
it was the only thing to do to keep from getting a black eye and staying up until 4 am.
she grew out of it, now at 13 months she goes to sleep pretty peacefully again.
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Old 12-14-2009, 07:14 PM - Thread Starter
 
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What about swaddleing her, like a small baby? My Oldest has sensory issues (we now know) and when he was little I had to wrap him up like a burrito, so that he couldn't move.
Swaddling seems really violent--as bad as holding her down by the way she protests. And now that she's bigger its hard to keep her contained. But I might try a light towel...

Quote:
Do you babywear?
She loves the Ergo but will only tolerate riding on front. This keeps her calm, but she won't sleep in it. When she gets sleepy she starts arching and trying to throw herself out of it; screaming, scratching my face, etc.

Quote:
Are you sure that the prevacid is at the right dose?
Have you talked to a therapist about this behavior?
How about her diet? Feingold maybe?
I'm not sure. Her low dose of prevacid keeps the symptoms away, but I haven't taken her to the pediatric GI because honestly I don't like subjecting her to doctors' visits (she was a NICU baby due to reflux/gas and suspected NEC--which resolved, thank God). The ped isn't concerned (surprise surprise) and I haven't taken her to the homeopath. What's Feingold?

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Originally Posted by mom61508 View Post
Have you been over to the allergy forum? If your DD has food sensitivities even just a little gluten, soy or dairy can set her off. I'm not saying she has food allergys but by her behavior and the fact she has reflux at 10 months old still doesn't sound "normal" to me. I would definitely check the allergy forum! Does she have any other symptoms such as rashes, constipation, etc???
No rashes, no constipation. When I first cut back on dairy I ate more soy, and she really reacted to that: explosive, loose green poop with chunks, stomach cramps, fussiness. But I still eat "hidden" soy and dairy, so I guess that could be causing the problem. Maybe an elimination diet is in order? Ugh! What are other symptoms of food sensitivities?

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Old 12-14-2009, 07:18 PM
 
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Feingold is a diet plan that takes out all additives that cause a lot of behavior issues for some children

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Old 12-14-2009, 07:20 PM
 
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We had to do this with one of my kids too. . . she'd fight going to sleep, but DH would put her against his chest, pop a binky in her mouth and sort of hold her head down and the binky in at the same time while holding her arms down with his other arm. No joke, it was like her 'off' switch. . . she'd just immediately give in and close her eyes. It was around the time she learned to crawl and walk (the one begat the other in rapid succession) and she's just naturally a very busy kid. I think she just needed the help turning her brain off for the night.

Don't be too hard on yourself mama. . . it's not like you're leaving her in a crib to cry for hours and hours. You're still parenting her to sleep in a way that works.

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Old 12-14-2009, 07:29 PM
 
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please dont think of swaddling as violent because it could really be just what she needs! i swaddled my son from birth to 11 months and my ped swaddled her daughter almost to 18mos! developmentally they are going through and processing SOOOO much! swaddling helps to calm their bodies and minds and relax. i would swaddle my son, lay next to him and pat his belly sing a song or shush him and within 5 minutes he would be out. without the swaddle he would've never gone to sleep. he loved being swaddled. it was such relief for him. like "thanks mama, i just cant seem to control my body right now so it feels really good to be held still."

  

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Old 12-14-2009, 07:40 PM
 
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no judgment from me mama, just empathy and a btdt. both of my kiddos had/have sensory issues. didnt know it when my now 15yo ds was a lil one but even after therapy my now 7.5yo ds still sometimes needs a firm hand holding him down to settle. he never liked a weighted blanket, though i thought it was great idea. he also likes deep and i mean deep stim on his skull. compared to that, trust me, swaddling an older infant is far from violent. LOL

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Old 12-14-2009, 07:42 PM
 
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We swaddled DD until almost 12 months. Then we did it only while she was falling asleep and released it, it took just over a month to transition her from swaddled to sleep to the sling.

