do you follow all the co-sleeping "rules"? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 78 Old 02-27-2011, 07:26 AM - Thread Starter
 
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So I just started reading the No Cry Sleep Solution and am wondering if there are other co-sleeping families who don't follow all the safety guidelines for co-sleeping she outlines?  For example: no blankets or pillows in bed, baby never between mom and dad, mattress on the floor or guard rails, don't co-sleep if you are obese, no pets, or others?  Of course making sure there are no gaps between the bed and the wall baby could get stuck in is very important, but no blankets or pillows just isn't feasible at my house.  I feel we are very safe co-sleepers, but we do "break the rules" quite often.  Are there other rebellious co-sleeping families out there or am I totally out of line? 

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#2 of 78 Old 02-27-2011, 07:36 AM
 
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We don't. I use a pillow and a blanket, I swaddle, and she sleeps on her tummy sometimes. Most of the time she is in the crook of my arm, but yea, sometimes she rolls onto her tummy. I feel I'm very aware of her-position, breathing, temp, so I don't worry. Oh, and if she is in the crook of my arm, I let her sleep in between dh and I. He will not roll over her without touching my arm first, at which point I'd wake up, so I feel it's safe.
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#3 of 78 Old 02-27-2011, 07:39 AM
 
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My babes are 8 months and 3 years and they prefer to sleep next to each other so arms flailing, kicks etc are to be expected. We sleep with pillows (all of us) and a big comforter (shared on all of us) and sometimes a cat/dog joins. 

 

So, no ;) 


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#4 of 78 Old 02-27-2011, 07:58 AM
 
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We have blankets and pillows and babe often goes next to daddy.  Bed is lower than some, but on a frame and no guard rails.  Both kids have been in bed since day one.  No crib in the house.

 

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#5 of 78 Old 02-27-2011, 08:59 PM
 
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NAK.   We don't follow any of that.  DS1 is 5 now, and bed-shares about 1/2 the night or so (starts in his own bed), and DS2 is 8 months and sleeps in my arms wherever I am and he wants to be.  He tosses throughout the night, and we switch sides 2-8 times each nigh, so sometimes he's on the edge of the bed, sometimes between me and DH, and sometimes between me & DS.  He's always in my arms, though.  We use pillows (lots) and a sheet and big down comforter in the winter (a quilt in the summer).  DH is obese, but I'm not.  Now, we have a big king bed (which I wouldn't trade for ANYTHING), but it's up plenty high.  We do not have any animals in the room, nor would I allow animals on my bed, especially with my kids, but that's me.  My last animal that slept with us was a 90 lb. bulldog, so maybe my frame of reference is skewed, lol. 

My opinion is that you should be safe- so don't take any drugs whatsoever, drink alcohol, or be ridiculously tired to sleep with baby in your bed.  Otherwise, trust your mothering instincts and go with the flow.  Don't stress.  People have been sleeping with their babies in every country in the world since the beginning of time.  I think we can do it without an instruction manual, lol!!


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#6 of 78 Old 02-27-2011, 09:00 PM
 
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NAK.   We don't follow any of that.  DS1 is 5 now, and bed-shares about 1/2 the night or so (starts in his own bed), and DS2 is 8 months and sleeps in my arms wherever I am and he wants to be.  He tosses throughout the night, and we switch sides 2-8 times each nigh, so sometimes he's on the edge of the bed, sometimes between me and DH, and sometimes between me & DS.  He's always in my arms, though.  We use pillows (lots) and a sheet and big down comforter in the winter (a quilt in the summer).  DH is obese, but I'm not.  Now, we have a big king bed (which I wouldn't trade for ANYTHING), but it's up plenty high.  We do not have any animals in the room, nor would I allow animals on my bed, especially with my kids, but that's me.  My last animal that slept with us was a 90 lb. bulldog, so maybe my frame of reference is skewed, lol. 

My opinion is that you should be safe- so don't take any drugs whatsoever, drink alcohol, or be ridiculously tired to sleep with baby in your bed.  Otherwise, trust your mothering instincts and go with the flow.  Don't stress.  People have been sleeping with their babies in every country in the world since the beginning of time.  I think we can do it without an instruction manual, lol!!


