DH hates putting DD to sleep! - Mothering Forums

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Old 07-15-2010, 04:43 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Okay so in the past week or so I have got DH to put DD to sleep once a day. She is 3 months and still naps every 1-2 hours so I am constantly BF and putting her to sleep. I do all of the nigh ttime parenting and he takes the morning shift for me for 2 hours or so, so that I can get a little bit of uninterrupted sleep. I feel like he should be helping more. BTW he works from home on the weekends only & during his work hours it is all me of course I dont expect anything from him. But during the week I feel like we should be more of a team... any advice or tips on getting him to assist?
He is a great Dad otherwise, he is very loving and VERY playful with her teaching her and reading to her, singing to her, bathing her, changing her, basically everything but putting her down. But I do 85% of everything ( I believe) and I really just get so angry when he gets to relax and I am still going and going. Is this just what being mommy is all about? I know she prefers me and will go to sleep faster with me but its because she is used to me and not him. She has to learn to go to sleep with dad sometime, right? I love my DD very much and do not mind but sometimes it would be nice to get a break.
Am I asking for too much?

Reading this made me realize that this might be more of a rant than anything. I love MDC

*Courtney*
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Old 07-15-2010, 06:09 AM
 
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I do not remember my hubby putting our baby into sleep at all honestly and I never asked him to do it....

Hipkidz
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Old 07-15-2010, 06:40 AM
 
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Rant away!

Maybe you should switch off some of the "fun stuff" for the putting to sleep routine once a day. Yeah, with an almost 5 yo and a toddler, I can count 4 times Dh has put either of them to sleep. It doesn't make me happy all the time... But he's not home 24/7... I get to sleep in on weekends (unless we have plans) and sometimes on his days he can go in late-ish. Totally sucks that I'm on duty 20 hours a day and he can just wander off... grrrr.

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But I do 85% of everything ( I believe) and I really just get so angry when he gets to relax and I am still going and going. Is this just what being mommy is all about?
See this jumps straight out at me. Have you ever heard of Flylady? Her program is about routines getting through the day without feeling overwhelmed and martyred. oiy, I know I'm needing the help lately, too. ... Here is the Flying with Infants page, it will help you get that anger in check. http://www.flylady.net/pages/FlyBaby_Baby.asp

---feeling like an emu on acid---
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Old 07-15-2010, 12:58 PM
 
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My DH is also very helpful, but it wasn't until he offered to put DD to bed every night (at about 8 months) that I felt my sanity start to really return. She's not a great sleeper, and it can take awhile to put her down--and between that and everything else in my day, it was wearing me out. He now rocks and pats and shushes her until she nods off and I take a little break. Try to talk to DH and tell him how you feel. A happy momma is worth the extra effort! Good luck!

Woman, Wife, Mom to beautiful DD (10/14/09), Copywriter, occasionally tearing my hair out but usually pretty happy about it all
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Old 07-15-2010, 06:23 PM
 
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Actually, I think this is part of issue too. DH personally doesn't like to sleep. He thinks he is going to miss out on something. He's always been a terrible sleeper.

I think his attitude is effecting how he views getting our daughter to nap and sleep.

Hugs is all I have and know that you have another mom who is handling the brunt of the sleeping with child.

signcirc1.giffly-by-nursing2.giffamilybed2.gifslingboy.gif

Proud mom of an inquisitive, breastfeeding, babywearing, cosleeping 9 month old boy and a talkative curious 4 year old girl.

 

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Old 07-15-2010, 06:43 PM
 
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"I" hated putting DD to sleep. It was awful. Time consuming. She'd wake up half the time when we put her down. I think we spent something like a quarter of our lives trying to get her to sleep.

So I sympathize fully with your husband's sentiment.

Now, does that mean he shouldn't suck it up and pitch in? Hell no.

I just about snapped (like, checked into the looney bin) on sleep issues with my husband's full participation. I don't know what I would have done without that.

Homeschooling mama to 6 year old DD.

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Old 07-16-2010, 12:43 AM
 
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Originally Posted by laohaire View Post
"I" hated putting DD to sleep. It was awful. Time consuming. She'd wake up half the time when we put her down. I think we spent something like a quarter of our lives trying to get her to sleep.

So I sympathize fully with your husband's sentiment.

Now, does that mean he shouldn't suck it up and pitch in? Hell no.

I just about snapped (like, checked into the looney bin) on sleep issues with my husband's full participation. I don't know what I would have done without that.
I don't know if this sounds rude to say (I hope not!), but reading that made me feel better. I'm only starting to be a little less obsessive about DD's sleep--and it's comforting to know I'm not the only one who went a little bonkers over sleeptime.

I'm beginning to think the key is my attitude towards DD's sleep, and not her actual sleep. After all, she's sleeping how and how much she needs to, and I'm the one who's uncomfortable with it. If I could just swap worrying about her sleep with enjoying the moment, I'd be SO very much more relaxed...

Woman, Wife, Mom to beautiful DD (10/14/09), Copywriter, occasionally tearing my hair out but usually pretty happy about it all
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Old 07-16-2010, 05:49 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Seriously, THANK YOU ALL SOOOO MUCH! Great advice and I will definitely check out the flylady site. I have heard of it before but never checked it out.
Thanks again I am feeling much better and I am def going to talk to DH and see what he thinks....

*Courtney*
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Old 07-16-2010, 06:22 AM
 
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I suppose what you could work on, if you haven't already gotten her to fall asleep not nursing. That way he would have options to soothe her. Try to work her into drifting off AFTER nursing in another manner that he can easily duplicate.


3 months is kinda young to not expect a baby to doze off nursing though.

I'm in the group of dh didn't do much by way of putting to bed, 'ever'. It was always me. I didn't mind he worked and I was home all day. He would try if I asked him to though at least.

Ditto on the FlyLady. I tried to keep that up when she was young and i was home all day in that 24/7 position of "mother". You are not alone.

Melissa mama to Zoë 7/26/03
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Old 07-16-2010, 10:11 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Tway View Post
I don't know if this sounds rude to say (I hope not!), but reading that made me feel better.
Saying someone helped you feel better is never rude

Homeschooling mama to 6 year old DD.

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Old 07-16-2010, 12:00 PM
 
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I don't have much practical help as my dh has never really put our dd down, but I will say that if I had it to do over again, I would insist he try much earlier. My dd is nearly a year old and at this point she can only sleep with nursing (and babywearing if we're out and she's completely exhausted). My dh feels like I am the only one who can get her to sleep and won't even try, which is, of course, the only way things could ever possibly change. It does suck that I could never possibly be gone at a nap or bed time at this point. I would really ask that he give it an honest shot (like, 1/2 hour of trying, maybe?) at least once a week. Compared to the amount of time you spend getting baby to sleep, it's really nothing, and it's enough to keep that bond there and not make it so foreign to baby if you ever wanted to go out in the evening or whatever.
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