8 months no sleep I'm breaking down - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 22 Old 01-12-2010, 11:20 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My son is 8 months old, pretty much since birth he has been waking up ever 30 min to 3 hours.
I'm breaking down... I'm to the point that my exhaustion is making me depressed. My son is GREAT with everyone else when I'm not home. The moment I come home he just whines and crys at me wanting me to hold him 24/7 and at night he wants to nurse all the time.
My husband has taken to helping me put my son to sleep without nursing at night by walking him around and shhhing.
But nothing keeps him asleep more than 2-3 hours.
Were trying to use the no-cry sleep solution and getting him to nap more during the day.
But I just need some support... I'm almost don't want to be a Mom any more. He is my first and probably only. My husband and I are considering letting him take care of the baby some evenings so I can sleep uninterrupted (except for pumping) at least once a week but I sleep without my husband enough (hes a firefighter 24 on 48 off) and the last thing I want to do is be alone.
I don't know what to do... So many people are pushing for my to do the CIO, or giving him rice cereal in a bottle.
Hes BF and eats 1-2 meals of solids but some days none.
I know this is kind of a all over the place post I'm really tired...
Any suggestions are appreciative.
How do you mommas get through this? Its making me bitter and aggressive. I want to be a loving mom not this horrible monster i feel like.

ETA:
Oh and he was constantly teething from about 3 months of age.
He currently has 8 teeth right now and I'm pretty sure that he'll be starting it up again soon since hes back to drooling a bit.
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#2 of 22 Old 01-12-2010, 11:31 PM
 
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So he CAN get 2-3 hours when you are doing the NCSS Method? I'd hold on to that as great and look there when you need inspiration Mama! Getting 3 hours here and there is magic with a baby, some don't go that long until much older.

Teething is a bear and some sweet little ones have it harder than others, you are also close to the 9 month sleep regression which can be really frustrating.

What is YOUR diet like? Could he be irritable due to dairy, gluten, etc? What sorts of solids is he eating? Have things got better or worse with new foods?

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#3 of 22 Old 01-13-2010, 12:28 AM
 
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(((hugs))) mama! I don't have much for advice, sorry. Ds is 7 mo and we are in the same boat... Do you have a good baby carrier? That way your 'holding' him but still have both hands to do things... For night time, can you nurse laying down. So you can rest while he nurses? I can't fall asleep like that but the less moving around I do to nurse at night the less frustrated I get bc I can fall back asleep sooner after he un-latches.
I would take dh up on the 'night off', it might help you feel human again! You are doing great mama!

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#4 of 22 Old 01-13-2010, 12:49 AM
 
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Including insomnia during pregnancy, I have not sttn since July 2007. Insane, I know. However, I know that I'm not the only one, and that means you are not alone. Some babies just develop longer sleep patterns later. It gets better, but the progress is gradual and sometimes a step backward. You have the added detriment of a DH who is not with you every night. My husband also travels for work, so I understand how you feel on those dark lonely nights when you just don't know what to do next.

Personally, I found NCSS interesting, but useless. It just wasn't for us. CIO certainly was not either. And please do not believe the wives tale that having a fuller belly means a human will sleep longer. It's not true for adults, kids, or babies. As I recall, we went through an especially rough time around 8-10 months. Teeth, colds, ear infections, along with DS's usual high needs behavior. I'm embarrassed that I felt this way, but my son was like a ball and chain. Leaving the house, hell, leaving the room was impossible. Now, at 21 months, he's down to 2-3 short, easy wake ups. I am so thankful that we gave up on the crib and that we decided to let DS wean himself. He BFs to go to sleep and just a minute or two during those wakeups. I can handle that. Yours will get there, too. Just find the balance in your days. Get someone to come over so you can tend to yourself, treat yourself to an hour out. It's those things that give us the strength to face another long night or a day of crappy naps.

Keep us posted on your progress. There are so many good moms here to lean on when you need it!

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#5 of 22 Old 01-13-2010, 12:57 AM
 
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If you can nurse lying down, that's one step closer to being asleep. If you can sleep while nursing, you're set! My baby just slept with me, but my sister would lay with her son on a twin mattress on the floor to nurse him at night.
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#6 of 22 Old 01-13-2010, 02:59 AM
 
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Ds didn't start sttn until 14 months - it was no fun at all. But when it happened it happened quickly. I don't know if that is hopeful or discouraging.

Feeding him a meal before bed did nothing to improve his sleep.

Stick with it - it will get better.

Surviving sleep deprivation one day at a time with dd (Oct '11) & ds (Oct '08).