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#7 of 78 Old 02-28-2011, 06:13 AM
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I tried to follow "the rules" in the beginning. I slept under a tiny blanket constantly paranoid I was going to suffocate her.

What I found was that the couple of times a blanket did actually get on her face when she was sleeping in the crook

of my arm, I was so alert to it, I noticed before she even stirred. 
I find that a lot of mamas are super alert to their LOs even when sleeping. I have slept with a dog on the bed,

a cat next to DD sleeping, DD between DH and I...Multiple blankets on the bed and tons of pillows. Never had a problem.

I always make the sure the bed is set up safely each night and now that DD is older I don't even sweat it.

I even let her sleep on her stomach when she was little because I was right next to her and was very aware of her breathing and movement.

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#8 of 78 Old 02-28-2011, 06:43 AM
 
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There were no "rules" when we started, other than the obvious issue of intoxication, so no I don't follow them. I am diligent to keep the blankets/pillows away from baby's face but I could not sleep without them. I also don't follow "Back-to-Sleep" either. With my newborns I sleep with them on my chest for the first few weeks and then snuggled in the crook of my arm and then gradually moving to spooning with them on their sides facing away from me unless they are nursing. When we do that I hold the blankets down with my arm over their side.

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#9 of 78 Old 02-28-2011, 06:54 AM
 
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no  we use blankets and he slept on his side form the get go

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#10 of 78 Old 02-28-2011, 07:22 AM
 
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She starts off the night more or less following the rules, lol. But then.... we put the comforter up (it's cold!), the dog settles herself right up by the top of her head (tiny dog), her sister joins in the middle of the night, baby is wedged right up between mommy and daddy (daddy is the wall-crack guard and mommy is the edge of bed guard- both are important!). But- I always make sure her face is way clear of any blankets and pillows and that she is more or less in the middle of the bed. I don't sleep through the night either, wake up countless times to adjust her, or other members of the bed party (human or dog) in a half-asleep state. But I don't mind, so used to it.


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#11 of 78 Old 02-28-2011, 07:22 AM
 
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A fellow "rule breaker" here.

 

Besides for not taking sleep-inducing medications or intoxication, I don't follow the co-sleeping rules. Our DD is 9 months old now, but has been co-sleeping since she outgrew her bassinet around 3-4 months. She sleeps on however she wants (frequently side or stomach). We sleep in a regular bed on a frame (though its not very high compared to most), no siderails, use pillows and blankets, and sometimes she ends up sleeping in the middle of DH and me. I've never once doubted her safety. In fact, I find I often wake up about 20-30 seconds before she starts fussing anyway.


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#12 of 78 Old 02-28-2011, 07:22 AM
 
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I think we've broken all the rules, at one time or another, except the ones about intoxication and drug use, or smoking. We were careful about gaps, too. And we did keep the room cool. For awhile, I was using a med that made me drowsy at night, but it didn't make a difference because DD1 was my only babe at the time, and she greatly preferred to sleep by DH.

DD1 actually slept with DH from the get-go- in the crook of his arm. She would fuss and fuss, with me, until I handed her to him, and then she'd settle right in. With the twins, one twin went between me and DH, and one went between me and a sidecar. Oh, and DD1 wasn't exclusively breastfeeding-- a lot of the "rules" claim bottle babies shouldn't cosleep. I can't see why I should have deprived her of cosleeping, just because we couldn't breastfeed.

We always had blankets and pillows. I used my common sense about that, and I feel it was safe.

The twins slept on their sides, not on their backs. We mostly fell asleep breastfeeding, so we wound up curled up facing each other, like a big shrimp and a tiny shrimp. They also were swaddled. We coslept with pets, too. The cats mostly stayed down near our feet, so it didn't worry me at all.

Most guard rails aren't safe for small babies-- the gap between rail and bed is too big. I felt safer, with DD1, with putting her between me and DH, and using our bodies as rails. With the twins, I had the crib sidecarred, but nobody ever slept in it-- it was mostly to hold my drinks and books and extra diapers and wipes and stuff. But it served the purpose of a guard. We didn't put the mattress on the floor until they were crawling.




