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#1 of 129 Old 02-16-2011, 09:36 AM - Thread Starter
 
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nak

Alright. I guess  I'm looking for your stories about making this work.

Here's the deal: first baby, 7mos, cosleeps.

I love it. I thought dh did too. He does understand and appreciate it, but it came out last night that he is really uncomfortable having sex with the baby in the bed with us.

 

Ok, ds sleeps really well at night. We've never been interrupted. We have had sex a handful of times in the living room too.

 

I am apparantly a very rare new mama who still has a really active libido ( I blame it on all that oxytocin!). i asked dh to take over actively maintaining our sex life a fewmonths ago because while I still want to have sex, i am often too preoccupied with the baby to really think about it. He agreed but then nothing really changed. It has made me grumpy and caused a bit of tension between us.

so since having baby in bed is causing problems, we need a change.

Complication: I am not interested in moving baby to his own room. That doesn't work for me. I would prefer him on a matress "sidecarred" to our bed. DH doesn't think this is much different than just having him in our bed. I think it is, a bit. We'd have a ton more room and wouldn't have to worry about any....bouncing.

 

So: What do you think? For those of you with a twin "sidecarred", did it help with your sex life? If you used a crib matress on the floor (our bed is a queen and box spring on the floor) did that work for you? I am worried about moving ds at night (ie, from his bed to ours for nursing and back) or getting WAY worse sleep because I am trying to sleep with him on a crib matress! I feel like with a twin, I could shuffle over and sleep with ds if I need to with relative ease.

 

Or, was this just never an issue with you. Did you give up sex in bed? Were you never comfortable dtd in front of your babies?

I feel like I will be comfortable dtd near a sleeping baby for some time yet but I know it won't be forever... I do plan on having another good talk with dh tonight about what we both expect and how things do have to change with the little one. I want him to be comfortable, but I also need to be.

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#2 of 129 Old 02-16-2011, 10:30 AM
 
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Pack n play!


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#3 of 129 Old 02-16-2011, 10:39 AM
 
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Yeah pack n play for the baby or find a different spot for the loving.

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#4 of 129 Old 02-16-2011, 11:21 AM
 
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We did it a few times in bed with DS sleeping but it did feel weird to both of us. SO, we've pretty much moved to the floor. We have a crib side carred but DS wakes up as soon as I set him on that so it's mainly there to keep him rolling out of our bed.

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#5 of 129 Old 02-16-2011, 11:27 AM
 
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we do it everywhere but the bed. We got a blow up bed and pump it up sometimes.


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#6 of 129 Old 02-16-2011, 11:28 AM
 
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When he was small, I'd put him down in his bouncy seat and then we'd have the bed to ourselves a while.  Now that he's bigger, he sleeps in the bed and we make use of the giant bean bag chair in the living room.  Sometimes the couch too, but the bean bag chair is a lot roomier.  Any chance you have a room that could be improved by a LoveSac?


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#7 of 129 Old 02-16-2011, 12:44 PM
 
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Another one that goes anywhere but the bed. Once in a great while we will steal one of the older kid's mattresses since they never sleep in their own bed other then that it is any other place that strikes us. 


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#8 of 129 Old 02-16-2011, 12:55 PM
 
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Also DH does not mind at all having it go down wherever and whenever thumb.gif


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#9 of 129 Old 02-16-2011, 12:56 PM
 
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We are on the sofa or the floor. Thank goodness I'm not the only one.


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#10 of 129 Old 02-16-2011, 01:13 PM
 
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Dh doesn't care where things happen but I do. One look at sleeping ds and I am back in mama mode.
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#11 of 129 Old 02-16-2011, 01:15 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for the replies ladies!

 

it's funny, even though I am less uncomfortable dtd in front of the baby, every time I initiate sex it's somewhere besides the bed.... I think for DH it's just a comfort thing, after a long day's work he wants to relax while dtd. I'm definitely going to suggest using the bed more for sleep and making better use of our wonderful couch. I think we are going to try the crib mattress on the floor too though....Finn crawled right off the bed this morning! yikes! He's fine but it scared me.

I guess I'm scared of messing with his sleep patterns too. I really don't do well on minimal sleep and right now we're good. I guess we'll see what happens with the floor bed and if it works, great, problem solved. If not, we're (dh and I) just going to have to get more adventerous

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#12 of 129 Old 02-16-2011, 01:45 PM
 
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We use the guest bed.  DD2 is already 18 months, so I guess past the baby stage, but I've never been comfortable dtd in bed with one of the babies.  Once when staying in only one room, with DD1 on a mattress on the floor, we did start DD2 on a blanket on the floor so we could use the bed, but generally I'm not comfortable dtd even in the same room as sleeping babies/children.  I'm just in mommy mood and have trouble relaxing and switching over.  I love having the guest room.  We can curl up and sleep afterwards and go to DD2 in our bed whenever she wakes up. 


