Will anyone admit to trying CIO with horrible regrets? - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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Old 04-03-2004, 07:45 PM
 
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Originally posted by bubbles
We tried soooo hard with ds to put him down in his bassinette early on and let him go to sleep. We did it over and over and it never worked. WE thought we should start as we intended to go on, but ds had a completely different idea.
thanks for sharing this. i ignored that advice and now ppl are so sure that it is my fault that ds doesnt fall asleep on his own. very annoying, :

i'm gkad to say that he was held like 24/7 as a newborn, but he can entertain himself quite well now. i think its just his personality.
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Old 04-05-2004, 01:42 AM
 
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I tried CIO a few times with DD1. Never even tried with DD2. The last time I tried it with DD1 was when she was an infant and that day she happened to have a scab on her chin from a bad scratch the day before. While I was in the living room trying to let her CIO for a nap, she proceeded to scratch off the scab. Imagine my horror when I went in after 5 mins and she was covered in tears, runny nose, and blood.

Never again. Didn't even put up a crib for DD2.
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Old 04-05-2004, 01:53 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by nichole
thanks for sharing this. i ignored that advice and now ppl are so sure that it is my fault that ds doesnt fall asleep on his own. very annoying, :

i'm gkad to say that he was held like 24/7 as a newborn, but he can entertain himself quite well now. i think its just his personality.
I am glad it helped. I get so tired of people telling me it is because I did not try something soon enough, hard enough, etc. I had definite ideas about how things would work and, boy did ds tell us differently! I really feel strongly that when sleep training, schedules, etc. work well for a family it is because the child was wired that way, not because that is how the family decided it would work.
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Old 04-05-2004, 02:29 AM
 
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I just want to say thanks for all the stories mamas...I bet some of those were not easy to share.
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Old 04-06-2004, 06:58 AM
 
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I bowed to pressure to "just let him CIO" at 6 months. He cried in his room in his crib by himself for over two hours. What was I thinking, That KID IS GOING TO SLEEP IN HIS CRIB . . . What was I feeling? Anger, frustration, sadness, desparation, and totally disconnected from THAT KID.
When I finally went in his little body was rigid, he was covered in barf, he had picia around his eyes from crying, I think he was in shock. Of course when I saw him, I felt sick. What the hell was I thinking? I had assumed because I knew that he was tired that eventually he would cry himself to sleep. Wrong.
I learned some valuable lessons that day.
In order to let your child CIO you must disconnect - but when will you reconnect?
Follow your gut, most times when mothering is difficult for me I stop and look around. I ALWAYS find that when I am having a hard time it is because I am not respecting my childs needs and he is reacting. When I change my perspective, the situation often resolves itself naturally.

The CIO session led to ds crying if he even looked at his crib, so we took it down. He was despartely clingy for weeks following.
In truth, I feel bad about the whole situation but I don't carry it with me. Feeling guilty does nothing to enrich my relationship with ds and so I choose to let it go. I am a good mom. Made a mistake, learned a lesson, lived to tell about it. All is well.

Peace
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Old 04-07-2004, 05:30 AM
 
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in a way it was forced on me and I knew nothing of AP then
I was young, in the midst of emotional rollercoaster-having a baby while getting divorced
being treated like dirt being 19
I had to live with my parents a bit again
The 'leave him alone it builds his lungs"
" he needs to know you won't be there every time he cries-and you know what THAT one stuck for a long time
I was even SAT ON to keep from going to pick him up


Years later when he was around 9/10 he told me ' you know why I didn't cry much when I was scared or hurt when I was little? I knew you wouldn't be there
Can you imagine that poor baby having a nightmare and I never knew because he just sucked it up or whimpered in his pillow???
I don't think I will ever get over the guilt

I asked my mother once HOW could you do that to me so I in turn did it to him? She said your gma did it to me and it was all I knew...

We still have some damage to undo but we have been working on it for 12 years
He is 17 now...and when he hears babies cry in the store he whispers to me "PICK UP THAT BABY "
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Old 04-07-2004, 06:41 PM
 
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I'm so sorry to hear what you and your son went through.
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Old 04-08-2004, 01:05 PM
 
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To me it is like this, if your child is crying there is a reason. To let them cry and not attend to them is cruel. I have never let my children cry in thier beds for more than 3 min. I have 1 child that sleeps with me at night. My youngest sleeps on her own fine and my middle child is starting to want to sleep with me. Ages are 3,2 and 1.

I trully feel that all children go through the stage of needing to be close to thier mother at night time. This comfort should not be ignored because it is a inconvenience for you. Eventually your child will sleep on thier own if they are in your bed. I wouldn't be scared to sleep with them. My three year old is on her way to her own bed slowly but surly with alot of encouragement that she is a big girl now. The more I encourage it the more she wants it but I do not force it.

Just my thoughts on what works for me and them. If cio works for others than fine but I don't believe in it.

Steff
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Old 04-08-2004, 01:41 PM - Thread Starter
 
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steff, this is a thread for mothers "who tried cio with regrets", meaning they don't think it is right either but did what they knew how to do at the time and now realize that there was a better way. It is a thread meant to let other mamas know what we went through and to try to discourage other mamas from doing CIO. Thanks for voicing your opinion. These stories were very hard to share...and to hear, and I know that they have already helped other mamas who were considering CIO at the end of their rope.

Tina ~ SAHcarrot.gif- head Mama to - 

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Old 04-08-2004, 02:08 PM
 
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Sorry I thought I was refering to not doing it, that I am against it.
I did try it with the first and hated it. Thats why she is still in my bed because I won't force her to sleep on her own and cry all night. But I figured if someone who believes in cio was reading this, it would change thier minds about it.
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Old 04-08-2004, 03:21 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Tina ~ SAHcarrot.gif- head Mama to - 

  DS blowkiss.gif(07/'03), DD energy.gif(05'05), DS, unplanned UC sleepytime.gif(01/'09), DD joy.gif(06/'11) ...

SURPRISE!  dizzy.gifNew little one, due Sept. 2013

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