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#13 of 78 Old 02-28-2011, 07:48 AM
 
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We've coslept with four babies and have broken every single 'rule'. Blankets, pillows, baby between parents, other kids in bed (although not when one of them is under year or so old), high mattress, no guardrail, 'obese' parent, and medications to help me sleep. By bmi charts I'm considered to be two pounds into the obese range but I'm a size 14. You don't need to be a size 6 to be able to cosleep. I've coslept after taking mediation to help me sleep, it doesn't affect me the way is does other people and I still wake up easily and am aware of the baby when I take it. The only 'rule' we've never broken is the pets in bed one since we don't have any pets

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#14 of 78 Old 02-28-2011, 08:10 AM
 
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Didn't follow them. I'm sure I'm over their "acceptable" weight limit, I used a pillow and of course sheets and blankets, and in fact we co slept on an air mattress full time, because I couldn't afford anything else. It wasn't on the floor. My kid is over 21 now.

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#15 of 78 Old 02-28-2011, 08:43 AM
 
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When we had our first we broke what to me is a pretty big one by sleeping on a water bed for the first few months and I'm glad nothing happened. Other then that I guess it depends on your version of the rules. We used blankets and pillows but kept them away from the baby and the baby (we have 4 kids)  often slept between dad and I. I never used any drugs/medication that could make me more tired and neither of us drinks or smokes at all.  I don't know about weight limits but I'm likely over them because they probably aren't to realistic. We don't have any pets and when we did it never slept with us.  We have never rolled over on any of our children and I sleep much lighter than I did pre-children, doesn't take much to wake me up.


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#16 of 78 Old 02-28-2011, 08:56 AM
 
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We semi-break them. 

 

For the first months of her life she slept on top of me, and I had a boppy in my lap to use as arm support for me, but it also worked to keep the blankets from getting up around where she was.  I slept semi-reclined with a "husband pillow" behind my regular pillows. 

 

Now we sleep in the more traditional side-lying style, and she flops herself all over the place.  If we never slept with her between us I'd be even more lopsided than I already am, not to mention she'd be angry, and my back would be wrecked!  But we have a kind size bed and DH never encroaches on our space.  We have a crib side car to the bed, so I feel like the risk of her falling off the bed while we're in the bed is very slim.  Our bed is TALL.

 

I do sleep with pillows, but they are mostly side-by-side (they do overlap in the middle, which is where I mostly keep my head). 

 

The cat sleeps mostly at the foot of the bed, but if DH isn't in bed sometimes he'll steal his spot.  I have absolutely fewer-than-zero worries about that! 

 

I would never take medicines that would alter awareness, but I do have a beer with or after dinner most nights, but it doesn't affect me at all by that point, for sure.

 

I think the most important thing is being AWARE of the rules.  That way if you're breaking them you know you're doing it in a way that you feel is safe.


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#17 of 78 Old 02-28-2011, 09:10 AM
 
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we break rules too... blankets for sure (it's cold in canada!) but finn (8mo) often kicks them off. I use a pillow but keep it away from his head. Cat sleeps on the bed but she's totally freaked out by the baby so I'm not worried about her. No drinking/drugs/meds though.

 

Honestly, I feel like the only reason there are "rules" for western cultures anyways is because we've lost the unconscious knowledge of how to sleep with babies. In places where co-sleeping is the norm, I doubt people are worried about rules. I also think that because it's something that's a little bit taboo here, doctors and advocates are extra careful about "idoiot-proofing" the process. I don't mean that people that follow all the rules religiously are idiots by any means but I think that it makes sense to try and ingrain what should be unconscious in people who don't have a cultural base point to work from.

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#18 of 78 Old 02-28-2011, 09:17 AM
 
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I don't follow the rules, but I also feel like I don't really sleep either :)  My almost 4mth old starts off the night in his cradle, but comes in the bed for his first feeding and stays till morning.

 

We use pillows/sheets/blankets, but I keep them low on me near my waist because our comforter is a pretty heavy quilt.  I'll cover my DS in the flannel sheet but he sweats so much anyways just the sheet is fine for him.  Our cat will sleep on the bed but not near DS.

