I don't normally post much on this forum since my daughter was born and all my personal time vanished! But I really need to talk about this issue to people who don't think that co-sleeping is the invention of the devil.
We've had 5 and half months of wonderful co-sleeping and while it has it's downsides I've really enjoyed the benefits and the closeness. In the beginning I seemed to have a deep intuitive bond with my baby, waking just as she stirred etc. In fact my husband mentioned a few times how I would sleep soundly regardless of what he did, but as soon as the baby whimpered I was wide awake.
But I think that is starting to fade and last night I had a bit of a frightening experience. I half-woke out of a dream thinking that my baby's arms were turned the wrong way and went to fix them. Somewhere in my foggy awareness I realised that I better wake myself properly before touching her. I woke up fully, realising that she was perfectly fine, but absolutely horrified that I could have hurt her or bent her arm or something if I hadn't woken up fully. I don't know if that makes any sense whatsoever! It's so hard to describe something as unreal as a dream, or the multiple layers of thought processes that happen in that waking/dreaming state.
Lots of times, I've nursed her in the night barely waking to do so. And until now I've trusted my intuition with her and never felt that I would roll on her or do anything in anyway to hurt her. Now I'm not so sure.
On the one hand I'd love to take comfort from the fact that even in the middle of a very foggy dream, some part of me knew that I HAD to wake up to keep her safe. But I think I have to take this as a warning that it's time to move her out of our bed.
I'm heartbroken! And I feel almost ill thinking of putting her to sleep away from me. Oh I know I sound ridiculously dramatic but until now I've felt like I was looking after her through the night, that I'd be right there if anything went wrong. I feel like I'm failing her now to put her away from me.
My older son slept in the nursery from an early age and we didn't co-sleep, but knowing that he was fine doesn't really help right now.
I suppose I'm just sad to end it like this. I imagined that we would eventually have a more baby-led transition to a big girl's bed. But I suppose there was always the danger that my husband would evict her first!
Has anyone else been through this?