Will he EVER want to sleep somewhere else? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 5 Old 01-20-2012, 12:25 AM - Thread Starter
 
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My 3rd DS is 4yo. He's a high-energy, high-intensity little boy who has always slept with us. On very rare occasions, he's fallen asleep with is brothers in their shared room. When he was younger, he'd fall asleep on the couch sometimes, so at least DH and I had part of the night on our own (and I figured it was pretty much like him having his own room - it was just kinda big!).

He seems to have a high need for comfort/grounding/settling. He is my only child to take a pacifier beyond maybe 6 months of age. He gave it up sometime after 3 when we discussed how it was beginning to hurt his teeth (thankfully, the dentist says they're fine!). While he took his paci, he'd sometimes take himself to bed, snuggle up with his blankey, and take a nap with absolutely no assistance. (Did I mention that he also nursed until nearly 3, weaning gradually due to my pregnancy with #4?) With the paci, he was a really good sleeper - my best, by far.

When we took the paci away, I was thrilled that he could fall asleep simply by snuggling up with DH. A year later, that's still how he falls asleep for the night. For naps, he either needs to snuggle with a parent (me, during the day, now, as DH moved to a WOH job) or be in the car. At bedtime, DH takes him and they snuggle in our bed. Sometimes, we'll move him to the boys' room, but with a 1yo to juggle, too, it doesn't always seem worth the trouble (i.e., waking DH up, or risking putting the baby down in order for me to move DS).

This afternoon I had a very sweet conversation with DS as we laid in bed and snuggled to sleep... But it left me wondering if he will EVER want to move to his own bed (well, with his brothers). I asked if he knew that most boys don't get to snuggle with their mommies and daddies for bedtime. He was shocked. He said that they must be sad to not get to snuggle. He told me that if he didn't get to snuggle, he, "wouldn't have enough time." Time with us, he meant. I asked him if he thought he'd like to sleep in his brothers' room, and he was clear that he wanted to be with us, to have time with us, and it would be sad if he didn't. :heart So very, very sweet... He really is the sweetest thing I have ever met (intensely sweet AND intensely crazy, all wrapped up into one little boy!). love.gif

But now I'm wondering just how long it will be before he'll be ready to really transition! The older boys both moved out of our bed around 2, so he's twice as old, now, as they were. They've always had the freedom to come back (limited more now that they're much older and bigger!), but they would at least start the night in their own beds.

We've tried putting a mattress in their room for the little guy; tried having him start with one or the other of the boys; tried letting him sleep in the living room or playroom. But it seems like he really needs that quieting time in order to sleep. Will he ever NOT need that?

HeatherB ~ mama to 3 wonderful boys:  reading.gif 03/02; modifiedartist.gif09/04; sleepytime.gif 09/07 - and Eliana, babygirl.gif 11/13/10!  
Founder of Houston Birth Alternatives: Be Informed, Encouraged, Supported birth support group and aspiring midwife.

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#2 of 5 Old 01-21-2012, 07:24 PM
 
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I don't know how long it will be for your young one, but my DS is 6 yo and still needing the same thing.

Kim mama to DS 12/2005, Pepper kitty , and 10/03, 1/05;
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#3 of 5 Old 01-23-2012, 12:21 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Sigh. Does your LO have similar intensity to mine? I wonder if there's something that would help them calm more easily? I've been considering whether my son may be short on some nutrient or something that he needs to have supplemented... He sleeps well with Melatonin, but not necessarily independently even then.

I love having snuggle time with him! But it does become challenging at times when I'm being pulled in too many directions!

I think it would be good to have DH take him to a *different* bed to start the night in. That may help him transition, similarly to what we did with DS1 (from whom we got a twin bed to move to). And DH is more likely to get up and come back to our bed than to wake up and move DS in the middle of the night!

HeatherB ~ mama to 3 wonderful boys:  reading.gif 03/02; modifiedartist.gif09/04; sleepytime.gif 09/07 - and Eliana, babygirl.gif 11/13/10!  
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#4 of 5 Old 01-26-2012, 06:06 AM
 
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Yes, this:

"He seems to have a high need for comfort/grounding/settling. "

High intensity is a good way to describe my DS. Also highly emotional ... and anxious.

I cosleep with him now (in his bedroom), as I have been doing for years. But at some point in the next 1-2 years, I'm planning on making the switch to him sleeping in his room. I'm hoping that by then, he will have just a bit more maturity to handle it.

Can your DS take a supplement called Natural Calm? It's magnesium citrate powder. My DS can't do the citric acid part, but otherwise he would probably benefit from the magnesium. I take it myself before bedtime, and it *is* relaxing - it gives the muscles a nice restful feel, that's the best way I can describe it.

Your "different bed" plan sounds good. Hope things work for you. I wouldn't expect it to just easily happen "overnight" - pun intended.


Kim mama to DS 12/2005, Pepper kitty , and 10/03, 1/05;
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#5 of 5 Old 02-05-2012, 11:48 AM
 
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I'm on a listserv for parents of highly sensitive kids and this seems to be a pretty common issue. We are going through the same thing with my 4yo, highly sensitive DD. I'm hoping we can come to some solution soon!


Lauren (33), writer, recovering academic, WOHM to a highly sensitive child (Robin, Feb '08) and mellow little Holly (Jan '10). Newly diagnosed Bipolar I. rolleyes.gif
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Co Sleeping With Multiple Kids , Co Sleeping With Older Kids , Family Bed

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