First time parent who needs help dealing with advice from pediatrician - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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Old 05-17-2011, 04:49 PM
 
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Where can I find this online?  I have so many people who tell me to use CIO who don't even know who Ferber is but if I could tell them that the man who popularized it no longer recommends it that would be awesome.

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Originally Posted by ssh View Post




 Even Ferber no longer recommends it.

 



 

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Old 05-17-2011, 07:10 PM
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There's this http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=5439359 , where he says he was misunderstood. There are many sites where he is quoted as being for co-sleeping when it's working for a family. There is also this http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2006/05/30/earlyshow/leisure/books/main1664020.shtml . I had read he had retracted, but it seems more he said he was misunderstood and had decided co-sleeping was ok. 

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Old 05-19-2011, 11:37 PM
 
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I think I have to agree with the 'finding a new pedi' thought...  Either that, or do as some suggested, and just conveniently leave out that type of information.  If you're happy with your sleeping situation, that's all that matters.

 

I have a naturopath pedi, and she is extremely supportive of co-sleeping, nighttime nursing, etc.  However, the pedi I had for my first son was totally different.  He pushed formula supplementing, CIO, etc.  Needless to say, I moved on and found someone who fit our family better.

 


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Old 05-20-2011, 04:19 PM
 
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Originally Posted by belltree View Post

Next time ask your pediatrician to show you studies about all her points.

 

1) If your child is hitting milestones, not showing any signs of overtiredness during the day, than that already disproves her theory.

 

2). That is such an outdated idea.

 

3) How does she know that? Wouldn't it the easiest, if your child hits the point, when he or she wants to move out by herself?

 

Plus, I just would not really mention your sleeping situation any longer.


I agree that you shouldn't talk about sleep with your dr. any longer. I chose the same path.

 

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Old 05-20-2011, 04:42 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by imadad View Post

 

2)  Yes, the pediatricians remarks have influence over me, but only in that she is an extensively trained medical doctor (/mother) who spends every day dealing with kids.  She is a very kind, caring person, and I respect her experience regarding the health of my child.  I do not, however, take everything she says at face value, but rather I take it into consideration.  I think her experience with kids and her medical training earns the right for this consideration.  Furthermore, neither I, nor my wife, have any of this experience or medical training, so I feel it a bit ignorant to dismiss what she says as complete conspiracy-driven fallacy and drop her for a different pediatrician who tells us everything we want to hear.


As someone who has been there and done that, also with a husband who wasn't entirely sure he was on board, I can assure you that your baby is going to be perfectly fine continuing to sleep with you.  You will look back at this and realize how funny it was that you were ever so concerned about what your pediatrician thought.

 

Trust yourself.  Trust your instincts.  Trust your wife's instincts.  Pediatricians are extensively trained, yes.  In medicine.  They are NOT, unfortunately, trained well in sleep or psychology.   I personally know a woman who is on a billion different boards, medical and otherwise, has her PhD, is a professor, has published multiple research studies and books, and worked personally to develop several measures of attachment that are used in textbooks and by psychologists.  When my son was seven months old, in sheer desperation, I called her to discuss what she thought about crying it out.  I *knew* in my heart what she would say, but was just really hoping she would say that my son would be totally fine if we moved him into his crib and let him cry.  She didn't say that.  She talked with me at length about the psychological impact and the impact on his attachment and emotional development, and I decided I was not going to do it.  For what its worth, she is in no way part of the attachment parenting community, Dr. Sears type stuff, or any sort of promotion of a certain way of parenting.  She is a researcher and a teacher.  She is incredibly accomplished and I promise you has more training related to co-sleeping and attachment than your pediatrician. Feel free to pm me and I can give you her name.  I just don't want to link it publicly because I also try to maintain my own privacy on here.  

 

In my opinion, pediatricians have no business giving out info to parents about sleep.  That is not their training.  They can go ahead and diagnose your kid with an ear infection or strep throat, but should keep their mouths shut about things they have no training on.  Many pediatricians are arrogant enough to use their position as "child expert" to give advice outside of their realm of expertise.  The older your child gets, the more you will realize that they frequently give out child development information that is in direct conflict with info that individuals better trained in child development and psychology will give out.   Trust yourself.  Let your baby remain emotionally healthy.
 

