I am done cosleeping and/or Get this 5 year old out of my bed. - Mothering Forums

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Old 07-23-2012, 02:07 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I am all for family bed and cosleeping. We have 4 children and they have all been in our bed since birth. We would gently transition them to their own beds when we (dh &I) and the child seemed ready. That was until child number 4. She is 5 years old, about to start kindergarten
And she will not leave!!! I have been sleeping with a child or 2 for almost 14 years and I am done. I want a full night sleep. I want to not be kicked, hit and scratched all night long. I don't want to live in fear of being head butted. I want to wake up next to my dh. Dd will fall asleep in her own bed but within about 2-3 hours she wakes up and comes to our room and spends the rest of the night making dh and I miserable. We have tried talking about it, we tried reward chart and if she slept in her own bed for a week she would get a small toy, she slept in her own bed for the week and then slowly started coming back. I've even tried locking my bedroom door as a reminder to her that she needs to go back to her own bed. She just stands and screams and kicks the door until we let her in. We've tried walking her back to her own bed and she'll get back in and fall asleep, but be back in our room within a half hour and this will go one all night. I don't know what to do. I want this the be over by the time school starts so we can all have a good nights sleep. If it wasn't for the fact that dh has to get up and go to work in the morning and there are other kids in the house sleeping I would just lock my door and ignore her all night till she figures it out, I'm that tired of cosleeping.

I'm just hoping someone has an idea I haven't thought of yet.
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Old 07-23-2012, 02:33 PM
 
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I've been through about a million different methods with my older dd. When she was about 5, I had to have her out of my bed because we had a newborn, but I didn't want to completely kick her out, so I let her choose between her bed and a less comfortable mattress on my floor. After 4 or 5 months of this, my ped suggested gradually moving her mattress closer and closer to her room. She got near my door and decided that if I put her bed tent back up, she would feel safe enough in her own room. The doc's pep-talk may have helped too. He was very sweet about it, but also gave a gentle nudge that she should be sleeping in her room. I don't typically like when they even ask, and he of course asked my dd, not me. But I have to admit, I'm glad he mentioned it to her.

I also taught her not to wake me in the middle of the night by making her life less fun the next day if she did. "I'm sorry sweetie, but I am soooo tired. I just don't have the energy to take you to the playground today. You woke me up last night, and I just don't have the energy. We talked about situations where it's OK to wake me up... feeling sick, a true nightmare. She hasn't lied about this, so it's worked. I also let her sleep with her sister for a while, but they were keeping each other up. It was a good way to get them both ready to sleep on their own, though.

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Old 07-23-2012, 05:48 PM
 
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I have a family member who had a tough time transitioning their LO to sleeping in his room on his own. First they had him sleep in their room on his mattress next to mom and dads bed. They were able to move his mattress into his room and dad slept in the room on another mattress for a while until he was able to sleep on his own in his room and that worked for them. Good luck!
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Old 08-08-2012, 04:40 PM
 
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Looking for answers too!!  My DD is 4.5 and same issues.

 

I was thinking I'd sooth her back to sleep in her bed..  Harder for me, but I'm hopeful it will keep her in her bed through the night.

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Old 09-05-2012, 07:15 AM
 
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I to am looking for ways to get an older child out of my bed! My son is now 8 though. He doesn't really interupt my sleep, but he does like to cuddle up next to me, and I tend to move further away, so end up with 5 inches next to the edge of the bed, all moving done while I am asleep. I wake up with such a bad back!!! I am sure I will end up co sleeping on a new mattress but I would actually like to sleep without my son but with my bf just once in a while!!!

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Old 09-10-2012, 01:11 AM
 
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I would try the mattress on your floor and see how she takes to that. When my bed got to small for three of us I moved DS1 bed into my bedroom and he slept there while I slept with DS2. He seemed happy enough if he was in the same room as me.


It's complicated.
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Old 09-12-2012, 09:27 AM
 
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I'm in the same place only with 2.  My almost 5yr old twin boys show no interest in getting into their own beds.  I am going to go the route of getting cool bedding that they choose and do a 1 time reward for making the transition (after several nights in a row, allowing for the possibility for some difficult nights).  My dh and I will make it clear that they are not being "kicked out" and I may also offer them the option of sleeping together.  When we potty trained, after a couple of half hearted clumsy attempts, I told them one day that in the morning that we were going to wear big boy pants and that would be it.  They did great and only had a few accidents.  I may try the samething with the beds, with a little more notice.  With it getting darker earlier now, it should make it a little easier...I'm hoping ;-)  Good luck!   I don't think any one way works for all kids which is what makes it so frustrating!!

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Old 09-14-2012, 09:01 AM
 
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Just wondering how this finally resolved. We are going through the same thing with our 4 year old....and it's excruciating.  We're soooo tired!  The rest of the family is now being impacted and we have to make a change!

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Old 09-14-2012, 11:38 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by fairiemel View Post

Just wondering how this finally resolved. We are going through the same thing with our 4 year old....and it's excruciating.  We're soooo tired!  The rest of the family is now being impacted and we have to make a change!

It has not been resolved. I gave up. Dd started kindergarten and I felt like I didn't want to have that big step happening at the same time as kicking her out of our bed. I keep hoping she will just start sleeping through the night by herself.
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Old 09-14-2012, 12:07 PM
 
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I would set aside a weekend or something where you can just assume noone is going to get any sleep. When your dd gets up to come into your room i would walk her back into her room, as long as she doesnt seem to upset by it, and just keep doing it no matter how tired you are. Or let her fall back asleep in your bed and then carry her into her bed after she is asleep. Maybe if she realizes that she is just going to end up in there anyways she wont bother getting up.