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#7 of 22 Old 01-13-2010, 03:09 AM
 
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Big hugs mama.
Don't have any 'magic' advice. Just wanted to offer my support. DS has been sleeping for 1 hours intervals for quite a while and it's driving me crazy. I think that most moms have moments where they want to give up or question themselves. Please know, you are not alone. It will pass and our LOs will eventually start sleeping better. It's something they need to do on their own.

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#8 of 22 Old 01-13-2010, 05:55 AM
 
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Do you bedshare? I would highly highly recommend it - I have a crappy sleeper myself (the longest she ever slept until 12m was 1.5 hours straight...and that was a miracle). She took every nap she had on me until 9 mo or so when she let me start laying her down for a few minutes. She *did* start sleeping better after she started crawling and then walking because she started wearing herslef out more, ,though I'd say it was definitely much better when she started walking. We now get 2 hours of sleep at a time before a wakeup (she's 18mo), but I've learned to sleep through nursing and so I feel much more rested than I would if I had to wake up wake up and go into her room.

It *does* get better, I promise! Also, at 8mo and nursing, going 2-3 hours is GREAT! Breastmilk is so easily absorbed that it doesn't last long in their system. Fwiw, rice cereal has LESS calories than breastmilk per ounce, so for those pushing the cereal, tell them that. Teething is also really hard - DD was a young teether too - 2 teeth by 11 weeks and pretty much didn't stop until 12 months when she had 16? teeth/molars.

What also helps is sleeping when they sleep, the dishes/laundry/house will get done eventually (maybe on your DH's off days? ) - you concentrate on you and getting sleep when your baby sleeps.

*hugs* to you.

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#9 of 22 Old 01-13-2010, 05:57 AM
 
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Oh, what DH did that helped was he would take DD on the mornings he had off and let me sleep in - DD was tanked up enoough from nursing all night that he didn't need to feed her and then I got some sleep too. Would this be an option?

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#10 of 22 Old 01-13-2010, 06:06 AM
 
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DS was a crappy sleeper too, but it does get better. If you are not already co-sleeping, I highly recommend it. Sleep when your LO is sleeping, Seriously, don't try to get things done, you need to sleep.

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#11 of 22 Old 01-13-2010, 06:24 AM
 
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i just wrote abt the same thing in another thread.... count on being in the bed with babe whenever they r sleeping, which is usually 14-16 hrs a day at that age... dd2 sleeps about 12 at night and 2 hr day nap now at 13 mo.... If I lie down with her for all that, I end up getting plenty of sleep, even though it is broken. I never sttn when los are small (or when pregnant), i am awake every few hrs... but if you get enuf 3 hr stints, you will feel great! I do sleep through nursing for the most part now, only mildly waking up when she climbs over me for the other side. I do EC so it is good to wake up often to put her on the potty anyway... so I get 7-8 hrs of broken sleep at night and an hour nap in day, sometimes more if she sleeps long (we don't follow any given schedule, we just sleep when we are tired and eat when we are hungry around here) about once a week or month or so, the other adult here takes her, freshly boobied and pottied, out to lr and I sleep alone in my bed for an hour or 3, depending... usually she is sleeping too on his shoulder out there.... also my babies have always reacted strongly to me because I am the one with the milk... sometimes it is good to let dp hold them while they sleep so you can get some downtime if you are losing it.... my roomie does it in a rocking chair recliner as he watches football. just an hour will help a lot, really.


oh and i also recommend cutting out dairy for you and him... i have noticed it interferes with normal sleep and peeing both

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#12 of 22 Old 01-13-2010, 09:53 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Ok so to answer some of your questions.
2-3 hours is very rare. I say that its anywhere between 30min - 3 hours because its different all the time. Also it always seems that the nights where he does get 2-3 hours are the nights I CANT fall asleep.
So I'm suck laying awake while my DH and DS snooze. When I finally get to sleep DS seems to wake up. Part of my not being able to fall asleep is the fear that as soon as I close my eyes he wakes ups so it makes me all edgy about falling asleep to begin with.

DH and I have been eating gluten free vegan often now and if I am eating vegan or not have shown no difference in DS sleep.

Nursing laying down is the only way DS will nurse really. He now has this thing where the only way he'll nurse is laying across my chest while I'm on my back.

