Co-sleeping is going smoothly, but I really need a regular morning shower!!! Help, please. - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 24 Old 01-10-2011, 12:32 PM - Thread Starter
 
BK Mommy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 144
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

My daughter is a month old.  We discovered co-sleeping when she was 2 weeks old and rediscovered sleep!  My husband is back at work and I am on maternity leave.  I shower at night, but would love to shower in the morning too because I am usually covered in breast milk and spit up by morning.  I find myself waiting till she feels like napping but that isn't until 2 or 3p.  I've tried sneaking out of bed before she wakes, but she senses I'm gone and starts to cry for me.  Please help!  I need some advice.

BK Mommy is offline  
#2 of 24 Old 01-10-2011, 12:45 PM
 
mel707070's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 3
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Do you have an infant car seat...you know the kind you haul the baby around in with the handle? When my kids were younger, up to 3 months old, I use to put them in their car seat and put the seat just outside the shower. This way baby could see me (glass door) and I could see her and she was happy, for a little while. They liked being snuggled in their carriers and would often go back to sleep, but if they didn't I atleast knew what they were up to.

Hope this helps.

mel707070 is offline  
#3 of 24 Old 01-10-2011, 12:47 PM
 
justKate's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Gloucester Point, VA
Posts: 3,563
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

How about a bouncy chair in the bathroom?  Or getting up just before your husband, showering, and then getting back in bed?


justKate is offline  
#4 of 24 Old 01-10-2011, 01:31 PM
 
LittleBirdy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Vacationland
Posts: 791
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I second the bouncy chair in the bathroom.  Once DH went back to work, that's what I always did.  Try and pick the time of the day your baby is happiest and will be more likely to be content in the bouncy chair for a few minutes.  (For my son, this was usually morning time.)  He would start to fuss sometimes towards the end of my shower, but I would just talk to him and peek my head out every thirty seconds or so.

 

I know how important a shower was to me when he was a newborn, I mean it usually turned my whole day around.  So if he ended up crying for the last minute or two of my shower I didn't worry too much because I knew I was a thousand times better as a mom if I had that shower.


Mumma to DS July 2010 and expecting another baby boy late July 2012 belly.gif

LittleBirdy is offline  
#5 of 24 Old 01-10-2011, 01:38 PM
 
justKate's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Gloucester Point, VA
Posts: 3,563
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by LittleBirdy View Post

 

I know how important a shower was to me when he was a newborn, I mean it usually turned my whole day around.  So if he ended up crying for the last minute or two of my shower I didn't worry too much because I knew I was a thousand times better as a mom if I had that shower.


 So true.  OP, I'm not sure if this is your first baby, but I know with DD I would jump if she even seemed sad, much less cried.  The truth is, you need a shower to stay sane, so Baby might have to cry for a minute or two so that you can do that.  She will be fine.  Just make sure she can see you and you talk to her.  A refreshed, happier mommy is good for you both!
 


justKate is offline  
#6 of 24 Old 01-10-2011, 06:32 PM - Thread Starter
 
BK Mommy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 144
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Thanks to all.  I've tried the bouncy seat thing, but she does cry.  I am a first time mom, so it was helpful for all of the validation that it is ok for her to cry a bit.  It is hard for me to relax and go through the whole shower routine when she is crying.  I relish the evening showers because I can just zone out.  But you guys are right.  A morning shower will make me feel better about myself and therefore be a better mom to my LO.  Thanks to all.

BK Mommy is offline  
#7 of 24 Old 01-10-2011, 06:48 PM - Thread Starter
 
BK Mommy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 144
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

PS.  Is your photo of Williamstead?  We went to Curacao a few years ago and it is one of my most favorite places.  Would love to go back.  Awe...vacation...:)

BK Mommy is offline  
#8 of 24 Old 01-11-2011, 11:51 AM
 
Anna Phor's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 251
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Can your husband not soothe her when you are in the shower? It seems like a good way for him to learn how to comfort her--she has just nursed, and mama is not far away.

