so over cosleeping! - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 5 Old 06-18-2013, 06:19 AM - Thread Starter
 
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ds is 18 months old, still nursing, still cosleeping.  lately he has been miserable to share a bed with.  he has never been a good sleeper & has NEVER slept through the night.  for awhile he was going 4-5 hours in the begining of the night & then waking every 2-3 hours until we got up.  that i could tolerate.  now he is waking every 1-2 hours, wanting to get up in the middle of the night & flipping & flopping all over the place (& me!) for what feels like hours.  i am getting no sleep!  his sleep & wake time have become unpredictable & so have his naps.  he goes to bed between 7-9 & wakes up between 5-7 ish.  some nights he is only in bed for 8-9 hours (that doesn't seem like enough).  he usually naps once a day for 1-2 hours, but sometimes after a rough night he will nap in the morning & again in the late afternoon.  i don't notice a difference in his night sleep if he naps once, twice, early, late.  i think he hates to sleep at night!  i, on the other hand love to.  i would like to continue cosleeping, but maybe he needs his own space??  anyone been there, done that??

thanks!

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#2 of 5 Old 06-18-2013, 06:41 AM
 
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I think all kids are different and they also change as they grow and develop but for us, sleeping together meant keeping each other awake. After the early weeks, DD started to transition between sleep cycles and gave us the one longer (4 hour) stretch at the start, and then woke every 2-3 hours for the rest of the night IF she was in her own space. If she was sleeping with me then we'd wake each other every hour, maybe two. The crib worked fairly well for us but around your son's age, my DD became impossible to transfer while sleeping. Our solution was to get a very low double bed for her and I'd lay down with her until she was asleep and then I'd move into my own space. I'd go to her as she she needed me and on bad nights (teething, illness, etc) I could cosleep. It worked out very well and generally now at 26 months she's up 2-3 times a night and will often put herself back to sleep after a sip of water. I did nightwean her around 18-20 months due to my pregnancy but even before that the transition was tearless. You can certainly try a mattress on the floor of your room to see if a little more space would help and if it isn't a good fit, it really didn't cost you anything to try. Your kiddo may be entirely different but it was great for us. Personally I'm a bad cosleeper and it took me months to get used to sleeping with DH and he wasn't constantly climbing all over me and kicking my tummy lol.
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#3 of 5 Old 06-18-2013, 02:02 PM
 
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hey mama, yes, been there done that! cosleeping took me a while to let go of, but it was the right decision for our family. i wish i'd given my son his own sleeping space sooner! i don't regret those early months of cosleeping (and plan to start out cosleeping with future babies) but with my son, it reached a point where it wasn't 'helpful' anymore and was actually having a negative effect on everyone - me, my husband and my son. i felt like a selfish, bad parent for wanting him out of my bed so i held onto cosleeping wayyyyy into sleep depravation, extreme arguments with my husband...etc. i wish i'd felt confident enough as a mother to make a decision that was best for us sooner. we finally transitioned him to his own crib when he was about 10/11 months old. it has taken about 6 months of slow, gentle changes and now he's at the point where he sleeps from bedtime to about 5am (with no wake ups!). yes, there were some tears involved. yes, there were times when he was less-than-impressed to be in his own bed. but we weren't following a cry-it-out method, we were always flexible and mindful during times of teething, sickness, travel, developmental milestones etc. when he was 2 months old, i felt best with him in bed with me, at 9/10/11 months i felt best with him in his own bed. 

 

so in conclusion, you have my full support in moving forward with making some changes. seriously, no matter where your son sleeps, he is loved, attached, fed, clothed, safe and happy. pat yourself on the back and do what you feel is best. 

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#4 of 5 Old 06-19-2013, 01:00 PM - Thread Starter
 
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thanks for the replies!

i think he is ready for a change as well.  the past 2 nights he will not fall asleep in bed like usual.  he wants to go out to the couch & nurse & then spends his first hour(s) asleep there!

so it looks like this weekend we'll be setting up his room w/ a mattress on the floor...wish me luck!

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#5 of 5 Old 06-19-2013, 02:40 PM
 
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Good luck!!! If you need some more support or encouragement keep us updated smile.gif

I want to share something else: after a couple months of the crib transition, things were going ok. DS was about 12 months at the time and would sleep the first few hours in his crib without waking. But getting him to sleep was still a looooong process. Sometimes took a few tries and we had to put him down at the exact right moment...you know the drill. Anyways, one night my husband was putting him down and came out of the room after just a short time. I looked at him and asked how that happened so fast!? He said that he'd put our son down sooner than usual (he was ALMOST asleep but not quite) and he did wake up but my husband continued singing the lullaby and laid him back down after he stood up. He said he cried for a few minutes while my husband kept singing but amazingly after a few minutes he seemed to understand what was going on and laid down and closed his eyes and went to sleep!!! Seriously I couldn't believe it. Since then the 'put down' at bedtime has been better and better. I no longer dread bedtime and wonder how long it will take before he's actually asleep and I can leave. Also from that experience I learned two things:

1) a 12 month old and a newborn are very different. The idea of putting down a newborn to put themselves to sleep isn't something I'm comfortable with, but it's TOTALLY different with an older baby! My son was old enough to see and hear his dad comforting him (although not holding him). He was old enough to grasp the concept of what was going on. Know what I mean? I think when we talk negatively about all things sleep training it's important to acknowledge that the age of your child may change how you feel about certain things. (Side note: also everyone is soooo different in terms of what they even consider sleep training to be and if they think it's good or bad or somewhere in between etc.)

Aaa anyways...

2) I was actually underestimating my son's ability to communicate, understand things and learn! It took a couple days and then he was really good at going to bed! We still do PLENTY of pre bedtime cuddling and singing and reading and nursing but I *can* put him down before he's totally asleep, say goodnight and let him go to sleep on his own.
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