Anyone have trouble going back to sleeping just with their husband? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 4 Old 03-14-2012, 07:34 AM - Thread Starter
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I've been sleeping with our three kids (individually, in their beds when they are young), while my husband sleeps on his own in our big bed. This started with our oldest, who is eight. I also have a six year old, and a three year old who have their own rooms. The three year old is probably ready to sleep alone. 


My husband has been really clear lately that this arrangement needs to end soon.

He misses me, and I miss him -- but I find it really difficult to fall asleep alongside him.

He is definitely feeling abandoned.


Has anyone gone through this?

What did you do to get past the initial resistance?


I feel like I'm sabotaging my marriage with this reluctance, but the transition back is really difficult.

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#2 of 4 Old 03-19-2012, 08:00 AM
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This sounds like it could be a relationship issue as much as a nighttime parenting issue.  Have you considered posting also in Parents As Partners? 


I wanted to say that we co-sleep and I went on a short weekend trip where I spent two nights away from the family bed.  I thought being alone in a big hotel bed would be heavenly and I would have no trouble sleeping.  Not so!  It was strange and I slept more poorly than I have in a long time.  I think part of it is just the change of environment and routine, so it could get better for you as you adjust to the change. 


But maybe it could be that you aren't ready to not be sleeping with your kids.  Are they ready to sleep alone?  How has that been going?  Are there other issues at play in the relationship with your husband that might contribute? 


Just wanted to offer support. :)

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#3 of 4 Old 03-22-2012, 06:55 AM
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Right there with ya!


My son is 9 and we still sleep together.


Last year, we turned our family bedroom into a living room, and built two bedrooms right next to each other, because I couldn't fathom being on the other side of the house or on another floor.


It's been 8 months of having our own bedrooms but my son has probably only slept alone a dozen times or so.

He still sleeps with us, and occasionally, I sleep with him in his room.


This is different from your situation in that my dh isn't sleeping alone, and has both of us to cuddle with, but he would like to have more nights of just the two of us. Ds is getting big, and takes up more room on the bed. And we've never been comfortable with having sex in the family bed. As a matter of fact, we hadn't experienced a marital bed EVER in our relationship, because we met when ds was almost 2yo. And although that set-up definitely developed our romantic creativity, on the nights that ds has slept alone in his room, the marital bed sure has been nice!


Ds is all for sleeping in his room by himself. He loves his new room, and has no problems sleeping alone.


It's me.


I can't sleep without him. I mean, I've been sleeping cuddled up to him for 9 years. At most, I can do one night on, one night off for now.

And I don't sleep as well when he's not with us, even if I'm cramped and wake up 100 times to rearrange the covers, I still prefer it.

We have some issues - primarily: living in an earthquake prone zone and some sleepwalking - that makes it especially difficult for me to be at ease with him sleeping in a different room. But I'm pretty sure I'd have a hard time with it even if we didn't have these issues.


What about having your 3 year old sleep with you every other night? Or you could start out by sleeping with your 3yo 2 nights, and the 3rd sleep with dh. Take it slow if you can.

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#4 of 4 Old 03-23-2012, 01:45 AM
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Me,2. My 6-year-sweetie cannot sleep without me. But I really don't know how to deal with my husband.

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Co Sleeping With Older Kids , Family Bed

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