I can deal with sleep deprivation--can't deal with DH griping about it - Mothering Forums
Co-sleeping and the Family Bed > I can deal with sleep deprivation--can't deal with DH griping about it
zomigi's Avatar zomigi 07:08 AM 01-18-2012

I just have to get this off my chest. My DH is driving me crazy with the complaining about the sleep. My baby is 8 months old and not a bad sleeper, just not a good one either. He wakes usually about 3-4 times a night, one of which will happen in the early morning hours where he'll just be wide awake and wanting to play. This one particularly drives DH crazy. I especially dislike this particular wakeup as well, and I have no idea how to deal with it. But I do. Yes, I complain occasionally, and I don't mind DH complaining occasionally too, but I hear it from him every day, multiple times a day, in the middle of the night. Plus, DH gets mad at DS, which is probably what I hate most of all. I hate how angry DH gets about it.


Yes, it sucks not getting a full night's sleep and having to get up early. I'm tired every day. But I can deal with it. DH insists he can't. I just want to yell at him that this is what having a baby entails, deal with it, it won't last forever. I don't. I validate his feelings as much as I can, say I understand, try to be encouraging, but geez, it's hard. And it also makes me mad that I'm kinda not allowed to complain about feeling tired myself and feeling frustrated myself with DS's sleep patterns because that just sets DH off more. I have to be the strong, cheerful one, and I want my turn to be the bitchy one!


The thing that really frustrates me is how myopic he is. We'll get a good night's sleep. DH is pleased. The next night will be bad, and DH will go off about how DS's sleep is getting worse and worse, this is a big problem that needs to be fixed, what are we going to do, he can't handle this, etc. The good night is forgotten, any progress from the past is forgotten, everything is horrible. I get feeling frustrated with the lack of sleep. I really really get it! I'm there too. But the constant anger is just not helping anything and it's driving me crazy.


Note that DS is not our first--DD is 3 years old. She was a much worse sleeper than DS, but we got her sleeping through the night by about 15 months. DH doesn't look at the big picture and look ahead to the time when DS will be sleeping through the night, not that long from now, relatively.



Imakcerka 07:28 AM 01-18-2012

Can you move out of the room with your son?  Sometimes the stress of dealing with a whiny spouse actually makes it worse for you and the kid.  DH was like this with our first one but not our second.  He would complain about not getting enough sleep.  You're too nice.  I would scream like a banshee and ask him if his needs were more important than mine.  Don't do that, it doesn't make it better.  Experience talking here. 

mamazee's Avatar mamazee 07:31 AM 01-18-2012

Yeah I had this life once upon a time. To be fair to my dh, he works a LOT of hours, and I'd be home and sleep while the baby napped to catch up, and he'd be going into work on not enough sleep and not have a way to nap. It was hard on him, but his griping bothered me more than the sleep issues. He finally moved into our guest room for that period of time and life was good again. I'd suggest a temporary move somewhere else so he can get the sleep he needs.

zomigi's Avatar zomigi 07:53 AM 01-18-2012

Yeah, I think I just need to suck it up, kick DH out of our bedroom, and deal with all the night wakings by myself for a while. Not fair, but then he'll be in my debt and maybe I will get to complain more. :-)


DH is the SAHP, not me. I work full-time from home (but with set hours, just like an office job). I know his job is hard (I have been a SAHM in the past), but I personally think I have the harder end of the deal in our particular situation. Any breaks I get during the day are to nurse DS, not breaks for myself, whereas DH gets multiple breaks all day when I'm nursing--something most SAHPs never get, because usually the working spouse is not at home--and he sometimes gets to take short naps. But I don't dare say that my life is harder. (Most of the time. I do lose it occasionally.) I've learned that it's just not worth it. He enjoys complaining about being a SAHP too, says he has to be with the kids all day so he can't take having to start his day with them at 6:30 am, etc.


My DH sounds really awful, doesn't he--he's not, he just has too much of a temper, and his personality/temperament isn't suited to being a SAHP. It's not a good job fit for him, and as much as he loves our kids, he doesn't like being with both of them all day. I should be the SAHM and he should work, but that's just not possible right now unfortunately.