I'm going prematurely GRAY. AP Moms, Please help :( - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 51 Old 01-18-2011, 08:43 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Can you put her to sleep in your bed and then have sex on the floor... very quietly?

 

ETA - and/or can your mum and sister take her out for an hour on your DHs days off so you can have sex then? You needn't *tell* them that that's what you're going to do, just say you'd like a break.

 

TBH, from what you described, I would be letting the baby sleep with me and trying to solve the sex problem rather than trying to solve the sleeping in the cot problem which seems harder. Although, to be fair, DH and I both love co-sleeping so that may colour my perspective.



Well, it is all sort of complicated because my husband is home at 7, goes to bed at 9, and is up at 4am.. So we have no "other" time together to try getting creative with sex, at all. Except on weekends. We have actually done it on the floor LOL But it kind of bummed hubby out, he is not against co-sleeping but when it came to us resorting to sex on the floor, he was a little put off by it. (although he didnt complain after.. haha!)
And we have someone watch her while we go to "talk in private"... it just would be nice to have a little more flexibility



After reading this and you update these are my thoughts...

 

- you have a way to have some sex. Yes flexibility and a bed would be nice but, you have a baby and you live with extended family. I think *some* sex is pretty good even if it's not your ideal location or frequency or not as spontaneous or whatever.

 

- this will not last forever. You LO will get older and more independent with her sleeping and you will be able to more special grown-up time winky.gif

 

I mean this gently but I think your husband needs to just get used to life as it is for the moment. I don't mean you should stop trying to have sex whenever you can and I don't mean that he can't dream about having your LO sleeping in her own bed but is this really worth making everyone miserable over?



 Yes and No. It's both my husband and I really, so not just him. Infact, he's the one who said I should consider just letting her go thru this phase and let us all just sleep, lol.


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#32 of 51 Old 01-18-2011, 08:49 AM - Thread Starter
 
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her sleep patterns don't sound so bad to me. She wakes a lot without you there, like most babies (even my DD at 15 months) but when you go to bed she sleeps through? I don't even have that!

 

personally I would not bother torturing her or yourself anymore.....



 Really? Yes she does sleep thru when I am with her. Infact, last night was sort of a crazy one, she went to sleep at 10, I left her in bed with hubby until I went to bed. She woke up every 1-1.5hr, but when I came to bed she slept with me till 10am without making a peep, lol. So really, when she is in bed with me, I sleep gooood.

 

I talked to hubby about a sidecar, butting her crib up against ours, and he said that seems like a good solution. She can learn to sleep in it gradually. I know it feels way different.. its a different surface, different feel, and no mommy to snuggle up to.


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#33 of 51 Old 01-18-2011, 08:54 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Set up a seperate love shack in another room for you and DH to get it on in.

Let the babe stay with you.

Cosleep or don't but making a decision will make like easier for all of you.

Make sure DH isn't being a baby too:)



I wish.. we did have a "room"... but its taken right now..

 

And our bed is not really move/sound proof if you know what I mean, we have tried it - lol!

No he's not being a baby - we all just want sleep and the attempt at "teaching" her to sleep in her crib has not worked. I feel like maybe I am trying to fix what isnt broke now.. Perhaps we just need to make a minor adjustment (like giving her her own space in a side car against my side) and everyone will be happy.

 

I will need to figure out how to smoothly butt a sidecar crib up against my side. 


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#34 of 51 Old 01-18-2011, 09:10 AM
 
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I mean if you are dead set about the side cart thing go for it but I have doubts. I think you're DD has a better sleeping pattern than like 50% of MDCs babies/toddlers. If my DD were sleeping that well I wouldn't dare move her! lol

 

what about DH day off? you guys can't do it in the shower and put DD somewhere safe and baby-proofed? We just leave the door open a crack so if she needs to come in the bathroom b/c she's upset or whatever she can and we stop.

 

You have a walker or something? She's like 8 m/o right? heck put her in a pack n play with some activities!