We part time co sleep. His crib is like 2 ft. from our bed, we would co sleep full time except that our bed is a little small and I don't get very restful sleep when he is in bed with us. DH is awesome about bringing baby to bed with us and then once DS falls asleep he puts him back for me so I don't have to get up.
But I have never been one who does well with little sleep. Since having the baby and not sleeping Ive gotten sick a lot, I get very angry with DS and I hate feeling like this.
I mean I am to the point where i just DON'T want to be a mom... I hate feeling like this but I just want life back...
When it comes to BF I have never had great supply so since birth my son was attached to me 24/7. I baby wear but hes not super fond of it when were hope. He gets angry and screams.
*sigh*
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#13 of 22 Old 01-13-2010, 02:23 PM
 
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Oh mama, I understand. I'm going on six years with no sleep. My first was a HORRIBLE sleeper. Looking back, I am convinced he had reflux, although his horrible ped told me no and that I needed to see a psychiatrist. At one point, I elevated the head of his crib and he slept four hours. Could your baby have reflux?

My second child is 14 months and is up every two hours. The other night though was especially bad and she was up and screaming every 30 minutes for half the night. She's teething but also is so congested she can't breathe through her nose and she gags on post nasal drip. I'm having her evaluated for allergies soon and am trying an elmination diet, but so far that hasn't helped.

Does your baby sleep in the car? Sometimes when mine falls asleep, I've been known to park and take a nap. Just getting an hour helps.

I totally understand your not wanting to be a mom anymore. I feel the same way a lot. It's so hard to do anything let alone enjoy your kids when you are so sleep deprived.

My one light at the end of this tunnel is that I know she'll sleep someday. My first now sleeps like a rock.
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#14 of 22 Old 01-14-2010, 02:06 AM
 
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at this age (8 mos) is it REALLY rough.

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#15 of 22 Old 01-14-2010, 02:22 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I think what is making it even worse lately is that I have such a hard time falling asleep. I lay there in bed knowing hes going to wake up any time now so its like my body doesnt want to bother going to sleep only to wake up 5 min later.
And then DH will let me have an hour or two nap when he gets home from work in the morning and I think that throws my ability to fall asleep at night off as well.
*sigh* I can't win...
I would be so happy and thankful for 1 4-5 hour stretch of sleep a night.
I could function with that.
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#16 of 22 Old 01-14-2010, 01:33 PM
 
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I am literally right there with you. DS is 6 1/2 months and sleep is a rare thing around here. I also am just starting the NCSS and we're actually in the logging sleep part of the book. And I've just had an epiphany and realized some things that might be keeping DS from getting a good night's sleep. I'm almost certain he's refluxing. I thought it could be a possibility but I'm almost certain now that I'm documenting his wakings. Also DS has bad excema and is itchy a good part of the night (another thing I noticed). So for us I think if I can fix those 2 issues at least then I can give him the opportunity to sleep better. Maybe the logs will be as eye opening for you? Also once those things are fixed I'm really going to buckle down on getting a good routine in place and sticking to it. We've deviated a bit and I think that's also playing a role in ds not sleeping as "well" as he used to (i.e. 3 hr stretches instead of 1-2). I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone. I feel like I'm on the brink of the cio battle everyday but I'm not going down without a HUGE fight .

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#17 of 22 Old 01-14-2010, 01:43 PM
 
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I really wish all my posts from 2004-2007 were still here, because I have so been there, and it did not stop in our case until pill was completely weaned at age 3. Every 45 minutes to 2 hours he'd be awake. Nothing worked, nothing at all...he just wanted me morning noon and night. Some things that got me through:

co-sleeping and letting him set the "schedule" because he got to where he'd just nurse all night and I wouldn't wake up enough to notice

asking my partner to take care of his pre-bedtime routine so I could get some ME time ...I would usually take a hot bath and it would relax me and make me feel not so resentful.

hiring a sitter during the day so that I could sleep. I did this about once a month.

finding a group of moms who I could talk to, even though I was sleep deprived, was so helpful.

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#18 of 22 Old 01-14-2010, 09:59 PM
 
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What you describe sounds pretty normal for a high needs 8 month old. And I totally understand how it seems that baby waits until you fall asleep to wake up. My high needs 2 year old still does that.

How does your lo sleep during the day? Encouraging goods naps can improve nightt sleep as well.

If I were you I would get a king size bed and bedshare full time. I can't imagine getting any sleep with ds in another bed, even if my DH got up to get him and then took him back to bed. Those steps preclude you semi-sleeping through your lo's night waking. You should get to the point where you don't fully wake up to care for him and may not even remember it later.

Some people have babies that sleep great, and those babies do respond well to NCSS and maybe even CIO (though I hate CIO no matter what). Only someone who has had a high needs baby will really get what you are going through. The goal is for you to get the most sleep you can and IMHO full time bedsharing does just that. It will be an adjustment, but it may really be worth it. Plus, your LO is going to get to the age before long when he will help himself to the boob while you go on sleeping!

