Ideas for transitioning a determined-to-sleep-with-me 12mo from our bed to her own crib? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 16 Old 08-02-2011, 03:50 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I have 2 DD's, one almost 3 and one just turned 1. We have always co-slept with them and my oldest was easy to transition to a crib F/T and then to her own toddler bed (still in our room). My younger DD, not so much. I wouldn't have any trouble just waiting it out for a few months and trying again to start up the transition process but I was jsut diagnosed with fibromyalgia and I am in desperate need of continual sleep. I stopped nursing my oldest at 18mos when I was 4mos pregnant with my little one, but I had to stop nursing the baby at 10 months due to the need to take medication that she would've gotten through my milk. So, we no longer nurse at all so weaning isn't an issue. I have the crib side-car'd but she just isn't having it at all - she has got to be touching me or literally on me in order to be happy. Once in a while we can get her down and sleeping by herself, but in the middle of the night she will wake up and when she realizes she isn't touching me, she crawls over to me and climbs on me or worms herself into my back or side, etc. the problem I have with this is that once she does that, she doesn't stop! It's like she's a wind-up toy and she continues - sometimes for over an hour - to crawl and wiggle and climb and roll, etc, all over me or into me. I try getting her to sleep again but the minute I move, she's off to the races again. I'm at the point where I'm ready to let her CIO but I really don't want to do that - but I truly have no other ideas. Sidenote: DH is perfectly willing to sleep with her next to him/in his arms, but when she wakes up and realizes it's not me, she throws a hairy fit - and sometimes wakes up my toddler in the process. Does anyone have any ideas for getting her to sleep in her own crib? Thanks in advance...


Heather (40) DH (41) Georgia Mae b. 9/3/08, Charlotte Grace 7/17/10.
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#2 of 16 Old 08-02-2011, 07:24 AM
 
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This is what I did with my son, but he was only 6 months at the time -- and it was uncomfortable. I had the crib sidecar'd, with a tightly rolled up blanket between the bed and crib, so that there was a bit of an edge. I slept upper half in crib (yep, over the 'bumper' until baby was asleep. Then slowly I moved entirely over to the bed. Baby might roll/scoot  over to the bumper, but never over it. I also put a pad under the crib mattress to make it a little harder to roll my way.

 

Not sure if it would work with a determined 1 yr old, but it took only about a week for my son. Moving him to his own room was much more painful (he started crying more and more in our room at night -- a sheet hanging as a room divider might have helped had I been creative -- I didn't realize he could see me in the dark -- the sheet worked for my sister's daughter who shared a room with mom and dad for 2 years (in her crib)). Took a good 3 months to get him to sleep in in his own room without crying. I didn't know anything about CIO at that--- if you get to that point, what you do is go to her after 5 minutes -- if you can't wait that long, go after a minute or two, whatever you can stand. Talk softly saying that 'it's bedtime', 'lie down', 'night-night', whatever you would normally say, maybe a backrub -- don't stay for more than a minute. Then wait a little longer the next time -- maybe 10 minutes, or maybe 5 minutes this time, go in again, but don't say as much, just "night night" and stay for a shorter time -- basically wait longer and longer and stay shorter and shorter, and try to be consistent. Then each night try to wait a little longer the first time than you did the day before. This is what CIO really is -- reasurring her that you are still there, but that it is time for sleep. I didn't know that at first and I vowed against CIO, but when I was holding a crying baby that cried regardless whether I held him or not, for hours on end, it was better for all of us. Hard, because I didn't know how to do it at first until the ped told me, and he was really really LOUD.

 

Sorry so long, I know its different with a 1 yr old but wanted to share my experience and wish you the best of luck.

 

 

 

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#3 of 16 Old 08-02-2011, 10:10 AM
 
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Pretty sure that this forum doesn't advocate CIO in any form.  I have my own night time problems so I am not really in a position to offer advice, but I thought I would just pop in and wish you luck. For what it is worth, I am certain that you can transition your child gently without CIO, it will be more time consuming, but won't leave you - or her - heartbroken. 


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#4 of 16 Old 08-02-2011, 10:45 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Ok - so if I co-sleep with my kids and I talk about CIO, in ANY form, where do I post??? I'm not a villan just because I mentioned CIO. For what it's worth - I am in chronic pain and find it almost impossible to F/T parent two babies when I get less than 4 hours of sleep (interrupted at best), which is what I'm getting. I'm not looking to have my children scream bloody murder so I can get 8-9 hours of sleep. Those who understand chronic pain AND cosleeping and how it completely affects your pain would understand what I am talking about here, and why I mentioned CIO at all. Hope you don't take offense to my post, as I did yours... If you have another board you think I should post to, please tell me and I'll go there for support. Thanks.


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#5 of 16 Old 08-02-2011, 11:33 AM
 
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i have chronic pain. and i co-sleep. and i still nurse. i have my crib side carred. my chronic pain is hereditary so i figure my kid just needs me. i did read the book no cry sleep solution. i found it really helpful. lots of great advice of gently transitioning.

