|View Poll Results: when co-sleeping - do you have to go to bed at the same time as your child?|
|yes - i sleep when they go to sleep||12||27.91%|
|no - i pretend to sleep then sneak out||16||37.21%|
|what is co-sleeping ? i let 'em scream and sleep alone.....||1||2.33%|
|Voters: 43. You may not vote on this poll|
we now have a toddler bed, and if he is sleeping, we can move him into it. the toddler bed is still located in our bedroom for co-sleeping.
the problem is that currently, despite out early bedtime routine starting at 7:30 or 8 of a bath, storytime and mommamilk time, he isn't physically tired or ready to sleep by 8:30, or even 9 .( signs of tiredness such as rubbing the eyes). he is bouncing around and happily playing and staying up late.. he doesn't think bedtime is, until we are both in bed, and he is laying between us and the lights are out. the toddler thinks our bedtime, is his bedtime.... how on earth do i change this? my old fashioned mother says, well get a crib, shut the door and let him cry, which is exactly what i DONT want to do... so - how do we get him to go to sleep on his own, early ? or does this idea go against the co-sleeping theory??? since it's expecting him to sleep alone. he sleeps alone for naps, so i know he can do it....
tell me - do all the other families out there who co-sleep have a family bedtime when everyone goes to sleep at once??? are we stuck with him going to sleep at the same time as us forever? i'm ok with pretending to sleep until he falls asleep - however - tonight as i pretended to sleep, he quietly left the bed, walked around the room, and then opened the door and tried to go upstairs .. (to visit dad and grandma upstairs) ... it wasn't until ten pm, that my husband and i had to pretend to sleep with him in the middle, he finally fell asleep - two hours past the hoped for bedtime - of course lovely husband fell asleep for real, thus voiding all other plans for a saturday evening ( our rented movie went unwatched - and now i am here, online .. wondering - how can this continue?/ )
please - any thoughts on what to do???????? h e l p m e g e t t h e b o y to s l e e p ....
At that age my kids were on a 7-7 schedule. Wake at 7 (or earlier), sleep at 7. One nap usually done by 3pm (sometimes a car nap earlier in the day so all naps done by 1).
Wind down starts at 6pm. Asleep by 7.
I can't stand my kids being up late. Sometime in the first few months their bedtime goes to a decent (for me) hour. As tiny babies they go to sleep at the same time as me.
I never pretended to go to sleep or anything. I really don't want them thinking anything other than their bedtime is earlier than mine. They know that mommy and daddy spend time together alone at the end of the day. I have nothing to hide with that.
DS (6.06), DD (10.08), DD (05.11).
And I can't really answer your poll because I'll play with my phone behind dd's head as she falls asleep. I don't pretend to sleep and I only go to sleep too if I'm tired.
Mama to H (3/18/08) and A (8/25/09)
you cant expect change overnight. perhaps over a period of a month. but you've got to keep the discipline up.
you HAVE to include evening play time. run at the park. run around in the grocery store. go to a fair. go out and do something so that his physical and intellectual needs are getting met. and then watch for tiredness. put him down THEN. if you miss the window he gets a second wind.
however are you prepared for him to get up earlier than he does now? because if he goes to bed on the time you want him to go to bed - which he will provided you do all that he needs - he might wake up earlier.
dd never went to bed before midnight till seh started first grade and had to be up no later than 7 am. aaaaaaaaaaaaargh weekends are not the same again. i want to snooze till noon. dd is up 7 am bright eyed and bushy tailed ready to go.
FWIW, my 25 month old doesn't go to bed until 9-9:30 and is still up at 6-6:30 AM..
Catie - Happy wife to Aaron (01.05), mama to Liam(08.08), and Ian (11.10)! and due Feb 2013 with blessing #3!
When does your son wake up? I figure that my kid will sleep about 10 hours at night, which gives me around 2 hours to be awake without him if I still want enough sleep myself (which I definitely do at 7 months pregnant). Maybe I could push his bedtime to 8:30 if I tried, but I'd have to be getting up at 6 or 6:30 to make it work.
As for how to get him to sleep, I don't have much help. We used to nurse to sleep, then it was songs, but right now pretending to be asleep is the only thing that works.
He used to go to bed really late, but then I started working pretty hard on getting a good routine going, and he started going to bed much earlier. We also get up early though - 7am usually b/c I'm in school. Now he always falls asleep at 8pm sharp - don't know why, but we lay down together between 7:15-7:30, and he rolls around in the bed, and then at 8pm his eyes close and he's asleep.
