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#1 of 51 Old 01-07-2011, 09:13 AM - Thread Starter
 
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My DD is 7mo....She has coslept with us from the beginning, but always has been able to do her own crib till now.

 

My husband has shared some concern that he would like the occasional night with me alone in bed, and so I have been working on her sleeping in her crib better. She goes to bed at 7:30, after a nice bath, but wakes usually every 2-3 hours, if not sooner. Sometimes even 30 minute intervals. I usually give up and bring her in the bed with me because I am exhausted.

 

Last night was the worst to date! I told myself I was going to stick it out, and keep putting her in her bed after she woke. So everytime she cried, I would rock her back to sleep, and attempt to put her back in her bed. And EVERY TIME, she sense she was being put into her bed and would scream. This happened every 15 minutes, till 3:00am. I changed her, nursed, etc. The ONLY time she was happy is when she was in my arms, nursing.

 

She is teething right now, has 2 bottom teeth coming in so I attribute some of her neediness to this. But I'm not sure about the rest, is this just a phase?

 

An IDEAL night for me for her, would be, Bed at 7:30, wake every 3 hours to nurse but be able to be put BACK in crib each time, then at around 4:30 bring her into my bed for the remainder of the morning (when hubby leaves for work) And then occasionally, I don't mind bringing her in bed a full night. I just don't like how she screams and cries if she's put into her crib. When she is in her crib, she has to be swaddled or she wakes up at the slightest sound or flails her arms. HOWEVER, when she's in bed with me, she sleeps so peacefully. I just wish her crib wasnt such a fight, because I can't go to bed with her at 7:30pm!

 

Does anyone have any ideas?? I'm so frusterated at times I want to just walk away and let her cry, but I am REALLY against that. I don't want to do CIO, even tho at times I am so at my wits end :(

 

Help!


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#2 of 51 Old 01-07-2011, 09:20 AM
 
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If she's teething, would tylenol or motrin help?

 

My DD nearly drove me nuts by the same process, and honestly, I think that I was making her wake up more, and more often, by responding to everything right away.  Some kids are like this and some are not - my DS went straight into earth-shattering screams if we didn't come immediately when he started crying.  So this is my compromise/ non-CIO suggestion:  Pee first.  When the baby wakes up and you are going to go to her, first, go to the bathroom.  If the babe is still awake when you're done, take care of the babe.  If not, go back to bed.

 

I don't know if this will help, but it's a cheap experiment, and it's worth a try.  The other thing you might look into is letting her dad take a shift, if it can be arranged.

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#3 of 51 Old 01-07-2011, 09:34 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I've done that.. Last night, I peed, almost decided to take a shower (with hubby right there 2 feet away, able to respond to her if she really flipped out) but before I even made it in shower she was SCREEEEAMING. It takes usually .5 seconds for a build up, and then she's lost it, and is choking from crying. Stops immediately if you pick her up.

 

Her daddy works a VERY hard job and has to supervise 50+ other men, and leaves at 4:15 am so his night time duties are out of the question. He's usually in bed before she is!


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#4 of 51 Old 01-07-2011, 09:37 AM
 
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I think if that is something you want to do, you should do it "seriously" when shes not teething, sick, or going through any big developmental leaps.

 

Is the crib in you're room?

 

also be prepared b/c if you really want this every single set back you have to be consistent or it will undo everything you did.

 

I personally think it's early to do this considering at 8 m/o she will go through a big sleep regression and the only bed she knows is you're family bed. yes she sleeps in the crib at times but sh feels she belongs in bed with you because that's what you taught her.

 

If you wait until shes older you can talk to her about it and make it seem like a good thing, right now she's probably scared and doesn't understand why she's being kicked out KWIM?


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#5 of 51 Old 01-07-2011, 09:44 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I think if that is something you want to do, you should do it "seriously" when shes not teething, sick, or going through any big developmental leaps.

 

Is the crib in you're room?

 

also be prepared b/c if you really want this every single set back you have to be consistent or it will undo everything you did.

 

I personally think it's early to do this considering at 8 m/o she will go through a big sleep regression and the only bed she knows is you're family bed. yes she sleeps in the crib at times but sh feels she belongs in bed with you because that's what you taught her.

 

If you wait until shes older you can talk to her about it and make it seem like a good thing, right now she's probably scared and doesn't understand why she's being kicked out KWIM?


Yes... Its been my choice to have her in bed with me, I like her close and we are both happiest all day/night touching eachother. BUT.. sometimes itd be nice to have my bed :( My husband cant ever cuddle me, and we barely ever see eachother so nighttime is our only "interaction".