 

no reason it has to be at night KWIM?


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#35 of 51 Old 01-18-2011, 09:11 AM
 
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oooh also to "speed things up" for me since we have limited time to have "maritals" I got a bullet. Gets me there when he does and doesn't replace him or anything. works for us.


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#36 of 51 Old 01-18-2011, 09:21 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I mean if you are dead set about the side cart thing go for it but I have doubts. I think you're DD has a better sleeping pattern than like 50% of MDCs babies/toddlers. If my DD were sleeping that well I wouldn't dare move her! lol

 

what about DH day off? you guys can't do it in the shower and put DD somewhere safe and baby-proofed? We just leave the door open a crack so if she needs to come in the bathroom b/c she's upset or whatever she can and we stop.

 

You have a walker or something? She's like 8 m/o right? heck put her in a pack n play with some activities!

 

no reason it has to be at night KWIM?



Well the reason I think it would work, is because shes OK sleeping, as long as shes not confined away from me.. if she can scooch and roll to me, I think she will be happy no matter where shes at as long as she can nurse back to sleep immediately with no distruption (like when shes in her crib, and I pick her up to nurse, the whole picking up and getting situated thing WAKES her up). When she was much younger and I was asleep with her alone, I would scoot her far away from me to allow myself some stretching room, but within a couple hours she had made her way back to me, and attached herself to nurse. Hehehe. Plus, I don't think I would expect her to sleep IN her side all night long. I would probably sleep as far away as I can on the edge, to be near her side.. and then when she's fast asleep, I would scooch back to hubby. I think her biggest "trauma" to sleeping in her crib, is she can't doze off with the tatas! She falls asleep so well if I nurse her, but if I am dropping her in her crib there is that brief period of her feeling the sensation of being lowered, and realizing she is no longer nursing.

 

 If she was on her side, we wouldnt disturb her when we do "our thing", either..

 Here's hoping??? Does it sound like a bad idea? The idea sounds great anyways to me.. Our bed feels so cramped. It's a queen.. so a few more feet of space for her would be be NICE.

 

 

 Yes she's almost 8mo so I can easily stick her in her bouncy and she's happy. A couple times now, when we were desperate, we went into our bedroom and left LO with his sister who lives with us temporarily, and I texted her saying "watch her please so we can talk"... Her response was "ewww.. okay" so I think she got the idea. LOL We can do that sometimes, mainly on weekends, it wouldn't really be doable on weekdays. We aren't totally sexless.. I just miss being able to if I want in our own room, like when DD would sleep in her bassinett that she since outgrew.


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#37 of 51 Old 01-18-2011, 09:24 AM - Thread Starter
 
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oooh also to "speed things up" for me since we have limited time to have "maritals" I got a bullet. Gets me there when he does and doesn't replace him or anything. works for us.



Ohh well we can do it in like 3 min flat, not a prob there, LOL I'm suprised it doesnt kill the mood.. guess we are just happy to get what we can!! We've even opted for doing it in his truck (takes me back to pre-baby days LOL) but NOW we have encountered an issue of her refusing to take a bottle. So now, we can't have alone date nights.


Come to think of it, that might help our sleep issue. I never get to see my DH, we can never go on dates without her, and if we do, we can only be gone for 1-2 hr and it can't be in the evening when its bedtime. If we got a weekly date night, some freedom to do *whatever*, it would help sooo much.


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#38 of 51 Old 01-18-2011, 10:55 AM
 
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try showering with DH and having sex there.


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#39 of 51 Old 01-18-2011, 01:09 PM - Thread Starter
 
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try showering with DH and having sex there.



blah! Doesnt work - our shower is too small, has nothing to "lean" or, sit on, or anything.. plus we have to use condoms and lube. We've tried this in the past but it NEVER works, lol.


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#40 of 51 Old 01-18-2011, 04:06 PM
 
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I say where there is a will there is a way. thumb.gif


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#41 of 51 Old 01-18-2011, 04:10 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I say where there is a will there is a way. thumb.gif



lol well, by chance, we have an empty house tonight!


