Aside from MDC and DH I get no support for DS's, and subsequently our, poor sleep habits. He is currently waking every 1-2 hours all night, which is better than previously, but still so difficult. The best part are the comments I have heard lately from friends and women in a mama's group:
"you are making him that way because you let him control you"
"what are you doing? he will never sleep on his own if you cater to him"
"cio is GOOD for babies"
"I nightweaned at 4 months because it was just unacceptable to have to feed LO 2-3 times a night"
Lovely. I just need to keep my mouth shut and pretend he sleeps. Anyone else need to vent or a shoulder to cry on? Fire away sleep deprived ladies!
Mum to DS1 7/09 and DS2 5/11
It's been 9 months and I still have yet to "Sleep through the night" I find myself just saying that she does, just to not bring it into conversation. Maybe I shouldn't? Maybe I should be more visible as a sleepy mama. Haha.
I try to nap when she naps, but usually I get all excited about being able to read a book again or have some me time.
On those really bad nights when her teething is bothering her and I'm back to 1 hour cycles? I just chant to myself that this isn't forever and that this will pass. I often loose sight of that when I'm really tired. (like tonight ;p)
Yeah, I'm tired. LOL!
Definitely try to keep "this is only temporary" at the forefront of my addled mind, but good lord... I'm a zombie!
The only thing I can tell you is that I have yet to see any improvement. DD is currently 23 months and she still nurses at night like a newborn.
I'm not sure if we are the norm for co-sleeping, extended nursing, non-cio families, I certainly hope not.
I wish I were in your shoes OP and only 6 months into this. At that point I thought there was hope, I have hope no more. If I could go back in time, I would do SOMETHING to help DD to sleep better. I don't know what that would be because I am pretty sure I thought I was doing everything I could at the time, but seriously, it only gets harder to change anything.
At this point for us, something has to change. This will unfortunately mean a drastic (hopefully not too traumatic) change. We may take a stronger stance on nightweaning, we may get daddy to completely take over nights. I'm not sure. All I know is that I will be checking myself into some sort of hospital soon if nothing works or if it gets any worse.
And, the real kicker, is that for the past...I don't know...10 months maybe...I've developed insomnia issues. So even when he sleeps for 2-7 hours straight, I'm lucky if I sleep for even a small fraction of that time. I think I'm just anticipating his waking up. Or his whacking me.
I just made it through a terrible week of insomnia and sadly remembered those Friday nights long past (pre-pregnancy) when I would get into bed and gleefully look at DH and announce how much I just loooooved Friday nights because I knew I could sleep in.
Teacher until birth of DS (7-27-08)and now DD (10-17-11):, now SAHM, wife to my wonderful hard-working DH.
I feel bad because I just don't have the energy and mental stamina to interact with friends or do anything but what I have to do. I am lucky that DS has been STTN since he was a year old or so, I don't know what I'd do if I had two of them keeping me up all night long.
Army wife - Mama to Liam (9/07), Laine (5/09), and Eliza (7/11)
Okay, I feel a little better now that I got that rant out. We've been having a tough week here. Finally last night I HAD to get some sleep, so DH stayed with DD until 3am. The sleep was helpful, but the only way I got to have it was that she had to cry in Daddy's arms until he could get her to go back to sleep. I know it's not exactly the same thing as CIO, but I still feel really bad about it.
It's a good thing my little sweetie is so awesome, bright, cute, and funny during the day.
He also rubs skin for comfort as he is going to sleep. After ten minutes of that in the same place on my arm, it HURTS. Then there's the clicking. He makes a clicking noise with his tongue when he's going to sleep. It can be heard all the way in the other room. So some nights it's like sleeping with a cricket.
We're planning on getting a King sized bed because obviously THIS isn't working out. I'm hoping by the time the new baby gets here we'll be able to convince DS to try out his mattress...but we'll see.
We've taken to just flat out lying about our sleeping arrangement with some family members. I feel AWFUL for that but it's tiring to hear the comments that are well meaning but don't do anything but wear me down.