 

So I don't know what to do. Is it too much to ask that she sleep in her bed most of the night, but then come into bed with me at 4am, and sleep till 8?

 

Our bed is also a queen. Hubby has been pushed off, literally, a few times. So now she sleeps in the middle so that when she wiggles in her sleep, we are moving in a direction away from hubby.


 

 What is "sleep regression"?

 

And yes crib is in my room, literally inches from my face. I can reach and touch her at night. I have considered turning her bed into a side car, so that she can have her own space, but still be "connected" to us.. but we can have our own time, without our movements waking her. BUT im not sure that would work, as she is a master wiggler, and has been known to wiggle across the entire bed in her sleep to find me.


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#6 of 51 Old 01-07-2011, 04:26 PM
 
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she sleeps peacefully in bed with you and you want to give that up!?! bigeyes.gif all joking aside... you are going to have to do some kind of night time parenting for awhile, so if you want to be running to the crib every however often she wakes to soothe her back to sleep then i'd say just keep at it, eventually she will learn. why don't you and dh connect on the couch or get another bed? this is the second post like this i have responded to, it must be something about this age and they recognize how much sleeping in "baby jail" stinks lol.gif honestly if my kids did not sleep great while co sleeping i would consider a crib/their own bed (and i do think kids like this exist) but mine love to be close and snuggle to sleep but then once they are asleep they roll away. they also sleep through the night no matter how loud my dh snores, or how much i move around. they only sleep cruddy if sick, teething, growth spurting (nursing all.night.long to up the milk supply) etc.


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#7 of 51 Old 01-07-2011, 06:28 PM
 
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I have a 7.5 month old and this is what we do. It may not be for you guys but it works great for us so I thought I would respond. J has always slept with us. We don't actually own a baby bed of any kind. We have rails on both sides of the bed and have just recently put our matress on the floor as she is pretty mobile now.

 

Ok, so I feed her to sleep in our bed at about 7:30ish then get up. DH or I usually have to go in about every hour or so to resettle her. Sometimes this is a 30 minute feed other times it is just a 2 mninutes pat. She is much more settled when one of us is with her so I'm guessing that if either of us stayed in bed when she went down she would sleep for longer. Once we are in bed she feeds every 1-3hrs or so but doesn't actually wake, just stirs and I feed her.

 

I do all the night time parenting as well because DH needs to be alert for work and also because all she really wants/needs is feeding so it makes sense for me to do it.

 

What is your DHs concern about having her in your bed? Is it the lack of cuddles or does he not sleep as well? I can't help with the not sleeping as well but as far as the cuddles go we still get plenty. Because we have the rails J doesn't have to be between us so I often sleep snuggled up to DH with J on my other side. And some of our nicest moments have been when DH and I have spooned while I fed J. If we want to have sex then we just go to another room.

 

Anyway, that's what works for us. I hope you can works something out soon that everyone is happy with.

 

 


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#8 of 51 Old 01-07-2011, 07:31 PM
 
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I personally think it's early to do this considering at 8 m/o she will go through a big sleep regression and the only bed she knows is you're family bed. yes she sleeps in the crib at times but sh feels she belongs in bed with you because that's what you taught her.

 

If you wait until shes older you can talk to her about it and make it seem like a good thing, right now she's probably scared and doesn't understand why she's being kicked out KWIM?


i disagree with the bolded. that makes it seem like the op is responsible for her baby wanting to sleep with her and the truth is, some babies like to co-sleep and some babies don't. if the op is having difficulties because she wants to transition her baby to a crib for the full night it's not the op's fault.

 

i don't know much about transitions that young, the one that has transitioned did it at about 2-1/2 but i can imagine that consistency would be best. there are some books that discuss how to do this, no cry sleep solution (didn't work for us but it's worth a try) and another one i can't remember.

 

does she nap in her crib?

 


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#9 of 51 Old 01-08-2011, 07:01 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PlayaMama View Post



Quote:
Originally Posted by sosurreal09 View Post
I personally think it's early to do this considering at 8 m/o she will go through a big sleep regression and the only bed she knows is you're family bed. yes she sleeps in the crib at times but sh feels she belongs in bed with you because that's what you taught her.

 

If you wait until shes older you can talk to her about it and make it seem like a good thing, right now she's probably scared and doesn't understand why she's being kicked out KWIM?


i disagree with the bolded. that makes it seem like the op is responsible for her baby wanting to sleep with her and the truth is, some babies like to co-sleep and some babies don't. if the op is having difficulties because she wants to transition her baby to a crib for the full night it's not the op's fault.

 

i don't know much about transitions that young, the one that has transitioned did it at about 2-1/2 but i can imagine that consistency would be best. there are some books that discuss how to do this, no cry sleep solution (didn't work for us but it's worth a try) and another one i can't remember.

