I just can't do this anymore- UPDATE!! #44 - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 49 Old 01-09-2010, 11:02 PM
 
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first i want to say how sorry i am that you're so miserable.

food allergies. i know a lot of mamas have already suggested it, but i have to put in my 2cents.

we had the same issues with our now 5mo that you described. i already suspected a food allergy, but took him to his ped anyway. she agreed the problem was with what i was eating, and told me to do a full out elimination diet.

i should say here, that things had gotten so bad by this time, that there was mucus and a bit of blood in his diaper. before then it was just the sleep/gas/crying.

i eliminated corn, wheat, soy, dairy, and eggs for 3 weeks, then began testing the eliminated foods. it took me months to do, because it turned out he was sensitive to all legumes, and all nightshades (but neither eggs nor dairy). every time we suspected something new, i had to retest other things. i am not happy at so many things i can no longer eat (especially as i'm a vegetarian), but....

my lo no longer has any of the issues! as i eliminated problem foods things got slowly better. then when i cut out nightshades - boom! it all stopped, and he is now a normal 5mo. rarely spits, no more gas, poops are normal, rashes and congestions long gone, he sleeps 2-3 hours at a stretch, and no more crying.

one of the symptoms of food allergies is sleep problems; both poor sleeping at night, and cat-napping in the day. there are many other symptoms: spitting up, rashes, diarrhea, mucus stools, colic, fussiness, irritability, congestion, eczema. but your lo could have only one or two and still have food issues.

my advice is to do without dairy, eggs, corn, soy, and wheat for 3 weeks. it's not fun, but if there is a chance this could be your lo's problem, it's so worth trying. my ped suggested doing a very mild diet during this time as well: ie white rice instead of brown, easy on garlic, onions, chocolate, no caffeine. i can't recall why the mild foods, but perhaps someone else here can.

my lo slept better on our chests. it could've been the pressure on his belly, our heartbeats, being on a slight incline - don't know. have you tried this? he still sleeps this way on dh half the night, and on me for naps. the rest of the night he sleeps next to me. he still needs to pop off and on the breast constantly, but he does it from a deep sleep.

oh, and it could be food sensitivities, not allergies and cause the same problems. either way the treatment is the same.

hang in there. we are all here for you.

mama to ds1(2-6-98) & ds2(7-28-09)
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#32 of 49 Old 01-10-2010, 12:50 AM
 
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Oh, I am so sorry. I am about a month into actually getting sleep (after 20 months) and remember the drugged-haze feeling and the crying well. It is awful and it will not last forever--just feels like it). Make sure DH helps and you get some sleep (I had to take tylenol PM and wear ear plugs to fall asleep I was so worried how it would go, but he promised to wake me if they needed me).

I was told to cut out foods, too...dairy was the first, but they asked about sugar, too. I think regularly seeing a chiropractor is well worth every out of pocket dime I have spent on it. We experiemented; co-sleeping, own crib, etc...for a few months she slept a little better in her own crib in her own room. Then she started sleeping better with me. It will change, some babies take longer. But it does sound like something else might be going on--I would start with dairy and chiro.

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#33 of 49 Old 01-10-2010, 11:00 PM
 
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all 3 of my babies have been that way. my yongest is 8 months and he's still up every 1-2 hrs all night lng. (sometimes once in a while we get 4 hrs! it's a miracle!) and he's rarely much of a napper.

I would suggest looking into allergies (either his food or thorugh your breastmilk) and reflux

but at anyrate please know there are those of out here who totally understand. it is so hard and then to be told "it's just a phase/teething..." ugh! it's so annoying and disheartening!

a baby waking every 25 mins or even every hr ISN'T normal. especually if he wont go back to bed. that doesn't mean something horrible is wrong - could be simple to fix. but you shoudn't feel like you don't have right to be worried and exhausted.

transtichel.gifMom of three - (2.5 yrs, 7yrs, and 11yrs). Birthing Doula, editor, and wife to my soulmate. I've had a c/s, hospital VBAC, UC and not yet decided what I'll do about this next little one

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#34 of 49 Old 01-10-2010, 11:22 PM
 
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Mama I just saw this post. When DS was younger this was him, didn't sleep, seemed in pain after eating. With him it was reflux, it took 1 week on zantac to make him stop being in pain and allow him to sleep. If you still haven't gotten anywhere w/ the peds office, please consider another doctor. If the office isn't going to take your concerns seriously then is it really worth relying on them?

Best of luck to you and I hope you're getting some sleep!

