Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Pacific Northwest
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I could have written your post! My dd (who is now just turned 4) had never been comforted by dh in the night at all, and we didn't get it figured out before the baby came either. The way we delt with it was to just let dd sleep in the bed with me smushed between her and the baby. (dh got to skip out to the guest room) We are now finally at the point where "enough is enough", and are firmly working on getting her to stay in her own bed. This is mostly because she kicks and yells and wakes up the baby and everyone else when she's in our bed.
I realized (after a long talk with my mil, a psyhciatrist!), that this was never going to change unless I really felt and knew that it was the right thing. Internally, I went from "the best place for her is our bed, she really deserves to be with us, and I feel guilty for kicking her out of our bed" to "This is really the best thing for our family. I wish co-sleeping would have worked out better for us, but is just didn't, it really IS the best thing for dd to be in her own bed, so she (and the rest of us!) can get some sleep.' Not feeling guilty is KEY! They sense it and know if you're not 100%
SO, I've explained to her that she needs to STAY in her own bed (no exceptions, at this point!!). When she wakes up, either me or dh will come lie down in her bed with her until she's asleep again (hoping to transition out of this!!). I told her I will try to make sure it's me, but if the baby needs to nurse, it will have to be daddy. I told her that if she screams and yells, then I will NOT come in, but if she politely tells daddy that she really needs me, then I will come in to her bed after the baby is asleep.
Last night was the first night, and after going into her room 3 times, by 4 a.m, I had dh go in. She screamed for a while and then calmed down and asked for me so I went in. Yes, I got out of bed 4 times last night, but she stayed in her bed. Here's hoping it gets easier!
SORRY this is so long, but this is fresh for me! My advice to you: It's probably too close to the birth of the baby to make any major changes. When you do make a change, make it with all your heart and know it's the right thing to do. I'll keep you posted how our big plan works out.
If this is jumbled, just remember how many times I got out of bed last night! WHY am I still awake!?
mama to dd (4-15-06) and