 

does she nap in her crib?

 


I disagree. I think before a baby is born you need to make a decision, co-sleep or not. A baby is taught everything, from nursing to talking, walking, ect. If she was born and was always put in the crib to sleep every single time, every single day, then she would have been taught I sleep in the crib. If she is welcomed into your bed and sleeps with you from day 1 she will have been taught i sleep with mom and dad in our bed.

 

I personally am 100% for co-sleeping, but it is just not for some people, which is fine, but if you started out co-sleeping it will be hard to just all of a sudden change everything. It can be done I am sure, but it will be difficult.

 

my BFF co-slept until her baby was 9 m/o it took her nearly 2 month to get the baby to sleep in a crib and took hours every day...then her baby went through a sleep regression (which is when they start waking frequently b/c of development) and she started letting her in bed in the middle of the night. Now her baby 18 m/o...will sleep in the crib until 11pm but everyday at 11pm will wake up to go sleep with mommy, and she does. She says she regrets ever going through that whole "sleep training" thing with her DD and feels like she caused a lot of crying for nothing.

 

What i am saying is if this is what you really want to do you have to be consistent b/c once you let her back in it will fail and you will be at square one.

 

DH and I make time for each other. He was unsure about co-sleeping at first. Once my "drive" came back we got to try new things all over the house lol needless to say he loves co-sleeping! Besides that now that DD is 15 m/o a lot of times she will cuddle with daddy which makes him feel great! Shes a huge momma's girl but every so often she will be like on top of him all night...he loves it.


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#10 of 51 Old 01-08-2011, 09:44 AM
 
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i know this is getting off topic, but do you really think that babies are taught how to nurse? confused.gif both of mine nursed within minutes of being born instinctually and there is a youtube video that you can watch of babies doing the belly crawl to get to the breast and nurse. without any aid or instruction from parents.

 

i believe that children are all unique creatures and some children like to sleep close to parents and others don't. you would only have to search the forums here to see plenty of examples of parents that intended to co-sleep only to discover that their babies slept better on their own.

 

i do believe that there are patterns of behaviour that teach babies (and children) what to expect from their environment, but the idea that a parent is completely responsible for the preferences of their children is new to me. regardless, in this situation, the babies desire is to sleep with the parent right now and i think that a more useful way of approaching the topic is how to help the baby adjust to the new situation desired by her parents.

 

i agree with you that consistency is the key.

 

to the op- what about having a sidecar crib?


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#11 of 51 Old 01-08-2011, 10:14 AM
 
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I agree with PlayaMama that babies are individuals and choose, to some degree, where they sleep best.  My DD, now 9 mo, is a classic example.  Before she was born, I had all sorts of ideas about where she would sleep, which involved my own bed and a co-sleeper side-carred to my bed. I didn't own a crib.  She had other ideas.  She was extremely restless sleeping in my bed and then would arch and scream.  I finally got a crib, put it next to my bed and just put her down when she was arching, screaming and clearly not wanting to be held when she was done nursing at bedtime (she was about 5 mo old).  Yeah, she screamed for several minutes more and then went to sleep.  Now, when she's done nursing at bedtime, she still arches-thankfully, without the screaming-I put her down and she goes to sleep in her crib.

All of that is just a side note to what I would offer as advice to the OP.  You mention that bedtime is 7:30pm.  Is that her bedtime regardless of when she wakes from her last nap?  If her wake time between her last nap and bedtime is really long, she will get overtired and have a much harder time going to sleep.  It doesn't really matter that she has been going to bed at 7:30pm until now and that it has worked.  I have found that the older my baby has gotten, the earlier her bedtime needs to be. At 9mo, she never goes to sleep after 6pm (unless there is a special reason) because her natural wake up time is between 5:30-6:00am.  7.5 months is also when many babies are transitioning from 3-2 naps and nap transition times totally screw up sleep. I would suggest an earlier bedtime for several days in a row.  Sounds counterintuitive and I know it's not convenient, but in my experience, it has made a world of difference in how my baby sleeps.  GL!

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#12 of 51 Old 01-08-2011, 11:22 AM
 
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well maybe not taught to nurse but to latch on right, yeah. I know I had to teach mine how to latch without hurting me...

 

ummm I do want to say yes all babies are different and some do better in the bed some in the crib and some it doesn't even matter. My DD  is a "bad" sleeper period. She was in a crib consistently until she was about 6 m/o side carted. I gave up b/c I was so tired of not sleeping while nursing her ect b/c I wanted her back in the crib KWIM?

