Very active cosleeping baby - doesn't feel safe to me - Mothering Forums
Co-sleeping and the Family Bed > Very active cosleeping baby - doesn't feel safe to me
fuller2's Avatar fuller2 07:38 AM 06-26-2012

This is my 2nd baby. The first would move only to snuggle up closer to me -- I'd often wake in the morning with his nose almost touching mine (once he even started nursing on my nose!).  This one, though, has made me a little nervous almost from the start.  I even went out and got a crib while I was pregnant because I had a feeling I'd need it -- and I didn't even consider one with my 1st (who is now 9 years old). We haven't set it up yet but I think I will today. We have been using a cosleeper bassinet occasionally (another thing I didn't use with my 1st) but not all night. He's basically been in bed with me from the start.  (He also started sleeping 4-5 hours at a stretch from week 2, and now wakes to nurse maybe 2-4 times in 10-11 hours.)


My little guy will be 16 weeks old tomorrow. He was amazingly active in the womb (way more than my 1st). He rolled over on his own at 9 weeks and now he just won't stay on his back -- he flips right over, can do a little pushup, digs in his feet and launches himself off the boppy pillow if he's on his tummy.  He's a huge baby -- almost 10 lbs at birth (my doula noticed from the moment he was born how strong he was - he could basically hold up his head in the delivery room) and is now probably 20 lbs. Wearing 12-18 month clothes.


I woke in the middle of the night last night to find him scooched over a good 18 inches from me on his tummy with his face mashed (I think, wasn't wearing my glasses!) into the rolled-up blanket I have been using as a bolster between the edge of the mattress and the wall. (not a fluffy blanket) I had just reinforced it before going to bed that night just because I had a feeling. I flipped him back over and he was totally fine, breathing fine (his head was off to one side), and he stayed nicely asleep until morning.  Still, though -- my heart about stopped when I saw where he was.


Something similar happened a few nights ago too -- I woke to find him on his tummy facing away from me at arm's length. My first NEVER did this -- if he moved it was always closer to me, not farther away.


I love cosleeping, but all my instincts are telling me to put this baby in a crib until he can really get up and move well on his own. (At the rate he's going, he's going to be crawling by 6 months....)  I am not looking forward to getting him out of it to nurse at night at all (I feel exhausted just thinking about it -- cosleeping has always allowed me to get plenty of sleep) but I am starting to lose sleep worrying! 


Any ideas/suggestions?

JamieCatheryn's Avatar JamieCatheryn 08:06 AM 06-26-2012

I thought I posted but it's gone...I'd try to re-arrange the bedding to make it safer. I wouldn't want a crib too far away to wake and correct his position if he scooted around so much, maybe an arm's reach co-sleeper or something, not a separate crib. Too hard feed and put back to sleep but also who knows what dangerous position he might put himself in unattended. Both of mine were like that esp my first, holding head up right away, crawling by 4 months, scooting around at night. I never worried too much about it but did have to wake a lot getting kicked and crowded out and moving them away from my pillow.

fuller2's Avatar fuller2 12:20 PM 06-26-2012

Thanks.  Alas, he's basically already too big for the cosleeper. The crib would be right next to the bed. I'd use it probably for a few months until I was definitely sure he could extricate himself from any problem. 


I could get one of those cosleeping bolsters but I am not sure how that would be better right now since he could just end up mashing himself against the bolster. (I don't want to dismantle the bed & put the mattress on the floor.) I'm sure I'd still take naps with him and cuddle with him in bed plenty in the meantime.

(Also, my point is that he is ALREADY getting himself into potentially dangerous positions. I feel that the crib might help me avoid this during this motor skills transition period.)

purplerose's Avatar purplerose 12:44 PM 06-26-2012 what do you think about this?


i just kept our daughter between me and dh. now i have a crawler and bad back pain from staying on my one side all night...trying to use the crib but having to get up and put her back in it all night sucks.


if you google it, you can side-care a regular crib. the side is taken off, it is secured to your bed(different ways of doing this), and the gap can be safely filled in. my problem is that our bed is too high that if we raise the crib mattress, my daughter could just flip out of it if she stood and leaned over the end rails. putting mattresses on the floor isn't an option for us, either.

mkksmom's Avatar mkksmom 07:30 PM 06-29-2012
I say you have to trust your instincts. I felt the same way with my second and did exactly what you are thinking of doing. I set up her crib right next to my bed. I could still reach out and put my hand on her if need be, but we all slept much better with her this way. Then when she was bigger... a year old or so, I moved my mattress to the floor because she was ending up in my bed more and more. Well, I followed my instincts there, and sure enough she rolled out of bed only a few inches rather than feet. I had a cosleeper too, but I didn't like the fact that she would scooch all of the way over and put her face right by the fabric side. I had read about re-breathing, and didn't like anything around her face. I have to say that getting up to get her out for nursing was a pain, but was worth it because I wasn't sleeping as well when she was with me because I was on guard all night long.
The4OfUs's Avatar The4OfUs 07:50 PM 06-29-2012

Instincts are there for a reason.  AP is about meeting your baby were they're at, not a checklist.  It will suck getting up when nursing, but if it's right next to the bed, it shouldn't be so bad. 

motherhendoula's Avatar motherhendoula 08:23 PM 06-29-2012

Would 'side carring' the crib work for you?  - setting the crib up with one long side permanently removed, that side up against your bed.  Ive never done it - no idea how hard it really is to pull off, but it allows you a safe space for baby - but you can still grab him without putting your feet on the floor. 

