Or rather, co-sleeping familes. Because I'm really worried about DS's sleep, or lack thereof. None of us are getting much quality sleep. At all. DS is 10 months and fidgets all night long. Then wakes up crying. Then wants to nurse a million times, then gets up on his knees, practices his words, scratches at the wall, scratches at my eyelids, kicks and kicks, etc. He starts the night in his cosleeper (lowered) and after his first wake up (at about 3 hours) nothing but the big bed will do.
Do any bed-sharing families out there honestly wake up feeling like everyone got the sleep they need?
DS is such a snuggler, such a contact guy, but I'm starting to wonder if finding a way to get him more sleep wouldn't be more important than all being in the same bed.
Well, DS is 6 months and we usually get a good night sleep even with him eating every 2-3 hours because I just doze through the feedings. DH usually gets to sleep through a lot of the activity. I'm imagining that without co-sleeping it would be harder for all of us.
However, DS was sick a few nights ago and then nobody got good sleep. Of course that would probably still be the case if he was in a separate bed.
We have a king sized bed with DH by the wall, almost 4 year old DD in the middle, then me, then the 2 month old baby on the outside. (We have the humanity family sleeper so she can't roll off.)
For the most part we all sleep very well. There are some nights where DD1 in the middle will be restless and kick a lot, but not too often. Co-sleeping works well for us. DH likes being able to snuggle with DD1 at night since he doesn't see her much during awake hours because of work, and the baby nurses and snuggles while I stay mostly asleep.
Honestly, I don't get much sleep. Or rather, my sleep is interrupted regularly when DD wants to eat, which varies between every 3 to every 1.5 hours. I WOH during the day so it does get to me but it is really the best option for us because I couldn't imagine having to get up and be awake enough to walk somewhere and then keep my wits about me. DH tends to sleep through everything but if I need to get up (I sleep in the middle) to go potty, I wake him or crawl off the end, whichever way is better.
Our DD is almost 10 mos now so it sounds like you may be hitting a developmental milestone also. DD is more wakeful the last week or two and has been waking more frequently to nurse. There have been times when she's slept through 4-5 hours straight and that's been heavenly for me.
I look at it as a small price to pay for her development. I know - easier said than done. But I do try to focus on that as best as I can.
We get a pretty good night's sleep most nights. Our 15 month old wakes up to nurse 3-4 times at night these days (an increase recently from 2-3), so I'm usually awake or semi-awake for the 5 to 20 minutes it takes him to finish and go back to sleep.
So while yes, sleeping all night would be my preference, I get WAY better sleep with him in our bed than I would if I had to get up out of bed to nurse or comfort him. I occasionally feel irritated during the night if I can't go back to sleep or DS keeps rolling or kicking, but I don't feel sleep-deprived. It's totally worth it to know that he's safe and happy at night. I can't imagine sleeping apart from him at this point. Though last week we added at "auxillary mattress" next to ours, which helps with the kicking but not the number of wakings.
When DS was around that age, he started the night in the crib (3 feet from my bed) and joined me in my bed after the first waking. Some nights he'd sleep for 6 hours without nursing, others he'd get up after 2 and nurse frequently the rest of the night, other nights he'd get up after 2 hours and then only nurse once before morning. It really varied. The nights I'd get up to nurse him and then put him back in the crib after nursing were the ones where I didn't get enough sleep.
When DD1 was that age, she slept in my queen sized bed all night (DH slept in another bed in the same room) and we both got plenty of sleep. (Wait, no. When DD1 was 10mo I was 2m pg and needed more sleep than she did and was constantly sleep deprived- but that was from not being able to nap, not from the nighttime arrangements.) When DD2 was around that age, she slept with me all night, and DD1 was either in the big bed with us or with DH, and overall I felt mostly rested.
I never moved any kids out of my bedroom until he or she was old enough to come to me independently in the middle of the night if needed. It's so much more restful to have a child climb in with you than it is to wake up to crying and have to get up out of bed to get the baby. However, having the baby in a crib in the same room did work quite well, as I got up frequently to pee anyway and simply got the baby on the way back to bed from the bathroom.