 

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Old 05-20-2011, 08:40 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by APToddlerMama View Post




As someone who has been there and done that, also with a husband who wasn't entirely sure he was on board, I can assure you that your baby is going to be perfectly fine continuing to sleep with you.  You will look back at this and realize how funny it was that you were ever so concerned about what your pediatrician thought.

 

Trust yourself.  Trust your instincts.  Trust your wife's instincts.  Pediatricians are extensively trained, yes.  In medicine.  They are NOT, unfortunately, trained well in sleep or psychology.   I personally know a woman who is on a billion different boards, medical and otherwise, has her PhD, is a professor, has published multiple research studies and books, and worked personally to develop several measures of attachment that are used in textbooks and by psychologists.  When my son was seven months old, in sheer desperation, I called her to discuss what she thought about crying it out.  I *knew* in my heart what she would say, but was just really hoping she would say that my son would be totally fine if we moved him into his crib and let him cry.  She didn't say that.  She talked with me at length about the psychological impact and the impact on his attachment and emotional development, and I decided I was not going to do it.  For what its worth, she is in no way part of the attachment parenting community, Dr. Sears type stuff, or any sort of promotion of a certain way of parenting.  She is a researcher and a teacher.  She is incredibly accomplished and I promise you has more training related to co-sleeping and attachment than your pediatrician. Feel free to pm me and I can give you her name.  I just don't want to link it publicly because I also try to maintain my own privacy on here.  

 

In my opinion, pediatricians have no business giving out info to parents about sleep.  That is not their training.  They can go ahead and diagnose your kid with an ear infection or strep throat, but should keep their mouths shut about things they have no training on.  Many pediatricians are arrogant enough to use their position as "child expert" to give advice outside of their realm of expertise.  The older your child gets, the more you will realize that they frequently give out child development information that is in direct conflict with info that individuals better trained in child development and psychology will give out.   Trust yourself.  Let your baby remain emotionally healthy.
 

 


 

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Old 05-30-2011, 12:56 AM
 
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What helped me in situations like this was to remember that I went to the doctor for medical advice, not for parenting advice.  When asked how DD is sleeping, I answer 'Just fine' and leave it at that.  I don't offer more details unless I am ready to have feedback that I might not want/need/value.

 

Good luck to you :)

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Old 05-30-2011, 08:52 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by imadad View Post

 

4)  While the advice to lie to the pediatrician about the sleeping situation sounds the most comfortable of the options, I personally feel there is no need to lie.  I would hope that our doctor would respect our honesty, in fact.  I think (if it comes up again) if we just tell her we understand her concerns about the sleeping in the bed thing, but the baby is sleeping just fine, she will respect our decision.  I don't hold it against her (the Dr.) for telling us what she thinks about co-sleeping.  I'm sure she gets asked parenting advice from just about every parent she sees, so I don't think it's strange that she offers it up.  It doesn't mean we have to do what she says.

 

In the end, I want my child to have the best healthcare possible.  And I believe that this is achieved best by a reasonable balance of modern medicine and alternative medicine.  I believe they both have something important to offer.  So if our financial situation deems that we have to see a more affordable, albeit less-alternative doctor, then that's fine.  But we'll balance it by continuing to do our own research on vaccines and other issues as they arise.  Worst case scenario we know there is another doctor we can go to for a second opinion if there is a serious medical problem.

 

 


I think you're approaching all this from a very sensible and balanced line of thought.

Honestly, when a pediatrician shares information that may not be evidence-based, I feel like it's more harmful to families that don't have the skills or motivation to do independent research. You two sound educated, intelligent, socially well-resourced, and I'm sure you feel basically comfortable making your own decision on the matter. I wouldn't lie to the doctor either. If you do decide to continue cosleeping, I'm sure you're comfortable smiling, saying, "we've researched, decided to cosleep and it works for us," and firmly moving on.

