Thinking about calling it quits - need advice - Mothering Forums
Co-sleeping and the Family Bed > Thinking about calling it quits - need advice
mandica's Avatar mandica 05:38 PM 04-19-2011

DD is 14 months and has been in bed with DH and I since birth. There have been some things in the last couple months that are urging me towards wanting to move DD into a crib or toddler bed (not sure which is okay at this point).


First of all, the night nursing is really starting to bother me. I'm not in the mood at night when I wake up. Im no longer the calm, attentive 'ill do anything to make you happy' mom I was a few months ago. When dd wakes and cries, im annoyed (DH always gets very mad when DD wakes up crying and shushes her. I think he is actually still sleeping and not meaning to be nasty, but it ends up upsetting dd even more and she cries louder). I often roll over and hope she will go back to sleep after a few seconds- which she often does.


The other side of things is DH and his frustration with lack of sleep, from dd's nightly awakenings. He does not want to have her in bed with us anymore and thinks I was foolish to ever start.


So what now? How do you go from bed sharing to using a crib? I would like it to happen without tears but I dont really know that that could actually happen.


Also - More recently, DD has been waking after a few hours of sleep and is awake for an hour or two in bed, trying to escape the bedroom. I hate to admit it, but in the middle of the night I am not very patient and DO NOT want to get out of bed. What do you do with a 14 month old that won't stay in bed? I feel like Im just starting to understand why cribs are so popular.


Any insight from experiences mamas would be so helpful! I feel like I dont' know anything!

virtualee's Avatar virtualee 02:41 AM 04-22-2011
You have two separate issues: night nursing and co-sleeping. You have decide which one you want to transition out of first. In my opinion, the night nursing will be easier. It's hard but the reality is you have to gently say no to the nursing at night. You might want DH to sleep somewhere else during this transition. DD will protest; respond empathetically - "I know this hard" but stick to it. You might be surprised how quickly she transitions out of it. Don't rock or get out of bed, otherwise that becomes the comfort. Back rubbing and soothing voice should do it. Plan the transition on a Friday when sleeping in is an option for a couple of days. Be prepared for a major protest. You are not a mean mommy and it is normal to set bf limits, especially if it's hurting your relationship or sleep.

In my opinion, the co-sleeping will be harder. There's a lot of different ways to do it. Dr. Sears recommends waiting until 2-3 yes old. You might find the co- sleeping is not so bad once the night nursing is done. Do you have room in your bedroom for a twin mattress? I would not go crib or toddler bed. Get a situation where you can sleep with her and slip out. I wouldn't do too much at once though....

As far as the night escaping goes...what's your nap situation? Is she getting too much sleep during the day? Does she need more physical activity? Is she hungry? a lot of different issues can affect night sleeping.....usually tweaking those will do it.....make sure she is very tired for night.
D_McG's Avatar D_McG 12:22 PM 04-23-2011
I would also nightwean. It'll be hard but worth it. After that you can work on separate beds. It sounds like that's important to your husband and as long as she's not nursing at night she might not wake.

With the escaping I would hold my kids in place if necessary. As calmly as possible. "Nighttime is for sleeping. We don't get up at night". Repeat as often as necessary.
mandica's Avatar mandica 01:23 PM 04-25-2011

Thank you for your responses.


We are moving on Friday to a house with a very very large master bedroom where there will be lots of room to sidecar anything. I think you may be right about night weaning and I appreciate the advice of having DH sleep somewhere else through the transition. Once we are done night nursing, DD might be more likely to stay asleep overnight and maybe it wont be such a big deal to DH. I will talk to him about that. I have loved sleeping with dd for the most part, and DH works overnights often, and I appreciate the company hes not around.


thanks again