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#13 of 129 Old 02-16-2011, 04:24 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by goinggreengirl View Post

We did it a few times in bed with DS sleeping but it did feel weird to both of us. SO, we've pretty much moved to the floor. We have a crib side carred but DS wakes up as soon as I set him on that so it's mainly there to keep him rolling out of our bed.


This, we did it a couple times when DD was very young but it was weird and we were paranoid about being to loud. 

We live in a loft so there is no chance of another room either.

We have a twin bed that is dragged out of the closet when we really want a bed (sometimes beds are just the best) not to be overly graphic but we have made it a joke, one of us will say "time to get the sex bed" so yeah we have a sex bed...sigh. I do miss our own bed but it isn't permanent. The couch, the floor etc work too. Then again we aren't having much sex so it isn't a major issue. Kudos to you mama for being interested in DTD!!

 

goinggreengirl do we have the same kid? The crib is sidecarred but only there to make sure DD doesn't roll out of the bed.

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#14 of 129 Old 02-16-2011, 04:51 PM
 
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I have back problems. Sex anywhere but the bed is out of the question for me.  We put the pack and play in the hall and put the baby down to sleep.  Then we just move him back into our room when we settle down for the night.

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#15 of 129 Old 02-16-2011, 05:01 PM
 
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I can't really get out of mama mode if my babies are even in the same room, so we use the guest room bed or living room sofa with baby monitors on. I can't even imagine being able to relax enough to have sex while my child was in the bed with us. No way.


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#16 of 129 Old 02-16-2011, 05:54 PM
 
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We have two double beds in our room. I would suggest getting a cot or extra bed. 


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#17 of 129 Old 02-16-2011, 05:56 PM
 
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We could never ever dtd in bed with ds--it weirded me out, but also he was a really light sleeper and would almost always wake up. So we just got into the habit, I guess you'd say, of dtd BEFORE bedtime on the couch or wherever. It is a kind of change in thinking, because I think most people end up dtd once they are in bed together, it just seems more natural, somehow. But it worked for us. However a month ago we moved ds into his own bedroom and I have to say that I'm LOVING having my bed back and all that that entails: being able to read before going to sleep, being able to put my pajamas on in the light and, yes, being able to make love in my own bed!


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#18 of 129 Old 02-16-2011, 08:33 PM
 
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Sex? In a bed? I can't even remember what that's like...Actually, we recently rearranged our random assortment of beds and now have one in the playroom in the basement that no one actually sleeps in...For a while it was a "sex bed" (thanks, PP) - foam mattress that we brought out to the living room. We're old so sometimes we'd even decide the discomfort wasn't worth it...

 

Also, we've really given up on foreplay for the time being...we mostly just do what needs to be done.


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#19 of 129 Old 02-16-2011, 11:14 PM
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We could never ever dtd in bed with ds--it weirded me out, but also he was a really light sleeper and would almost always wake up. So we just got into the habit, I guess you'd say, of dtd BEFORE bedtime on the couch or wherever. It is a kind of change in thinking, because I think most people end up dtd once they are in bed together, it just seems more natural, somehow. But it worked for us. However a month ago we moved ds into his own bedroom and I have to say that I'm LOVING having my bed back and all that that entails: being able to read before going to sleep, being able to put my pajamas on in the light and, yes, being able to make love in my own bed!

Reading? Pajamas in the light? Who needs sex?! Sooooo looking forward to those things! But loving cosleeping too ;0)

We've kind of given up a bit for now. The shower used to be our special place but now dd doesn't make noise when she wakes up and checking the video monitor is a turn off!
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#20 of 129 Old 02-17-2011, 05:12 AM
 
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Well we dtd in the bed on occasion, bu only during the day when DD is awake (so DH has the day off) We can sometimes pop on the tv and run upstairs for a passionate quickie. Just wanted to add that lol

 

IDK we don't miss the bed over here. We have a seriously wonderful s-e-x life.


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#21 of 129 Old 02-17-2011, 09:53 AM
 
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We've had a twin next to our bed for the last 3 kids.  It becomes the baby's bed, sometimes it's just extra space when the baby is stretched out too much.  And sometimes it's the sex bed.  LOL.  We have no problem DTD with the kid in the room...  It's a learned habit, though.

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#22 of 129 Old 02-17-2011, 10:25 AM
 
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We don't have any kids with us in bed right now, so we do use our own bed for the most part right now. When we do have a baby in bed with us, the only time I'm ok being in our bed is if the baby is in the pack n play. Our room is pretty big, so we can make it so it is like we are alone. I still get paranoid about being noisy though, and it isn't much of a turn on when we both keep stealing glances towards wherever the baby is! We also have the guest room that has a queen so that works. And then once all the kids are in bed we have the entire downstairs to ourselves!

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#23 of 129 Old 02-17-2011, 10:55 AM
 
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Dh and I joke that if we were to have sex in bed again it would be new and exotic, it's been a longggg time. We've never felt comfortable having sex with dd in the room sleeping, it just feels very distracting and an odd colliding of roles (like when George's worlds collide on Seinfeld lol.gif ).