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#42 of 51 Old 01-18-2011, 04:25 PM
 
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well get off here and go get some.


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#43 of 51 Old 01-19-2011, 07:16 AM
 
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hahaha yall are funny.

 

If you really want the whole side cart thing, there is no talking you out of it. Do what you feel is best just know it may or may not be easy and may or may not work. I am not one of those people who think babies can or should be "trained" I just go with the flow and provide stability wherever my DD's natural routine goes.

 

My friend's DD is about 3 and she decided the other day she wants her own room and she hasn't gone into her parents at all. I personally believe in the benefits of a family bed. I mean side carting a crib isn't bad, it is co-sleeping, I just wouldn't personally force it if it doesn't go well.

 

A lot of people will say you are the boss make her do x,y,z yeah ok...a lot of babies do GIVE UP eventually, but that doesn't mean you did what was best for them. If she is telling you "mama I hate this, knock it off" in her baby cries and you just keep on doing it sure she will most likely just give up, but you may lose trust from her as a result.

 


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#44 of 51 Old 01-19-2011, 09:07 AM - Thread Starter
 
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hahaha yall are funny.

 

If you really want the whole side cart thing, there is no talking you out of it. Do what you feel is best just know it may or may not be easy and may or may not work. I am not one of those people who think babies can or should be "trained" I just go with the flow and provide stability wherever my DD's natural routine goes.

 

My friend's DD is about 3 and she decided the other day she wants her own room and she hasn't gone into her parents at all. I personally believe in the benefits of a family bed. I mean side carting a crib isn't bad, it is co-sleeping, I just wouldn't personally force it if it doesn't go well.

 

A lot of people will say you are the boss make her do x,y,z yeah ok...a lot of babies do GIVE UP eventually, but that doesn't mean you did what was best for them. If she is telling you "mama I hate this, knock it off" in her baby cries and you just keep on doing it sure she will most likely just give up, but you may lose trust from her as a result.

 



 Thank you.. I do not know that I am (our or relationship) is cut out for extremely strict sleep training. I cannot sit and listen to her cry, and I have no problem nurturing her 100% right now, and my personal feeling is if we need "sleep training", we can approach it at an age where she has better concept of it.. I hope I am not just setting myself up for a spoiled toddler who refuses to ever sleep alone, lol.  I cannot count the number of times my family tells me "See, told you! She's going to be stuck in your bed till she's 10".. So I get nervous. lol It's just been frusterating trying to fight this... I mean I'd be up with her working on this ALL NIGHT, screaming included...... Am I wrong to just think to try later on when she's more open to the idea? Or will there never be such a day? lol

 

Oh, and just for laughs, me and hubby did get alone time when everyone was gone and DD was in bed... We're like WHOOHOO! We had a  good hour to ourselves, but juuust at the worst moment.. the baby monitor starts blaring her cries... haha!! Go figure!! The baby radar was going off in her little head I think! The same radar that makes her cry when momma juuuust fixes her own dinner plate, or when momma has shampoo in her hair in the shower. LOL


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#45 of 51 Old 01-19-2011, 09:31 AM
 
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I absolutely believe and have witnessed that kids don't stay in you're bed forever. They all move on when they are ready. Heck when she is old enough start a sibling bed, where the kids can chose to co-sleep together ...or not.

 

I don't believe in sleep training at any age. My BFF sleep trained her baby at 9 m/o...shes 20 m/o and STILL not STTN. It's all BS it really and truly is.

 

Children under 3 y/o wake at night b/c their brains are not developmentally capable of not waking. When they are older they usually just roll over and continue to sleep. You're DD is already doing that as long as you are near, so that is a big step period.

 

You have to not let people get to you.

