Would you do it? Send baby away for a full night? - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 43 Old 08-25-2010, 12:22 PM
 
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If your uncomfortable letting her spend the night, could you ask your mom or dp to spend the night in another room in your house with the baby and let you sleep in your room with the door closed. For when I know someone else is taking responsability I can sleep a lot deeper and feel more rested.
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#32 of 43 Old 08-25-2010, 12:29 PM
 
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I'd try the "Mom, take her to the zoo for 6 hours" approach during the day and SLEEP!! No laundry, email.... just sleep!
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#33 of 43 Old 08-25-2010, 12:49 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Elijah's Mommy View Post
If your uncomfortable letting her spend the night, could you ask your mom or dp to spend the night in another room in your house with the baby and let you sleep in your room with the door closed. For when I know someone else is taking responsability I can sleep a lot deeper and feel more rested.
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I'd try the "Mom, take her to the zoo for 6 hours" approach during the day and SLEEP!! No laundry, email.... just sleep!
This. I wouldn't let the baby go all night; even though we only live 5 minutes a way, and I'm pregnant. My parents are pretty young (early 50's, but I've noticed that they don't really have the stamina to deal with waking after waking.

Another option would be to let your parents take the baby after that 4,5,or6 am waking.

Texmati-- Knitter, Hindu, vegetarian, WOHM. Wife to superdadsuperhero.gif and mom to DS babyf.gif24 months, and DD boc.gif 8 months! .

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#34 of 43 Old 08-25-2010, 12:54 PM
 
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oh, and I would never send my baby away to be sleep trained. I know my parents would never 'let' him cry. I would give real specific instructions on 'things to try' when she woke or cried. feeding, rocking, singing, bouncing, white noise, ect.

Texmati-- Knitter, Hindu, vegetarian, WOHM. Wife to superdadsuperhero.gif and mom to DS babyf.gif24 months, and DD boc.gif 8 months! .

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#35 of 43 Old 08-25-2010, 12:59 PM
 
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Given what you said about your mom, I would do it. Your daughter won't be alone and screaming herself to sleep. If she's crying, she'll have a loving family member there to comfort her. You will get the best sleep you've had in a year and hopefully wake up somewhat refreshed and better able to cope. One night won't make a difference in her sleep habits going forward, but I bet it will make an incredible difference in your outlook and coping abilities.

All that said - what about your dp? How much night time parenting is he doing on a regular basis? If you're at home and he's working fulltime, I understand that it's important for him to get some sleep to function at work, but on the weekends, at least, maybe you can sleep separately and let him have night time duty. That would give you a couple of good nights of sleep a week, which can be life changing when dealing with sleep deprivation. Two of my three kids were horrible sleepers, so I know what you're dealing with!
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#36 of 43 Old 08-25-2010, 01:00 PM
 
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Originally Posted by JL83 View Post
Please don't sleep train your DD. Please don't let anyone else do it either.

I've been there with 2 kids who didn't sleep for more than an hour and a half at a time for 18 months. Deciding to stop meeting their needs isn't the answer. Sleep training is never appropriate or the right answer.

If your mother will comfort your DD and is willing to spend the night up with her, then go for it and get some sleep. If your mother is just going to neglect her and let her scream in a crib, then your DD deserves better than that.
The op said that her mother is a cosleeping mom herself and has no plans to let the baby cry.
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#37 of 43 Old 08-25-2010, 01:00 PM
 
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Originally Posted by lerlerler View Post
I'd try the "Mom, take her to the zoo for 6 hours" approach during the day and SLEEP!! No laundry, email.... just sleep!
I think that is a fantastic idea! Good work!

I am not a supporter of sleep training either. It may be good for others, not in my home.

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#38 of 43 Old 08-25-2010, 01:08 PM
 
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I think that you're forgetting that for the history of man people have co-slept and dealt with sleep deprivation. The body adjusts. The idea of getting 8 solid hours at night is a first world ideal with isn't actually very biologically normal.
You don't have to get 8 hours a night, but there is such a thing as being sleep deprived. It has real effects, there's quite a bit of scientific research to back it up.
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#39 of 43 Old 08-25-2010, 01:14 PM
 
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Originally Posted by JL83 View Post
Please don't sleep train your DD. Please don't let anyone else do it either.

I've been there with 2 kids who didn't sleep for more than an hour and a half at a time for 18 months. Deciding to stop meeting their needs isn't the answer. Sleep training is never appropriate or the right answer.

If your mother will comfort your DD and is willing to spend the night up with her, then go for it and get some sleep. If your mother is just going to neglect her and let her scream in a crib, then your DD deserves better than that.
I completely disagree that "sleep training" is a bad thing. CIO is a bad thing. Sleep training is something that we ALL do. We all train our babies to sleep. Whether that be NCSS, night weaning at an appropriate age, reading a book and taking a bath before bed- it's all sleep training. It's just not HARSH sleep training. There's a big difference, and I think it really does a disservice to anti-CIO to lump it all together.