 

I do think though that I have now taught her she sleeps with us and if I decided to change that she would flipping lose it.


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#13 of 51 Old 01-11-2011, 11:54 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I will try to answer everyones questions in one big post! lol

 

My concern/DHs concern with having her in bed with us, all the time, is -- we have NO sex. We currently are helping out his mom and sister, so they live with us. So we have no spare rooms. No privacy AT ALL. So the only time we can do anything, is in our bed. We cannot go on DATE nights, because thru countless battles, my DD refuses to take a bottle of breastmilk, so she goes on dates with us. It is really..really getting to my husband, that the only time he has to cuddle me, is when there is a baby on the otherside attached at the breast. Hes a loving dad and loves to cuddle her, but we both want alone time again. And she hasnt ALWAYS slept exclusively in our bed. Her first 3 months were 90% in her bassinet. After that, till like 5 months she was probably 70% in her bed. Now, its more, because I am giving up on trying and I am exhausted! I pull her in bed with me because its easiest.

 

I want her near me, so I have her crib pulled up against the bed. Its not as simple as me and DH having alone time while she sleeps at one end of the bed - if we whisper to eachother, she wakes up. The only way to prevent the constant wake ups, is I have to be nursing her.

 

To answer about her naps, no she does not nap in her crib. She won't. Its a battle too. So I nurse her down in our bed, and she sleeps maybe 20-30 minutes. Her bedtime is 7:30, and her last nap attempt is usually around 4pm, so shes ready and willing for the first time being put down. Its the ones after that, that are daunting. She will wake every 30 minutes sometimes. Her eyes are glazed, droopy, head bobbing to side, fighting sleep.. but she just won't fall asleep.


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#14 of 51 Old 01-11-2011, 12:57 PM
 
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Sounds like you're having a really hard time and I know the feeling! Naps and bedtime were a battle for months with my DD.  The only reason I ask about naps and bedtime is because when I got DD on age-appropriate schedule and shifted her bedtime earlier to compensate for crappy naps, it changed our whole sleep life.  When I say "schedule", I use that term very loosely.  What I really mean is that when DD wakes in the morning, I pay close attention to the amount of time she has been awake.  At 7.5 months I think it was probably no more than 2.5 hours after she got up that I tried to have her asleep.  What I have found is that the older DD gets, the more unreliable her tired signs are. If I missed the window of opportunity, she would either refuse to nap or sleep for 20-30 minutes like you describe.  I would do the same thing for her next nap.  If both naps were crap (since we were on 2 naps at that point-still are at 9 months), I would go straight to a super early bedtime-4:45 is the earliest I would go, usually 5-5:15.  I know it sounds nuts, but night sleep is more restorative than day sleep, so I didn't see the point in trying to get a third crappy nap out of her rather than just going down for the night.  She started sleeping better and longer. And she really didn't get up any earlier. It may take 4-5 days before it takes. It's  great for me because then I get time alone with DH.  We don't co-sleep, but I think that age-appropriate wake times are good for any baby, co-sleeper or not. Getting DD into her crib was also not the easiest and there was crying (not CIO, but rather PU/PD with my staying in the room by the crib) but it didn't take very long, probably because I was very consistent.

In short, my advice would be to ditch the late nap and go straight to an early bedtime.  GL! I hope things get better for you!

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#15 of 51 Old 01-11-2011, 01:55 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Sounds like you're having a really hard time and I know the feeling! Naps and bedtime were a battle for months with my DD.  The only reason I ask about naps and bedtime is because when I got DD on age-appropriate schedule and shifted her bedtime earlier to compensate for crappy naps, it changed our whole sleep life.  When I say "schedule", I use that term very loosely.  What I really mean is that when DD wakes in the morning, I pay close attention to the amount of time she has been awake.  At 7.5 months I think it was probably no more than 2.5 hours after she got up that I tried to have her asleep.  What I have found is that the older DD gets, the more unreliable her tired signs are. If I missed the window of opportunity, she would either refuse to nap or sleep for 20-30 minutes like you describe.  I would do the same thing for her next nap.  If both naps were crap (since we were on 2 naps at that point-still are at 9 months), I would go straight to a super early bedtime-4:45 is the earliest I would go, usually 5-5:15.  I know it sounds nuts, but night sleep is more restorative than day sleep, so I didn't see the point in trying to get a third crappy nap out of her rather than just going down for the night.  She started sleeping better and longer. And she really didn't get up any earlier. It may take 4-5 days before it takes. It's  great for me because then I get time alone with DH.  We don't co-sleep, but I think that age-appropriate wake times are good for any baby, co-sleeper or not. Getting DD into her crib was also not the easiest and there was crying (not CIO, but rather PU/PD with my staying in the room by the crib) but it didn't take very long, probably because I was very consistent.