Mama to DS [05/21/08] & DD [09/16/10] 43 weeks 1 day!
What I tell others when they ask about his sleep (WHY is that always their first question?!?!) is that he does well, he sleeps 10-12 hours a night... If he doesn't open his eyes to nurse, I don't consider him 'waking' up...
Oh, and I have to add this story:
so dh was at work (when ds was about 3-4 months I believe) and someone (a girl) asked how our nights were. Well dh is an honest person and said 'not good'. So then she says her lo (a baby girl, that was present during this encounter) had beev sttn since 3 mo (she was 7 months at the time). Well dh was like wow, that must be nice! So she said she read this book where she feeds x amount at x amount time intervals during the day to get all her 'food' in her in 12 hrs.... So dh is telling me this and I'm like, wow that's terrible! The poor baby is force fed! Then he said he asked her if she nursed and she said 'some' (?) but he said he felt awkward having her explain... So dh tells me this and it just seems weird, dh also said her lo was the same size as ds, at the time, even though there was a 4 mo age difference! Anyway.... He just sort of brushed her off and went about his day... The nex day she brought him the book! '12 hours by 12 weeks old'!!!! I was disgusted! This women (not even a phd or md) wrote a book advocating force feeding during the day to train a 12 week old baby to sleep 12 hrs!!!! No wonder the baby was small, I wonder if she fit ftt?
Anyway, rambling story. I guess the point is. I would rather do the best thing for my baby then get a 'good night's rest'.... Hugs to all you fellow tired mama's- way to be there for your babes!
On not-so-lucky nights she may jolt *fully* awake at 4am, and require another 2-3 hrs to get tired enough to fall back asleep. As desperately as I wanted to BF, I thought that longer sleep stretches was one of the only supposed benefits of FF. Not for us! We do cosleep, and I'm not about to change that though we may slowly work on sidecarring and partial nightweaning over the next few months. My DH and I have both lost way too many hours of sleep trying to lie still in uncomfortable positions so as not to wake our little bundle up.
I just keep telling myself that it HAS to get easier from here, and is certainly better than the first 8 months when I was pumping 6-8x a day and had to get up twice a night to pump in addition to all of the nighttime feedings. That was fun.
One short anecdote.. the other day we were talking to a doctor and mom of a 14 month old who was lecturing me about "my DD only cried for 2.5 hrs the first night.." it took all of my (perhaps misplaced) restraint to smile nicely and nod.
Many hugs to all of you strong strong women
So, last night DH was going to do the nighttime parenting for the first part of the night, then switch when River seemed to need to nurse. I expected him to come in to switch around midnight, but I didn't hear anything out of them until 7am! Turns out that she woke up twice (8pm and 10:30pm) but easily went back to sleep both times, and then partially woke up a few more times but resettled easily. This is maybe the second time she has ever done that in her life, and both times her dad was with her all night. So, I cannot figure this kid out. One night she wakes up a ton and cries a lot, then the next night she practically STTN. WTH? Since I have no idea what is causing it, I don't know what to do or not do to help her sleep better again.
Also, it's worth noting that even if my kid slept well, I did not. I kept waking up, wondering what was going on, worrying that she wasn't waking because she'd stopped breathing and DH just hadn't noticed.
She's miserable during the day, I'm exhausted, and I can't nap because I still have another toddler at home who doesn't nap except when in the car and she needs to be played with and watched.
This is getting ridiculous.
I have DD1 who is 7 years old, she suffers from anxiety issues which manifest as insomnia. It is tolerable right now, she is only up for 1-2 hours during the night, big improvement from the 6 hours a night she was averaging for most of last year. She starts off in DH's room, if she actually goes to sleep then she stays there until she wakes up during the night then she comes and crawls in my bed and flops around until finally going back to sleep. Some nights she can not go to sleep so she stays up until 11 or so before sleeping in my bed.