 

co-sleeping doesnt make my chronic pain worse. my pain would be as it is no matter what. it is only my perception of the pain that changes. the less sleep i get, the more i focus on the pain. the more i focus on the pain the less i see anything else. it makes me very selfish only thinking about my own pain. it is hard to think of anything else. but i have to stop and think about how my children are feeling. bc at this point their feelings of comfort are more important. i am already grown, they are the ones whose brains are still forming.

 

i know how hard it is. i also remember my mom dealing with her chronic pain and how hard it was for her when i was little. but she was there every time i needed her emotionally.


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#6 of 16 Old 08-02-2011, 02:24 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Wow. So now I'm selfish and not meeting the emotional needs of my children? Nice. Well congratulations to you on being such a fabulous person. Someone should give you a medal. As for me, I'll remember that when the air masks drop down on a plane, it's YOU who needs to put one on and then help your children on with theirs, because if you aren't fully functioning then you can't be there to help your children to the best of your ability. Time to find another board, STAT.


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#7 of 16 Old 08-02-2011, 05:22 PM
 
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wow, those are some messed up replies, headmeister. Mom2007's idea actually makes a lot of sense... it's not what i would call CIO at all. to me, CIO is sleep training from a much younger age and involves letting a child cry for basically as long as it takes to get them to exhaust themselves and fall asleep. a 12 month old is starting to be old enough to understand that mama is still there, will come back, and this is just changing the scene of where the sleeping is happening, nothing else. i understand exactly what you mean about the rolling and tossing and turning. my dd is fast asleep and yet constantly moving when she's in bed with us. 

 

i'm sorry i don't have a better idea. if i were you, i would just keep trying to transfer her to a separate crib throughout the night, as gently as possible. she might not be thrilled with the idea at first, but if you really need to do this for your health, then just stick with it. 

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#8 of 16 Old 08-02-2011, 10:18 PM
 
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I think sleep should be your top priority.  You  should take care of yourself.  Children can be loved and sleep apart from you, although it is hard.  I have co-slept with my children and have had them in their own room.  I have three children now and have tried many different sleep books, but the one that I had the most success with is Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child.  It is a Cry it out type book, but it works and the crying doesn't last too long--maybe a week or so and then your child and you enjoy healthy sleep.  Good luck. 

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#9 of 16 Old 08-03-2011, 07:14 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Headmeister View Post

Wow. So now I'm selfish and not meeting the emotional needs of my children? Nice. Well congratulations to you on being such a fabulous person. Someone should give you a medal. As for me, I'll remember that when the air masks drop down on a plane, it's YOU who needs to put one on and then help your children on with theirs, because if you aren't fully functioning then you can't be there to help your children to the best of your ability. Time to find another board, STAT.



 

ummm. that is not what i meant by my reply. i was trying to offer support from one person with chronic pain to another. and to point out something that had been pointed out to me about dealing with chronic pain. that person changed the whole way i viewed my chronic pain and how it affects my children. chronic pain isnt the same as air masks on a plane bc that is an emergency. chronic pain never goes away. you have to learn to ignore it mostly.  the more you think about it the more you feel it. the way you reacted to my post makes me think that you are so far in it that you will take everything personally. bc i did not say you were selfish. i said it makes ME selfish. but apparently i touched a nerve, no pun intended. as a matter of fact, i didnt say anything about you in my reply at all. i talked about MY life, MY mother's chronic pain, and MY children's needs. i was trying to offer support and encouragement. i never said you werent there for your children, but i did say my mom was there for me. how you changed all that into accusations about you, i will never know.

 

my advice would be to start therapy for people with chronic pain.

 

eta: i have fibromyalgia. have had it for more than 10 years. so i know what it is like. meds wont help. they make you feel worse in the long run. chiropractors, avoiding sugar, and avoiding chemicals make it better.


Me,DH,DS1'95, '98,DSD'03,DD1'07,DD2'09,DS2'12 Living with Fructose Malabsorption Syndrome and Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome Type 3-Hypermobility.)o( and sometimes I get toif I am lucky.
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#10 of 16 Old 08-03-2011, 07:49 AM
 
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Just a friendly mod reminder that MDC doesn't host conversations encouraging the use of CIO or sleep training.  And just to be clear, CIO refers to "baby-training" to self-soothe by allowing the child to cry for a predetermined amount of time before offering comfort.

 

There are plenty of other places on the Web to go to have conversations about CIO--in fact, probably all the mainstream parenting communities; MDC simply isn't one of those places. 

 

If you see a post that you think might be condoning CIO, the best thing to do is send a report to a moderator by clicking the orange flag at the bottom of the post and we'll take care of it.  And whatever happens, it's important to keep personal attacks out of the picture and maintain a respectful tone, as per the UA.