In short, my advice would be to ditch the late nap and go straight to an early bedtime.  GL! I hope things get better for you!



I just wanna cry. We just have been working on a nap since about 1pm. It is now 4pm. She went down in our bed, woke up 15 min later. I rocked her, shushed her, nursed her, wiiiiide eyed and awake. I blacked out our curtains, and tried again. Nursed her, she fell asleep. I was able to put her into her crib, *swaddled* (she will wake up within seconds if I dont swaddle her!), and she slept maybe 30 minutes. Went back in there, did the pick up/put down thing.. I'd nurse her on the verge of sleep, and then when her sucking was almost stopped, I'd slowly put her into the crib. Full blown crying ensued as soon as her butt touched the mattress. I let her cry some with my arms wrapped around her, didn't work. Then I held her and rocked her while she cried, and she cried so hard she started choking. Eventually she fell asleep. I put her back down in her crib and she slept 10 minutes.

Now she is up playing. And I am so so so so frusterated.

 

What do I do?? I will try the early bedtime tonight. But all I see happening is instead of me having to rock/nurse/put her down every 30 minutes from 7:30pm till 2am.. it will be from 5:30pm to 2am. *SIGH*


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#16 of 51 Old 01-11-2011, 05:49 PM
 
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Oh my!  I'm sorry to say I don't have any great advice, but I can 100% COMPLETELY empathize with you.  We are in the EXACT SAME BOAT!  DD is 8 1/2 mos and we did not co-sleep in the beginning.  She was in a co-sleeper, but not in our bed.  We started putting her in her crib around 5 mos, but at that point she was still not sleeping through the night.  She'd wake up so much that as time has gone on, I've brought her into bed earlier and earlier bcs she just wakes too often otherwise and I'm exhausted too!!!!  Now she basically starts in her crib and at the first wake-up (1/2 hr after we put her down) I go to bed w/ her!  Still too early, but gives me that 1/2 hour to at least eat dinner.  And she's okay with the lights on dim, so I sit in bed and read.

 

She is also an awful napper, but getting better (if that's any encouragement!)  She cried herself to sleep for 95% of her naps for the first 7 months of her life.  No matter WHAT I did to get her to sleep, she would cry.  It was absolutely miserable.  And she only takes 1/2 hour naps.  I finally gave up on trying to make the half hour longer.  I used to do what you just said - pick her up, rock her, put her back down, etc. - but after months of screaming and no improvement I just gave up and let the naps be short!!  Now at least she doesn't really cry herself to sleep anymore - phew! 

 

The only suggestion I have is looking into a medical reason for all of the waking.  In our case, I finally sucked it up and co=slept (though I never intended to), but she would still wake up crying once or twice a night in our bed! Ack!  We have her on reflux medication now, and I've noticed a slight improvement. 

 

Ugh....I'm so sorry, I've been there (and still am!)  Nobody understands, it feels like you are the ONLY ONE whose baby has such a hard time sleeping, and everyone thinks you've done this to your child, but they have never had a baby like ours!!!!  It is not your fault that your baby needs to be in your bed.  And even if it were, it's only because the alternative is to get zero sleep, which is impossible.  I really, really understand where you are coming from.  I had to reread your post to see if I hadn't posted it myself!!  I hope things get better.  It's nice to know we're not alone.

 

P.S.  (It's 8:45pm here.  DD goes down around 6:30-7.  DH and I have been taking turns rocking and putting her down since bedtime.  Every single time we put her down, she wakes up crying the second she leaves the touch of our chest.  He just came out now and she is in the crib.  Guarantee that at 9:15 I'll be taking her to bed!  By the way, this is a late night for us! Usually she goes down no problem the first time and ends up in bed w/ me around 7:30-8.  I hope we're not starting a new "trend" of not going down even the first time!) 

 

Sorry I rambled!!! I feel your pain and I guess I needed to vent myself!

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Oh my!  I'm sorry to say I don't have any great advice, but I can 100% COMPLETELY empathize with you.  We are in the EXACT SAME BOAT!  DD is 8 1/2 mos and we did not co-sleep in the beginning.  She was in a co-sleeper, but not in our bed.  We started putting her in her crib around 5 mos, but at that point she was still not sleeping through the night.  She'd wake up so much that as time has gone on, I've brought her into bed earlier and earlier bcs she just wakes too often otherwise and I'm exhausted too!!!!  Now she basically starts in her crib and at the first wake-up (1/2 hr after we put her down) I go to bed w/ her!  Still too early, but gives me that 1/2 hour to at least eat dinner.  And she's okay with the lights on dim, so I sit in bed and read.

