Bed sharing with a newborn and a 3 year old - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 12 Old 05-23-2013, 02:02 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Does anyone have any tips or ideas for how to safely bed share with our rather rambunctious sleeper 3 year old and the newborn that will arrive this summer? DD has slept with us since birth, she started out in the close and secure sleeper thing between us for the first month or so and then just in the bed between us. She was in a toddler bed in our room for several months but we've recently moved and she's been back with us for quite awhile now, she has a big kid bed but we're not sure how well transitioning her into it will go. So, we're starting to brainstorm ideas on how we can all fit safely in our king sized Ikea Malm bed.

A few ideas I've thought of....

Arm's reach co-sleeper
Side car gulliver crib/toddler bed (I'm nervous about this one....)
DP and DD sleep in another bed (not really a desirable option....we'd like to all stay together!)

Because of the set up in the bedroom we don't have the option to put the bed against a wall btw.

Any advice? Should we focus on getting DD into her own room rather than how to fit us all in? Or start with DD in our room back in the toddler bed?

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#2 of 12 Old 05-24-2013, 11:14 AM
 
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I'm not there yet, but we're thinking about how to make it work with a 2-year-old and a newborn.

It seems like a co-sleeper (or some similar safe nearby sleeping space) would be useful for when your DD ends up in your bed, regardless of what your overall plan is.

Is there a reason not to go back to the toddler bed in your room?

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#3 of 12 Old 05-24-2013, 01:40 PM
 
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We couldn't bear to send DS out of our bed when DD arrived. We had a king with a twin beside it. DH and DS slept there awhile, then switched to me and DD in the twin. Twin was only a mattress beside a kind box spring and mattress on floor. Now we have 2 queens on the floor side by side. With most kings, you can sleep sideways, which might allow space at the foot if the bed for a twin.

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#4 of 12 Old 05-24-2013, 02:15 PM
 
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- if you are going to sidecar something you might want your toddler to be in it so you can maximize the simplicity of feeding your newborn at least in the beginning

 

- you could use bed rails on the king if needed to keep toddler and baby sleeping seperately (toddler, DP, baby, you for example). We have these on our queen. I am used to them now :)

 

For me it was my first time night time breastfeeding (DP carried our first) so I appreciated more space to work on latching at night. Our DD was in her own room/bed - but ended up in our room in the am with DP on a twin attached to the queen. It was nice to have more space to heal and to figure out latching with new babe for me. I think it depends entirely on your preferences and what you might need after birth and with babe :)


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#5 of 12 Old 05-24-2013, 03:48 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks!

Escher, no particular reason for not having the toddler bed in our room - just that we have a bid kid bed now and the toddler bed has been deconstructed for quite some time.

I like the idea of the side car or twin beside the king and having DD in that rather than the baby. Then I wouldn't feel paranoid about a safe side car....we have a malm frame and nothing can really press right up against the mattress firmly. But that wouldn't be an issue with DD.

DD sleeps between us but when I'm in bed she's pressed up against me the majority of the night. I know I will feel touched out feeding a newborn all night and having DD all over me too. So maybe side car toddler bed with DD, then DP then baby, then me. Might. Be a good plan smile.gif

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#6 of 12 Old 05-24-2013, 03:54 PM
 
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I have my DD in a toddler bed (with the side up) against my queen, and I love it. It's a great balance of being together but having our own space. I highly recommend it.
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#7 of 12 Old 05-24-2013, 04:05 PM
 
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When we had a newborn and 2.5 year old we had a twin by a queen. Toddler on twin and we eventually put up a bed rail once the baby started moving because she had torticollis and had to switch sides every night.

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#8 of 12 Old 05-24-2013, 04:15 PM
 
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We have our 2.5 year old and 4 month old in our king bed now.  DD1 (almost 5) moved to a twin in our room right before DS arrived.  Bed now is DH (on the outside), DS, Me, DD2 (next to the wall).  I would like the twin put up next to our bed with DD1 on the other side of DH, but he wants to be on the edge.


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#9 of 12 Old 05-24-2013, 08:30 PM
 
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Hi Carmen!
We have a king, as you know. When H was born, we moved DP to the middle and had E on the outside. It was against the wall, but you could do a rail if you think S might fall out. So it was me, H, DP, then E. I had H on either side of me, depending on which side I wanted to lie on. We had that arrangement for about six months.
Oh, and separate duvets ... Yeah, yeah, not supposed to have duvets with babies, I know.
Then we moved bedrooms, and the baby was bigger and we shuffled the kids together in the centre. That was great for about a year, but now we're squeezed for space, so we moved E into a twin at the foot of our bed. Ideally she'd have her mattress alongside Dp's side because E still needs a lot of nightime comforting, but we can't fit it there.
So now it's myself, H and DP in the main bed, and E at the foot of the bed. Often DP ends up in her bed with E. Or sometimes DP ends up alone in E's bed. We've decided that we can have three people in the
King, whatever three it is doesn't really matter.
When DP goes to work, E joins H and I.
Also, we have a double bed in the kids' room, which I often slept in with H in his first few months, if he was being loud or wakeful, but we always chose to be together as a family and only used that if it meant the majority losing sleep.
Hope that helps!
ps. We might've done things differently if H was a smaller baby. Being that he's been gigantic since birth, he seemed less fragile. E was much tinier, and she been second, might've made different arrangements. Also, E and DP are sound sleepers, so that helped in the early days.
xo

DP was very happy to have an edge again.

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#10 of 12 Old 05-27-2013, 07:05 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks again for more feedback.

 

I think I've settled on setting up a toddler bed against the king and having DD in it on DP's side. We'll still try for the transition to her own bed (in her own room - right across the hall) once we get our furniture moved over to the new house but I'm doubtful it will go smoothly so hopefully the extra bed will work well :) I'm a bit worried DD will protest loudly about not being beside me but we'll see. DP isn't crazy about being in the middle of the 2 kids but it may be the best compromise we can find to maximize space and comfort for everyone.

 

Starling, we've been using separate duvets since DD was born - I was a bit more paranoid so I did the whole "duvet to the waist" only for quite awhile. Also, DD was a huge baby too (9lb7oz) so if this baby is really small it may create a bit more anxiety.


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#11 of 12 Old 05-27-2013, 08:35 AM
 
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I sleep between two babies and I don't love it. I do vote for finding a way to get both kids on the outside at least some of the time.

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#12 of 12 Old 05-27-2013, 01:17 PM
 
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Carmen ... with our smaller baby, we placed her higher up in the bed at first, very close to the headboard.  I'd scoot her down to nurse, and then scoot her back up.  That didn't last long.  

J saw the unpleasant middle spot as temporary, thank goodness.  It was the safest in the beginning with H.  We did a lot of musical beds in the beginning, which was nice because there wasn't the pressure to *always* be in the same bed.  

If we had the room, E would be alongside J's side of the bed in a twin.  I think that's ideal!  

I often said this in the beginning:  "You had us all to yourself for almost three years, and now baby is having a turn with mama at night, and you can have mommy's attention if you wake up in the night ..." That seemed to work for E.


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