But she could not stop moving long enough to fall asleep.
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Old 12-14-2009, 07:45 PM
 
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please dont think of swaddling as violent because it could really be just what she needs! i swaddled my son from birth to 11 months and my ped swaddled her daughter almost to 18mos! developmentally they are going through and processing SOOOO much! swaddling helps to calm their bodies and minds and relax. i would swaddle my son, lay next to him and pat his belly sing a song or shush him and within 5 minutes he would be out. without the swaddle he would've never gone to sleep. he loved being swaddled. it was such relief for him. like "thanks mama, i just cant seem to control my body right now so it feels really good to be held still."


I haven't ever thought of swaddling as violent in any way. It is gently wrapping your baby. Nothing sinister. It makes them feel safe and secure. Your daughter seems to need that kind of feeling in order to fall asleep. I always swaddled my son and nursed him sidelying. Out like a light. He never stayed asleep unswaddled.

I have boys! My first baby boy was born 10/08 and my second baby boy was born 7/12

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Old 12-14-2009, 07:52 PM - Thread Starter
 
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please dont think of swaddling as violent because it could really be just what she needs! i swaddled my son from birth to 11 months and my ped swaddled her daughter almost to 18mos! developmentally they are going through and processing SOOOO much! swaddling helps to calm their bodies and minds and relax. i would swaddle my son, lay next to him and pat his belly sing a song or shush him and within 5 minutes he would be out. without the swaddle he would've never gone to sleep. he loved being swaddled. it was such relief for him. like "thanks mama, i just cant seem to control my body right now so it feels really good to be held still."
That makes sense. She really can't control herself--she just HAS to move. So what do you use to swaddle them when they get bigger? Just a bigger blanket?

I just think of swaddling (and holding her down) as violent because of the way she protests it--she really acts like we're killing her. With tears and everything. Its awful.

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Old 12-14-2009, 08:01 PM
 
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my 2 cents, it's diet related. my boys have food intolerances and they will definitely cause sleep and behavioral issues in them, and they had/have reflux issues when they consume anything that they are intolerant to, or get it via my breastmilk. i think the prevacid for the reflux is just a band aid for the situation and it would be good to go on an elimination diet. they suck, but the ladies over there in the allergy forum are very smart and just because you have to eliminate foods now doesn't necessarily mean you will never get them back. anyhow, good luck! hope you figure out a workable solution!

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Old 12-14-2009, 08:01 PM
 
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That makes sense. She really can't control herself--she just HAS to move. So what do you use to swaddle them when they get bigger? Just a bigger blanket?

I just think of swaddling (and holding her down) as violent because of the way she protests it--she really acts like we're killing her. With tears and everything. Its awful.
At that age we used the large swaddlemes. I have heard that miracle blanket is better but have no experience with it. My son would cry sometimes when we swaddled him but he was always already tired and upset about the diaper change anyway. we thought of swaddling as the way to calm him down. Once he started to nurse he was fine. When he would wake up swaddled he was fine with it. Sometimes he wouldn't fall asleep right away after nursing so we would just cuddle awhile while he was swaddled . so I think for him the crying was more just general overtired upset than swaddle anger.

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Old 12-14-2009, 10:23 PM
 
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You're still parenting her to sleep in a way that works.
I don't have any advice. Hugs. But I just wanted to agree with the above...
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Old 12-14-2009, 10:30 PM
 
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Swaddling seems really violent--as bad as holding her down by the way she protests. And now that she's bigger its hard to keep her contained. But I might try a light towel...

She loves the Ergo but will only tolerate riding on front. This keeps her calm, but she won't sleep in it. When she gets sleepy she starts arching and trying to throw herself out of it; screaming, scratching my face, etc.



I'm not sure. Her low dose of prevacid keeps the symptoms away, but I haven't taken her to the pediatric GI because honestly I don't like subjecting her to doctors' visits (she was a NICU baby due to reflux/gas and suspected NEC--which resolved, thank God). The ped isn't concerned (surprise surprise) and I haven't taken her to the homeopath. What's Feingold?