It sounds to me like your LO may need some "nighttime discipline", learning that it's time to sleep, not play, and if he wants to kick and poke at eyelids, he'll need to go back in the cosleeper. I used to give DS a choice: lie in bed nicely (including nursing if he wanted to) or go back in the crib.
My daughter, who is almost 14 mths, has slept in between hubby and I from the start. Her sleeping habits have changed accordingly to whatever milestone she was approaching, ranging from waking several times to none at all. Right now, she's been sleeping basically all night maybe waking once to nurse. Even during the nights she wakes so frequently, all I have to do is pull out my boob and we both go right back to sleep lol She does tend to squirm and kick sometimes and has really nailed hubby a few times. The restless nights can be frustrating, but we still get plenty of sleep. I can't imagine having to get out of bed to nurse/comfort her back to sleep several times a night. I think we would all lose sleep if that was the case. We both like knowing she's snuggled safely in between us, too. What size bed do you have? I believe cosleeping is what does (and could) work best for most familes, however there are some who sleep better independently. Do what you feel works best and if you feel like you would all get better sleep by changing sleeping arrangements, then try it out. Hope that helps, mama!
we get a good night's sleep, even though my 8 mo nurses 2-3 times a night. i also doze through most of his nursings.
HOWEVER, with that said, i coslept with my second child (who is now 2) and it was horrible. she was constantly in motion, rarely slept, and always waking us up. when we discovered how sensitive she was to food additives, colourings, dairy and changed her diet, her sleep greatly improved. she slept restfully.
We are a bed sharing family. Ds has been in our bed since day 1 and so has dd. We usually get a good nights sleep. DD is down to about 1-2 wakings a night, but I can usually fall back asleep or I don't even wake up anymore. There have been times when ds was so active at night that we thought he might get a better nights sleep in his own space, but then it ends and he's just as happy with us. For right now, we are happy in one bed.
I get good sleep with my kids in my bed. DD1 is in her own bed unless DH is out of town, and DD2 is with me whether DH is there or not.
Honestly, one of the reasons I co-sleep is selfishness! I feel like, especially with a baby, I'm getting better sleep that way. I can nurse without really waking up. I haven't felt sleep-deprived most nights since she was a couple of weeks old.
(I realize that sounds totally "la la la, we're a perfect family" and I didn't mean it that way. Co-sleeping just works well for us.)
Anyway, once DD1 hit about 2-1/2, DH started lobbying to get her out of our bed, because it's only a queen size, and she was taking up more room and he wasn't sleeping well.
For us it depends. Some weeks I get sleep, don't notice her moving or waking up and feel decent and others it's awful. On the bad weeks I just keep telling myself having to roll over to get DD and comfort her is better than walking down the hall to a screaming kid.
I need my own space to sleep well.
We are. DD is still up to nurse 3-4 times a night usually, but we've mastered side lying and I just pop a boob in her mouth and go back to sleep.
I got the best sleep when I co-slept and napped when my dd napped. Even now we both sleep better on the rare nights when dd comes into my bed, despite the bed being incredibly small.
at that age - no that was not the best sleep i got, BUT it was better than having to get up out of bed and go feed her every two hours. just getting out of bed at night was work for me. i dont know how i could have survived babyhood if i had to get out of bed to go feed her.
i too dozed thru her feedings and never burped her at night.
I really, really want to cosleep with my dd but I'm not sure it's going to work out and I'm trying not to beat myself up about it. We bought the bed bug bumper and tried to sleep with her in bed a few nights ago but none of us got any sleep until I put her back into her bassinet at about 2 am. She grunts and groans so much after feedings sometimes that I think it's more comfortable to keep her in the bassinet where she is semi-reclined...she is quieter and more peaceful so for the time being I am doing what is best for her---rather than dragging her into our bed because I have a complex that I am not a good "attached" parent if she isn't sharing the bed for sleep time. We have a lot of quality family time in the bed but so far, when it's lights out, she moves to her own spot right next to us.
so yeah, if co-sleeping is really defined as having the baby at arm's reach, whether baby is sharing the bed with you or not, than we ARE cosleeping. It would be nice to just lean over and offer the boob, but the current arrangement sure works better than waiting for her cry and walking down the hall to her crib to comfort her. For us, we will probably put another bed in our room for her, right next to ours, when she's older and outgrows her bassinet. We will do what is best for baby and let her needs, not our own, be our guide. I am a brand new parent, but it seems to me that if baby is tossing and turning and keeping everybody up, than baby is not getting her sleep needs met either...which can't be a good thing.
