Just need some sympathy and a hug - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 6 Old 12-07-2011, 03:39 PM - Thread Starter
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Hi Momma


I have a one year old who has generally woken about 6-7 times a night (or every 1-2 hours) since he was about 4 months old.


It did get a little better in the last couple of months - ie he would sleep a stretch of 4 or 5 hours but has recently regressed.


I thought I'd come to terms with it, but lately it has been getting me down - I guess it's that he recently turned one and is still waking many times a night.....it depresses me that our life is like this and we've been sleep deprived for nearly a whole year.  When he wake at 3 am and I feed him, it feels so incredibly lonely for me.  My husband and I end up sleeping separately , and take turns sleeping with the baby, so at least each of us can get some uninterrupted sleep.  But I miss sleeping with my husband.


I belong to a local Mom's group, most of whom claim their babes sleep well (like 8 hours straight or 12 hours straight), and whenever I raise my feelings about our sleep situation, they just give me advice (why don't you try CIO, why don't you give him a bottle) when to be honest all I'm looking for is a bit of sympathy and for someone to say "you are doing it tough".


I really just need some words of encouragement.  I know there are plenty of Mommas on this website with challenging sleep situations.




41 y/o married Mama, 4 y/o DS1, Angel Baby lost in Sep 2013, Angel Baby lost March 2014, 3 months old DS2.
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#2 of 6 Old 12-07-2011, 04:17 PM
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Oy my babe is on the same schedule, only he's 3 months tomorrow :/

You are doing a great job momma.

 Just wondering why you and dh dont sleep together? Is the baby in another room? I know bedsharing has taken some getting used to in our house, but dh and I hold hands over the baby most of the night, or spoon is baby is nursing on the other side of me...is side lying a possible position for you?


I know how hard it is, I take it all one day at a time. I dont know how night weaning works as I havent had to yet, but your LO is probably old enough to cut out some feed at night if possible?



good luck getting some rest

Lactivist-athiest-feminist wife to DH  , mama to beautiful DS Kai 9/2011, #2 due 10/2015
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#3 of 6 Old 12-07-2011, 05:51 PM
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What you said about feeling lonely really struck me. I have definitely felt that way sometimes during late night feedings, or when I am trying to get her to sleep and DH is lying on the couch in the other room getting to read or whatever...it is so hard when I feel myself starting to resent the ones I love. I'm sorry you are having a tough time. Someone on this board once told me that all children eventually become good sleepers, or at least stop needing their parents quite so much at night--you will get there, I'm sure. FWIW, DH and I also sleep separately about 3/4 of the time. We just went through a spate where DD was sleeping well and I found that I wanted to be back in the room again with the two of them (she's in a crib in our room). But then when she's been tougher the last few nights I find that I need my space more.


Do you feel like you are getting the support you need from DH? Is there something you could do to treat yourself--a massage or something?

Fiction writer by training, writer/editor of anything anyone will hire me for by trade. Me + D=my girls E (4/2011) and little N, 1/2014.

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#4 of 6 Old 12-07-2011, 06:47 PM
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Hugs, hugs, hugs.

When DD was that age she woke to feed every 2-3 hours and I thought I was going crazy with no sleep. I cant imagine how hard this is for you.

With this babe, I plan to nightwean around 8 months. I need my sleep in order to be a good mommy in other ways. I've heard that Jay Gordon's nightweaning system works great, but I cant attest to it myself. I'm sorry that the other moms from your playgroup arent being supportive.

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Adaline love.gif (3/20/10), and Charlie brokenheart.gif (1/26/12- 4/10/12) and our identical  rainbow1284.gif  twins Callie and Wendy (01/04/13)

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#5 of 6 Old 12-08-2011, 03:46 PM
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You are definitely not alone.  From one mom of a difficult sleeper to another - hugs.  It does get better.  And then it gets worse again, and then better again.  My dd is 19 months and we were finally in a good place sleepwise, but now we are in another regression/teething episode.  It sucks sooooo much.  This is the absolute worse part of parenting for me.

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#6 of 6 Old 12-08-2011, 03:59 PM - Thread Starter
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Awwww thanks Mommas for your kind and supportive words - just what I needed.



We sleep in separate beds so that each of DH and I get some uninterrupted sleep.  To be honest I look forward to getting a few hours to sleep on my own and the mental rest from parenting.


DS is semi night weaned as DH rocks him back to sleep for most of the night, except a couple of times when I b/f him back to sleep.



DH is fantastic and really does share the night time parenting.  A massage is a great idea - how about we all go and get one!



Thanks for that feedback.  A few other friends have said sleep got better around 18 months.  I rememer when DS was 7 or so months, the thought of another year of this seemed so incredibly depressing.  Now 18 months does not seem so far away. 

41 y/o married Mama, 4 y/o DS1, Angel Baby lost in Sep 2013, Angel Baby lost March 2014, 3 months old DS2.
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