Wife (32) to DH (33) Mom to DS 2 and Twin DD's born 8/11
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#35 of 49 Old 01-10-2010, 11:34 PM
 
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Sounds like maybe a food allergy to something you are eating in your diet (since he is ebf). My ds was severely allergic to cow's milk to the point that If i ate something with a TRACE amount of milk in it he would have blood in his poop. Once I cut it out of my diet his sleep improved immensely, he wasn't as irritable and he relaxed a lot more. It was really hard but obviously worth it.

Have you tried an elimination diet (also I haven't read the other posts yet so sorry if this is repetitive.

Also do you have anyone else that can help? A mother, sister etc that could come spend the night at your house to give you one good night of sleep. They could still bring your LO to you when you need to nurse, but other than that the could try bouncing, swinging, etc. while you get some rest?? Sounds like you are almost at emergency point of needing some sleep!!

me, dh and 2 boys = our family (oh and a cat...who is also a male...lol)
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#36 of 49 Old 01-11-2010, 01:19 AM - Thread Starter
 
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You all are so wonderful for your understanding replies I have cut out dairy/soy now for almost 3 weeks and there has been some change, but who knows why yet. We started chiro visits last week and we seem to see an improvement that night, but then back to the awful patterns after that. The zantac and probiotics have been helping the silent reflux symptoms so many of his night wakings do not seem so painful and traumatic, though they are still frequent. Overall we have seen some improvement with the duration of sleep- maybe getting 1.5 hours a little more consistently until 3-4am when the every 45 min. comes back until we get up. We start CST in a week and a half and I am so looking forward to it! What has really helped is having DH and I switch off to sleep in another room throughout the night just so we have a break and a chance at a few hours of sleep at a time. That in itself makes even the worst nights bearable.

I know some of you warned against it, but we started DS on solids last week- he really really wanted them and eats like a champ (pears, brown rice, now avocados and next week yams). We have not seen any tummy/reflux/poop problems since we started so I think it was the right thing to do. We will try a trial without zantac in two weeks and I am crossing my fingers.

Surprisingly we had a decent night last night. We went to a party against my better judgment and DS wouldn't nap there so we left early but still 2 hours after his bedtime. He seemed fine- happy, engaged, comfortable even though I was so nervous that he was overtired and would be up all night. He slept a 4 hour stretch!!!!!!!! Unfortunately we were only in bed for 2.5 hours of it, but it felt like bliss. He then woke every 2 hours after that until his usual wake up time. I have no idea what to make of it since we have made so many changes, but man I am thankful for it.

All your suggestions have helped so much and your support even more so. We have no family here and very few friends with kids so no one really understands our sleep deprivation (if I have to hear about people who think their kid was a bad sleeper because they woke 1-2 times a night one more time I will scream) or how difficult it is for your sanity, health, and relationships. Its so helpful to have somewhere to vent and also to know that you all lived through the same thing and are still standing

Mum to DS1 7/09 and DS2 5/11

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#37 of 49 Old 01-11-2010, 01:48 AM
 
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I just read through this for the first time and I was just happy to read the last post so I thought I would comment. I wonder if the later bed time would help? With my oldest, I was always trying to get him to sleep, convinced that he was tired or over tired but once I stopped trying, it got a lot better. I had to completely ditch a routine with him. His bed time changes all the time, even now at 3. And when I thought about it, I realized that mine does too. Some nights I need to be asleep before 8. Other nights, not until 11. If he didn't fall asleep nursing, I just put him down and let him play more. Often, that did the trick. He just wasn't ready to go to bed. Or sometimes, when I thought he was going to bed at 6 or something, it was really just a last late nap and he went to bed at like 9, for example. If I tried to push keeping him asleep, he would wake up all night long, from what must have been too much sleep I suppose.

Or maybe the food sensitivities are working themselves out after 3 weeks of elimination? That's great about the CST, I wish I could try that.

The best thing that I did, which I was reminded of from your post, was to get out every day. He loved it, we got a lot of sunlight and interaction, it made us both happier. Maybe he loves the stimulation and being around people and it just tuckered him out? Do you get out a lot? My son still loves getting out. Home just bores him to tears.

It's great to hear of success, no matter how small. Good luck!
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#38 of 49 Old 01-11-2010, 02:10 AM
 
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I'm just now seeing your post. I am glad you're finlly getting a tiny bit of sleep. I had 2 non-slepers. I'm glad to say it is finally a vague hazy mempry, lol, but i rememebr the awfulness.
What you said aboutteh party..I found my kids NEEDED to have NEW, different stimulation in order to sleep at all. So, every day, we woulod go out..to the store, just to walk around, I'd let them play with the toys, etc. When it was nice, out for walks, to the park, etc. We'd go to the library, bookstore, mall, even just out to eat or slomething.....it made a big difference.
Thw other issue for us, was not trying ot "get" them to sleep at any certain time..just waiting until they were ready to sleep and tired....
Ds had the gurgley tummy..we know now he is allergic to cow milk, nd some otehr sthings we still havent'f figured out. But the gurgley nights are the worst, definitely.
I know some are going to think this is wrong, but he slept better with a dose of advil in him..even if he didn't have anythign wrong making me think he was in pain, the act of just processingthe medicine, i guess, made him sleep. As did a tummy full of solids. I know, it's supposed to be a myth, but whatever. Worked for my kids, and since they were getting healthy food and not just rice paste, I think it was fine. Really, at tyhat point, ANYthing to get some sleep.