Anna Phor is offline  
#9 of 24 Old 01-11-2011, 12:15 PM
 
D_McG's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 3,122
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Yeah a shower is just a 'must have'.  Shower, eat, bathroom.  All those things have to happen.  I figure a baby doesn't have to be happy, all the time.  Mine were usually fine just in the bathroom with me in the swing.  But if they weren't happy then they just had to deal.


DS (6.06), DD (10.08), DD (05.11).

D_McG is offline  
#10 of 24 Old 01-11-2011, 12:32 PM
 
LittleBirdy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Vacationland
Posts: 791
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Quote:

Originally Posted by BK Mommy View Post

Thanks to all.  I've tried the bouncy seat thing, but she does cry.  I am a first time mom, so it was helpful for all of the validation that it is ok for her to cry a bit.  It is hard for me to relax and go through the whole shower routine when she is crying.  I relish the evening showers because I can just zone out.  But you guys are right.  A morning shower will make me feel better about myself and therefore be a better mom to my LO.  Thanks to all.


IMHO, this was one of the hardest things in the early weeks about being a first time mom.  Sometimes I felt that if I didn't get to him within 15 seconds of when he started crying, he would be damaged for life/I would be a bad mother/who knows what.  But as PP said, mom needs to eat, mom needs to pee, mom needs to shower.  You need to take care of yourself in order to be in any state to take care of your baby.

 

And by the way, getting these basic things done gets SOOOO much easier.  I can't remember the last time I really had a hard time getting a shower or eating a meal... maybe when he was 3.5 months?  And even then, that was the exception rather than the rule.  Granted many times he's on my lap at dinner but he's happy and I am a pro at eating with one hand.  And even that is becoming less and less necessary these days.
 


Mumma to DS July 2010 and expecting another baby boy late July 2012 belly.gif

LittleBirdy is offline  
#11 of 24 Old 01-11-2011, 12:44 PM
 
tankgirl73's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: NB, Canada
Posts: 2,810
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Couple thoughts -- 

 

Do NOT use a car seat "carrier".  Car seats are for cars.  Babies sleeping in car seats is actually very unhealthy, babies have died from respiratory problems caused by the positioning.  The bouncy seat serves the same purpose and is much safer.  :)  Of course I know you said you tried that and it didn't work -- I just wanted to make that point about car seats.

 

Does it have to be a shower?  Can it be a bath?  Bathing WITH your baby is a fantastic thing to do.  What I usually did with DD was put her in the bouncy seat just while I climbed into the tub, then when I was settled I could reach out and get her.  Most babies LOVE to be in the bath with you.  It's a great place to nurse too.  You get the relaxation you need, AND sweet connection time with your babe.  :)

 

Another option, if you really really want a *shower*, is to get a water sling.  These are generally some kind of mesh fabric... I've seen them in pouch and in wrap styles.  Strap baby on, climb in the shower.  Baby is content, you get your shower.  Is it as "perfect" as a solo shower?  No... you do have to be a little creative to wash the bits of you that are under the sling (though since water flows through it, it's not really THAT bad), and you can't have it scalding hot... but it's much better than no shower at all!  :)

 

Most problems of early infancy of the "how do I do this" variety are best solved by figuring out how to do it WITH your baby, rather than trying to figure out how to get the baby to sleep or be content away from you while you do it by yourself.  And 99% of those problems are solved with a sling.  :)  We did the dishes, the laundry, the vacuuming, gardening, all that kind of stuff, just with my daughter strapped on to either one of us.  She loved it, we loved it, we got things done, AND she got to observe all the household stuff as an active participant rather than an encumbrance or shunted off to another room, so as soon as she was old enough to be able to help, she wanted to help All.  The.  Time.  She's now 4, and still a great helper.  :)

BK Mommy likes this.

