is bed sharing worth it? - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 16 Old 03-22-2012, 09:22 AM - Thread Starter
 
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had a bad night last night and i need a little convincing this morning to keep up with the bed sharing. 

 

some nights my 4 month old is sooooo squirmy/noisy/wiggly/hungry etc that i get NO SLEEP. 

 

it's nights like that where i honestly entertain the thought of him in his own room....downstairs...(sort of kidding but you know what i mean).

 

give me some words of encouragement - and not just "enjoy the cuddles!" - tell me why bed sharing is actually better for me and my son.

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#2 of 16 Old 03-22-2012, 09:40 AM
 
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Well, it's only better for you both if it is working for you both!  I don't think it's worth getting no sleep, personally. Even Dr. Sears says that if you are starting to resent something you are doing as a parent, then change it!

 

You had a bad night.  Do you usually have nights like that, or just once in a while? 

 

I know when my DS was that age, we sometimes had nights like that too, but it wasn't every night, so we kept up with bedsharing.  At 10 months, DS started sleeping in his crib for the first part of the night then moving back to our bed when he woke up at about 1 or 2 am.  Very slowly over time we started stretching it out later, and now at 20 months (for literally the last 5 nights) DS is in his own bed until about 7am and then comes into our bed for mamma milk and cuddles for about 30 mins before we start the day.  We started streching things later as he started sleeping less and less well in our bed.  For the last month he was literally just tossing and turning from 4am on, going back and forth between breasts to nurse (even when there was no milk) and neither one of us was sleeping, so we had to make a change.  What I guess I'm getting at is that if it isn't working, change it.  But what works will likely change over time.

 

If you really aren't getting any sleep, you don't necessarily need to move DS to his own room.  You could try moving him to his own bed in your room for the whole, or just part, of the night. 

 

Good luck mamma!

 


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#3 of 16 Old 03-22-2012, 03:12 PM
 
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Agree with PP. If it's not working for you then don't do it. Personally at that age ds used to wake up and nurse every 2 h. If I put him in his crib (actually playpen, we never owned a crib) it meant I had to wake up that often to feed him, even more, because he slept even shorter periods if time when I wasn't beside him. And I can't fall asleep when I wake up at night. So after a couple of nights of me waking up at 2 and not being able to sleep after that, I just gave up. I never bothered with crib-sleeping with dd.

 

Actually I tried letting 2.5 y/o dd sleep in her room recently. That meant putting up baby gates to make sure she doesn't wander in the kitchen or bathroom at night. And just as I was falling asleep, I heard her which made me jump out of bed. I went to make sure she was ok, then I couldn't fall asleep. Not worth the hassle. So we're back to co-sleeping.

 

For me, NOT co-sleeping wasn't worth it. Do what works for your baby and you.


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#4 of 16 Old 03-22-2012, 03:19 PM
 
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Bed sharing only better for you & your son if it helps you get more sleep/better quality sleep. There's no reason to keep it up if it's making you miserable.

 

I say this as someone who bed shared for 2+ years and endured horrible sleep deprivation, as my DD reverse cycled, night nursed, and woke up 6-8 times most nights. I always felt like we needed an alternative that would give me more sleep, but it just took a long time to figure out what that alternative was! Also, I think I just have an intense kid who doesn't like to sleep and who wasn't ready to sleep through the night until she was 2.5 years old.

 

Now DD (age 3) sleeps on a mattress on the floor in our bedroom, and that is great. We're all close by, but in different beds. Everyone sleeps. Plus, she's older now, so she's just ready to sleep on her own.

 

Good luck!

 

 


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#5 of 16 Old 03-22-2012, 05:23 PM
 
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Agree w/PPs. If it's not working for you, then you need to find a different solution. That's one of the reasons why I love having DD's crib side-carred to my side of the bed. If she needs to snuggle, I just slide her over. But otherwise, she has her own "space" and we both sleep better. But she eats a lot during the night so I don't really have to wake up because she's right there.


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#6 of 16 Old 03-22-2012, 05:30 PM
 
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Is it the baby though? My DD was like that until like 18 m/o we tried the crib for almost 8 months (started right from the start) and it was hell on earth for me. I still got no sleep co-sleeping but I got more than when she was in a crib.

 

So sure you can try to change it and see if it helps but keep in mind nothing may really help and it may just be about survival (learning to sleep through nursing helped me a ton)


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#7 of 16 Old 03-22-2012, 06:03 PM
 
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Imagine waking up and going to the baby's room every time baby is in need of you or imagine lying there worrying.....

 

 

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#8 of 16 Old 03-23-2012, 08:39 AM - Thread Starter
 
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thanks everyone!

 

the thing is, some nights are great and we sleep soundly together and he wakes up a couple times to nurse and we're all happy. but MOST nights it's one big squirm fest and he nurses every hour and needs to be burped or the squirminess increases and then he's babbling in his sleep (cute but noisy) and he's kicking me and flailing his arms (which he's managed to free from a swaddle)...