 

She is also an awful napper, but getting better (if that's any encouragement!)  She cried herself to sleep for 95% of her naps for the first 7 months of her life.  No matter WHAT I did to get her to sleep, she would cry.  It was absolutely miserable.  And she only takes 1/2 hour naps.  I finally gave up on trying to make the half hour longer.  I used to do what you just said - pick her up, rock her, put her back down, etc. - but after months of screaming and no improvement I just gave up and let the naps be short!!  Now at least she doesn't really cry herself to sleep anymore - phew! 

 

The only suggestion I have is looking into a medical reason for all of the waking.  In our case, I finally sucked it up and co=slept (though I never intended to), but she would still wake up crying once or twice a night in our bed! Ack!  We have her on reflux medication now, and I've noticed a slight improvement. 

 

Ugh....I'm so sorry, I've been there (and still am!)  Nobody understands, it feels like you are the ONLY ONE whose baby has such a hard time sleeping, and everyone thinks you've done this to your child, but they have never had a baby like ours!!!!  It is not your fault that your baby needs to be in your bed.  And even if it were, it's only because the alternative is to get zero sleep, which is impossible.  I really, really understand where you are coming from.  I had to reread your post to see if I hadn't posted it myself!!  I hope things get better.  It's nice to know we're not alone.

 

P.S.  (It's 8:45pm here.  DD goes down around 6:30-7.  DH and I have been taking turns rocking and putting her down since bedtime.  Every single time we put her down, she wakes up crying the second she leaves the touch of our chest.  He just came out now and she is in the crib.  Guarantee that at 9:15 I'll be taking her to bed!  By the way, this is a late night for us! Usually she goes down no problem the first time and ends up in bed w/ me around 7:30-8.  I hope we're not starting a new "trend" of not going down even the first time!) 

 

Sorry I rambled!!! I feel your pain and I guess I needed to vent myself!



The reason I dont think its a medical issue (like earache, or extreme teething pain) is because she's totally perfect during the day, temperment wise, and if she sleeps with ME, she is an absolute angel.. sleeps ALL night if I am in bed with her.

 

It's the dropping her into the crib that wakes her up.... The laying there and then realizing where she's at.... etc etc. that makes it almost impossible.

 

I put her down early (like someone suggested) at 6:00 - we rocked to sleep, then when I thought she was totally out I went to put her down, and she wailed. I spent 50 minutes for nothing.. She finally fell asleep at 7:18 after more rocking/nursing, and I slowly put her into crib. It is 8:00 and I just went in to nurse her back to sleep after her first waking, and she did go back to sleep.

 

It's stressful, even my showers are not mine anymore because I am constantly expecting her to cry, me have to rush out of shower in a towel, freeze my rear end off and nurse her back to sleep.. lol!

 

 

From birth till 5mo she slept 3-4 hour stretches, I dont get what happened :P BTW feel free to vent away! Atleast we can be sleep deprived together!


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#18 of 51 Old 01-11-2011, 08:34 PM
 
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DD dint start napping well until about 10 m/o

 

hug2.gif that really stinks having all those people in the house!!!

 

DD has been going through some things with sleep here lately so DH and I have had 0 time...sooooooo he wanted some time and it had been about a week so I popped the tv on and threw the baby gate over the stairs and we had a quickie in the bathroom this morning while DD watched like 15 mi of TV in our room...it's not perfect but he got some steam out lol

 

the first yr is so hard which I am sure you know from already having a child...

 

it's all about survival mama.


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DD dint start napping well until about 10 m/o

 

hug2.gif that really stinks having all those people in the house!!!

 

DD has been going through some things with sleep here lately so DH and I have had 0 time...sooooooo he wanted some time and it had been about a week so I popped the tv on and threw the baby gate over the stairs and we had a quickie in the bathroom this morning while DD watched like 15 mi of TV in our room...it's not perfect but he got some steam out lol

 

the first yr is so hard which I am sure you know from already having a child...

 

it's all about survival mama.



LOL See, the throw some cartoons on method doesnt work for me! hubs isnt home till 7-8pm, and by then everyone is also home!  


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#20 of 51 Old 01-11-2011, 09:48 PM
 
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Can you put her to sleep in your bed and then have sex on the floor... very quietly?

 

ETA - and/or can your mum and sister take her out for an hour on your DHs days off so you can have sex then? You needn't *tell* them that that's what you're going to do, just say you'd like a break.

 

TBH, from what you described, I would be letting the baby sleep with me and trying to solve the sex problem rather than trying to solve the sleeping in the cot problem which seems harder. Although, to be fair, DH and I both love co-sleeping so that may colour my perspective.


