Husband/ Partner's Duties at Night - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

View Poll Results: Partner's Role at Night
Nothing, sleeps through the night 42 100.00%
Hands the baby over for feeding 14 100.00%
helps calm the baby 23 100.00%
Changed diapers, swaddle, sheets... 30 100.00%
Multiple Choice Poll. Voters: 4. You may not vote on this poll

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#31 of 39 Old 10-08-2010, 10:36 AM
 
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Right now? I take care of both children at night by myself, unless both happen to be up at the same time and the older is being too noisy for the younger to go back to sleep. However, he cleans the kitchen to let me go to bed with the baby, so I think it evens out.

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#32 of 39 Old 10-08-2010, 10:45 AM
 
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Since I breastfeed, I pretty much do everything at night. DH is sooo willing to help though, I love it If he wakes up from DS crying (since I won't wake DH up if I can help it), he wants to change diapers, swaddle, or walk him. Most time I can keep DS quiet enough that DH doesn't wake. I'd rather he sleep since he can't nap at work like I can at my job (SAHM!).

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#33 of 39 Old 10-08-2010, 11:12 AM
 
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My husband and I made a deal--I'd take care of all nighttime parenting within reason, and he'd do ALL the household chores. I mean, ALL of them--the laundry (including diaper laundry, because we cloth diaper), dishes, litter box, vacuuming, cleaning the bathroom, making the bed, grocery shopping, most of the cooking... I think I've done dishes three times in the last four months, and vacuumed once. I've cooked a little more often because I love to cook, but usually she wants to cluster nurse around dinner time.

It feels like a good deal now, though it didn't always. I mean, I'm nursing, so there's not much he can do when she wakes up in the night these days anyway. Now that she's 3 1/2 months old, she rolls over to my breast, nurses side-lying, and goes right back to sleep. She doesn't even cry like she did as a newborn--I just magically wake up right before she does, somehow. I don't even bother changing her diaper since she never poops during the night anymore. I'm still incredibly sleep-deprived, since I work full-time and she sometimes wakes up several times, but whatever--my husband works full-time, too.

It did NOT always feel like a great deal at first, though. In the first two months, night waking also involved hours of swaddling, shooshing, rocking, etc, and lots of poopy diaper changes. And I used to look over at my blissfully snoring husband and feel really cranky. But my husband took 11 weeks unpaid FMLA leave (I took 12), so at 7 am each day I'd hand her to him and go back to bed for a long nap.

Or try to, anyway... I'd wake him up at 7 am, and it would take him FOREVER to get himself hot coffee (which he couldn't drink near baby) and a shower and eat his breakfast... and then he'd take her around 8 or 8:30 by which time I'd probably need to nurse her again. But that's another story.

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#34 of 39 Old 10-08-2010, 01:54 PM
 
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I should add that both of our babies were born at 35 weeks, so the first 6 weeks or so were pretty rough. There wasn't much sleeping at night for a while. When they were little, and especially when he was home on paternity leave, dh would take the bedtime shift -- I'd go to bed at 7 or 8 or 9, and he would try to keep the baby reasonably happy for 3-4 hours so I could get a good stretch of sleep.

Once he was back at work and we were settled in a little, I have been the full-on nighttime baby mama...frankly he would have had to figure out how to soothe them earlier on...they wouldn't have anything to do with him in the middle of the night anyway. Of course, that may have been reenforced by his general attitude.
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#35 of 39 Old 10-08-2010, 03:36 PM
 
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His job is to cuddle the 3 year old and receive all her kicks/ elbows to the gut! LOL I sleep peacefully while nursing the 9 month old!
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#36 of 39 Old 10-10-2010, 08:19 PM
 
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In the beginning, DW did everything besides breastfeed. I was very very sore after the birth and couldn't really stand. So she did all the changing and whatnot. And although she induced lactation, I did all the feedings for the first few weeks to let my milk supply get established, and I still did all the night feedings for a good 4 months.

These days, DD is 4.5 months and DW has been doing one early morning feed, around 5am. I do the rest... sometimes that's feeding every hour and sometimes (rarely) she sleeps until DW's early morning feed. On the weekends, she does all of the morning feeding and lets me sleep in late!

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#37 of 39 Old 10-10-2010, 09:58 PM
 
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XH was the swaddle man. I am terrible at it. I LOVE the velcro swaddlers! But before we had them, XH would reswaddle DS and we'd take turns changing his diaper. He also got me nipple cream or water or anything else I needed while I nursed. That only lasted the first week at home, though. After that, DS was latching well and I dozed through feedings, so none of us got up unless he had a wet diaper that seemed to be bothering him.

With this little one, it will probably be a bit different. DH is a night owl anyway, so he'll probably be in charge of all night-time duties except feeding, since he'll already be awake. Crying, changing, whatever.

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#38 of 39 Old 10-10-2010, 10:04 PM
 
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Dh does not need to get up with the baby. I don't see any reason for him to get up too since I need to feed her. His nighttime duties are to take care of the older kids if they call out.

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#39 of 39 Old 10-10-2010, 10:46 PM
 
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we approach nighttime parenting as an equal partnership. sometimes we had a go with the flow division of parenting. other times, we democratically established a "schedule." i.e. on M/W/F you get up with the baby and on T/Th/Sa I will. we'll alternate sundays to sleep in.

during the earliest weeks and month where breastfeeding falls mostly on me, we balance it out by him doing more of the diaper changing and non-feeding sothing in the middle of the night.

hoping for a !
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