 

DD is 5 1/2 and gets in our bed almost every night/morning. Usually its about 6 or 7 am, but lately its been about 2am. Its hard, i have no idea what we are going to do when the baby gets here. How do you cosleep with a 5 year old in the bed with a newborn? i feel ya mama.


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Old 09-14-2012, 07:53 PM
 
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Stick her in bed with a sibling. It is the only way I got rid of my 5 year old leech. shy.gif

 

Two out of my bed. Two to go. Sigh. 


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Old 09-14-2012, 09:11 PM
 
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I've gotten two out of my bed, but the key with the last was to figure out what was waking him in the night and make it easier to return to his own bed than mine. So, he wakes to pee during the night. We cut down on the endless bedtime water so he's getting up to pee less. (He gets plenty in the other hours of the day!) If he doesn't guzzle water at bedtime, he stays in bed and doesn't wake. If he does, and I haven't cut out bedtime water entirely... then he's going to get up at least once. The bathroom is now closer to his bed than my bed is. For a while, I would get up every time he woke up, make sure he went potty, and then steer him back to his own bed. Now he does it. 

 

For mornings, I taught him what 7:00 looks like on the clock. He can play, he can get out the kid-accessible and safe snacks, he can watch TV (it's set so he can't turn on anything but his own pre-recorded shows)... but he can't wake me or DH up until it says 7:00. Once in a while we get a 6:47 wake up instead, "because it has a 7 in it!" but not usually. 

 

DD we did the bed on the floor to sitting with her til she fell asleep to her being on her own. When she learned to read, it made a huge difference too. She'll gladly stay in bed even if she wakes in the middle of the night as long as she can read. 


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Old 09-15-2012, 08:20 PM
 
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We are a co-sleeping family too. But I am beginning to wonder about whether it is a good idea to begin with.  Actually I think I have a love/hate relationship with it lately because I am tired of not having our own space and not getting a good nights sleep. However, I am not totally comfortable with our kids being away from us while we sleep either. I worry about SIDS still. I still check them sometimes when they are right near me. Like I said, love/hate. nut.gif

 

Our 4yr old is sidecarred and our 14mo sleeps in the bed.  We have been thinking of how to transition our 4 yr old to his own bed/room, but he says he doesnt want to so we haven't pushed it. I don't blame the him. As a kid I never liked sleeping alone.

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Old 09-15-2012, 10:46 PM
 
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No help here, my 9 year old is laying next to me instead of DH. She says she wants to be in our bed "because I love you"....how do you say no to that??? She is an only and feels left out that we sleep together and she is left in a room, alone. She makes a good point, I mean we are all a family....

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Old 09-21-2012, 06:00 PM
 
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With our 4 year old, we told him (for several months beforehand) that "when you turn 4 you will be a Big Boy and you will have to sleep in your own bed and go to sleep by yourself." We talked about it for months and months and months. We got him a cool alarm clock that has 5 different soothing sounds on it that he could listen to while he falls asleep. He got 2 really cool handmade stuffed toys for his birthday that we played up ("OH WOW, you can SLEEP WITH THEM at night in your big boy bed now!!!!").... Just kept it positive and didn't give him an option.. and surprisingly it has gone very smoothly. He turned 4 about a month ago, and we just kept repeating over and over "you are 4 now so you have to sleep in your own big boy bed" and he has gone to sleep by himself, and when he wakes at night as long as DH or I walk him to his room he goes back to sleep by himself. He is also an early riser, but he knows how to get himself some fruit for a snack or turn on PBS to watch TV until we get up. He only cried one night (the 3rd or 4th night) and ended up falling asleep on the floor outside of his bedroom. And he went from waking up almost every night to sleeping through the night about 80% of the time now!


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Old 09-23-2012, 06:38 PM
 
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With our 4 year old, we told him (for several months beforehand) that "when you turn 4 you will be a Big Boy and you will have to sleep in your own bed and go to sleep by yourself." We talked about it for months and months and months. We got him a cool alarm clock that has 5 different soothing sounds on it that he could listen to while he falls asleep. He got 2 really cool handmade stuffed toys for his birthday that we played up ("OH WOW, you can SLEEP WITH THEM at night in your big boy bed now!!!!").... Just kept it positive and didn't give him an option.. and surprisingly it has gone very smoothly. He turned 4 about a month ago, and we just kept repeating over and over "you are 4 now so you have to sleep in your own big boy bed" and he has gone to sleep by himself, and when he wakes at night as long as DH or I walk him to his room he goes back to sleep by himself. He is also an early riser, but he knows how to get himself some fruit for a snack or turn on PBS to watch TV until we get up. He only cried one night (the 3rd or 4th night) and ended up falling asleep on the floor outside of his bedroom. And he went from waking up almost every night to sleeping through the night about 80% of the time now!

 

Yeah, ours slept in her bed for awhile too. She would go months at 3, and then at 4, and again at 5. It just never ends up being for good. She is back in her bed for this week, but who knows what next week brings.

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Old 10-15-2012, 11:44 PM
 
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I'm pretty sure my son only comes and gets in bed with us because "he loves us" too. He makes up excuses but you can tell he's just trying to give us reasons...I'm hungry, thirsty, there's something under my bed, the vent is making weird noises, there's a mosquito in my room, etc. I know some Children just need more cuddling and attachment at night than others, but where do you draw he line? When do you decide that your comfort and sanity is just a little more important than their wanting to be with you all the time? Don't they also need to learn that mommy and daddy need space and alone time? I feel so guilty though ! We're going through he same thing right now.

DH(9/04) DS(12/08) and DD(5/11)

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Old 10-15-2012, 11:47 PM
 
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Anyone ever tried letting their kids stay in your bed one night a week as a treat, but every other night they have to be in their own bed? Like maybe a Saturday night or something?

DH(9/04) DS(12/08) and DD(5/11)

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