Cosleeping/bedsharing and S-E-X. (Maybe TMI) - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 22 Old 10-03-2010, 11:54 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My DS usually sleeps in his cosleeper for the first few hours of the night (mostly so I can get SOME sleep where I'm not getting kicked) and then I move him to the bed with us when he wakes up for a feeding, anywhere from 1am to 3am. So if DH and I want to fool around at all, it has to be when he's not in the bed with us. The past few times we did anything, he woke up, even though he was in the cosleeper. I guess he heard us or something, because he woke up mad and crying and I had to nurse him back to sleep. By the time that was over I really had no desire to finish what we started. So, how do you cosleeping mamas have any kind of sex life?

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#2 of 22 Old 10-04-2010, 12:32 AM
 
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There are lots of other places besides the bed.....

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#3 of 22 Old 10-04-2010, 12:48 AM
 
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There are lots of other places besides the bed.....
Yep, we put J down in our bed and then go somewhere else usually.

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#4 of 22 Old 10-04-2010, 12:58 AM
 
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We use our guest room. In fact, we're both pretty set on keeping a guest room as long as there are babies in our bed.

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#5 of 22 Old 10-04-2010, 03:51 AM
 
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Other rooms.
Other times of day.
Babysitter.

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#6 of 22 Old 10-04-2010, 05:52 AM
 
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Other places in the house works as well as other times of day. Often DTD while nursing or with the baby sleeping on my chest worked great. Once we found out that we could keep the baby asleep by having me lay back in our recliner with the baby on my chest while we DTD, it was our place of choice for a while. Especially because otherwise it seemed the baby would wake up even if we were in another room. It is like they can sense it I swear. If you have a sling, putting the baby in it for reclined or standing positions works pretty well. Good luck!
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#7 of 22 Old 10-04-2010, 09:33 AM
 
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Other times of day (while DS is either napping or playing happily by himself)
As you do, with him in the cosleeper. He never has woken up.
For us, we have only the one bed, so guest room is not an option. I would put babe to sleep in another room (does he have a crib? now that DS is 10 months, that is where he starts the night. He stopped liking the co-sleeper around 6-7 months) with some white noise.
FWIW, I can nurse him back to sleep and get back in the groove fine, but I don't know that I could nurse and DTD at the same time.

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#8 of 22 Old 10-04-2010, 11:45 AM
 
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during afternoon nap or night sleep between breastfeeding, in another room. it really didn't work for us in the same room, our baby has a very sensitive ear. and, yes, the official bed is not the only place for sex, while all the rest of the house has unexplored cheeky corners
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#9 of 22 Old 10-04-2010, 12:03 PM
 
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Other rooms...mattress on the floor...

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#10 of 22 Old 10-04-2010, 01:48 PM
 
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We are a no TV household, except for wiggles every couple of days. We put DS in excersaucer put on wiggles and go up stairs for a bit. Otherwise DS is sleeping in bed or co-sleeper(crib side carred) and we are on floor or Ds's 'room.'

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#11 of 22 Old 10-04-2010, 02:26 PM
 
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You know, I'm with all these other posters... other rooms, other times, etc. But I'll say that there are times when you want to, say, have morning sex, or just sort of quietly before falling asleep (Sometimes I feel like I have to nurse DS to sleep, then DTD to get DH to sleep...)
Anyway, while there are those other options, it's definitely been a strain and has been the biggest reason DH wants to get DS out of our bed. It's not just the sex, it's also snuggling... DS seems to have a sixth sense for when my physical attention is elsewhere, and that's when he wants milk.
Not really the most helpful post- I guess I just wanted to say that even with those options, it's still kind of hard. But not forever.
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#12 of 22 Old 10-04-2010, 10:35 PM
 
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Originally Posted by zensven42 View Post
Other places in the house works as well as other times of day. Often DTD while nursing or with the baby sleeping on my chest worked great. Once we found out that we could keep the baby asleep by having me lay back in our recliner with the baby on my chest while we DTD, it was our place of choice for a while. Especially because otherwise it seemed the baby would wake up even if we were in another room. It is like they can sense it I swear. If you have a sling, putting the baby in it for reclined or standing positions works pretty well. Good luck!
ummmm.... I'm really glad this worked for you, but... really?

my boobs are off limits during DTD right now, because it just makes me think of DS and it just seems... idk... wrong somehow... I can't IMAGINE being comfortable DTD while nursing. Even when DS was younger....