 

Another big inside joke is how nasty it would be if one of those crime scene blacklights were ever run over our couch and loveseat in the living room biglaugh.gif

 

Cosleeping obviously hasn't affected our sex life, just the location. An air mattress is also good as a 'sex bed' (love the term!).


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#24 of 129 Old 02-17-2011, 11:13 AM
 
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Wow.  Sheepish.gif  I guess we are the only ones who don't have issues DTD in the family bed.  DD is 3 and sleeps on a twin next to our king, and DS is 1 month (yeah, we started early postpartum).  As long as there is regular deep breathing from DD's bed and DS has unlatched for the night, we are good to go.  Or sometimes we wake up spontaneously in the middle of the night, one or the other, and stuff happens.  We are silent though ... it will be weird after all the babies are in their own beds and we can be louder.

 

Should we be rethinking this?

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Ok I'm just impressed that you are DTD only a month after baby is born. A month after DD was born I was still walking gingerly let alone even thinking about DTD...

I think you'll be alright, when you do finally get to be alone it will seem incredibly adventurous I imagine or at least that is what I think it will be like for us...

I don't have an issue DTD in the same room as DD or even theoretically the same bed, it's just that we have on more than one occasion woken her up and that really really spoils the mood.

 

I cannot wait to get our own bed back so we can DTD in what most people consider the most boring place to do it!

 

 

 

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Wow.  Sheepish.gif  I guess we are the only ones who don't have issues DTD in the family bed.  DD is 3 and sleeps on a twin next to our king, and DS is 1 month (yeah, we started early postpartum).  As long as there is regular deep breathing from DD's bed and DS has unlatched for the night, we are good to go.  Or sometimes we wake up spontaneously in the middle of the night, one or the other, and stuff happens.  We are silent though ... it will be weird after all the babies are in their own beds and we can be louder.

 

Should we be rethinking this?



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#26 of 129 Old 02-17-2011, 01:08 PM
 
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We DTD in the family bed up until about a month ago when DD started saying "up" when she woke up. For me, once they can say words, it weirds me out. So, I now have to plan ahead and make sure to put her down somwhere else if we want to use the bed. We have moved to the floor right next to the bed and we often use the couch.


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#27 of 129 Old 02-18-2011, 06:15 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pirogi View Post

Wow.  Sheepish.gif  I guess we are the only ones who don't have issues DTD in the family bed.  DD is 3 and sleeps on a twin next to our king, and DS is 1 month (yeah, we started early postpartum).  As long as there is regular deep breathing from DD's bed and DS has unlatched for the night, we are good to go.  Or sometimes we wake up spontaneously in the middle of the night, one or the other, and stuff happens.  We are silent though ... it will be weird after all the babies are in their own beds and we can be louder.

 

Should we be rethinking this?

 

You're not the only ones!  We don't have a problem with it either.  Our DTD pattern tends to be very early in the morning, when DD is nearly impossible to wake up.  We tend to be pretty quick, quiet and mellow about it, though, so as not to disturb her.  It will be VERY nice when we can be a bit more athletic and noisy... and get a bit more creative! 

 

As for early, I think we started at 2 weeks postpartum, as soon as the MW gave her ok. :)  (I blame the oxytocin too!)  We've pretty much always DTD with her in the cosleeper or in the bed next to us; as long as she's sleeping and we're quiet, I don't worry too much about it.  Children have grown up with adults DTD in the same bed/ same room for most of human history (and in most of the world, most of them still do), so it's not like we're that unusual. 

 

 

 



 


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#28 of 129 Old 02-18-2011, 07:41 AM
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Out of curiosity am I the only one here who NEVER EVER mentions this to anyone (besides you MDC mamas). It's not that I think there is a single thing wrong with DTD next to a sleeping LO but what does concern me could the possible reaction of someone else. Like freaking out and telling other people or in the off chance some random person I barely know heard about it (I don't know how that would happen exactly since I don't walk around talking about my sex life constantly) and called CPS or something. Crazier things have happened.

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#29 of 129 Old 02-18-2011, 10:40 AM
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Out of curiosity am I the only one here who NEVER EVER mentions this to anyone (besides you MDC mamas). It's not that I think there is a single thing wrong with DTD next to a sleeping LO but what does concern me could the possible reaction of someone else. Like freaking out and telling other people or in the off chance some random person I barely know heard about it (I don't know how that would happen exactly since I don't walk around talking about my sex life constantly) and called CPS or something. Crazier things have happened.

I only discuss it with a few girlfriends who also cosleep. Everyone else already thinks we are crazy enough as it is!
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#30 of 129 Old 02-18-2011, 12:23 PM
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Nvmd! Too vulnerable of a post to be judged to harshly. Sorry to freak people out by being a sexual person, a parent and be living in a small apartment.
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