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#21 of 51 Old 01-12-2011, 06:17 AM
 
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what time does he go to work? DH usually works 1pm-9 both love co-sleeping too:30pm, or 7am-5pm, or 10am-6pm lol so we have to switch it up quite a bit. DH and I both love co-sleeping too, so we had to work on the sex thing, but you have people all over you're house...when are they moving? lol

 

could you put on white noise and then quietly have it on the floor?


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#22 of 51 Old 01-12-2011, 05:07 PM
 
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if getting intimate with your DH is the problem why not put your DD is a swing or bouncy and grab a quickie,or ask your MIL/SIL to babysit for you?

or do it on the floor.


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#23 of 51 Old 01-12-2011, 09:17 PM
 
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If your DD has super crappy naps like you said, try having her asleep by 5:00.  I know it sounds crazy, but an hour (e.g.the difference btw. 5-6pm) is actually a long time to a baby.  If your nap attempts don't work and she's awake at 4pm, do your bedtime routine and try the super EBT. Believe me, I know how frustrating it is. I spent months having bedtime take 1 1/2 to 2 hours, mostly of her screaming because she was overtired and in total meltdown mode.  Naps are more difficult than bedtime in my experience.  Even after I got her going down easily at bedtime, I spent 2 more months getting to where I didn't have to either lay down with her or carry her in the Ergo for every nap. I know it's easier said than done, but try not to be too discouraged that trying something new doesn't work immediately.  

 

 

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#24 of 51 Old 01-13-2011, 04:42 AM
 
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It is absolutely possible for a baby to start the night in a separate bed and join you later in the night.  Absolutely.  My children both did it.  It worked great and gave us all a good combination of uninterrupted sleep and cuddle time.

 

A lot of people think that Family Bed is all or nothing, and they will give you guilt, because you're not fully doing the "AP Checklist" that they think has been ordained as the one AP Way.  They'll say things like "kicking her out of the warmth" or "confusing her with your inconsistency," or even, if they're feeling particularly smug, "this is such a relatively short phase of her life, suck it up."  They aren't helping, and they don't represent anything but their own black and white thinking.

 

THere's lots of evidence that depressed and stressed otu mothers are more permanently harmful to children's development than having to sleep separate for part (or heck, even all) of the night.    AP is about responding to your child's needs -- all of those needs, of which sleep is only one, and a healthy mother is another one.    

 

Human children evolved in a world where they slept in lots of different locations:  On mom's back, while she walked to gather; in grandma's arms while mom's arms needed a rest; on dad's lap by the fire; curled with mom in a pile of grass; cuddled with an auntie or older sibling; in a hammock made from a baby sling, strung from the rafter of a hut.   They might do several or all of those in a day.   This idea that there has to be One Place to Sleep and One Person to Sleep with is very absolutist.

 

How you get there depends on you and your baby.  For us, from birth they were in a basinnette pushed up against the bed at the start of the night.   They could hear and see and smell us and I could sleep with my hand on their backs.   Later they started the night in the crib (which wasn't in our bedroom -- not enough room).  We were in a tiny apartment though, so it was fewer steps to the next room than it would be in some larger houses in the same room!   Given the time they generally went down to sleep, I'd usually still be somewhat conscious if they woke by midnight, and at that waking I'd nurse them fast, back down to sleep and back to their own bed.  The next waking might not be until 4 or 5am, and at that point I'd bring them back to bed.

 

People will say "Oh, you get more sleep if they're just in bed and you can roll over and latch on and go back to sleep."  For me, this wasn't the case, because I could  not drop fully asleep while they were latched on, so even when they were in bed with me I had to unlatch them and close up my nightshirt top to prevent random access.   The few times I thought "Oh, I'll get that uninterrupted sleep while nursing that everyone talks about," I slept badly (if at all) and woke up sore and resentful.   

 

My kids weren't confused by part-time cosleeping.   They prospered.  I never CIOed, they slept well.   My DD actually made it clear as a toddler that she liked more space than she got when cosleeping, and preferred to sleep most of the night sprawled widely across her entire bed.  Tucked in and spooned with me and DH (and sometimes her older brother) she tossed and turned and didnt' sleep well.


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#25 of 51 Old 01-13-2011, 01:56 PM
 
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I nurse DD to sleep and leave every night and spend time with DH. I was under the impression that was not the issue at hand.


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#26 of 51 Old 01-17-2011, 08:10 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Can you put her to sleep in your bed and then have sex on the floor... very quietly?

