Has anyone managed to change this rocking/bouncing sleep assoc, w/o CIO?
DS2 needs to either nurse or be bounced to sleep, and he has NEVER EVER (ok mayeb once?!) slept more than 2 hours at a stretch, often less than this.
I can't seem to wean him off it. if i'm not nursing him, i'm bouncing him, in sling or arms or hammock. Or dad is. Don't seem to be able to get past it. He just cries unless we do either that or nursing. and whatever we do he wakes up again after an hour or so.
So how on earth do I change this sleep association???!
He's a really physical, persistent kind of baby - wonder if this is why he needs the movement? Also why my feeling is cio is just not going to work.
I've read No cry sleep solution cover to cover. several times. Here's what we DO do:
We have an incredibly early routine - bath at 530, bed at 6, asleep by 630.
I make sure he gets his naps - he naps in the sling because its the only way to make sure he has enough sleep in the daytime, so more movement there.
I use the pantley pull off and try to put him down sleepy every night. (as pantley thinks its how they go to sleep at night that sets up their main sleep association...) In the end I usually sling him till he's just asleep, (no nursing at this point) then put him in hammock. he gets fractious without the movement - ie if i put him down on the bed instead - and I'm too knackered to do anything faintly controversial. This does work well mostly, but he is still bouncing as he falls asleep.
and still he wakes every 1-2 hours from 630 to 630. He's grumpy. I'm intermitently homicidal. ARRGGGG!
THank you, sweet mothers, in advance...
No real advice, I am in a near identical situation. My kid doesn't need movement so much during sleep, but needs it, or a boob to fall asleep. Not sure what to do because right now we can't go out or have a sitter that can't wear him down, and mostly he just wants me. Ill be watching this thread for advice and best of luck to you
As someone who's been there - for us, it just...changed itself. I think it was around 8 or 9 months, I found I could lie with her on the bed and pat her back - HARD. And she would fall asleep. Then she took to falling asleep on me, with me patting her back. At 23 months, she falls asleep on her mattress with me holding her hand, or sometimes just lying beside her. I haven't pushed her, but I have taken advantage of times when she's having trouble falling asleep to make changes that suit both of us. I figure, if she's going to get upset anyway, I might as well move things forward a bit.
ALSO - something I wish I'd done in retrospect was change my attitude about what I "have" to do to get my baby to sleep. You know, if it was your husband, or someone else who loves your baby, they may do something completely different from the thing that you think of as the ONLY THING that will get your baby to sleep. Oh, you may endure some trauma, but there is a large range of options between CIO and continuing the status quo. Make small transitions, stick to your guns, expect your baby to get upset about the change, and be there to soothe him along the way. You will make progress, I promise.
lise - how olds your LO? We have a hammock, so i wear him to sleep/sleepy then finish him off with lots of bouncing in the hammock. If he stirs I go in and bounce him. I dont mind this as a way of getting to sleep per se, except that, with frequent wakings, I've got to do this all through the night which is really disruptive! and I'm struggling to find a route to gradually decrease the bouncing, as its currently all or nothing (more in this in a moment).
On the sitter, its an interesting point. I'd actually prefer a sitter who'll wear my baby! Its a sign of someone who loves to cuddle and will be sensitive to my babe, and I figure that's where he feels safest, and sleeps best, so if i'm going to ask him to suffer the ignominy of being cared for by someone else for the night, let it be on his terms lol! So my family are very sling literate hehe. But of course you may not have the option.
lizzy - thank you for your thoughts! Have you posted the thing about patting some where else on here? I was trawling old posts yesterday and read something about firm patting, so at about the same time you were writing your post (im in UK lol) I was experimenting with putting ds on his tummy, and patting for all I was worth, it worked! he went to sleep! and I patted him back to sleep when he stirred! It was 430am, a restless time when I would normally be either dosing with one hand out of bed bouncing the hammock or a very floppy breast in ds's mouth! I'm very excited to try this at bedtime now, because here is something we can gradually wean off, and ds can get used to falling asleep, in bed, next to me WITHOUT BOOBY! WHOO HOO!
It reeeeally helps to think about it as lots of small changes. I've been feeling overwhelmed by NCSS because it suggests making so many changes, and nothing seemed to be really working. slowly slowly catchee monkee i guess....
I had a much better night last night for two reasons unrelated to baby: I had a great day, hanging out and listening to music at a local festival. I felt renewed and like there was more to life than early mornings, a messy house and putting the kids to bed. And I went to bed super early, gave dad the baby and caught up on some z's. I'd been really behind after being away on my own with the baby and it was not helping!
