Cosleeping is ruining my relatonship(s) - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 4 Old 01-02-2010, 11:36 PM - Thread Starter
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I have been cosleeping my 14 month old since day 1 and love it. So does my boyfriend but for the last 3 months or so he has not been able to sleep in our bed bc she moves and hits and kicks. AND He is miserable on the couch. We tried him coming back in and it is tough on both of us. We realized we are no good at parenting or as partners if we are miserable in our sleep (something we really didn't have too much trouble with in the beginning bc of cosleeping). We have tried a crib and it is killing me with her crying so I tonight I tried to bring her mattress into our room. She was walking around after I tried to get her down unsuccessfully for two hours. She was so tired too. I am losing it and I am losing my relationship (to both of them).
Can you help with some safe creative tips to move her into her own space. Is this happening too early? How did you save your marriage? My pediatrician said she coslept for 8 years and wish she didn't. It ruined her marriage she said and that is what I am afraid is happening here. Any help on what to do next. We live in a two bedroom apt.
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#2 of 4 Old 01-02-2010, 11:58 PM
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First of all, I can't believe your ped told you that cosleeping ruined her marriage, that is unbelievable to me. I can gaurantee that there were other issues that lead to the demise of her relationship, don't let her scare you.

Second of all, it sounds like your current arrangement isn't working very well and I don't blame you at all for trying to find other solutions. I have a couple of suggestions from my 7 yrs of cosleeping w/3 kids.

I have always put a toddler bed in between the wall and our bed, at exactly the same level so lo can still nurse and lay right next to me. It works really well bc the crazy sleeper has their own space and is not kicking daddy at all at night (and I have some extra rm too).

Also, I have noticed w/my boys that if they aren't exhausted by bedtime they probably need a change in the nap schedule. For example, the last nap is too late or a nap needs to be dropped sometime during the day.

Parenting is full of adjustments, compromises, balancing the needs of the children w/the needs of the parents. Everyone in the house is important and everyone needs a good night's sleep.

I am sure that there will be other posters who will have good ideas too. Try different things out and see what works for you. If you and your bf work this out together I am sure that your relationship will be even stronger. GL!

Wife to dh, Mommy to ds1 12/2002, ds2 9/2005, and ds3 9/2008.
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#3 of 4 Old 01-04-2010, 03:15 AM
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I agree with the PP about the extra bed next to 'your' bed... that worked for us for a while.

We have played musical beds now for awhile... it seems somthing will work for a time and then we change it. All of us need to be happy with the sleep arrangements.

Is there another bed in your home? Can there be one? aside from the couch. If your space is small and there is no room for another bed, than I suggest the small bed next to yours.... even if you have to loose a dresser in the room or whatever.

About six months ago i really became physically impossible for my 5 year old to sleep with both my DH and me in our queen bed. Up till then we really did manage just fine with me in the middle getting squished most of the time. Well I reached my end and just moved into another bed in the house.... my DD soon followed and now MY DH loves to sleep alone... it is so freeing he says.... I was missing him and like "is it okay that we aren't in the same be?" and he's like "YES!!!, it is okay". Now after several months I miss sleeping with him so we are back to our queen with my DD's twin right next to it. Next we are planning to get her a bigger bed and try to transition her to her room.... we have tried this before, but my DD says she is going to sleep with me forever..... fine with me

I agree that if your ped had other issues and is just blaming cosleeping... now if you and your partner have no other place to be intimate.... than your bed then yes, cosleeping can cause problems... for me the bed is all about sleeping...sleeping...sleeping.. Dh and I can find alternatives for intimacy.
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#4 of 4 Old 01-04-2010, 03:45 AM
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Easy fix, or at least for us it was: Move you bed against the wall. Put the baby against the wall, you in the middle, and dh on the side

familybed1.gifnovaxnocirc.gif nut.gifMommy to my amazing 6 yr old dd, we homeschool.gif, and  27 weeks belly.gifpuke.gifand have been sick the whole time so far, grrrrr!!!!!!!

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