 

I breastfeed and always get "when will you just give her formula" or now since she's older "just wean her already!!!" my BFF formula fed and always got "Why aren't you breastfeeding, you are horrible ect ect"

 

No one can win either way, it is about doing what YOU feel is best period. No matter how you parent in someone elses eyes you are doing it dead wrong and he will be destroyed b/c x,y,z.

 

babies can not be spoiled period. My DD is a toddler and she is the most laid back and confident kid it's amazing. Whenever she is in childcare at church or playing with another child or we are out and about ALL we get are compliments about how well behaved/confident/independent/laid back/good she is. AP supports her ability to feel confident and go explore b/c she's not afraid. She knows we support her 100% and are there for her every bump and bruise or whatever need she has it has and will be met.

Every single kid she has been around that was left to CIO (even just for 10 mins) is not like her they cling to their moms they are afraid to explore. Seriously I can tell which kids are Ap'd or not every time we go to a play group! Sure some AP kids still have a clingy temperment, but seriously you can see the difference, at least I can.

 

She was in the pre-school room at church last week (b/c all the kids her age cry the whole time and I hate putting her in the baby/toddler room) I told them she's so laid back don't worry she will be fine. I set her up with some toys and started an activity for her and left. 2hrs later (yes church is 2hrs for us) we went and got her and all the "teachers" were amazed by how she didn't cry once, shared with all the kids, was hugging everyone, and was so well behaved and self reliant. We couldn't stop getting compliments on her!

 

I can 100% say I have no regrets APing, co-sleeping, extended BFing, BWing...everything has helped her be the child she is. She was always a high needs baby/kid, she's very spirited as well. She has come a long way and is who she is today b/c we parented to her needs, had we gone the other way and "trained her" and forced her into things I know she wouldn't be how she is now.

 

DH was skeptical at first about AP but now you should here him. Everyone always says how happy and confident she is and he is always like "We AP and co-sleep, she's still BFing you know, it has all helped her so much, tell you're future wives to parent this way you won't regret it" It's too funny.

 

AP builds the foundation for their lives.

 

Have you read any AP books? I highly recommend the Dr Sears Discipline book. It has a lot of info on GD and why doing training and things aren't good for babies or toddlers. The baby book has a lot of info too.


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#46 of 51 Old 01-19-2011, 10:04 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I absolutely believe and have witnessed that kids don't stay in you're bed forever. They all move on when they are ready. Heck when she is old enough start a sibling bed, where the kids can chose to co-sleep together ...or not.

 

I don't believe in sleep training at any age. My BFF sleep trained her baby at 9 m/o...shes 20 m/o and STILL not STTN. It's all BS it really and truly is.

 

Children under 3 y/o wake at night b/c their brains are not developmentally capable of not waking. When they are older they usually just roll over and continue to sleep. You're DD is already doing that as long as you are near, so that is a big step period.

 

You have to not let people get to you.

 

I breastfeed and always get "when will you just give her formula" or now since she's older "just wean her already!!!" my BFF formula fed and always got "Why aren't you breastfeeding, you are horrible ect ect"

 

No one can win either way, it is about doing what YOU feel is best period. No matter how you parent in someone elses eyes you are doing it dead wrong and he will be destroyed b/c x,y,z.

 

babies can not be spoiled period. My DD is a toddler and she is the most laid back and confident kid it's amazing. Whenever she is in childcare at church or playing with another child or we are out and about ALL we get are compliments about how well behaved/confident/independent/laid back/good she is. AP supports her ability to feel confident and go explore b/c she's not afraid. She knows we support her 100% and are there for her every bump and bruise or whatever need she has it has and will be met.

Every single kid she has been around that was left to CIO (even just for 10 mins) is not like her they cling to their moms they are afraid to explore. Seriously I can tell which kids are Ap'd or not every time we go to a play group! Sure some AP kids still have a clingy temperment, but seriously you can see the difference, at least I can.