Although, I will allow that different things work for different people... so, yeah... you just gotta find what works for you, I guess

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#13 of 22 Old 10-07-2010, 03:04 PM
 
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Hmm this is of interest to me as well. What, praytell, is DTD? I've never heard the expression before. From context I am thinking some kind of oral sex...?? Pardon my ignorance!
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#14 of 22 Old 10-07-2010, 03:10 PM
 
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Hmm this is of interest to me as well. What, praytell, is DTD? I've never heard the expression before. From context I am thinking some kind of oral sex...?? Pardon my ignorance!
Do The Deed

I always assume it encompasses all sex acts.

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#15 of 22 Old 10-08-2010, 12:12 AM
 
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We almost always go to another room. Living room or something, there are times we take it to the floor . And to the lady that nurses while DTD, I have done it too

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#16 of 22 Old 10-08-2010, 02:12 AM
 
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After the kids are in bed it's the living room or DS1 room (which he doesn't actually sleep in). There have been a couple of times that we've snuck into the bathroom while the kids were busy. That's not ideal though because we don't have a lock so I have to stand against the bathroom door.

Lately we've found we can put a movie on for the kids and lock the bedroom door but it's still pretty hit and miss. Sometimes we can get away for half an hour, sometimes not even five minutes.

There is NO WAY I could DTD with a baby on me! It would just feel wroooong! I have issues with even doing it in the same room as the kids though!

It's complicated.
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#17 of 22 Old 10-15-2010, 02:40 PM
 
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yeesh, I couldn't nurse and DTD either, but hey, whatever works. I guess if that was the only way...yeah, I would, but thankfully we don't have to. We have DTD with her playing in the room, and sleeping next to us, but it never seems to work out successfully. Since we got a crib, it has made our sex life much better. Yes, there are other places, but the bed is the most comfortable. We still cosleep mostly, but I put DD in the crib for naps and also at night-she wakes up about an hour or so later and I take her into the bed, but while she is in the crib we take the opportunity to get our snuggling in.

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#18 of 22 Old 10-17-2010, 03:20 AM
 
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it's called a quikie, during naptime..

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#19 of 22 Old 10-17-2010, 11:07 AM
 
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Can't decide if nursing your little one during sex means you really love sex or really hate it..can not imagine enjoying myself with my baby on my chest
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#20 of 22 Old 10-17-2010, 10:27 PM
 
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Lots of morning sex. I put strawberries, blueberries, tofu with lime wedges, or nuts and dried fruit at the front of the fridge at night so when the kids get up in the morning I send them to get eat that while we do our thing.

I also nursed them while we dtd a lot before they were big enough to get their morning snack by themselves. I'd side-lie until she fell asleep then I'd ease her off.

We don't have a TV, but if you do, can you use it to occupy them for 30 minutes while you do your thing?

We're into tantric sex, which teaches you about the importance of keeping your sexual energy up, for yourself and for your relationship. When we have a lull, we get the book out and are always motivated to put the effort in. For three years we've dtd almost every day, sometimes even for just 5-10 minutes, and I think we're healthier and happier and more playful because of it. I credit that to our tantric sex books that keep us motivated!

Good luck! I hope you find what works for you!

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#21 of 22 Old 10-18-2010, 09:38 AM
 
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I'm not one who could dtd w/the baby on me or nursing, either. We usually go to a different room during naptime or right after putting the baby down for bed. Sometimes we got interrupted, but really just had to laugh about it.

Love in the Time of Colic is a great book that really got us back on track, and gave us some good ideas on how to keep our sex life going despite having a new baby (and now a toddler)!

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#22 of 22 Old 10-18-2010, 02:23 PM
 
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Citymagnolia, I found your reply inspiring. DP and I have hardly DTD at all since DD was born 8 months ago - I'm only now finding the interest, and my pelvic floor hasn't been doing that well since the tear. However, we've begun to remember that there are many ways to DTD, and I'm sure that if we managed it more often we'd be more relaxed and connected.

And I also have nursed during - odd, but manageable.
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