 

ETA - and/or can your mum and sister take her out for an hour on your DHs days off so you can have sex then? You needn't *tell* them that that's what you're going to do, just say you'd like a break.

 

TBH, from what you described, I would be letting the baby sleep with me and trying to solve the sex problem rather than trying to solve the sleeping in the cot problem which seems harder. Although, to be fair, DH and I both love co-sleeping so that may colour my perspective.



Well, it is all sort of complicated because my husband is home at 7, goes to bed at 9, and is up at 4am.. So we have no "other" time together to try getting creative with sex, at all. Except on weekends. We have actually done it on the floor LOL But it kind of bummed hubby out, he is not against co-sleeping but when it came to us resorting to sex on the floor, he was a little put off by it. (although he didnt complain after.. haha!)
And we have someone watch her while we go to "talk in private"... it just would be nice to have a little more flexibility


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#27 of 51 Old 01-17-2011, 08:22 PM - Thread Starter
 
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OK, here is a pretty miserable update.........

 


We've been trying and trying to get her to sleep in her bed, but it upsets her every time when she either wakes up as we are lowing her,  or a few moments later when she realizes I am gone. No amount of shushing, rubbing, cuddling, will get her to stop crying as long as she is laying in the crib.

 

Hubby got exhausted from the crying (he has to be up and gone at 4:15am) so he's been sleeping on the couch to catch up on sleep. In that time, I was tired of fighting her, so she slept in bed with me. And till I go to bed around 1-am-2am, she will wake up every 1.5 hour which is OK -- not ideal -- but OK, I just nurse her back down and it takes all of 2 minutes. And then when I come to bed, she is out. All night long. She feels for me alot, and when I am right there she is happy.


We did the pick up/put downmethod  overandoverandoverandover, and it just works her up so bad, she starts anticipating the put down, and freaks - big tears, even when I am holding her.

 

She is most peaceful when she is nursed down....and when she wakes up, and knows she is in our bed, she is not freaked like she is in her crib - she quietly whimpers for me, I feed her, she passes out.

 

SO I dont know what else to do. The only option I know of now, is using the crib as a sidecar, and gradually over time scooting her more and more into her own crib. Do you ladies think that is a good way to transition? She'd have her own space and maybe get used to her crib. I have a crib with a curvy front, so I actually would have to sell it and buy one that can butt up smoothly. The way it is, it leaves over a foot of a gap butted against our bed.

 

I am thinking (HOPING) teething is playing some role in this. She has 2 bottom teeth that just popped up. So maybe that explains all this neediness and anxiety over change....


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#28 of 51 Old 01-18-2011, 01:02 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by katelove View Post

Can you put her to sleep in your bed and then have sex on the floor... very quietly?

 

ETA - and/or can your mum and sister take her out for an hour on your DHs days off so you can have sex then? You needn't *tell* them that that's what you're going to do, just say you'd like a break.

 

TBH, from what you described, I would be letting the baby sleep with me and trying to solve the sex problem rather than trying to solve the sleeping in the cot problem which seems harder. Although, to be fair, DH and I both love co-sleeping so that may colour my perspective.



Well, it is all sort of complicated because my husband is home at 7, goes to bed at 9, and is up at 4am.. So we have no "other" time together to try getting creative with sex, at all. Except on weekends. We have actually done it on the floor LOL But it kind of bummed hubby out, he is not against co-sleeping but when it came to us resorting to sex on the floor, he was a little put off by it. (although he didnt complain after.. haha!)
And we have someone watch her while we go to "talk in private"... it just would be nice to have a little more flexibility



After reading this and you update these are my thoughts...

 

- you have a way to have some sex. Yes flexibility and a bed would be nice but, you have a baby and you live with extended family. I think *some* sex is pretty good even if it's not your ideal location or frequency or not as spontaneous or whatever.

 

- this will not last forever. You LO will get older and more independent with her sleeping and you will be able to more special grown-up time winky.gif

 

I mean this gently but I think your husband needs to just get used to life as it is for the moment. I don't mean you should stop trying to have sex whenever you can and I don't mean that he can't dream about having your LO sleeping in her own bed but is this really worth making everyone miserable over?


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#29 of 51 Old 01-18-2011, 01:43 AM
 
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Set up a seperate love shack in another room for you and DH to get it on in.

Let the babe stay with you.

Cosleep or don't but making a decision will make like easier for all of you.

Make sure DH isn't being a baby too:)

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#30 of 51 Old 01-18-2011, 06:11 AM
 
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her sleep patterns don't sound so bad to me. She wakes a lot without you there, like most babies (even my DD at 15 months) but when you go to bed she sleeps through? I don't even have that!

 

personally I would not bother torturing her or yourself anymore.....


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