 

Neither me nor my DH are obese, and babe does sleep between us - mainly cuz our bed is really high off the ground.  At least once during the night I need to feed DS on the other side so he is sleeping on the "edge" of the bed but I put a pillow behind him so he doesn't roll off and I usually hold him.  I don't let my DH hold him or sleep with him without me though because he is a very heavy sleeper.  He won't even wake up if the baby is crying so I don't trust him to do it.


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#19 of 78 Old 02-28-2011, 09:30 AM
 
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I think by obese she means morbidly obese to the point where mobility is impaired or at least I hope thatsnwhat she means it would make more sense
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#20 of 78 Old 02-28-2011, 09:37 AM
 
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i think the no pillow/blanket rule was not made by a co-sleeper.  no one would naturally sleep like that.


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#21 of 78 Old 02-28-2011, 09:57 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ldavis24 View Post

I tried to follow "the rules" in the beginning. I slept under a tiny blanket constantly paranoid I was going to suffocate her.

What I found was that the couple of times a blanket did actually get on her face when she was sleeping in the crook

of my arm, I was so alert to it, I noticed before she even stirred. 
I find that a lot of mamas are super alert to their LOs even when sleeping. I have slept with a dog on the bed,

a cat next to DD sleeping, DD between DH and I...Multiple blankets on the bed and tons of pillows. Never had a problem.

I always make the sure the bed is set up safely each night and now that DD is older I don't even sweat it.

I even let her sleep on her stomach when she was little because I was right next to her and was very aware of her breathing and movement.


This is also true for me. I woke up instantly both times the blanket went over DS's head and once I woke up in time to catch him before he rolled off the bed (we since have moved the mattress to the floor). Our dogs sleep at the foot of the bed and sometimes they snuggled close to the LO, but we also mostly did little shrimp/big shrimp position and he was safely snuggled next to me. I let him sleep on his side, but in skin to skin contact with me because I feel that it helped regulate his breathing and was a better protection from SIDS. I used a receiving blanket over my upper body and DS when he was little but after 6 months or so we just started sharing the comforter. He frequently slept between DH and I. (We switch sides all the time when he nurses)
I never take medications that affect sleep (I rarely take medications period) and we don't go to bed drunk (I've had a glass of wine though and do just fine with that)
So yes, we break most of the rules and we feel safe doing so. I trust my body and my instincts and it's been working well for us. orngbiggrin.gif

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#22 of 78 Old 02-28-2011, 01:42 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Its reassuring to know I'm not the only blanket using, cat cuddling, occassional wine drinker, obese mom who sleeps with her baby between her parents in a bed on a frame with no guard rails!  Wow, that was a mouthful! lol.gif

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#23 of 78 Old 02-28-2011, 05:44 PM
 
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I guess I didn't even realize that one of the "rules" was no sleeping between parents. My son sleeps between us (the second half of the night when he moves to our bed) so that he doesn't have a chance to fall off the bed. My husband, though, is a pretty light sleeper so he's aware of where the baby's at.  

 

No way I could handle no blankets/no pillows.  Ugh.  Now that J is almost 10 months old, I have very few co-sleeping worries.  I was way more paranoid when he was itty bitty.  


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#24 of 78 Old 02-28-2011, 08:05 PM
 
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No. And especially not now that she's over 2.

 

We actually found that a big poofy comforter stayed off her face better because it would tent over us and stay above her.

 

Now, because she slept right by my breasts the whole time, pillows weren't anywhere near her. I have no idea how anyone who does night nursing could have their baby anywhere near their pillows. Long stretchy breasts? I have those and couldn't get dd up to the pillows.

 

The one safety thing I did do is if dh was in a twitchy sleep mode like he gets sometimes, I put dd on the outside. And when she was crawling a lot we put the mattress on the floor mostly so she'd be able to climb up herself sooner. And our bed was in the middle of the room not on a wall so no bed/wall gap to contend with.