No rashes, no constipation. When I first cut back on dairy I ate more soy, and she really reacted to that: explosive, loose green poop with chunks, stomach cramps, fussiness. But I still eat "hidden" soy and dairy, so I guess that could be causing the problem. Maybe an elimination diet is in order? Ugh! What are other symptoms of food sensitivities?
Ohhhh Soy is terrible !!! I don't mean that in a judge mental way I just know how bad it is for EVERYONE!!! Are you eating processed foods with a lot of additives/preservatives? Behavioral problems can also be a symptom of food sensitivities. There are so many symptoms and every child reacts differently. Does she have allergy shiners? Dark around the eyes or puffiness?? I'm not an expert but went through this a few months ago so I hope you check the allergy forum because the mamas on there are very knowledgeable.
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Old 12-14-2009, 10:36 PM
 
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I agree that it seems like she needs some sort of swaddling to be able to sleep. With the screaming, though, could it also be that she is overtired by the time you are putting her down to bed?
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Old 12-15-2009, 12:34 AM
 
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my 2 cents, it's diet related. my boys have food intolerances and they will definitely cause sleep and behavioral issues in them, and they had/have reflux issues when they consume anything that they are intolerant to, or get it via my breastmilk.
With our DS, food sensitivites led to all kinds of sleep and behavioral issues. He also has SPD (sensory processing disorder), so how much of it was sensory and how much was the food issues, I don't know. But I DO know that if he gets a food he's sensitive to, his general sensitivities go WAY up.

Sometimes the only way we got DS to sleep was in an indoor swing. Somewhere around 10 months old, we got one of those Step 2 toddler swings and installed it into the unfinished utility room ceiling. Every so often we had to change the approach and then we bounced him on one of those exercise balls. We held him at the armpits for best support and bounced him. We also put on a PBS nature show and sat in front of that at the same time. Worked pretty well.

I was also wondering if she sleeps with her upper body elevated. She may need that while you are sorting out the food issues.

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Old 12-15-2009, 12:58 AM
 
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My oldest son was similar as OP's daughter. I had to rework my diet completely eliminating all dairy and "gassy" foods. I swaddled. The big thing for me was using "white noise" to calm DS down. I used a anti-colic cd (I can give the title if you wish) on a high volume every night to soothe him - the poor guy had to listen to the cd for 2 years until he was able to sleep without completely freaking! It does pass eventually (feels liike it won't though).
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Old 12-15-2009, 02:06 AM
 
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DD2 is a much easier sleeper than DD1. We swaddled DD1 till about 15 months, she just needed the resistance to cue her in on the fact that she was tired and it was time to sleep.

DD2, though, just figured out walking and has more teeth coming in. She's 11 months. The back arching and the "I don't wanna go to sleep nooooowwwwww" attitude at all hours of the night is exhausting, maddening, frustrating, you name it. I actually returned to swaddling her this morning for her nap, and it did the trick. Haven't swaddled her in several months.

I think for DD2, she's anxious that DD1 is still awake, she doesn't want to miss anything, and despite a sound machine, black out shades, and my best efforts, I just don't make good sleepers. I think for DD1, she couldn't relax at all on her own, she needed me every step of the way (though at 2.5 started putting herself to bed). DD2, I think, has reached all her physical milestones early (sitting unassisted at 4 months, pulling up at 5.5 months, walking independently at 10 months) but her verbal is lagging behind.

We've had about 3 really rough nights in a row with DD2 (DH kept them out too late Friday and it wrecked everything for days!), but then today for the first time she gave the phone a kiss when we were on speakerphone with Daddy, she pointed to something to communicate with me, she hugged her big sister (on purpose!) and, crap I forgot already, but she did something else that was new today.

There's a lot going on in those brains and bodies! Who has time to sleep!?!
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Old 12-15-2009, 02:57 AM
 
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DD2 just turned 4 and has horrible reflux and has been on prevacid since she was about 4 months old. She can now tell us her "stomach burns" and when she is asleep you can sometimes smell the reflux...it's just awful. She also has sensory issues and just can't stop moving and is constantly seeking input. We swaddled her until she was 8 months old and now it all makes sense. I would have to pretty much hold her tight or tie her up in a swaddle...it was awful, awful. She would scream and scream and it made me feel so sad for her. I'm sure a lot of it had to do with the combo reflux and sensory issues.