 

She was in the pre-school room at church last week (b/c all the kids her age cry the whole time and I hate putting her in the baby/toddler room) I told them she's so laid back don't worry she will be fine. I set her up with some toys and started an activity for her and left. 2hrs later (yes church is 2hrs for us) we went and got her and all the "teachers" were amazed by how she didn't cry once, shared with all the kids, was hugging everyone, and was so well behaved and self reliant. We couldn't stop getting compliments on her!

 

I can 100% say I have no regrets APing, co-sleeping, extended BFing, BWing...everything has helped her be the child she is. She was always a high needs baby/kid, she's very spirited as well. She has come a long way and is who she is today b/c we parented to her needs, had we gone the other way and "trained her" and forced her into things I know she wouldn't be how she is now.

 

DH was skeptical at first about AP but now you should here him. Everyone always says how happy and confident she is and he is always like "We AP and co-sleep, she's still BFing you know, it has all helped her so much, tell you're future wives to parent this way you won't regret it" It's too funny.

 

AP builds the foundation for their lives.

 

Have you read any AP books? I highly recommend the Dr Sears Discipline book. It has a lot of info on GD and why doing training and things aren't good for babies or toddlers. The baby book has a lot of info too.



 LOL Funny about the "future wives" thing.. haha!

 

Yes I EBF, and I am getting alot of comments because DD is not even on solids yet. We offer stuff, from puree, to real adult food but she hasn't really been interested enough to eat, and chew. Mostly lick, lol.

 

I've gotten comments like, "oh feed her rice cereal at night in her bottle to help her sleep".. then I counter that with "she refuses a bottle".. so they say "okay, well spoon feed her".. I say "She refuses to eat food, only breastmilk"... Doesn't go down so well, lol.

 

I like Dr Sears ALOT, and love his articles about his studying his wife and children in their family bed.. how he watched her and their babies, how they interacted all night, etc. Very interesting. I will have to get his book. I read Elizabeth Pantleys, but honestly, it was not what I expected. It seemed she mostly just encouraged patience, and keeping track of sleep habits.. so I was let down that there was not more information in it.

 

I will check into Dr sears book. BTW what is "GD"? (I might know, but for right now its totally escaping me)


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#47 of 51 Old 01-19-2011, 11:34 AM
 
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About the forever thing I'm beginning to wonder about that DD is 5.5 and still sleeping with either me or me and DH. LOL we want our bed back.


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#48 of 51 Old 01-19-2011, 01:36 PM
 
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About the forever thing I'm beginning to wonder about that DD is 5.5 and still sleeping with either me or me and DH. LOL we want our bed back.



UH OH lol well I am sure he will get there at some point. Did he just start school? Maybe it's a lot of change right now?

 

GD= gentle discipline.

 

People always push the rice cereal!! My Dr said don't even bother with it lol She's a bit crunchy though so I am lucky. She completely supports everything we do (except she claims to be pro-vax, but the office itself is...so..)

 

OH my SIL did sleep training too and she let him CIO every night for 2+ hours to go to bed. (I watched him during the day and AP'ed him and did not know she was doing this) Anyway she did this everyday until he "learned" not to bother anymore and he stopped cryin as much... Fast forward he is  4 y/o now and not STTN (once thy can get out of bed what do you do then? lol) and he has a very strange relationship with SIL. He will be at her all day long and tell her he doesn't love her and and just cry and cry. It's so sad and IMO he behaves like that with her b/c she did that to him. He is only like that with her and is always like that with her. When he was 2.5 y/o he stayed with us for over a month and he was fine. Whenever he sees me he lights up runs over and says "me love you, me miss you". Now I will say his mom has some other issues too but I think her doing that to him has changed the way he may have turned out by not doing it. Anyways it was all in vain b/c now he's older and fights sleeping all the time and will wake up and scream and do all these things at night. They are also co-sleeping now b/c she wasn't getting any sleep with him being in his own bed.

 

so CIO only seems to "work" during a short period of time b/c once they can climb out of the crib or have their own beds they can do what they want essentially.