Feeling more positive now, but still wondering what the future holds with all this. I'm gunning in the long run for a good 5 hour stretch. Anyone else got any thoughts?
Our little guy was the same - he would need to be rocked to sleep and would then wake every 1-2 hour - I too was a crazy woman.
I did try the Pantley method for progressively rocking him less and laying him down "sleepy but awake" in his crib but it never really worked.
Then one night when he was about 10 months, I got so tired of rocking him and him not going to sleep, that I lay him down on my bed and laid next to him. I was just so tired I had to lie down. I fully expected him to start crying, but lo and behold, he was calm, so I lay there next to him and sang to him and he fell asleep. I think he was just ready to do this.
So now our bedtime routine is to rock him for 10 minutes or so - just to calm him down - then lay him on our bed and sing to him till he falls asleep. This can take 20 minutes or so, but it's hugely encouraging that he actually falls asleep himself while lying on the bed.
Now the bad news - this made no difference to his frequent wakings, so I tend to think the whole sleep assocation is a load of balony.
But the good news - when he hit 10 months, he would start to sleep a little longer - like 3 or 4 hours without waking, then 5 hours, then one night it was 6 hours. It doesn't sound like much but it was so encouraging to see some change. When he turned 12 months he had a m*therf*cker of a sleep regression that lasted a couple of weeks.
Then the best thing happened when he was about 12.5 months - he started sleeping a good 6-8 hour stretch each night (or would wake briefly but could easily be put back to sleep with a brief rub or a round of "twinkle twinkle little star"). Then at 3 or 4 or 5 I feed him, and he'll wake every hour or so until wake up time. So now each night I get a good 5 or 6 hour solid stretch of sleep - although it does not sound like much, compared to the 1-2 hour wake ups, I feel like a million bucks.
So, as someone who was absolutely crazy with chronic sleep deprivation until recently (I posted on this forum many times feeling utterly desperate and completely crazy) all I can say is, please hang in there, it will get better, and do try to rock/nurse a little but then lay down next to little one - I think it is somethign they do when they are ready and feel safe enough.
By the way, my kiddo sounds like he has the same temperament as yours - he is very determined and if he wakes up and cries, he is very assertive in letting us know he really wants mommy and daddy - this is one of the many reasons why we did not ever consider CIO and we knew it would not work on our little guy - he could outcry even the biggest Ferber supporters!
What a crazy part of parenting! My LO is 3 1/2 months old, and I am now realizing that even though breastfeeding and co-sleeping are considered by many to be "easier" (my SIL admits she co-sleeps and nurses because she's lazy) for some of us, these parenting choices take comitment and sacrifice! yes, most of the time having my baby in bed with me is easier, but there are nights (or parts of nights) where I think "that's it, I'm starting some kind of sleep training tomorrow and in a couple weeks we'll all be sleeping 12 hours a night!". To make matters worse, my other SIL has a wonderfully attached, well adjusted 18 month old whom she did sleep training with at a young age and they're one big happy, well rested family
my lack of sleep resulted in frequent illness lately (before baby was born I had an immune system of steel!) and finally yesterday i was soo tired/weak/sick that i honestly couldn't even really lift my baby, eat anything or take care of him really! I finally took DH up on his offer to take care of the baby from 7pm (bedtime) till about 3am (I pumped a bottle for him) and OH MY GOODNESS. I slept in another room and when i woke up at 2am after about 6 hours of sleep I felt better than I have in months! It's amazing! DH got zero sleep during that time so he'll be tired today (welcome to my world!) and LO was probably a bit miffed to not have his mother's boobs around, but honestly, they'll be fine and it was worth it to have a well rested mommy. I'm thinking this will become a weekly thing. If I can get 6 hours of sleep once a week I'd be golden!
Any chance you can have DH do this for you? It helped tremendouly that I was actually out of the room in a seperate bed.
I am reading the threads right now for some advice of my own about my DS's sleep issues, but I wanted to quickly post...you may be asking him to sleep too much. 6:30-6:30 plus naps is a lot of sleep. I have a friend who had a sleep consultation and that was her main take-away. She ended up having to space out her baby's naps more, shorten them, and put her to bed a little later. And it worked! I think there is a wide range of how much sleep a baby needs, a lot of methods will tell you one thing and then you can easily read something else. I think some babies need more sleep than others...are you following his cues and waiting until he seems tired for naps a bedtime? Anyway, I wanted to mention it. Best of luck!!
#1 born after IVF.