I agree that you should try a weighted blanket. You can also make them yourself for MUCH cheaper. DD still has major issues going to sleep at night and it's not uncommon for her to still be awake at 11pm. We have just succumbed to it being her natural bio rhythm and she'll sleep when she is tired. She does take a good 2 hour nap at preschool every day, so I don't worry she's not getting enough rest.

Good luck, Mama!!!

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Old 12-15-2009, 03:43 PM - Thread Starter
 
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She does have the red, shiny rings around her eyes. Are those allergy shiners? I just assumed that was from being overtired. She definitely stays overtired.

Last night was much better because she was completely exhausted--only took a 1/2 hour nap at 10:30 at daycare. Tried to nap her at 4:30, with no success. Then awake until 6:45 p.m.; to sleep with minimal screaming (so tired she couldn't sit up) and her regular night wakings. I was ready to swaddle her at the first sign of screaming.

Sounds like I need to 1) learn to make a weighted blanket (the ones I saw online were like $85!) and 2) head over to the allergies forum....

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Old 12-15-2009, 08:10 PM
 
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That makes sense. She really can't control herself--she just HAS to move. So what do you use to swaddle them when they get bigger? Just a bigger blanket?

I just think of swaddling (and holding her down) as violent because of the way she protests it--she really acts like we're killing her. With tears and everything. Its awful.
I still swaddle my 15 mo old for naps (he no longer needs it at bedtime). I use the Aidan and Anais muslin wraps - they are much larger than other swaddling blankets and are slightly strechy. If he is really fighting I use two in tandem like this:

1) lay the first blanket down with the top corner folded down about a 1/3 of the way
2) lay the second blanket down with the top corner folded down in half
3) place baby on blankets lining shoulders up with the top of the blankets
4) gently hold baby's right arm down at side, bring right edge of top blanket over arm and under baby's backside - right arm should now be held down at side by baby's weight (i always leave a little bit of wiggle room)
5) repeat with left arm - both arms should now be held down at baby's sides
6) take right edge of bottom blanket and wrap all the way around baby tucking under baby's backside
7) repeat with left edge of bottom blanket

The muslin wraps are particularly nice for the double wrap because they are very light and breathable. I have DS dressed only in onesie when doing this. I was concerned about him rolling over while swaddled but my ped assured me this was not a problem. It's worth a shot! Good luck!
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Old 12-16-2009, 01:08 AM
 
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please dont think of swaddling as violent because it could really be just what she needs! i swaddled my son from birth to 11 months and my ped swaddled her daughter almost to 18mos! developmentally they are going through and processing SOOOO much! swaddling helps to calm their bodies and minds and relax. i would swaddle my son, lay next to him and pat his belly sing a song or shush him and within 5 minutes he would be out. without the swaddle he would've never gone to sleep. he loved being swaddled. it was such relief for him. like "thanks mama, i just cant seem to control my body right now so it feels really good to be held still."
I agree. My 13 month old still gets swaddled. Not violent at all, she just can't calm herself on her own.

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hannybanany is offline  
Old 12-16-2009, 02:46 AM
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DS is 2.5, and I still wrap him up in a blanket sometimes to calm him down after a tantrum. He has sensory issues, and that age, he very much needed weight on him to go to sleep. Some nights, I would have to lay with my arm and leg on top of him while he nursed to sleep. I still put limbs over him to help him settle sometimes. He didn't "like" it at that age, but now he knows that he needs it and will ask for it.

Good luck to you, we are looking into weighted blankets ourselves.
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Old 12-16-2009, 03:01 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by justKate View Post
No rashes, no constipation. When I first cut back on dairy I ate more soy, and she really reacted to that: explosive, loose green poop with chunks, stomach cramps, fussiness. But I still eat "hidden" soy and dairy, so I guess that could be causing the problem. Maybe an elimination diet is in order? Ugh! What are other symptoms of food sensitivities?
If this was the case, I'd definitely cut out all hidden soy at least. Maybe dairy, too, but you could try soy first because it doesn't take as long to get out of your system. I'd also try propping her up on a firm wedge or putting the mattress on an incline.
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