The Pack n Play broke so we've started taking him upstairs to his crib, which is as big as a toddler bed (it can convert to one). We haven't converted it because he won't stay in it, given the choice. But I sit up on our very cozy bed with him and knit or read while he winds down in his crib with books and soft toys. Eventually he falls asleep and I go back downstairs. When DH and I come up to bed many hours later (we're both night owls), we move him from his crib to the family bed. (We tried leaving him there to see if he was ready to sleep on his own, but he always woke up in the middle of the night crying for us, so now we move him preemptively.)
With a babe on the way I don't mind settling into this kind of routine, because I know within a couple of weeks I'll be lucky to stay up later than my toddler. Spending thirty minutes or so quietly knitting or reading while DS goes to sleep is actually really pleasant and a part of my day that I look forward to now. And I don't have to deal with the bulky, ugly Pack n Play anymore.
It's not as free range as I'd like but it works for our family. Also, I find that if he doesn't get the nap time he needs, he actually sleeps worse at night. When he's overtired our bedtime routine really drags on and it's miserable for everyone. We're all up by 6 or 6:30 every morning so it's really important to us that he is in bed on time.
Loving wife and mama to my sweet little son (Fall 2008) and a beautiful baby girl (Fall 2010)
When a stupid man is doing something he is ashamed of, he always declares that it is his duty. --George Bernard Shaw
My 1 yo has always needed a lot more parenting to sleep. He is just learning to fall asleep alone in his pack and play earlier in the evening, but still will not tolerate being put to 'bed' until I go to bed with him. The pack and play (in my kitchen, so he is always very nearby) is out bedtime compromise with him. He also doesn't sleep at a very reliable time yet, but I suspect that within a month or so we'll have a 7-7ish pattern down.
It is very important for me, that my kids learn they can go to sleep before the adults do.
(My 8 year old had a great 7-7 sleep schedule until a couple years ago. Now she is in bed at 9pm and up at about 7 am. The household rule is that she needs to be in her room reading or otherwise doing something quiet by 8:30.)
I think maybe with my next child I will try a crib very early on so that I won't have to go to bed at the same time as my child/have the child awake until it is our bedtime. It was so easy when he was a baby but now I only worry that he is not getting enough sleep. After reading the posts, I realize I'm not the only one and this may actually be normal!
With DS2 we wised up... we still coslept until he was 2 (then we moved the kids into a shared sibling bed) but we transitioned him from falling asleep with us lying down with him to one of us sitting in a chair next to the bed and patting him on the back until he fell asleep. We actually still do this with both kids since they still share a room, but we've got the whole bedtime-books-songs-backrubbing down to a half hour, which is perfect for us.
I agree with the pps that you need to look at the amount of sleep he's getting; start waking him up in the morning if he is sleeping late, or only allow a shorter nap, or try harder to wear him out in the early evening, and then be very consistent with the bedtime routine. I would highly suggest trying to transition to sitting next to him, within arms reach where you could rub his back. He would not feel scared/lonely and yet it's much harder (though not impossible!) for the parent to fall asleep seated in a chair (use an uncomfortable chair!). You could even get to the point where you are sitting with him but working on a laptop, listening to an iPod, etc which will make it more bearable if he still takes a long time to wind down. It will definitely take some time and patience, but do not give up-- give it a solid month of telling him that you will be doing it this new way and I believe he'll get used to the new normal. Good luck!
It's not a popular opinion around here. Everyone thinks that toddlers should go to sleep at 7:00 or 8:00 pm and I'm not sure why. If your toddler changes his schedule, great for you! If he doesn't, don't get upset, just except him for a night owl and come up with a different arrangement for you and DH to spend some time together. Maybe a weekend breakfast while DS spends a few hours with a relative or a sitter.
Everyone thinks that toddlers should go to sleep at 7:00 or 8:00 pm and I'm not sure why. If your toddler changes his schedule, great for you! If he doesn't, don't get upset, just except him for a night owl and come up with a different arrangement for you and DH to spend some time together. .
My ds naturally falls into a 10 or 11pm to 830-9am schedule. I am currently trying to get his schedule to shift earlier because my dh has a new job w/an insanely early schedule. It only works on no nap days. I don't get anymore alone time w/dh during the week anyway with his new schedule.
On the weekends, ds goes down when he is tired. I usually lay w/him & nurse him to sleep & sneak off. He is usually down for the night, unless he was overtired to begin with.....then rinse/repeat.
I figure this phase in his life is but a blip in time, so I can ride his wave for now .
It seems like that might be the best place to start. If he wakes up later than you'd like, wake him earlier, and you might get him down earlier. If he wakes up at a good time already, try cutting out naps (my kid sleeps closer to 12 hrs at night when he doesn't nap). And if both the naps and the morning are working well, maybe you're stuck with that schedule for now.
Not that I've got it all figured out either, but after trying all sorts of things and keeping track of sleep and wake times over several weeks, I'm pretty convinced that no bedtime routine will change the basic pattern of how long he's willing to stay down at night.
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