I won't rehash what other posters have said, but I do think there are a number of clear benefits to cosleeping, at least for a while. In terms of the history of evolution, the idea of a baby sleeping in its own space is brand new. Humanity has been cosleeping for the last few hundred thousand years, and just in the last hundred years in certain parts of the developed world have we suddenly decided it's harmful. I do also think that families have to decide what works for them at any given time period, and constantly adapt. If cosleeping works for you now, great. In a few months, if you feel like it's not working, you can think about making a transition.

Just to share my own personal experiences...I have a ped that I really like. It's a tiny clinic owned by two small-town doctors, and they have some really great views about providing kids with a medical home and making care accessible. They're a bit more conservative than I am on several issues. I spent several long and agonizing months researching everything I could about vaxing, and eventually made the independent decision to vax on a slightly delayed schedule. They told me fairly strongly but respectfully that they preferred their patients to vax. I felt like their staff looked at us a little bit weird, coming in as cloth-diapering homebirthers asking questions about vaxing. So we got off to a tiny bit of a rocky start. They were supportive of extended breastfeeding (I think they mentioned the cavities thing; I smiled and nodded). I know the peds there weren't crazy about cosleeping, but we just said, "it works for us" and they respected that. Around 18 months I was ready to transition DS into his own bed, which went smoothly. I was glad I coslept for the first year and a half, and I was glad when he was ready for his own bed.

When DS was two years old, we went through a very difficult issue (a suspected one-time incidence of abuse from another caregiver) and those same pediatricians were absolutely amazing. They treated us with so much compassion and respect in a very difficult time. So even though they weren't quite as crunchy as I was, we were able to respectfully agree to disagree on things like cosleeping, and they were able to offer great care when we desperately needed their medical expertise.

I think it's true that for any medical practitioner, there are places where the evidence may not be clear and reasonable people disagree. The bigger issue is whether they treat you respectfully and help you make an informed decision.   

 

 

 


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Old 05-30-2011, 01:32 PM
 
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The ped has experience with children in general, not 5,000 hours with YOUR child.

 

 

Quote:

3) The longer we wait to get DD out of our bed, the harder it will become.

 

Parents are often ready to have their bed childless before the child is. My older daughter is 8 now. She co-slept until 2 (but night wanderings brought her to the bed off and on until 6). She nursed to sleep until a year, then I rocked her, then we laid with her in her bed. Now she tells me she's ready for bed.

 

Your child will not be sleeping in your bed forever.

 

Ypur ped sounds like a baby sleeping through the night is an acheivement to be won, rather than a gradual process. A 6 month old shouldn't be expected to sleep through the night. She has only been out in the world for a short time and she needs comfort during the night as well as food. Emotional needs are just as important as physical ones. I am so sad that people want to ignore the emotional needs of their baby because nothing can be wrong since baby is fed, changed and it's after midnight.


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Old 07-15-2011, 08:10 PM - Thread Starter
 
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OP here, and just thought you all would appreciate an update.  We went in for our 9 month well baby appointment and decided not to say anything about sleep since we're still co-sleeping.  But because DD's iron was low, our ped asked me how often we were nursing, and when I said about 8 times a day, she assumed that DD was still nursing through the night, and she said that was a problem and that DD should only be nursing about 2 times a day now, and not at night because it will cause her teeth to rot.  In any case, DH has kindly agreed to let us switch back to our AP friendly pediatrician, so problem solved!  

 


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Old 07-19-2011, 05:33 PM
 
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I am really glad that you are able to switch pediatricians.   


I remember when I was a new mom, too, seven years ago.  The doctors had so much sway.  They all pressured me to give a bottle to supplement breastfeeding because my DD had reflux and they felt needed to get her weight up.  I trust that they were trying to help.  And it made me question my decisions.  Ultimately, I realized that I was committed to breast feeding and that my daughter's reflux wouldn't be helped by adding artificial products so early.   She is fine today, just naturally thin.

 

Anyway, as you "get older" as a parent,  you will be able to pick and chose more from what a doctor says and you will grow in confidence.  The rest can just roll off your shoulders.  


I found that this site had a huge amount of good information for helping me discern what was right for my family.joy.gif


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