Next is 3 year old DD2 who as the middle child is still adjusting to her role. She hasn't nursed at night in 1.5 years but still has never STTN. DH gets her at night, during the night. 3-4 times a week she also wakes up in the middle of the night and is up for a while, her problem is that she has asthma, despite inhalers, she still coughs at night. Once she coughs then she gets afraid to go back to sleep and wants to get up for a while. My biggest problem with her is when DH works late or is traveling, getting her to sleep almost impossible by myself. You have to lay there and hold her hand, I can usually manage to get her to sleep the first time but then after that she wakes up several times until I or Dh go to bed and it is impossible to get her back to sleep with DS.
DS is the baby and at almost 9 months of course don't STTN. Granted he is the best sleeper out of my 3. He has a very annoying habit of going down at 7:30pm then taking a 20 minute minute only to be up until 10 or so. Not cool when I have work to do. I can't really complain though because I can lay him down, the girls at this age would only sleep on top of me.
Honestly, I rarely complain about my lack of sleep anymore. Nothing ever help, I just deal at this point.
I have been handing out encouraging advice on this forum in the past few months, but seems like my sttn days are over. I suffered through 2.5 years of sleeping hell with ds1 and when ds2 was born he just slept like a rock for 5 months. I was in heaven. I thought- I could have 5 more of these babies!! He NEVER napped or slept during the day like typical newborns. Thought that was a little weird but told myself he would settle into a nap routine eventually, like ds1 did.
He is 9 months old and his nighttime sleeping has gone downhill. Its still not as bad as ds1's but he wakes quite frequently. And he will not nap. If I am lucky he will fall asleep in my lap for 10 minutes twice a day. On a good day I can set him in bed and he will sleep for about 17 minutes. Literally. I can set my watch by it. It gives me enough time to A)squeeze in a quick workout or B) throw my dishes in the dishwasher and take a 10 minute shower.
I feel totally screwed. I can deal with the lack of me time during the day if I am getting a full nights sleep (or with ds1 I got a solid 2 hour block of nap from him, even though he slept poorly at night) But this baby wants me to die a slow death of sleep deprivaton, and personal time deprivation.
He has been sick these last couple of nights with a terrible fever and the only place he will sleep is laid across my lap while I sit on the couch (hence the whining here) and I am in that zone of not being able to sleep regardless of if he is sleeping or not. Also he is cutting his 8th tooth, and taking some of his first steps. SO I might just be in the thickest thick of it right now. A lot going on. I just worry about his sleep defecit. It can't be healthy. I mean Weissbluth says an infant of his age should be getting something like 15 hrs of sleep per day. Mine gets a choppy 11-12. How can he live with 3 hours of sleep missing everyday?
However, I am pissed (can I say that here?) at her! That's the only way I can put it. I feel SO bad. I am just so angry to be woken up THREE times a night by my almost 4 year old. I've decided we need a king size bed. I think we NEED it enough to warrant using a credit card. Let's call it an emergency. My dh doesn't agree. I'll have to start saving.
We had an awful night last night after things began to look up again. I think it was from trying solids again. We only got two 1.5 hour stretches of sleep, otherwise he would only sleep 20-30 min and was up from 1:30-4. Poor thing is on his second nap of the day already and I can't bring myself to lay down!
Mum to DS1 7/09 and DS2 5/11
I'm with the PP who talked about insomnia problems. DD wakes so frequently that I am afraid to put my head down and get comfortable. Last night at 3 a.m. I was sitting up in bed with my head in my hands wanting to cry, wanting to sleep, but totally unable to do so.
And by the way, co-sleeping for me is like being in the middle seat on an airplane--- NOT FUN! I have DH on my right, who does try to stay as far over as he can, and DD on my left, who sleeps with both arms straight out from her side, i.e. she takes up almost HALF of a king size bed, and woe to me if I even touch her hands because it wakes her up. ***sigh***
Mama to F(06/11/09) and baby boy C (06/09/11)
When your child doesn't sleep, it can be so isolating. Especially the older they get. No on understands. They offer you terrible advice. I'm so frustrated. I'm exhausted. DS will only go to sleep with us so DH and I rarely get any time alone. I tried for 7 weeks back in the fall to get him to bed earlier (by himself), still in our bed, but it was taking me 1-1.5 hours to get him to sleep so it really wasn't worth the energy.