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#39 of 49 Old 01-11-2010, 02:23 AM
 
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Glad you got so many great suggestions and things seem to be getting a bit better.

Wanted to add that gluten was our culprit. We tried so many different eliminations and saw a drastic change within a few days of taking it out of my diet.

Good luck!

SAHM to Chloe«- 6/2008 (10 lbs, 5 oz), Hannah- 9/2010 (9 lbs, 12 oz), Liam- 2/2013 (9 lbs, 6 oz)

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#40 of 49 Old 01-11-2010, 02:35 AM
 
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I just feel so hopeless. Up until now I kept deluding myself thinking that each night was *the* night and I would forget how bad it was. Now I just feel depressed, like it will never get better and everything will keep falling apart around me.
Subscribing. I am up right now crying. I could have written your original post almost word for word, and so didn't want to start a new thread.

DD is bouncing in the Ergo, and I am crying. DH is sleeping because he has work in the morning. She just won't sleep. I am losing it, too.

Mama to Fenergy.gif(06/11/09) and baby boy C baby.gif (06/09/11) 

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#41 of 49 Old 01-11-2010, 03:57 PM
 
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I do not have advice, but am another person saying "I could have written this post!"

My dd is 5.5 mos old, and has not slept more than 2 hours at night since birth. The two hour stretches are the good nights. Very often we have nights where she'll sleep 45 mins at a time. Her naps are usually 30-45 mins.

I cry a lot, I feel depressed, my relationship with my husband, which was amazing before DD, is strained. It makes me sad that though DD has brought so much love into our lives, I dont enjoy it as much as I feel I should because of how the lack of sleep makes me feel.

I am so envious of mamas who get 2 hour naps to have alone time or get stuff done, or who only wake 1-2 a night. I feel like they must parent better because sleep deprivation has such an emotional and mental toll on me. I am not myself feeling so angry or sad. My dd and my husband deserve the best, I am so lucky to have them, but the tired is ruining me.

But I'm glad to know I am not alone. Sometimes I feel like I am just doing everything wrong because she won't sleep.
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#42 of 49 Old 01-12-2010, 09:35 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Beauchamp and pangirl- I am so sorry that you are going through this too, I would never wish this on any mama. I totally understand feeling depressed and having my marriage feel strained. The holidays brought out the worst in us this year but it is time to move on.

On a good note- in the depths of despair DH and I had some excellent arguments and discussions that brought us to make some changes, whether or not they will hold. I think this in itself has played a role in helping DS sleep a little better.

1. I have committed myself to getting exercise everyday no matter how tired or busy or miserable I feel
2. DH and I switch off sleeping separately at night if no one is sleeping
3.DH takes DS for 45 minutes in the morning while I sleep and he gets ready for work

Otherwise I can't say what is helping or if its a little of everything (see my last post), but DS has had 3 decent nights in a row. He is sleeping roughly a 3 hour stretch in the beginning of the night and then waking every 2 hours until around 4am, then its every 30- 45 minutes. Its amazing that this is "good", but I'll take what I can get.

Some of you have suggested not sticking to a certain bedtime/naptimes and I think you may have something there. I don't think it works for us to expect DS be very structured (we certainly are not) and the last 3 "good" nights have had fluctuated bedtimes with varied activities and thus varied naps.

I hope I haven't jinxed myself!

Mum to DS1 7/09 and DS2 5/11

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#43 of 49 Old 01-13-2010, 12:12 AM
 
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Originally Posted by penstamon View Post
Beauchamp and pangirl- I am so sorry that you are going through this too, I would never wish this on any mama. I totally understand feeling depressed and having my marriage feel strained. The holidays brought out the worst in us this year but it is time to move on.

On a good note- in the depths of despair DH and I had some excellent arguments and discussions that brought us to make some changes, whether or not they will hold. I think this in itself has played a role in helping DS sleep a little better.

1. I have committed myself to getting exercise everyday no matter how tired or busy or miserable I feel
2. DH and I switch off sleeping separately at night if no one is sleeping
3.DH takes DS for 45 minutes in the morning while I sleep and he gets ready for work

Otherwise I can't say what is helping or if its a little of everything (see my last post), but DS has had 3 decent nights in a row. He is sleeping roughly a 3 hour stretch in the beginning of the night and then waking every 2 hours until around 4am, then its every 30- 45 minutes. Its amazing that this is "good", but I'll take what I can get.