The4OfUs's Avatar The4OfUs 09:23 AM 06-30-2012

We sidecarred a crib for a while and it worked really, really well.  We had a drop side crib (which I think aren't made anymore) and so we just took the drop side off, used lots of bungee cords to strap it to the bed, and made sure the matresses were the same height.  I used an upside down egg crate to help bridge the beds, and fashioned a sheet that would wrap around all of it and lashed over to the other side (the lumpy part/transition was between DH and me).  It wasn't "House Beautful", but it worked.  lol.  The only concern with regular (non drop side) cribs is maintaining the integreity of structure, even though you're lashing it to the bed.  With a drop side, they build them to be sturdy without that drop panel, to begin with.  Plus, it was one of those convertibles that transformed to a toddler bed, so we knew it was sturdy enough on its own to be side carred.  Man, that was a great crib.


We used it side carred until she started pulling up and crawling, then had to drop the mattress all the way down and use it as a regular crib - it was at that point we started a different routine:  Rocking/nursing to sleep, she started out in her crib and then when I went to bed I'd grab her.  We moved our bed in the room so it was smashed up against a wall, nice and tight/no gap, and I'd put her betwen me and the wall, and she never strayed too far (though it was always a mild concern to me that she'd scoot down and fall off the foot of the bed).


She wound up with her own twin sized bed in her room on the floor when she was 13 months, the day she climbed INTO her crib (with the side up).  ACK.  So I'd nurse her down on that twin bed, and then whenever she woke up she's toddle in to us and I'd lift her up into bed with us (all other doors were shut and stairs were gated with a smooth-front gate so there was nowhere else for her to go other than our room, plus that's where she really wanted to be.  ;) 


Soo yeah, there's our cosleeping story, whether you wanted to hear it or not!  HA!  I forgot how crazy those days it's a different kind of crazy.

fuller2's Avatar fuller2 03:30 PM 06-30-2012

I've had him in the crib for about a week now -- he's within arms reach of me at night. He sleeps totally fine, same as before -- up a couple of times to nurse and then back to deep sleep easily.  Like before, his eyes don't even open because I sense him stirring and wake up. And I actually sleep a little better, I think, even with the more complete waking on my end/actually getting up --- because the knot in my chest is gone.


I thought about it but don't want to sidecar because our king bed has an odd-shaped frame -- the sides are convex and stick out a little and would make it more complicated than I am willing to deal with.


I think I am actually just going to buy a new different crib, though -- the one I have I got for free on Craigslist and though it's a gorgeous high-end Italian crib, it's about 12 years old and a couple of the screw holes were getting a little crumbly.  And it has the drop sides.  I just didn't want to spend any money on something I wasn't 100% sure I would use (though honestly I did think I would).  Now that I know I want one I am just going to get whatever Consumer Reports recommends.  Or maybe just something from Ikea.


Yes, to me AP is about trusting your instincts.  My instincts were screaming at me to put this baby in a crib.

Springshowers's Avatar Springshowers 08:48 PM 07-06-2012
If you just screw on the drop side so it can't come off it's not a problem.. so I have read. So maybe you can still save it. I am glad you found a way to sleep better!

We did the mattress on the floor thing. I am looking forward to baby 2 being a little older (he is 10 months right now) so we can put the box springs back underneath. I am getting tired of standing up with sometimes 63 pounds of baby in my arms from the floor (40 lb 2.5 year old and 23 pound 10 month old).

I have a Humanity co sleeper but didn't find I used it very much. I don't have anything bad to say about it... it just didn't seem to suit my purposes.
mkksmom's Avatar mkksmom 11:29 AM 07-09-2012
That was my experience too. Much deeper sleep. My LO is almost 3 now, and in her own room. It still bums me out sometimes that she sleeps so much better off in her own space. But I'm glad you are sleeping better.
milkybean's Avatar milkybean 02:20 AM 07-31-2012

Did you ever figure something out?




Instincts are great...mine aren't going off *at all* with this.  If the blanket doesn't feel safe to you, why is it in there?  If you don't like it, take it out.


Baby was just about 4 months old when you posted, and VERY strong and active.  I always felt, with DS (who was strong and active) that once he was getting himself into those positions, he would almost certainly be able to get himself out of them if he needed to.  And then I trusted my own instincts while sleeping there next to him; I would wake from a deep sleep, find him doing something odd, and move him if I felt I needed to...I figured that I woke because I needed to.  I bet you did, too, though you say you weren't wearing your glasses and therefore don't really know how close his face was to the blanket.



I'm sure you've worked this out, but I did want to include my "hmm, I don't get it, but here's my experience" post in case someone else reads this with their own questions in the future.