Heather, mom to Caileigh 12/06 and aspie ADHD prodigy David 05/98 :intact lact
tankgirl73 is offline  
#12 of 24 Old 01-11-2011, 01:38 PM
 
D_McG's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 3,122
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I think a bath/water sling etc is a great idea if it makes you happier.  I know for me I'd lose my mind if I didn't have a few minutes every day ALONE.  Nobody touching me!!!  


DS (6.06), DD (10.08), DD (05.11).

D_McG is offline  
#13 of 24 Old 01-12-2011, 01:29 PM - Thread Starter
 
BK Mommy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 144
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

He soothes her just fine.  He gets up way earlier than I do, even when I work.  The issue is how do I keep her soothed when step in the shower.  

BK Mommy is offline  
#14 of 24 Old 01-12-2011, 01:41 PM
 
justKate's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Gloucester Point, VA
Posts: 3,563
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Do you have a bouncer with a vibrate button?  Or a vibrator that could go under the bouncer, a la Sex in the City?

 

Can your DD see you when you're in the shower--like a clear shower curtain or glass door?  How about if you sing loud silly songs (or just make silly noises/faces at her from the shower)? She's so young, that might not work, but it will later....

 

I know exactly where you are, because my DD was this way too.  And honestly, nothing worked for her.  I just took really fast showers, with her in the bouncy chair watching me. I tortured myself over it, but she was only crying because (understandably) she wanted to be in my arms, and the bouncy chair was a distant second choice. When baby is right there with you, can hear your voice reassuring her, see you nearby, is fed, warm, dry, and safe, it is okay for her to cry.  It sucks to hear it, because you're mama and it hurts to hear your baby cry.  I think this is a pitfall that AP mamas get in to, and you have to avoid it so that you can avoid burnout. You might not be able to keep her soothed while you shower, but she is not scared because you are there, and your voice is there to reassure her.  You just have to do it mama.  Get baby situated in the bathroom close to you, and take a shower.  Take care of yourself and everyone will benefit. hug2.gif

BK Mommy likes this.

justKate is offline  
#15 of 24 Old 01-12-2011, 01:46 PM
 
SilverFish's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Montreal
Posts: 877
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

yeah, just take that shower. i mean, great if you can figure out how to keep her happy while you're doing it, or manage to do it while she's sleeping or while someone is holding her for you, but it's 10 minutes tops, just do it. i really wish i'd spent less time agonizing over how to get a shower taken in those first few months, and more time taking showers. the time she would have spent crying or upset would have been far less over all, because mama would be a nice clean relaxed mama who was much better at dealing with the baby than a stinky, groggy, pj'd mama who was thisclose to losing it.

SilverFish is offline  
#16 of 24 Old 01-12-2011, 01:52 PM
 
MamieCole's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 1,081
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Honestly, showering alone twice per day (or even once per day) with a 1 month old is a luxury that most moms do not get. If you shower in the evening, then a quick rinse/wipe off the next morning should carry you through til the evening. I mean, unless you have barf in your hair or got really pooped on or something. 

 

I'm all about taking care of yourself...but I think once we have the responsibility of taking care of a baby, we might need to shift some things from the "need to have" column to the "nice to have" column. One shower is need, two is nice. IMHO.

 

MamieCole is offline  
#17 of 24 Old 01-12-2011, 01:57 PM
 
Adaline'sMama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 4,787
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

From the time DD was 6 weeks to about 5 months, we used a chair like this one. I put her in the shower with me, just not in the direct stream of water. She was fine with the water being as warm as I liked to shower, and she usually fell asleep right there while I was showering. Plus, it pushed me to use all chemical free bath products! Once she hit about 5 months, she could sit up and get out of it, so we went about a month where I wore her in the sling. I just used a 15 ft peice of muslin. When she was 6.5 months and could sit well without me helping I just sat her in the bottom of the shower. I have to give her a good rinse off when Im done, but other than that she plays with duckie while I shower.