9-10 months is a really tough age sleep-wise!!
We were waking several times an HOUR from birth to about 12 months. Somewhere between 12-14 months he started sleeping much better, and now at 17mos he often only wakes 1-2 times a night. We didn't change a thing, he just started sleeping well on his own, though every once in a while he has a bad night or two.
So yes, there are co-sleeping parents/families who get a good night's sleep... they just don't hang out here (I only stumbled on your post in the 'new posts', I don't spend much time in this forum as DS is sleeping so much better.
ETA: I cannot imagine NOT co-sleeping with a bad sleeper... the thought of dragging myself out of bed that often is terrifying!!
DH gets a good night's sleep for sure; unless DS is inbetween us for some reason and decides to start kicking. As for me; well, I have gotten better and more sleep since having him than I ever did while pregnant. So I am not complaining. That said, DS wakes, MAX, 2x a night to eat, and since we have mastered the side-lying nursing a few months ago, it is no bother at all, I barely wake up.
Do I feel well rested in the morning? well, not particularly, but I haven't felt really well rested since before getting pregant. Well before, since I was waking up early to go work out in the pre-baby days.
but I have gotten at least 2 3-4 batches of continuous sleep since the week we came home with him. If we weren't co-sleeping, I would sleep far worse, because I hate getting out of bed once there, and I am sure it would take DS longer to settle, b/c he's have to get loud enough for the monitor, and me, to hear him respond. By the time I would get to him, I am sure he would either be back to sleep or half way hysterical.
My daughter is almost six and we still co-sleep. Both of us sleep really well and she normally gets about eleven and a half hours of sleep every night.
It was not always this way though! She nursed a ton at night as a baby. And then she'd pee a lot and need to be changed. It was almost impossible to get her to sleep, she was never tired.
As a toddler she night woke/nursed all night long. We were still rocking/walking her to sleep for every nap/bedtime. She never once fell asleep on her own (except for in the car). She'd wake up in the middle of the night constantly and would want to party.
At three we were still having to rock her to sleep. She often woke up at 4 in the morning and wouldn't fall back asleep. Oh and she almost never did naps.
Then she turned four and almost over night things changed. She could put herself to bed, she slept longer/harder, didn't toss and turn as much...it was awesome.
There's the occasional wet the bed at night, but otherwise all is well.
I don't think co-sleeping hurt her sleep any when she was younger. I think sometimes little ones are just bad sleepers whether or not they're co-sleeping. In my dd's case, I don't think being in a crib or separate bed would have changed anything. And me not getting out of bed each time certainly helped me sleep better. I thank co-sleeping for all the rest I did get.
All and all I've loved co-sleeping and it's worked out really well for us.
I didnt' with my first until she was 2. She nursed every hour and a half all night. It was rough.
The little one though started sleeping through the night within a couple of months of birth, so I've been sleeping great this time.
Honestly? Of course not! I am tired almost every day. But I am also comparing it to the sleep I got when I didn't have a baby, so it's not really fair to compare. She STTN on her own from 7 wks to 6 mo, and then everything went crazy from that first tooth, and I haven't slept since she was 6 mo.
Some days I think about moving her to her own room to start the night, to see if DH and I coming to bed wakes her up. Right now her crib is right next to our bed, and she starts the night in there, when we're not in the room. I also think about gently nightweaning down the road. But so far I haven't made any changes. I just follow her lead.
id prefer to sleep on my stomach but sleep through her nursing. dh usually takes her in the morning for a couple hours so i can sleep in .
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That is a really difficult age for sleep, mama. I was getting pretty spotty sleep (co-sleeping since birth) until I got pregnant with my second when DS was 19 months old and he naturally nightweaned. At that point his sleep cycles seemed to change and he sleeps through a lot more easily now (knock on wood!) It also helps to have DH comfort him when he wakes and I just pretend to stay asleep. It seems as though he quiets more easily for DH.
SLEEP? WHAT IS THAT??