Nap time is a toss up between sleeping with him or cleaning. I don't know any other mamas that never get any time for themselves, it doesn't seem like much to ask for
It seems like this would/could be easier if he slept on a more predictable schedule. Right now it's random random random and always has been. Saturday night he slept for 13 hours-interrupted of course - and then Sunday night he slept for 8 interrupted hours. Naps are anywhere for 1.5-3 hours at a different time every day. It seems like more sleep could be had overall if he slept for a longer time at night.
Thanks for listening
With no family in town, it is just me and my husband. Our DD is 19 months next week and still wakes several times for milk. The best night we've had was when she slept from 11pm through 6 am without waking. My husband is now starting to sleep on the couch by himself because he gets a much better sleep that way.
I am constantly struggling with having DD on a routine. Get up at 7am, nap after lunch and bed at 8pm. Whenever we don't stick to it the nights seem to get worse.
As my LLL leader says: 'This too shall pass...'
I have 9 mos old twin girls and the one DD wakes every 45 minutes from 7p-2a, then at 4a and 6a. Her sister only wakes 2-3 times which is fine. DH does a great job but I wish we had family near by to help, we never get a break. Family is on the east coast and we are on the west. I keep telling myself they are only little once and that helps a lot. I can't sleep during the day because DD only naps for a short time. I am greatful for the support of these forums! I can't complain too much, they are pretty easy during the day
My pediatrician said that at this age he should be sleeping 6 hours at time. Yeah. Right. You tell him that. He is breastfed from a bottle (multiple cases of Mastitis are preventing true breastfeeding now) and takes a good 6 ounces at night. But he still wakes up, not because he is hungry, but because he wants his pacifier or he wants his diaper change, or now I-am-super-beyond-soothing-hungry-even-though-I-wouldn't-take-the-bottle-ten-minutes-ago. And when I finally do get him to sleep, I have to pump. Then I can't go to sleep so I read a book.
I REFUSE to CIO with my DS. I REFUSE to use that Ezzo crap.
We've been doing this for only 8 weeks and I haven't gotten more than 2 hours of sleep at time since birth.
My pediatrician said that at this age he should be sleeping 6 hours at time. Yeah. Right.
In love with their dad . mom to (dd 5/20/07), and (ds 3/27/09) ,and (dd 5/9/11) , and (ds 5/14/13)
I just wanted to share a success story! My 2 year old DD has struggled with falling asleep since week one. We have adhered to the "no cry" philosophy which in our case actually results in "no cry without parent holding" since plenty of crying has happened. We do not co-sleep since she was a couple months old, just because it means parents don't sleep well not b/c we have any philosophical problem with it. It usually took us 1-2 hours to get her to sleep at night, with her falling asleep at times at 10pm. We did use the book "No Cry Sleep Solution" which helped a bit with sleeping through the night but not much with falling asleep.
So, first my advice is that things do change and they usually do get better. I know that's hard when you're getting 3-5 hrs of sleep a night and you need better NOW.
Secondly, I find what has changed the most is just some magical development stages. About six months ago she just started sleeping through the night (with some exceptions) and we recently implemented a strategy that works beautifully now, but I'm sure six months ago she would not have accepted. We still do an awake routine of about 45 min of Dad time, reading, quiet music, etc. this is now followed by about 5 minutes of nursing, 5 min of massage, a kiss good-night, give her a special cloth book to read to her dolls and put on quiet music, leave the door open a crack while we are earshot away in the living room. It is fabulous! When she's especially needy she can call for us or come into the living room, which she did the first week or so but rarely does now. It's just such a wonderful change from the hour long battle we used to have staying with her.
So, I hope this helps you see the light at the end of the tunnel