 

http://www.google.com/products/catalog?q=summer+infant+bather+large&rls=com.microsoft:en-us:IE-SearchBox&oe=UTF-8&rlz=1I7TSNA_enUS385US385&um=1&ie=UTF-8&cid=1612830455655553358&ei=QCMuTbXVIoT4sAOqv8SRBg&sa=X&oi=product_catalog_result&ct=result&resnum=5&ved=0CEYQ8wIwBA 

 

The one I had was just mesh, no padding.

BK Mommy likes this.

Holly and David partners.gif

Adaline love.gif (3/20/10), and Charlie brokenheart.gif (1/26/12- 4/10/12) and our identical  rainbow1284.gif  twins Callie and Wendy (01/04/13)

SIDS happens. 

Adaline'sMama is offline  
#18 of 24 Old 01-12-2011, 03:31 PM
 
D_McG's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 3,122
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by MamieCole View Post

Honestly, showering alone twice per day (or even once per day) with a 1 month old is a luxury that most moms do not get. If you shower in the evening, then a quick rinse/wipe off the next morning should carry you through til the evening. I mean, unless you have barf in your hair or got really pooped on or something. 


 

I think that's fine if it works for you but a shower at night is useless to me.  I don't feel awake/refreshed until I shower.  I feel 'off' all day. Not to mind that my hair looks like crap if I don't wash it (v. oily).  

 

I'm in the water for just a few minutes.  It's a must have for me - like going to the bathroom.

 

I have to shower, eat, go to the bathroom.  If someone is crying when I do some or all of those things... well it happens.  I have 2 (soon to be 3) children and a husband.  That everybody is happy, all the time is just not happening.

BrennaRawks likes this.

DS (6.06), DD (10.08), DD (05.11).

D_McG is offline  
#19 of 24 Old 01-12-2011, 03:37 PM
 
Artichokie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 1,561
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

as a new mom i personally could not stomach showering with a hysterical infant screaming - and she did scream the entire time, even in a vibrating bouncy chair.  i, like you, NEEDED a shower in the mornings to feel human.  i ended up having my dh wake me up five minutes before he left in the morning and i would take a super fast shower, put on a clean tee, and get back into bed.  i am not judging anyone who CAN shower with a baby crying in the background, but it made me physically ill and it was much more worth it to wake up insanely early in the morning so that I could relax for five minutes knowing that my dh was there to cover me if dd woke. 


Mama to E (12/07) and M (01/11). homebirth.jpg
Artichokie is offline  
#20 of 24 Old 01-12-2011, 04:03 PM
 
Katie T's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Iowa
Posts: 2,494
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I am a mom who has to shower every morning for my mental health. NOT kidding!

 

Op. Have you tried swaddleing her when you place her in the seat for your shower?

Singing songs is a good idea. I have a song for each of my kids and would sing it while in the shower because they were used to it.

I made sure they had a dry butt and had just been fed as well

if you can fit a swing in your bathroom you could try that.

Or do you have a toy that lights up that you could hang so she can see it?

 

It will get easier soon I promise. Don't feel bad for needing a shower. You will find something that works for you and your lo.


~Katie~ married to J, mom to DD- A 13 yrs ,DS- L 7yrs , and my little nursling DD2- R 5yrs.

crochetsmilie.gif

Katie T is offline  
#21 of 24 Old 01-13-2011, 11:09 AM
 
msmiles's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 40
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Absolutely. justKate, you wrote my comment. :)

 