The past 2 weeks have been crazy tough, DS is now 9 months and 3 weeks old. He's always been a horrible sleeper, with every development or tooth or cold or separation bothering his sleep. But, I took refuge in the fact that about 95% of the time it was easy to get him to sleep, just nurse and off he went. Well the past 2 weeks I have been a walking zombie cause he won't go down easy, is waking about every hour to either cuddle or nurse, and every other night is waking around 3-4 AM and takes 30-90 mins to get back to sleep. I'm supposed to get up for work at 5 AM but if I can get him back to sleep by 430 or 5, I've been sleeping in a bit and letting everything else suffer. But I am still seriously sleep deprived
Although, I can't say that it's as bad as the time I was trying to get him to stay in his crib all night and he was waking every 45 mins and I was getting up to go to him to help him get back to sleep! At that point I was falling asleep driving into work.
He had worked up to sleeping 6.5 hour stretches right before I came back to work when he was 3 mos, and it has been downhill from there. I blame the fact that I WOH on some of it. He has however had a handful of nights that he has slept 5-6 hours at a time, didn't do anything different he just did it himself. We don't spend much time together during the week. I enjoy the cuddle time b/c he's such a busy kid. DH bugs me every now and again about moving him back to his room, I just don't think he gets it no matter how many times I explain that I will not let him cry! He mentioned it again last night...
DD is 32 months and we're finally getting consistent "good night sleeps" of 6 or more hours uninterrupted more than 5 nights/week. We've coslept since the beginning and honestly, it was incredibly challenging and I didn't really sleep at all for about the first 28 months.
However, now that we're night-weaned, she sleeps through the night and sleeps really deeply and I get a pretty great sleep. and, i'm significantly more used to sleeping with a wriggling little creature, and can't even remember what it is like to sleep alone.
I love sleeping with my DD and I'm so glad that I stuck with it through the first 2 years, which was the most challenging thing of my life, thus far.
We actually get pretty good sleep. My husband sleeps through everything. Cecilia, three months old now, sleeps very well at night. She wakes up to nurse generally twice, and both times I just put my nipple in her mouth and we both go back to sleep. We sleep from about 9pm to 5am, and she goes down again at 6am and sleeps til 9am, while I do my chores and whatnot.
We all sleep fine now that we've stopped co-sleeping!
DD and I kept each other awake all night long and that in turn woke up DH. We reluctantly bought a crib at four months and now all three of us sleep like rocks straight through the night. I wish co-sleeping had worked for us but it just didn't.
I would, if I went to bed at a decent hour instead of watching tv
I can't complain about co-sleeping with dd (9 months). Dh sleeps in another room so we have the bed to ourselves. Honestly, I don't know how many times he nurses through the night because I don't wake up completely (neither does she).
Honestly, it's not great, although at 18mths we've finally moved out of our every 40mins to 4-5 wakings a night. The thing is, for those of us who haven't sleep trained or night weaned our kids and who don't have awesome sleepers, co-sleeping is the best option in terms of maximising the sleep we do get. We have tried every conglomeration of sleep arrangement you can think of and we keep coming back to me and DS is a bed together with DP bunking in sometimes. It's not perfect but it beats getting out of bed multiple times a night.
All that said, I'd kill for 3 nights in a row of 5 uninterrupted hours. I dream of it, often!
Thanks for all of the responses, it's really great to hear from people who are in my same boat and also from people who are sleeping well and loving cosleeping. I love it in theory and I do believe that we as creatures have a need for that comfort and contact while sleeping, especially as babies. But I'm really struggling with the fact that getting into bed with DS every night I feel like he's putting the WWF smackdown on us not to mention in the middle of the night making entire paragraphs out of his two words, BAH and GAH (ball and duck), and nursing all night long.
He has a bed right next to ours and we've been working hard the last 2 days to have him nap in there and stay in there through the night. He's up every two hours like clockwork and we go to him immediately, comfort him, and lie him back down. Sometimes he goes right to sleep, sometimes it takes 45 minutes of laying him back down when he stands up. And it's not without some tears, but one of us is there with him, rubbing his back and soothing him. And sometimes I cry along with him because I'm so tired and frustrated.
None of us are getting the sleep we need, but we're going to stick with this plan for a few weeks in hopes of seeing some progress.
I'm definitely open to suggestions.... and I'll let you know how it goes!