I NEED sleep (dh does not want a co-sleeping toddler) - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
Old 08-13-2010, 10:28 AM - Thread Starter
 
missdawn25's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 39
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Here we go...

DH never wanted to co-sleep ,ever, he cherishes his sleep ans is very grouchy without it. He did not come from a nurturing, snuggly family (he is 2nd generation japanese) and so I think that is where the problem lies. When ds was born in March 08 I told ds he would sleep with us because I wanted him close to make sure he was ok, reduce SIDS risk, and I was not getting up 15 times a night to go into another roon and nurse him. He reluctantly agreed and ds slept with us from then on. He has never been a good sleeper and would wake every hour to nurse. Fast forward to now..

we have dd now who is 3 months old. When she arrived dh said he refused to sleep with 2 in the bed. he does not mind the baby, but no ds. So ds is now in his own room across the hall. He continues to wake 3-4 times a night. The problem is now he wakes SCREAMING! He screams, gets out of bed and comes to our room. DH takes him back to his room to try and settle him (usually falling asleep with him). DH sometimes makes it back to our room, sometimes not, but is constantly complaining that ds is a horrid sleeper, that he needs sleep and he wants to just "let him scream his head off, he needs to learn to sleep on his own, every other child his age sleeps" I will not not allow him to scream, but I also need some sleep so I can't go comfort him when he wakes and the baby when she wakes too, I need a little sleep at least to function during the day with them.

Anyone have any sugestions to get ds to sleep better? He is 29 months and had been night weaned since 19 months, when I was hospitalized during the pregnancy with dd. He falls asleep nicely now most of the time with our routine (brush teeth, read 3 books, kisses and hugs) and falls asleep quickly. He usually starts waking around midnight. He does nap during the day for about 2 hours, and is very cranky when he does not nap, so he needs the nap. I need to keep the peace with dh while still helping and hurturing ds.

Please help!
missdawn25 is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 08-13-2010, 11:04 AM
 
D_McG's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 2,998
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
It was very helpful for us to help DS find ways to comfort himself at night. We remind him to snuggle his baby (doll). At some point he always came into our room but we made him walk in there himself (didn't go to get him). I'd focus on going on there and softly telling him what to do ("pull the blanket over yourself!", "rub the bear's head!").

It's tough. Both DH and I are 'good' cosleepers in the sense that we sleep well with the kids there. But for those who are not it's tough! Sleep deprivation is horribly depressing. Good luck to you as you figure it out!

DS (6.06), DD (10.08), DD (05.11).

D_McG is offline  
Old 08-13-2010, 11:32 AM
 
Juvysen's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Binghamton, NY
Posts: 7,279
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
No clue... my 4 year old dd is a FAR better sleeper than my 3 yr old ds, despite practically identical night time parenting. ds *still* sometimes wakes at night screaming. he's prone to night terrors, though. I wish there was some magic cure... have you considered looking into whether he has food intolerances? Ds sometimes wakes up screaming because his belly hurts (gas)...

Jenna ~ mommy to Sophia Elise idea.gif  (1/06), Oliver Matthew  blahblah.gif (7/07) and Avery Michael fly-by-nursing1.gif(3/10)

 

dizzy.gif Wading slowly and nervously into this homeschooling thing.

Juvysen is offline  
Old 08-13-2010, 11:47 AM
 
Liora's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 294
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Can you put a toddler matress in your bedroom? Maybe if he was at the foot of your bed for instance he would be happy and DH would too?

Liora - wife to Pete, IVF miracle DD babygirl.gif (2.11.09) 11 year Infertility survivor! FET miracle TWIN boys babyboy.gifbabyboy.gifborn 2/28 at 32 weeks and growing strong in the NICU.
Liora is offline  
Old 08-13-2010, 03:30 PM - Thread Starter
 
missdawn25's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 39
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Thanks for the suggestions. I think we will try to get him to self-comfort and help him hearn to comfort himself when he wakes up.

He does not wake up complaining his tummy hurts, but we have noticed that he does not have a small snack sometime before bed he wakes up saying "I am starvin in the bed mama!"

Unfortunately, dh does not even want him in our room on a bed on the floor, we have argued about it. he does not mind him comming in when he wakes up anytime after the sun comes up to let us know he is awake, but he does not want him sleeping in our room.

If anyone else had ideas that might help please let me know!
missdawn25 is offline  
Old 08-13-2010, 05:26 PM
 
2cutiekitties's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Georgia baby
Posts: 1,150
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Well in my house DH moved to the full size bed in DS's room, which we call the toy room. I sleep in the king with DS who is 3.6 yrs old. If I were you, I would send DH to another bed and sleep with both the tots in your big bed. That way everyone is happy. DH has a love hate relationship with it. He loves getting the absolutely amazing sleep that he gets in there. He sleeps on a very nice organic bed with dreamy pillows and amazing quality sheets. But he is sad that we dont get to cuddle. But I sleep better with DS, so he knows the arrangement works and really it wont be forever.

Seems like in the last month DS has said he could sleep on his own. So maybe 29 months is just too young and your hubby needs to suck it up, so to speak.
2cutiekitties is offline  
Old 08-13-2010, 05:46 PM
 
puddle's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 896
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
When DH couldn't take the cosleeping anymore, I moved into DD's room and have been sleeping there with her ever since. Some kids just don't sleep well by themselves for a long time. I miss DH, but at the moment DD and I are still a package deal, even at age 3. I'm just not willing to get out of bed all night every time she wakes up and freaks out, and DH isn't going to do it... No idea how this will work now that another LO is on the way though...

Your DH needs his sleep, but so do you and your kids. Whatever gets all of you the most sleep is the best way to go, even if it's an unconventional arrangement.
puddle is offline  
Old 08-13-2010, 06:36 PM
 
Juvysen's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Binghamton, NY
Posts: 7,279
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by missdawn25 View Post
Thanks for the suggestions. I think we will try to get him to self-comfort and help him hearn to comfort himself when he wakes up.

He does not wake up complaining his tummy hurts, but we have noticed that he does not have a small snack sometime before bed he wakes up saying "I am starvin in the bed mama!"

Unfortunately, dh does not even want him in our room on a bed on the floor, we have argued about it. he does not mind him comming in when he wakes up anytime after the sun comes up to let us know he is awake, but he does not want him sleeping in our room.

If anyone else had ideas that might help please let me know!
Ds, though very verbal now, doesn't tell us his tummy hurts, either. He just screams for a half hour... we started noticing that sometimes he passes gas right before he calms down, but it seriously took us a year of that before we noticed. Hope something works for you.

Jenna ~ mommy to Sophia Elise idea.gif  (1/06), Oliver Matthew  blahblah.gif (7/07) and Avery Michael fly-by-nursing1.gif(3/10)

 

dizzy.gif Wading slowly and nervously into this homeschooling thing.

Juvysen is offline  
 
User Tag List

Thread Tools


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off