Quote:
Originally Posted by JL83 View Post
I think that you're forgetting that for the history of man people have co-slept and dealt with sleep deprivation. The body adjusts. The idea of getting 8 solid hours at night is a first world ideal with isn't actually very biologically normal.
Yes, but in the history of man people were not so isolated as they are now. You were more likely to live with your parents, or next door to your parents, etc. Those people would be able to help you. And just because something was a certain way a kazillion years ago does not make it better. Our life spans used to be much shorter, too (and, I'm sure some people think that it would be better if they still were- but they're not).

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#40 of 43 Old 08-25-2010, 10:27 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks everyone for your thoughts. I really do appreciate it!

First, my mom is completely awesome!! : She was at both of my homebirths and is amazingly supportive!

Second, just a bit of an update: my mom took her and dd#1 for about four hours yesterday afternoon and I went home to sleep. Managed to sleep for about two hours so it was a nice nap. I find myself to be such a light sleeper these days that any noise wakes me up instantly and I'm on hyper-alert. Sometimes I swear I hear my children breath even when they are miles away. :

Also, dp usually has to get up for work extremely early and he works a relatively dangerous job so I've always been the one to get up with dd. He didn't have to work today so he actually got up with her and i got an additional two hours of sleep this morning. That was heaven.

I know things will get better. I have a five year old who *usually* sleeps through the night and time really did fly, so I know it'll all be better soon enough. HOWEVER, I agree with HANNAH32 that sleep is biologically necessary. Perhaps we don't need the generic (mythical) 8 hours a night that people talk about, but I know there are scientific studies to support people physically needing sleep. I know for me, personally, I feel foggy and I don't "connect the dots" as well during the day when I don't get sleep. Not to mention, I'm a mean ole bitch. :

I think for now, I'll keep having my mom take the girls whenever she can during the day so that I can nap and revisit this idea when dd is a bit older. In the meantime, I've got to figure out how to get her to sleep for longer stretches.

Mama to Maia (12/04), Nora (9/09), Sam (8/12) and Step-mama to Aidan (3/02) and Luci (10/04).

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#41 of 43 Old 08-25-2010, 11:31 PM
 
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Great news! I think it's a wonderful to build sleep into your routine some how-- perhaps a nap every weekend will work wonders until you figure out her sleep stuff.

Texmati-- Knitter, Hindu, vegetarian, WOHM. Wife to superdadsuperhero.gif and mom to DS babyf.gif24 months, and DD boc.gif 8 months! .

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#42 of 43 Old 08-26-2010, 02:20 PM
 
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I don't have much advice or anything other than I think it sounds like YOU really trust your mom and that's important. And I do think one night of sleep can be wonderfully recharging. The other day, after waking up every hour or so and taking 1/2 hour to get back to sleep from 2am on, DS suddenly fell asleep at 8am and napped for three full hours. I was still in bed with him (hadn't gotten up yet) and I got to sleep too. I felt fantastic for the rest of the day just having gotten three solid hours....

Also, I was reading an article in Psychology Today about sleep deprivation and how it inhibits a person's ability to recognize differences in body language and facial expressions. The interesting and pertinent thing about this study was that after even just ONE night of uninterrupted sleep, the people in the study were back at the same level as someone without sleep deprivation.

I think even if you don't FEEL completely restored body and mind, it would probably do you more good than you realize.

Also, I posted this** in another thread. It's some advice that a facilitator at my mom and babe group gave. I haven't tried it but some of the responses to my post had and said it worked for them, so maybe...

**One thing she said was for babies that have REALLY short or seemingly non-existent deep sleep cycles (who seem to constantly be in shallow sleep and therefore wake easily and often), she recommended spending a few days really watching them sleep and as they come out of one sleep cycle and SEEM to be waking to take that moment to place a hand on them and jiggle softly or whatever seems appropriate and try to get them back to sleep before they come totally awake. If you can manage to get them back to sleep without picking them up and if you do this often enough, hopefully they should start sleeping longer. The theory here being you are helping them learn to come out of a sleep cycle and enter into another WITHOUT coming fully awake.

The other thing she recommended was if they do fall asleep somewhere (like in the carseat or the stroller) on a fairly regular basis then you can build a routine off of that. So for example, if your baby sleeps in the stroller when your go for walks, start going for a walk everyday at the same time. Once your baby is in that habit, start placing your baby in the stroller and not going for walks, just rocking it a bit until baby falls asleep (or the whole time baby is sleeping if s/he keeps waking up when you stop at that point) and them progressing to just putting baby in the stroller to nap without rocking it, and so on... (I don't know if this would work with a carrier because I think it would be more difficult to transition away from mommy's bodyheat/smell/movement).
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#43 of 43 Old 08-27-2010, 11:29 PM
 
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Sounds like your girl will be in good hands with your mom. Great idea, go for a long power nap first, then try an overnight! Get some sleep, you'll be a better Mama for it.
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