OP, my son was just like that. And because many other moms have told you of their similar experiences and solutions, I won't go into details about my own--but I just wanted to add that my son could become very upset his first month or so when I was in the shower, and he's become a perfectly awesome, well adjusted toddler. I know it feels wrong and tormenting to let them cry…but I also know now with perspective that you're not doing yourself a favor freaking out about it. Most likely, it will just have to happen for a little while, unless you find that elusive method that soothes your child. In the last two and a half years, part of my tribulations and trials in mothering has been balancing time for myself as well as my child. Unfortunately, in those first few months, it can be very hard to not be attached at the hip to your infant and to balance an AP style of parenting with your own sanity. I just wanted to let you know that this passes, and then it's as if it never happened…reading your post was like reading a diary entry from decades ago, I would have never remembered otherwise!...which should encourage you that letting your child wail for a few minutes will not traumatize them. When they get older, it's easier to find methods to help them soothe themselves, but right now, you will probably have to use the only half effective vibrations of the bouncy seat and the gritting of your own teeth to get you through. smile.gif
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by justKate View Post

Do you have a bouncer with a vibrate button?  Or a vibrator that could go under the bouncer, a la Sex in the City?

 

Can your DD see you when you're in the shower--like a clear shower curtain or glass door?  How about if you sing loud silly songs (or just make silly noises/faces at her from the shower)? She's so young, that might not work, but it will later....

 

I know exactly where you are, because my DD was this way too.  And honestly, nothing worked for her.  I just took really fast showers, with her in the bouncy chair watching me. I tortured myself over it, but she was only crying because (understandably) she wanted to be in my arms, and the bouncy chair was a distant second choice. When baby is right there with you, can hear your voice reassuring her, see you nearby, is fed, warm, dry, and safe, it is okay for her to cry.  It sucks to hear it, because you're mama and it hurts to hear your baby cry.  I think this is a pitfall that AP mamas get in to, and you have to avoid it so that you can avoid burnout. You might not be able to keep her soothed while you shower, but she is not scared because you are there, and your voice is there to reassure her.  You just have to do it mama.  Get baby situated in the bathroom close to you, and take a shower.  Take care of yourself and everyone will benefit. hug2.gif



msmiles is offline  
#22 of 24 Old 02-25-2011, 02:39 PM - Thread Starter
 
BK Mommy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 144
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

So, I wanted to thank everyone for the perspective and ideas.  I wanted to come back and give an update.  I discovered the perfect combination a couple of weeks after my original post.  

 

I gave her a pacifier, swaddled her and placed her in a travel swing next to the ipod dock where I played vacuum cleaner noise (never thought I'd pay $10 on itunes for an hour of vacuum cleaner noise...ha ha ha!).  It works like magic...as if she has an mute button!  Then I have an hour of free time to shower, eat...do laundry etc.  AMAZING! 

 

Recipe:

1 hour of vacuum cleaner noise (purchased on itunes)

+ 1 travel swing

+ 1 pacifier

+ 1 swaddle

= Sweet sleepy time for baby and blissful shower time for mama!

 

And about a week ago, I was able to start showering with her in a bouncy next to the shower.  She wouldn't go for this previously, so we are making progress.  Now I can talk with her while she sits quietly.  

 

I appreciate that others can shower while the baby cries, but I was a mess whenever I tried doing that.  I couldn't even remember my mindless shower routine.  :)  So it was incredible when I found the right combination to mellow the baby out for some mommy time.

BK Mommy is offline  
#23 of 24 Old 02-25-2011, 07:08 PM
 
Snapdragon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 4,627
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 3 Post(s)

that's funny because that exact thing- minus the vacuum cleaner noise!- is what we used to get some down time when ds was really little too! the swaddle, travel swing, and paci combo- yes! It took me a while to figure it out too but was such a relief when it worked! DS also liked the random music the swing played nd would sleep right through it- sometimes even sleeping better with the music on :) We used that for months until he finally grew too big for it.

Snapdragon is offline  
#24 of 24 Old 03-03-2011, 01:21 PM
 
sk8boarder15's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 727
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Glad you found a solution! When she gets too old for that I HIGHLY suggest a Jump and GO or Jonny Jumper or something like that in the bathroom doorway. We swtiched to that at 4 months and its awesome! He bounces away while I shower and get dressed! :) 


- Mom to Baby Mark (9/18/10) and 4 wonderful dogs!
sk8boarder15 is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off