 

Thanks for understanding!  As you were. :)


Have you seen the updated user agreement yet?
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#11 of 16 Old 08-03-2011, 10:50 AM
 
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You know, I think that sleep issues are some of the hardest when having kids. Most of us are tired and cranky, underfed and over touched... but they are here so we must take care of them right? wink1.gif

I think that the mamas above gave some great advice on how to handle this situation. No, CIO is not something that we really advocate here on MDC but we can ALL understand that there are times when it seems like the perfect solution, or just the easiest one. After one too many nights of sleep I am sure that I cried for someone to just come take them away and not come back with them. Especially with my first when I was dealing with severe post partum and a quite terrible recovery period that lasted months and that I was still "paying for" almost 2 years later.

I dont think that anybody here was trying to make you feel bad OP for what you were thinking, but we are here for support of each other. To remind each other of why we are AP parents... it isnt easier sometimes but it is for the best of our children and our family's future. I still have not transitioned my kids (aged 4 and a half and 3) to their own bed so I have no real advice but just a gentle hug and a "it all ends"... i swear it does.

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#12 of 16 Old 08-03-2011, 11:43 AM
 
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I did attachment parenting w/ my daughter. Others in my family also attachment parented. We are great proponents of co-sleeping.

 

However, as I have seen many many children over the years through my business, my attitude toward attachment parenting has changed a little. I have dealt with children who needed extra attention in order to learn about the needs of other. My daughter had a few difficult points regarding relating to us also, that in retrospect were a result of too much attention to her needs, I think.

 

An ill mother's sleep needs should not be sacrificed for the comfort of her child. Children should not be raised to feel that their needs supersede those of their families. By all means, children need to be taken care of & attached to their families, but it's just as possible for this approach to parenting to become unbalanced as any other.

 

A child can be raised in a way that lets them experience others needs from the beginning, in various appropriate ways. If you're born with a mother who has a serious illness, you can learn from that.

 

There are many ways to raise a healthy child.

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#13 of 16 Old 08-04-2011, 05:05 AM
 
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Headmeister, you're frustrated I understand.  I have RA and it can be difficult with kids kicking me in the back and grabbing onto my hands or elbows.  Good sleep helps reduce stress which helps reduce your pain.  I could careless about CIO issue here.  Infact I find it to be a non issue especially since I know what you're going through.  You can't be a good mommy stressed tired and in pain.  I got my littles to cosleep together.  I put them in a queen size bed with rails and lay down with them until they fall asleep.  They usually end up wrapping their arms around each other or spooning and it's pretty cute.  I think you could try something like that.  It was hard to transition my oldest rather than my youngest and she was so happy to have someone share the bed with her. 

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#14 of 16 Old 08-04-2011, 05:50 PM
 
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Quote:

Originally Posted by Headmeister View Post

Ok - so if I co-sleep with my kids and I talk about CIO, in ANY form, where do I post??? I'm not a villan just because I mentioned CIO. For what it's worth - I am in chronic pain and find it almost impossible to F/T parent two babies when I get less than 4 hours of sleep (interrupted at best), which is what I'm getting. I'm not looking to have my children scream bloody murder so I can get 8-9 hours of sleep. Those who understand chronic pain AND cosleeping and how it completely affects your pain would understand what I am talking about here, and why I mentioned CIO at all. Hope you don't take offense to my post, as I did yours... If you have another board you think I should post to, please tell me and I'll go there for support. Thanks.


My statement that this forum typically does not advocate CIO wasn't directed at you, it was directed at the poster directly above me who specifically suggested CIO and gave instructions for how to do so.  I am sorry you took offense, I was trying to offer support.  I am not above fantasizing about CIO when things get really bad, and so I certainly don't judge others for doing so. I posted to encourage you to find another solution, not villainize you. 

 


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#15 of 16 Old 08-04-2011, 06:23 PM
 
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Have you thought about ditching the crib idea altogether & transitioning dc to a bed or a mattress on the floor? We moved ds to his own bed at 17 months & it worked MUCH better than all the attempts we made at a crib. We set up a double railing on the bed ('cause I was really more afraid he'd fall between the wall & the bed than to the floor). I could lie with him while he fell asleep & then leave. When he woke in the night I could lie with him temporarily again if need be, or bring him to our room depending on how I was feeling. It didn't take long for him to get used to the new routine.


Surviving sleep deprivation one day at a time with dd (Oct '11) & ds (Oct '08).

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#16 of 16 Old 08-10-2011, 03:48 PM
 
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I have the same problem, and am ready to try and transition DD to her own bed. She's only 11 months old. She's a very light, yet active sleeper. The No-Cry Sleep Solution was suggested, so I'm going to read that and see what that's about. I'm not sure if this is the method, but I read something about putting them down, and when they cry, pick them up until the stop crying. Then put them down again. And do that as many times as it takes for them to fall asleep. One mom said she picked her baby up like 127 times one night. But the next night was only 30. So, again it takes time and energy for sure. But for me, it sounds much less traumatizing than CIO for both of us.

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