Co-sleeping and the Family Bed
> Anyone have stories (yours or someone you know) of CIO *not* working, backfiring, etc.? What do you say when people ask "Why don't you just let her/him CIO?"s`s.
What works best for me to get the best slleep is I nurse them down and. Y husband sleeps with them while I sleep elsewhere until they wake up. Usually I can get 5 uninterrupted hours that way!
Originally Posted by Sheepdoc
While its political to not mention the negatives of CIO it does leave open the question are you walking away from an abusive situation? I once lost a friend because she was using modified CIO with her 6 month old and he was covered in scabs from scratching himself in despair despite her putting mittens on him. I pointed out - as gently as possible that perhaps he wasn't "accidentally" self-mutilating himself in distress (which still seems abusive to me!) but that perhaps it was on purpose similar to older children who engage in cutting as a tension reliever.
That suggestion does sound like a very efficient way to end a relationship. Six month old babies really do not have the same thought processes, needs or coping mechanisms as older children. Telling a mother that her not even toddling yet infant is self injuring because she's a bad mom is beyond the pale.
That kind of scratching in an infant should prompt evaluation for bedbugs, scabies, and reactions to laundry soap.
CIO with healthy adults is far from torture. Some of us prefer to do our crying alone.
Originally Posted by presentmoment
No matter how committed you are to AP in principle, and how wrong the sound of your child's cry (even for a moment) feels viscerally, it can be discouraging, I think, when so much of the culture makes it sound like CIO is "easy" and harmless. Especially when you've had a couple really hard nights in a row and are feeling tired and run-down.
Originally Posted by Sheepdoc
Barring pointing out that CIO done to an adult would be defined as torture under the Geneva Convention and get you arrested if you used it on a disabled adult, ever heard a positive story about how good it was the nurses wouldn't respond to the amputee, Alhzeimer's, etc.... calls in the night?
OP, I never intentionally did CIO but both of my kids were carseat screamers and even with limiting my trips they spent many hours each week hollering their brains out. My story is this: I met a new friend about 4 years ago, we've since become very close. She's a great mom, but one of her kids is the most insecure person I have ever met. The child is on a mission for attention (male in particular), is very clingy, and can't handle the slightest perceived snub. She sees her life through Mean Girls-colored glasses. She is a tween...so insecure...her mom is very worried about her as she enters the teen years. I literally have never met such a human, of any age, who needed such constant attention. I guess I wasn't surprised when her mom told me she got tired of night-waking at 24 mos and locked the child in her room until x-amount of nights when the poor baby gave up crying and learned to just go to sleep because there was no use in crying since no one was going to come for her.
FWIW, I get the sense that my friend wishes she hadn't done it. I can only be friends with her bc it happened many years before I met her. Were it a current situation, our time spent together would be limited considerably, lest I should through judgy comments her way.
Originally Posted by purplerose
And I will tell you...she is almost 18 months old, and if I take the kids to school in the morning, she will scream and throw up several times the whole way home. Dh changed his work hours just because of this issue so that she could stay home with one of us during drop-offs. Car sickness, you say? Well she is fine when we pick them up after school. I have heard it all.
I know you said you'd heard it all and I apologise in advance for weighing in on this but... I can't help it
I'm not saying your LO has motion sickness but I get it and it is worse in the mornings. Afternoons/evenings it is not as bad or I don't get it at all (unless I do something stupid like try to read a map or change the CD). I am not a morning person so I'm sure that contributes.
The mother herself explained the scratches as being related to her 6 month old "accidentally" scratching himself when he was so distressed when she put him down in his crib and walked away. They did not happen any other time awake or asleep.
Every child is different but so far I have yet to see any non CIO baby scratch themselves repeatedly by "accident". My oldest accidentally gouged his own nose, ONCE at 2 weeks and never did it again. Pain is an indication from the body to stop.
Adults may choose to cry alone. An infant confined to a crib screaming in hysteria 1) has no choice. 2) has no other voice with which to scream water, food, dry diaper, comfort or anything else. 3) we know abused children are more likely to grow up into abusive adults - the fact that some adults prefer not to be comforted does not mean this is healthy, it May just mean that the habits we learn as children last a lifetime. My husband was a CIO baby. It has taken him years to learn to ask for help (that isn't scientific, just anecdotal) even something as simple as asking a clerk in the store what aisle the toilet paper is in used to leed to, "they're not going to help, why bother asking". And yes his parents are generally detached so it's not just CIO I'm sure buti stand by the fact if you tried to implement CIO in a nursing home you would go to jail. If I loose friends for pointing this out to children who are abusing their children at least I will not have ignored the abuse. Beyond that I don't know what to do because legally we allow and encourage the routine abuse of children but I will speak out and hope one day one of us who does will have our Rosa Parks moment where the accepted norm becomes to much to bare!