Something has got to give...going insane and my marriage is hanging on barely. - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 35 Old 05-23-2010, 01:12 PM - Thread Starter
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Thank you all so much for all the thoughts and SUPPORT on this thread. This is why I love mothering.

Louisep- Thank you. I agree that I just need sleep. Sadly, I just don't see that happening anytime soon. We had an awful night last night. Our one twin was up every 45 minutes.

Erin- Thanks for mentioning the 4 month sleep regression. I didn't even think of that.

Godsgrace- That sounds exactly like one of our twins. Glad you lived through it to tell the tale!

Grace- Thanks for checking in here. I really do almost have to nurse them both together during the day when I am home alone. Otherwise, I am spending 20 minutes hearing the other one scream while nursing the other. That is enough to drive someone crazy. Of course, someone is always crying here. I just have to figure out how to get one to sleep and then the other without the non-stop screaming.

LCBMAX- Thank you so much for your thoughtful post. It really struck a nerve with me. I don't know why I am so committed to nursing (over-committed I think). I feel a lot of guilt about having two babies. I feel like I can never get one-on-one time with them so I make up for that by nursing. I don't know. I just feel like I can't fail at this, ya know? I have way too high of standards for myself and I just can't possibly live up to them. I almost feel like I have made my bed and now I should lie in it. I chose to get pregnant and have the babies so now I should feed them. I don't know. Your post really just got me thinking. I just keep thinking. I only have 234 days left. If I can just make it through then I can be done. It is sad really.

Jamie- Thank you for checking in here. Love you! I don't feel like I can post this on our board because it is shameful that I feel this way.

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#32 of 35 Old 05-23-2010, 01:24 PM
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Originally Posted by Bobbys View Post
This isn't going to be a popular answer, but consider pumping or supplementing with formula if nursing is that awful. BFing is a great bonding, nurturing time btw mom and baby, but if you are in that much distress over it, then your babies are suffering too. BFing twins is an incredible thing to do, but not at the risk of your sanity nor your marriage.

Do your twins sleep together? Can they? If they want a warm body next to them, can it be their sibling? I'm not sure if there are risks for twins sleeping side by side. But it's worth a shot. If not, put them in their cribs, and sit there holding their hands while they cry. Let them know you are there. Start with naps and then move on from there. Little victories.

This sounds sensible. I'm all for breastfeeding but not if it makes things worse. Also, you could use some night help. Can you get a pp doula, college student or sympathetic family member to help out? Even getting a good night's sleep every third night will improve your outlook a lot. Also, not a very popular opinion... but a three year old could go off to preschool three mornings a week for now. Until the babies got old enough to manage more gracefully.

Hang in there.
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#33 of 35 Old 05-23-2010, 02:44 PM
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Originally Posted by BeantownBaby9 View Post
The other mommas have great suggestions and I agree with the BFing, with the D-MER, you are putting negative, stressful energy out there, that cannot be calming for your twins, and may be contributing to their inability to settle.
I agree with this. My first child was high needs, but I was stressed to the max, and anxious about everything. My second and third babies have been wonderfully content - unless I have been stressed, depressed, angry etc. On those days they have been terribly clingy...always the way - on the days you need them to be calm they are not, but whenever I've realised that they just need to feel love rather than frustration from me, and I've given myself a good talking to and chilled out, they've immediately calmed down and gone to sleep or relaxed and stopped crying.

I appreciate that it's really hard for you with the D-MER and having fact I can't imagine what it's like, but isn't there *some* way of you getting a nap (do you have parents or in-laws around) - sleep deprivation does awful things to the best mamas...or is there anyone who can look after them while you get out for an hour by yourself? It's amazing what one hour a couple of times a week can do for one's sanity! For me, dh looks after our children in the mornings 3 times a week so that I can go to the gym.

I don't have loads of advice, except to say that if there are any steps you can take in order to make you feel happier/less tired, then I'm sure it will go a long way towards helping your little ones.
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#34 of 35 Old 05-24-2010, 12:19 AM
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ok I didn't read any of the replies but I wanted to reply so sorry if this has already been suggested. A disclaimer since I've never had twins. This is what I would try is putting both babes swaddled or in woombies in a recliner rocker baby chair like the fisher price ones and rocking each with your feet. This only works if they are always going to be in eyesight since they obviously can't be strapped in. Or one in a rocker and one in a swing or dual swings? I know this is totally not MDC but have you tried paci's with either babe. My dd didn't take one for the first 4 months but when she did it was like night and day with the sleeping. She settled way easier and without the boob. It really didn't affect our nursing relationship at all.

Proud Mama to DS 04/23/06reading.gif DD 02/18/09 modifiedartist.gif, 2 dog2.gif, and wife to wonderfuldh_malesling.GIF and adding another baby.gif. Here's my blog:
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#35 of 35 Old 05-24-2010, 03:17 AM
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- hang in there mama. You're doing an amazing job! Sending you good vibes

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