 

i think what i'm going to do is get a playpen (is that what they're called these days?) and put it in our room and on nights when I'm super tired or he's being extra noisy I'll try putting him in there. 

 

another thing i was considering was having him over next to DH on the other side of the bed. has anyone done this? i know safe co-sleeping says baby should be next to mama only, but dh isn't a heavy sleeper (nor is he a heavy person haha) and maybe baby will be less inclined to nurse every hour if he's not right next to me...

 

just a theory though. has anyone tried this out? when's a safe age to have baby next to dad?

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#9 of 16 Old 03-23-2012, 03:06 PM
 
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Couldn't you just side cart a crib instead?

 

*I* wouldn't have him sleep next to DH, but that's me. DH is a real heavy sleeper too...


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#10 of 16 Old 03-26-2012, 05:19 PM
 
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Quote:

Originally Posted by tanyato View Post

he's kicking me and flailing his arms (which he's managed to free from a swaddle)...

 



Have you looked at a product called 'The woombie"?  This was a huge help to us as DD needed to be swaddled but got out of the more traditional blankets.

 

Bed sharing worked for us only because DD refused to sleep in a crib (she has never transitioned well once she's asleep, even now at almost 3).  However once she got a little bigger (around 4-6 months) she and I moved to a double mattress on the floor.  I found the additional room helpful since we could both spread out a little and being on the floor put my mind at ease in terms of her falling out.

 

I just wasn't comfortable having her sleep with DH until she was a lot older and to be honest neither was DH.  He just felt he slept too soundly and was not aware enough to feel comfortable.

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#11 of 16 Old 03-27-2012, 05:14 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tanyato View Post


just a theory though. has anyone tried this out? when's a safe age to have baby next to dad?



We had ds in between us from birth (I'm a single mom now, we split when ds was 10mo). His dad never even moved in his sleep, and having them cuddle was a good break for me when I was touched out. Also, it made my ex a firm believer in co-sleeping because he LOVED the night time snuggles (like really really loved them). It also really helped when we split up because overnights weren't as difficult - ds was used to co-sleeping snuggled up to dad, so he did great when he was doing overnights all snuggled up to dad (thankfully this did NOT become a point of contention during our very traumatic break up!).

 

I also wanted to say, if your babe is super squirmy, he'll wake up your DH if theres a problem. And your mama sense will probably wake you up. At 4mo, I really truly wouldn't worry about it.

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#12 of 16 Old 03-31-2012, 06:38 PM
 
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My 2 month old has started getting more wiggly too and I'm hoping it won't get worse!

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#13 of 16 Old 04-03-2012, 07:29 PM
 
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I love bed sharing, and DH does too.  DH has always asked to have DD with him for some of the night, and he doesn't move the whole time he's got her (or snore, yay for me!).  I think if a guy wants to snuggle with the baby at night, he'll likely be aware enough that it's safe.  I was super paranoid those first few nights though!  Also, if the squirming keeps up, maybe LO is tell you they are ready for more space?  Why not introduce a crib in your room and see if it helps?


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#14 of 16 Old 04-04-2012, 07:33 AM
 
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We had a co-sleeper at that age, and then side-carred a crib to our bed. 

Baby slept in the side carred bed and when it was time to nurse my DW would pull baby into the bed. And ten put her back into the side carred crib again. It gave us more room in the bed and gave baby ample room to squirm.

It worked for us. 

Now baby is 2.5yrs old and in her own bed in our room and not side carred anymore. 


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#15 of 16 Old 04-04-2012, 08:19 AM
 
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I agree with previous posters - co-sleeping is a way for the whole family to get sleep....if youre not - definitely change it.  I have known babies who just seem to prefer their own sleeping space and did better - slept for longer periods of time when they slept alone.  My older two children LOVED their cribs and we only had sleep issues with them when we tried to put them in their own beds!

for our youngest we are lucky enough to have some extra space in the bedroom and we side carred a twin bed to our queen.   As it wound up my DH is on the twin and me and the baby are on the queen ....but thats us!


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#16 of 16 Old 04-04-2012, 03:18 PM
 
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I think if you are being kicked it might be worth it to try a side-car crib! 

 

If your DH is amenable to the idea, you could try having your baby next to him in the bed.  I know they say we have "momma sense" but honestly...my DH is pretty tuned in.  I'm pretty sure the only time I have more momma sense than him is at night, because the arrangement is that I do the nighttime parenting stuff unless I really need his help (since he has to go to work in the morning ;) ).  I wouldn't worry that much about it, especially at 4 months old (okay, I would worry, but I'm a worrier.  I would still consider doing it). 

 

My DD always snuggles up next to me (she sleeps between us), but if DH goes to bed early she scootches towards him and sleeps way better than if she's in the bed or a crib alone.  So it's worth a try.  But if it's really not working for you, and you don't want to do a sidecar, I think a crib or playpen in the same room is a great solution.  Baby gets you as soon as he needs you, you get sleep!  Everybody wins!


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