Some of you have suggested not sticking to a certain bedtime/naptimes and I think you may have something there. I don't think it works for us to expect DS be very structured (we certainly are not) and the last 3 "good" nights have had fluctuated bedtimes with varied activities and thus varied naps.

I hope I haven't jinxed myself!


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#44 of 49 Old 01-21-2010, 06:07 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I wanted to share an update in our ongoing sleep saga with everyone. We just saw a CST for the first time- we had to wait a month to get in- and I am shocked and a little miffed at what she was telling us. Basically DS has torticollis (head tilt) that our ped did not see or acknowledge until recently and told us it was mild and would not cause problems. Well we were seeing the ped for silent reflux but as western medicine dictates all things in the human body are to be treated separately, she saw no connection (we had asked).

The CST thinks the torticollis has gotten worse, classified as moderate now, and is actually pulling DS's body to twist in a minor way to the eye, but major enough to put pressure on the pyloric sphincter of the stomach and cause reflux. This in turn is most likely the major culprit of his poor sleep habits. DS loved her and withstood 1.5 hours of therapy (WOW!!!) Upon leaving he fell asleep in his carseat with his head facing the direction that he has always hated and would not let us position him in. He has currently been napping for over an hour and seems so peaceful and happy

I can't say how this will help in the long run but I am very hopeful after one visit. We have to continue therapy once a week for the next month or more so the CST warned us not to get discouraged too easily.

Mum to DS1 7/09 and DS2 5/11

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#45 of 49 Old 01-21-2010, 07:05 PM
 
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your update made my day - i'm so happy to hear you found a light at the end of your tunnel. keep us posted, please.

~peace.

mama to ds1(2-6-98) & ds2(7-28-09)
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#46 of 49 Old 01-22-2010, 02:49 AM
 
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mama.

While I don't have a screamer on a normal day, he does have his days (and he screamed the first few weeks until we figured out some things)... and a few things that have helped me with the sleep dep...

I picked up a stroller on consignment about a month ago. In the laid down position it has him at roughly a 30-45 degree angle. We actually stopped cosleeping when I got it because he sleeps so much better in that stroller than flat on the bed. Bonus is that I can rock it back and forth if he seems restless, or if he's crying and won't let me console him.

Before we got the stroller we got a bouncy chair (also from consignment) with a vibrating seat, and there were days he would fall asleep in that also. It never looked like the most comfortable position, but I never disturb a sleeping baby if I can help it.

And the one that my DH gives me a hard time for. If we go somewhere and he falls asleep in the car seat - assuming I don't need to be anywhere, I just pull into the driveway, lay the drivers seat back and nap right there in the driveway. It may mean I wake up with a sore neck, but if I get 20 minutes of sleep, that's 20 more than I would have gotten by trying to take him inside.

But I completely agree about sleeping apart. It sucks, but my DH and I have shared a bed once, maybe twice, in the last 4 months. He's able to get more sleep that way and I'm able to deal with the baby without worrying about every little sound or movement waking him.

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#47 of 49 Old 01-22-2010, 03:04 AM
 
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Oh mama, that's so great that they were able to help him!!!
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#48 of 49 Old 01-22-2010, 02:03 PM
 
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Just wanted to share my "no sleep for months on end" story. My dd was sleeping through the night at 2 weeks of age!!! Yes, two weeks. I'm talking 8-10 hours. I was in heaven and thought I had it made. Then suddenly at around 2 months she began waking frequently at night. I though it was a growth spurt but feeding her didn't calm her. The nights got worse and worse to the point that by the time she was 10 weeks old she was literally waking every 20 - 60 minutes, all night long, every single night. I was at a loss as to what the problem was. She didn't want to eat. She'd take a pacifier, go back to sleep, but be up screaming 20 minutes later. Finally I called the doctor and she suggested it might be silent reflux (meaning the baby has acid reflux, but does not spit up or throw up). We started her on medication (Zantac) and things improved for a while, but I later learned that Zantac only works for a short time for most babies. I didn't know that then so when she started waking every 20 - 60 minutes I assumed reflux wasn't the cause, but it actually was, the medicine just wasn't working anymore.

To make a long story short, she outgrew her silent reflux at 8 months of age and began sleeping 10 - 12 hours at night. I went on to have another baby with reflux and got him on a better medication (Prevacid) so his sleep problems were minimal.

I don't know if your baby has reflux but it's definitely worth looking into.
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#49 of 49 Old 01-22-2010, 02:23 PM
 
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That is great news! I hope his sleep continues to improve. Do keep us updated if you think of it.

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