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#19 of 22 Old 01-15-2010, 12:49 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by prancie View Post
.

Some people have babies that sleep great, and those babies do respond well to NCSS and maybe even CIO (though I hate CIO no matter what). Only someone who has had a high needs baby will really get what you are going through. The goal is for you to get the most sleep you can and IMHO full time bedsharing does just that. It will be an adjustment, but it may really be worth it. Plus, your LO is going to get to the age before long when he will help himself to the boob while you go on sleeping!
I have to agree here. I know there are some out there who aren't into cosleeping but I can honestly say things would be so much worse if ds wasn't in bed with me. I can't imagine having to get up out of bed and treck across the house to get him in another room 8-10 times a night. Give it a shot and see if it works.

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#20 of 22 Old 01-15-2010, 03:19 AM
 
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Same boat. My daughter is almost 7 months. At one point I remember she did go longer stretches, around 3 months...but now nothing more than 3 hours if that. She may go 4 hours between feedings but we still have to rock her, put the binky in or do something to get her back to sleep. I do not believe in CIO at all.

She is in a crib in our room for a few hours until I go to bed...the weird thing is many days I can put her to sleep in there, awake and sing/rub her to sleep. She always wakes up 30-45 minutes after since she was born, crying and will not be put back down for at least 30 minutes (used to be 5-10). I would always end up nursing her again, but now my husband started going in-about a week ago...so I could get a break before the all night nurse fest. She wails but I have to take a break and at least if she is with her dad, I don't feel like I am leaving her to cry by herself.

I have gotten her to stretch during the day about 3 hours now (just in the past week or 2), but at night she still nurses every 2 hours. Drives me nuts because often she will do that and then sleep from 4-6, wake for binky and then sleep till 8. This is only with me...but I wish that her long stretch was not in the morning-but like from 11-3 or something. I am hoping if I stick with the day stretching, she will do it at night... eventually

I feel for you! It sucks. I am exhausted and would kill for 4 hours in a row. Scary when some say it took years to get better. I keep hoping any day/week now she will figure it out. I have the same issue, barely able to fall asleep because what's the point-she will wake up soon enough. Bedsharing saves me and I feel like at least I get 6-8, all be it very interrupted sleep. She still cries, and is often awake but it is less than the 1 hour struggle to get her to go back down in her crib.

And, she has her 1st tooth about to pop any minute-I can see it...and the worst cold.
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#21 of 22 Old 01-15-2010, 02:45 PM
 
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I have soooo been there! My DD is now 2.5 and only having 1 night-waking! You will get there too, I promise. The time between 8 mo. and 1 yr. was the hardest for us. The only thing that got me through was full-time co-sleeping. We night-weaned DD when she was 14 mo. old and that was also a big turning point in her sleep (and my sleep, too). I know you're in the thick of it now, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Recently, I've started doing Hypnobabies in preparation for LO #2. Last night I listened to one of my CDs with DD and I swear it really helped her fall asleep faster! They also have a down-loadable MP3 called "Peaceful sleep for the whole family" that I'm thinking about getting for all of us. That might be something for you to consider, because it sounds like you are so exhausted that it's causing some insomnia. Just a thought... here's a link to the MP3, in case you're interested.

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#22 of 22 Old 01-15-2010, 04:29 PM
 
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I've been there, and was at my wit's end, having tried everything. I work FT and was hallucinating at work. I was depressed. It was awful. Since I do work and pump at work and DP gives DS a bottle, we began scheduling his daily feedings. I know this is not desireable, and may not work for everyone, but when we stopped nursing/feeding on demand (he's still EBF, just from a bottle when I'm at work) and stuck to a strict 3 hour feeding schedule, his nights really changed for the better.

Before that, we had been feeding him every hour and a half round the clock. I basically wasn't even reading his hunger cues, I was just sticking my boob in his mouth whenever he was fussy or if I wanted him to take a nap. Now, he's regulated himself so we still stick to the 3 hour schedule during the day on weekdays, but I can nurse him a little more often on the weekends. And he still does cluster feed in the early mornings, about every hour or hour and a half from 4:30AM onward, but I can get a few 3-4 hour sleeping sessions in before that and I am a new person.

It may not be something that will work for you, but it may be something to consider if you haven't tried it. It just came more easily to us since DP gives him the bottle during the day and if DP finds a job, DS will be in daycare anyway, where they prefer a schedule.

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