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#49 of 51 Old 01-19-2011, 02:55 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sharon71 View Post

About the forever thing I'm beginning to wonder about that DD is 5.5 and still sleeping with either me or me and DH. LOL we want our bed back.



UH OH lol well I am sure he will get there at some point. Did he just start school? Maybe it's a lot of change right now?

 

GD= gentle discipline.

 

People always push the rice cereal!! My Dr said don't even bother with it lol She's a bit crunchy though so I am lucky. She completely supports everything we do (except she claims to be pro-vax, but the office itself is...so..)

 

OH my SIL did sleep training too and she let him CIO every night for 2+ hours to go to bed. (I watched him during the day and AP'ed him and did not know she was doing this) Anyway she did this everyday until he "learned" not to bother anymore and he stopped cryin as much... Fast forward he is  4 y/o now and not STTN (once thy can get out of bed what do you do then? lol) and he has a very strange relationship with SIL. He will be at her all day long and tell her he doesn't love her and and just cry and cry. It's so sad and IMO he behaves like that with her b/c she did that to him. He is only like that with her and is always like that with her. When he was 2.5 y/o he stayed with us for over a month and he was fine. Whenever he sees me he lights up runs over and says "me love you, me miss you". Now I will say his mom has some other issues too but I think her doing that to him has changed the way he may have turned out by not doing it. Anyways it was all in vain b/c now he's older and fights sleeping all the time and will wake up and scream and do all these things at night. They are also co-sleeping now b/c she wasn't getting any sleep with him being in his own bed.

 

so CIO only seems to "work" during a short period of time b/c once they can climb out of the crib or have their own beds they can do what they want essentially.



 Very true. And good point, they can climb out eventually, or get up if they are in a big kid bed. I don't know that I want to hold a kid hostage in bed -- seems counterproductive.

 

 

And on the rice cereal, yes, I don't know why it's pushed so much, that stuff is GROSS. I can't see a breastfed baby who gets to experience different flavors in BM, enjoying rice cereal at all. I wonder how much flavor gets in breastmilk, because I eat very very spicey.. and so far the only thing DD went crazy for was a piece of seasoned chicken that I held for her and let her suck on.


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#50 of 51 Old 01-19-2011, 04:37 PM
 
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In the end, though, a mother who isn't getting enough sleep isn't going to do anyone any favors, which is why some people might find sidecarring a better solution than to continue to struggle to make something work that isn't working, KWIM?    It's perfectly possible to do any number of different sleep arrangements without anyone crying (for hours or otherwise), and I think there are plenty of sleep arrangments that fall under the larger phrase "attachment parenting" without making someone feel they're a failure because they're "Not doing AP right," or because they're miserable co-sleeping the the way "everyone says you should."  If a sidecar or an Arms Reach works better, then everyone is happier.  If a crib in the same room lets everyone rest without tears, then everyone is happier.   


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#51 of 51 Old 01-19-2011, 05:17 PM
 
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Originally Posted by savithny View Post

In the end, though, a mother who isn't getting enough sleep isn't going to do anyone any favors, which is why some people might find sidecarring a better solution than to continue to struggle to make something work that isn't working, KWIM?    It's perfectly possible to do any number of different sleep arrangements without anyone crying (for hours or otherwise), and I think there are plenty of sleep arrangments that fall under the larger phrase "attachment parenting" without making someone feel they're a failure because they're "Not doing AP right," or because they're miserable co-sleeping the the way "everyone says you should."  If a sidecar or an Arms Reach works better, then everyone is happier.  If a crib in the same room lets everyone rest without tears, then everyone is happier.   


I agree I was not saying she was doing anything wrong with side carting her. She DOES sleep good in the family bed which is why I said she's crazy messing with that lol. I did not mean to intend she was doing anything wrong. I feel that sleep training is wrong. All I said was it may or may not work out. She was having problems with the baby crying for hours when she was trying the crib out. Obvs if she had transitioned to a crib with no problem, there would not really be a discussion here lol

 

I apologize if that's how my opinion was perceived.


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