cosleeping, duvets and dads - how old? - Mothering Forums

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Old 02-22-2012, 03:25 AM - Thread Starter
 
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basically, wondering at what age/stage

 

a) baby slept next to dad or siblings and

 

b) how you handled the duvet when they were small/ as they got bigger?

 

At 7 months and 20lb and strong, I still cradle ds in my arm when he's next to dad or brother (5) and fret about the duvet quite a lot.

 

because of poor sleeping, the sooner baby can snuggle with dad in bed the better! just want to feel safe.....

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Old 02-22-2012, 03:41 AM
 
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a) baby slept next to dad or siblings Next to dad from birth. She slept between us and I would move from side to side to feed her (we had bedrails so she couldn't fall out of bed when I was between her and DH and she wasn't a very squirmy baby when she was small). No siblings yet so I can't answer that one.

 

b) how you handled the duvet when they were small/ as they got bigger? We live in a fairly warm climate so it's not a big isue for us. We'd pull the covers up to our waists if we needed to. Now she's older (21 months) she *hates* having covers on so we still do the same thing. Not much use, sorry.


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Old 02-22-2012, 05:18 AM
 
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Our son slept in between us since birth, mostly nestled with me and not closer to Daddy. (I also would switch sides to breastfeed, we had a bedrail as well) I think it was when my son was able to roll and move on his own, when I began to relax a little about him sleeping closer to Dad. But most the time he just wanted to sleep with me. We don't have any other kids, so I'm not sure about sibling co-sleeping.

My son was born in November and I live in Canada, so it was pretty chilly at the time, so I would put warm pajamas on him, and keep the duvet as far away as possible, my arm was always out of the covers, so that it didn't go up. We would always sleep a little higher in the bed than my husband, just so that he didn't pull the covers up too far.


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Old 02-22-2012, 05:25 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by anangelcalledalice View Post

basically, wondering at what age/stage

 

a) baby slept next to dad or siblings and

 

b) how you handled the duvet when they were small/ as they got bigger?

 

At 7 months and 20lb and strong, I still cradle ds in my arm when he's next to dad or brother (5) and fret about the duvet quite a lot.

 

because of poor sleeping, the sooner baby can snuggle with dad in bed the better! just want to feel safe.....


a) from birth, unless he's been drinking (3 times in 20 months) in which case i stay between them.

b) i wore a thermal top i'd modified so it had nursing flaps in it and kept the duvet low when she was really tiny, and kept the duvet tucked over me then under my side, so she was either on she sheet beyond where it'd been tucked or on top of it between us.

 

A lot depends on the individuals too - i sleep lightly when there's a NB in the bed.  Many many experiences me tell me that when i'm nursing and co-sleeping a small baby i simply don't sleep deeply enough for them to get themselves into trouble without me waking.  We don't have bed rails, though our bed is fairly low it's not a futon or anything.  When she was rolling about i side-carred her cot after modifying it with a drill!  

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Old 02-22-2012, 07:29 AM
 
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Since birth the baby is in a bed with covers, pillows, and people. Oldest was with dh and I. When the youngest was born her sibling was 9yrs, so much older than the typical sibling, and dh was living in a different state.
Thing I do are make sure the bed is large, always a king with 3 people. Keep covers light and small. Instead of a heavy king size bedspread, I use twin size blankets. Pillows are just what is needed and sized for the person. Never uses king size pillows

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Old 02-23-2012, 10:14 AM
 
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We have a king bed, and we're not the most massive of people, so although the baby sleeps inbetween us she's got about 2 solid feet of space away from her Papa.  He is not to come to bed if he's been drinking.  He crashes out on our sleeper in the living room if he needs to.  I don't have a duvet proper, I have a sheet, a cotton blanket and up to two quilts on the bed.  When she was little I left the blankets around my waist.  Now she is 5 months, 17 pounds and quite capable of defending herself, so I pull the blankets up to her waist (my shoulders) and leave the quilts a little lower.  She doesn't like me to snuggle her anymore.  She's made this quite clear.  She'll come find me if she needs to be warmer, or needs her nunnie.  Otherwise, she likes to be next to me but not being touched by me.  Sheesh.  greensad.gif

 

Edited due to English fail.


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Old 02-23-2012, 01:36 PM
 
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My baby is 12 months now. At first, DH slept in a snuggie (it kept him on his side of the bed!) and I had a thin cotton blanket I kept around waist level. The baby was also under the blanket up to his armpits (with arms out). I think around 11 months we started sharing a real comforter in bed. We still keep around our waist level because DS sleeps hot and always crawls out from under it, so he basically sleeps at the top of the bed by my head (therefore, I still dont' use a pillow, but DH does). I think once LO could roll over, I felt ok with him sleeping in between me and DH. Also, I felt reassured that DH would stir when LO woke up. I had to witness that if you know what I mean. I guess you have to evaluate if your partner is a deep sleeper or not. Now DS always sleeps in between us because we don't have a bed rail or anything. He only recently started cuddling with his daddy at night, though if he gets cold.

