Allowing my ds to "cry" between sleep cycles... - Mothering Forums

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Old 01-06-2010, 05:44 PM - Thread Starter
 
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He's not really crying-crying... more of a whining half-cry. It's a "I'm soo sleepy, i don't want to put much effort into crying" sort of cry.

Anyways, I've come to the conclusion that after i nurse him, change him, snuggle with him, make sure he's comfy, and finally stroke his hairline & face for a few minutes, that it's better to let him drift off on his own... otherwise, he continues to be distracted by me and doesn't fall asleep very well. He seems to drift off very quietly and sleeps pretty peacefully.Then when he gets to in between sleep cycles, he wakes up and does the weak crying thing... although i'm not sure he's entirely awake. I've been letting him "cry" for a minute or two and then he's back to sleep. he does this three or four times during his long nap (3 hrs).

I guess i'm needing reassurance that i'm doing the right thing by letting him settle himself. If i go into the room to comfort him.. it tends to wake him up. We do bedshare at night and if i nap with him. He also sleeps in his crib during the day and has never rejected it. He's almost three months old.

I feel so guilty... like i'm a bad "attachment parenting mama". Reassurance anyone?

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Old 01-06-2010, 05:54 PM
 
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Nah, you're not a bad ap mommie. You're there for him. The ap thing is that there's not a poor kid lying there crying wandering where mommy is. But this is helpful, if you want to stay in the room and have him go to sleep faster. I learned this when I was a kid myself, putting my sister's to sleep. Slow your own breathing. Make it deep and slow and loud. If they look at your face make sure your eyes are closed and your face relaxed, even if you're standing up. I swear it makes anyone go to sleep faster.
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Old 01-06-2010, 07:05 PM
 
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My baby does this at night, and thank goodness for video monitors. If I look on the monitor and see that he's just tossing and turning and trying to get comfy, his head is **** down and his eyes are still closed, I don't go in. But if his eyes are open and his head is up, he won't go back to sleep on his own and that's when I know he's usually hungry. I have also started to be able to tell the difference between the weak whine he gives when tossing between sleep cycles and the cry that tells me he needs something. I feel guilty sometimes, too, but I'm with you. If I go in there when his eyes are still closed and he's just trying to get comfortable, he is totally stimulated and doesn't go back to sleep right away.

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Old 01-06-2010, 08:26 PM
 
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Why not make him a little nest on the floor in whatever room you are in and when you see him stir lay down and help settle him back to sleep? Or babywear?
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Old 01-06-2010, 09:55 PM
 
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Don't feel guilty!! My goal with this next baby is to try to control my overzealous response to every whimper. I think it sounds like your baby is FINE!!
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Old 01-07-2010, 12:39 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by mbhf View Post
Why not make him a little nest on the floor in whatever room you are in and when you see him stir lay down and help settle him back to sleep? Or babywear?
I began trying out both of those options and they worked for a while... it seems like lately he is very distracted but any sort of stimulation... so lately he's been sleeping better in our bedroom.

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Old 01-07-2010, 01:13 AM
 
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Well, it took me quite a while to learn to do this with my first babe. The result was that we were both sleep deprived (because it would wake up babe when I went in to tend him) and cranky. It led to horrible sleep habits. So, I think you are doing the right thing. It's normal for human's of all ages to wake a bit between sleep cycles, and it is huge benefit to baby to learn to just settle back down and go back to sleep. That's normal.
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Old 01-07-2010, 01:22 AM
 
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Originally Posted by annekevdbroek View Post
Well, it took me quite a while to learn to do this with my first babe. The result was that we were both sleep deprived (because it would wake up babe when I went in to tend him) and cranky. It led to horrible sleep habits. So, I think you are doing the right thing. It's normal for human's of all ages to wake a bit between sleep cycles, and it is huge benefit to baby to learn to just settle back down and go back to sleep. That's normal.
My daughter did something similar, and my response was the same as yours. I was making myself crazy trying to make sure that she never made a sound. Then I visited my mother who was like "are you crazy? She's not even awake and all you're doing is waking her up." And I realized she was totally right. I started letting her do her little whine thing, and she'd toss her head a few times and then start snoring away again.

Trying to live a simple life in a messy house in a complicated world with : DH, DD (b. 07/07), DS (b. 02/09), and DD (b. 10/10)
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Old 01-07-2010, 02:58 PM
 
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I have also just recently realized this! Last night DS "woke" around 11:00--just grumbling a little. I was super tired and out of it. DH asked if I wanted him to get him. I said just wait a minute. Well, we both fell back asleep and so did DS!!! He didn't wake again until 3:00!!!! This is REALLY good for him. I couldn't believe it.

I feel like there are some things you really have to experience for yourself to believe they're true.
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Old 01-07-2010, 03:03 PM
 
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I am just realizing this is working as well. We co-sleep and I would pick him up with every small cry or whimper and it finally dawned on me (kind of slow I guess) that he wasn't even awake. I found that a simple gentle hand on his back would settle him right back down. We are both sleeping MUCH better.

Giving a baby a chance to see if he can re-settle himself is not CIO.
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Old 01-07-2010, 03:46 PM
 
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I'm with the other posters- this isn't crying for a need to be met, it's 'sleep crying'. Pantley points this out in The No Cry Sleep Solution. Your babe just wants to go back to sleep. I can tell it's 'need crying' when it escalates for more than a few cries, and the sleep whine/groan becomes a clear cry.
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