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#25 of 78 Old 02-28-2011, 08:08 PM
 
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I have little brothers (ages 5, 3 and 1) and I have coslept with them enough to know that I am pretty aware even when I'm asleep. DH and I are expecting our first in Sept and I feel pretty comfortable with cosleeping as long as we don't break the major rules (i.e. going to bed intoxicated, using drugs or medications that would impair judgment etc.). I don't know if I will put the baby in the middle at first because I don't know how DH will sleep with a baby. I'm sure it will be fine after he gets used to it but at first i just plan on using pillows or cuddling baby to keep him/her from rolling over. I love cuddling and DH doesn't like to while going to sleep so I hope this baby likes it. lol

Also, my parents coslept with all 6 of us and as far as I know they used pillows and blankets and we never really had any pets and obeseity was never an issue. I think it is just up to what feels right and safe for you. Most of it is (or should be) common sense.

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#26 of 78 Old 02-28-2011, 09:00 PM
 
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No, not since about the time she turned 4 months old. Once she could roll over, push her head and chest up with her arms, and I got over the initial "omg, I might roll over on her" phase. We have a bedrail on my side, and sometimes she sleeps between us. We use pillows and a big comforter, we have our bed up off the floor,and  our kitty sometimes jumps up on the bed (I usually kick him off because he weighs 20 lbs and is loud). We never take any sleep inducing drugs, but we do occasionally drink a couple of beers :). She has a mattress on the floor next to our bed, which is where she starts out the night. She (knocks on wood) stays there until about 3 am, when she joins us in the big bed.


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#27 of 78 Old 02-28-2011, 11:32 PM
 
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The only rule I stick to is no intoxication. I have a whole bunch of pillows, but since DD spends most of the night with a boob in her mouth, they aren't near her. We have a big down comforter, it covers just her feet/legs sometimes - it's more dangerous to her when she wakes up and tries to play peek a boo with it and it gets stuck because she hasn't worked out how to move something so big away from her face yet. We also switch sides all night so she is between me & the cosleeper part of the time, and me and DH the other part. We have a pretty high bed on a frame with no guard rails, but since the cosleeper is there, she wouldn't go far. I didn't feel super comfortable early on though but I think it was more FTM nerves & severe lack of sleep.


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#28 of 78 Old 03-01-2011, 12:24 AM
 
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this was the set up for both of mine with the addition of a 4 year old when my youngest was born. baby slept by the wall or inbetween. the bed next to the wall was a halfdead :lol not new stuff bear (this prevented anyone from hitting their head on the wall), 3 pillows in the bed (2 downfilled & 1 memory foam), sheet and a downfilled blanket year round.

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#29 of 78 Old 03-01-2011, 05:07 AM
 
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My now 4 year old feel out of the bed multiple times - I wish I'd had bed rails then.  She used to mostly sleep between us so I guess I broke most of the rules.  Cat on bed, comforter, pillows, no rail.  I have a 4 month old now and he usually sleeps between me and the co-sleeper.  I use my comforter and do pull it up over him.  He sleeps on his back and side.  The cat still sleep on the bed.  Baby is between dh and I sometimes when I want to sleep on the other side and nurse but it's not often.  His sister gets into bed with us sometimes and though she usually gets between dh and I she sometimes gets in beside her brother.

ar2974 is offline  
#30 of 78 Old 03-01-2011, 07:13 AM
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Originally Posted by ar2974 View Post

My now 4 year old feel out of the bed multiple times - I wish I'd had bed rails then.  She used to mostly sleep between us so I guess I broke most of the rules.  Cat on bed, comforter, pillows, no rail.  I have a 4 month old now and he usually sleeps between me and the co-sleeper.  I use my comforter and do pull it up over him.  He sleeps on his back and side.  The cat still sleep on the bed.  Baby is between dh and I sometimes when I want to sleep on the other side and nurse but it's not often.  His sister gets into bed with us sometimes and though she usually gets between dh and I she sometimes gets in beside her brother.



Our DD fell off the bed 5 times I believe. All but 1 of the times DH and I were literally in the room with her and standing right next to her, we just happened to be looking somewhere else and off she rolled! I thought we might need bed rails but she very quickly learned to just call out when she woke up from naps instead of roll around the bed! I do remember the first time she fell off the bed I cried just as hard as she did.

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