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Old 02-24-2012, 05:24 PM
 
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I used pillows from the start.  We've never bed shared with dad, so can't answer that.  As for the comforter - I stopped worrying about it when he showed an ability to move/remove it.  I think he was about 8 mos or so, and he'd adjust the blanket to his liking.  We didn't start snuggling during the night until he could initiate it though, until then he slept in his space and I slept in mine, so covers and pillows I just kept away from his space. 


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Old 02-24-2012, 05:45 PM
 
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With siblings I am not comfortable until the baby is able to move a lot on their own, maybe a year or so, I don't remember an exact age. My older kids move around a lot and they don't have the built-in instinct that momma has that is needed to keep a baby safe. If we had an older child in bed they always went between mom and dad, with baby on my other side. Right now I have a 3 year who I haven't moved out of the bed yet and a 5 year old who went from sleeping with older sisters, to coming back to our bed. I usually find them both on each other in the morning.

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Old 02-25-2012, 09:26 PM
 
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He's been in bed with us both since birth. He sleeps on both sides of me, depending on which side we're nursing on. DH keeps him in bed on one side, his sidecar is on the other. If DH is compromised in any way (he occasionally takes a melatonin to help him get to sleep, he gets restless legs), I just keep baby on the sidecar side for that night (sit up to nurse the off-side, if I need to).

However, DS is snuggled RIGHT up on me (his preference, and I don't move in my sleep anymore) and there's at least a foot between him and DH. DH can be a heavier sleeper, but since having DS I'm definitely not, and DH would literally have to roll on top of ME to be on DS, so I'm okay with this arrangement.

We've had the duvet since day one, too; DH uses his side normally, my side only gets pulled up to the waist, and I cover my shoulders & DS with one of his light fleece blankets.

I worry more about him getting smothered by my boob than I do about the blankets or DH. =S

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Old 02-25-2012, 09:34 PM
 
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DH did not feel comfortable bed sharing, so for the first few weeks it was just baby and I in bed, then we got a snuggle nest to ease DH mind. No siblings so I can't answer to that. DS was born in the summer so we didn't have to worry about the comforter until winter and even then, we are in San Diego so we just wore warmer PJs to bed.


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Old 03-06-2012, 08:08 PM
 
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I originally planned to have my daughter on the far side of my partner for the first few weeks, thinking he would not be as sensitive to her presence...that went out the window on the first night as I rolled over with her switching sides. (I now just lie on one side to offer both breasts, out of laziness/desire to minimize disturbance to her/hip issues on other side). We have a super super low bed but no rail so she is always in the middle of our king bed. It was the summertime at first so not as big a deal for blankets - soon though we started using two separate blankets, one for us and one for him, which helped her be in the middle and not covered with duvet (also he gets hotter at night). that way it could cover most of me but on a angle so she was only partly covered. I started getting pretty nonchalant about duvets that fall, maybe at 4 months, eg up to her shoulder...which mostly felt fine though I started thinking I was being too careless. I ended up buying a nightgown with a v neck and lots of stretch so that my upper body could be warm if the covers were more shoved down - we have never used a sleep sack but we swaddled for ages (the main thing that made my duvet standards too lax) and now we dress her in a couple of layers, eg onesie and sleeper. No sibs yet.
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Old 03-06-2012, 08:09 PM
 
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I originally planned to have my now-20- mo daughter on the far side of my partner for the first few weeks, thinking he would not be as sensitive to her presence...that went out the window on the first night as I rolled over with her switching sides. (I now just lie on one side to offer both breasts, out of laziness/desire to minimize disturbance to her/hip issues on other side). We have a super super low bed but no rail so she is always in the middle of our king bed. It was the summertime at first so not as big a deal for blankets - soon though we started using two separate blankets, one for us and one for him, which helped her be in the middle and not covered with duvet (also he gets hotter at night). that way it could cover most of me but on a angle so she was only partly covered. I started getting pretty nonchalant about duvets that fall, maybe at 4 months, eg up to her shoulder...which mostly felt fine though I started thinking I was being too careless. I ended up buying a nightgown with a v neck and lots of stretch so that my upper body could be warm if the covers were more shoved down - we have never used a sleep sack but we swaddled for ages (the main thing that made my duvet standards too lax) and now we dress her in a couple of layers, eg onesie and sleeper. No sibs yet.
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